Do you feel guilty putting your children in childcare on days that you're not working?

[Lsquiggles]

I currently work two days per week and my DD is looked after by her grandparents on those days which is a huge help. My DD loves her days with them but she needs some interaction with other children (only child in the family and no spaces in groups local to me) so I want to put her into nursery for one day during the week. I think she'll love it as she's very social and wants to play with any child she sees when we're out

There are no extra hours going at my work so the day she will be at nursery I'll be at home not working. I don't know why but I feel really guilty about this, is this common? In one way it will be good for me mentally to have one day to myself to get on top of house stuff that I end up stressing about all week, but equally feel like people will judge and think I'm sat here watching TV all day instead of looking after my child.

I made a thread recently about using child care whilst not working one day per week and was flamed. But no, I don’t think it’s a bad idea if it’s mutually beneficial. My DC has come on leaps and bounds since going to nursery. They do things that me and the DGPs don’t do.

If she's happy and benefits from it then why not. I work part time and have half a day a week every week where DD is in nursery and I'm not working. Sometimes I do productive things and sometimes it's my relaxation time, depending on the week. I've also taken the odd day off work as leave and still sent her in. No guilt!

Use the time to get on top of things at home so that when you’re with her you don’t have to do chores.

Why not see if she can go on one of the days the grandparents currently have her? Then on your day you can either spend the day with her, or spend it with your daughter plus grandparents if they are free?

Not at all. I work FT now but used to work 3 days a week, and DD went to nursery for 4 days. That one day to myself allowed me to recoup, get the house in order, go to the gym, just generally look after myself a bit better.

Now I work 5 days, DD is in nursery 3 days and grandparents 2 days, and I look like a chubby scruff as never have any free time and the house is a bombsite. I blame DCat

Do it, I worked part time so Ds was in nursery 3 days then I became a SAHM before he was 2 and kept him in the nursery for 1 day. Firstly for interaction with other children his age, secondly to get him used to being disciplined by anyone other than me and Dh and thirdly because you can get a lot done when you don't have a toddler undoing everything.

I didn't have any help from friends or family (moved to a new area) so this was my break. He is now 18 and a complete wreck of a man because of that, just joking, he is great, well rounded and fine. My sister worked full time her children were in nursery 5 days a week, they are also completely great.

Your child is benefiting from you, Grandparents and nursery. It is a win. I don't see why people want you to martyr yourself for your child. Somehow if you are not working paying professionals to interact with your child is seen as cruel. Nope.

I used childcare when I was a SAHM why not, we could afford it, my DS loved being with other children and adults (he is an only child) and I enjoyed the break.

I never felt guilty about it - quite the opposite, my DS was getting stimulation and different experiences - what's wrong with that?

Do it.

Personally I would feel guilty about wasting money. I would reduce a day with GP and use nursery instead. And then if GP offer another day occasionally that would be a bonus!

I work 2 days and my LO is in nursery for 3. We have zero family or other support, DH and I both have very demanding jobs and he loves going. No guilt here!

No, no guilt here! Nursery is so beneficial, even if I was a SAHM I would still put them in nursery part-time.

I don't get a day a week but 2-3 times a year I'll book a day of holiday while my nanny is working and it's fucking great. No guilt whatsoever. I'm still a human who needs time for me.

I put my baby in for an extra half day a week when I’m not working so I can clean the house. When she’s turned three I’ll put her in an extra full day when I’m not working. Only potential issue with your plan is that she might struggle to settle going only one day a week.

@snowone

Personally I would feel guilty about wasting money. I would reduce a day with GP and use nursery instead. And then if GP offer another day occasionally that would be a bonus!

It isn't a waste of money.

Early year providers are skilled professionals unlike most young children's relations who look after them.

My DD has gone to a childminder one day a week since 3.5months old. But I do work from home for myself. When I return to work (2/3days) for my employer, she is going 4days. 1 of them days is my day, to run errands, housework, do whatever by myself. I don’t feel guilty, she loves the other DC and interaction. I’m a single mum and I need some time for me, and she needs to see someone other than me.

Use the time to get all the things done that are harder with a lo in tow. Do not feel guilt or pay attention to others, if you get a bit of chill out time that day it's a bonus. Will be the same when she is at school and you're off work, most enjoy those brief breaks.

No, but it only happens occasionally and 75 per cent of that time is spent doing housework/DIY/errands and the other 25 per cent is DH and I spending some time together like going out for lunch and a movie or something a few times a year. In your situation I don't think I'd use nursery on a regular basis like that though. Plus lots of nurseries have a 2 day minimum booking pattern as it's generally a lot harder to settle a child who only goes once a week. If you're really wanting them to go to nursery I'd use nursery on the two days a week you work and have the grandparents have them once a week if they're still happy to do that so you can do housework etc.

How old is your little one ? as this affects my answer.

Also, a LOT of dc find it difficult to settle in Nurseries when they attend for one day a week.

Personally I would feel guilty about wasting money. I would reduce a day with GP and use nursery instead. And then if GP offer another day occasionally that would be a bonus

This ^ is what I'd look in to. Preferably finding a Nursery or playgroup that she can go to 2 or 3 times a week for a shorter session.

I had to make this decision during the lockdown. I work in a school and my DS goes to nursery Monday and Tuesday. We were doing part time throughout lockdown and my days to work we're Thursday and Friday.

I ummed and ahhed about it for ages but ultimately, the nursery was open, I'd paid for the space and he benefits massively from going.

I'd send your DD, it sounds like she'd thrive at nursery

Were* 🤦‍♀️

The only snag is you might find the nursery you like wants them in two days a week, ours is two days minimum. I wouldn't judge anyone for wanting their child to have the chance to socialise and get used to being a group situation as long as it wouldn't cause financial hardship or distress!

In your situation, I would do the nursery day instead of one of the grandparent days and ask if the grandparents would instead do the occasional weekend or overnight. But that's because I long for a weekend or even night away without my kids..

@FTEngineerM Wasn't yours about putting DC in childcare while on mat leave , though. That's different imo

@Lsquiggles How old is your DD? It can be harder for little ones to have just one day at nursery. I would put her in nursery two days a week and just see GPs more flexibly on your non work days x

Working for one day a week and putting him in for another day, it’s the same principle as the OPs case above @elliemara