I’ve neglected my baby’s teeth

[exhausted345]

My little boy is 11 months old and got his first teeth aged 8 months. He currently has 4.

I’ve not been brushing his teeth properly - instead I’ve just been giving him a baby toothbrush (looks like a mini adult one) with a smear of toothpaste on to chew twice a day. The second brush is done before his final milk which I know is another problem.

It’s not good enough I know and I feel terrible that I’ve not been helping or teaching him to brush his teeth properly.

I’m honestly completely exhausted trying to hold down a job, keep on top of the housework and all the cooking and cleaning.

Most days he just plays with the same old toys - I don’t do messy play because I have no energy to sort it. I know I should be booking baby classes from April to give him something new to enjoy but I haven’t got round to it and have probably missed out. I wanted to give him the most magical wonderful childhood filled with excitement and fun and I’ve done the opposite. I’m a terrible mother.

You’re doing better than me, I give my 13mo a toothbrush to chew once a day (we tried to do twice but she kept trying to brush the floor/my teeth/the bathroom bin with it and I couldn’t face it). Also don’t do messy play and haven’t booked on any baby classes. Sounds like you’re doing a brilliant job to me.

After struggling with getting my others to brush and having a total nightmare, I now just give dc3 a toothbrush to chew twice a day. I want him to enjoy it, and not face daily battles like I’ve done before, so don’t feel it’s bad parenting. Keep giving him a Brush and let him watch you. Far easier and more enjoyable. Not sure yet if it’s effective, but his teeth look good. Don’t sweat the small stuff!

As for messy play, mine would just eat anything I gave him, so paint and pens are out of the question. I feel bad too, but not sure how to do it safely.

I had a top tip from another mum - she has a toy box she fills with some toys. Baby plays with those and each week she switches out the toys for new ones. It keeps it interesting for them, so maybe try that??

Unfortunately, with Covid there is little going on in terms of play dates and soft play. You can’t control that, so don’t worry. Mine hasn’t even been swimming yet as the pools are closed. I feel sad, but there’s not much I can do.

Babies learn through doing things with you, so get h involved where possible, try and get out for walks.

You’re doing great! And if you’re worried, check out some online tips for baby teeth brushing. Just be gentle and make sure it’s fun for baby x

As for messy play, mine would just eat anything I gave him, so paint and pens are out of the question.

Mine is exactly the same, literally everything just goes straight in his mouth.

I just feel so tired and down on myself.

It's 1 minute of your day. Pin him down and make sure his teeth are cleaned properly. You'll feel a lot more self loathing when you're taking him to get his cavities filled or his teeth out in his early childhood.

Have you been checked for anaemia? Its normal to be tired, but if you really are exhausted, it might be a deficiency of some sort.

It sounds like you're doing fine on the teeth front. Babies teeth are spaced out allowing for better 'self-cleaning' with saliva. It still important to get them into the habit tho, as you are doing.

Sorry you are feeling so rough otherwise. Can you talk to your GP?

Are you a single parent? Is your baby at nursery or are you trying to work and look after him at the same time?

It sounds like you’re doing the best you can in all other ways OP so don’t be too hard on yourself. In terms of teeth - I had an absolute nightmare baby in my second who breastfed around the clock. I brushed her teeth religiously twice a day but she screamed around the clock and only slept for 20 minute intervals. I had to try to keep her quiet for the rest of the family so this meant total decay of six of her teeth. Going in for the operation was absolutely horrendous, I felt like the devil. I had to do what I had to do to survive the day, but the teeth were properly rotten and I still feel bad to this day.

She’s now 9 years old with better teeth than her brother because she loves brushing her teeth (electric toothbrush) and flosses twice a day for fun. It’s never too late to start improving your dental hygiene. ;)

At 11 months, messy play isnt a priority. Mine started nursery at 18 and 13 months, they get messy there and come home for a bath. We're only starting to do it at home at nearly 3.5.
As for teeth, I have several methods, one allowed me to brush at that age and was fine, the other I did have to push the brush into her mouth at that age. As she got older and watched her sibling use stickers, she got her own chart and a sticker after tooth brushing. Made it positive and she's a lot better now. We also sing during toothbrush time, Hey Duggee has a tooth brushing episode which has a great song.
Don't worry about how you're doing, it sounds fine. Excitement and fun are great but babies like routine, comfort and familiarity and 11 months is still tiny.

Sending you a big piece and a hug (if needed).

You sound worn out. Do you have any practical support at the moment?

DS (9 months) is a lockdown (premature) baby. He's got 7 teeth, and just like with his older sister, I brush his teeth myself in the morning after breakfast, and then he gets the toothbrush to chew in the bath at night. Yes, he also still has (breast) milk after this. His teeth are looking good, and his older sister has lovely teeth now, on the same routine.

At this sort of age, we started with a baby electronic toothbrush with DD, as she was starting to hate me scrubbing around with the manual one.

I agree with a PP, put away two thirds of baby's toys, then each week swap them for a different set. They think they're getting new toys every week!

For messy play, DS wants to eat everything too. We've just gone with lots of bubbles in a shallow bath, or food items (sometimes in the bath too, before wash off!!)

Have a breather, life with a baby in Covid times is so different to normal. But, they have got you, and that is all that matters to them.

Only a good mum would worry. You worry, so are a good mum!

Sounds like you need a bit of help. Is there any way you can afford to get a cleaner in. Does the Dad ever help out or take her for a while? Sounds exhausting but I would make sure her teeth are properly cleaned, it's a basic need.

At 11 months I wouldn't beat yourself up - now is a great time to start good tooth brushing habits. I'm afraid I disagree completely with PP who say it's not a big deal/not to turn it into a battle. My mum never enforced tooth brushing and as a result my brother and I have loads of fillings and have spent thousands fixing our teeth as adults.

Just start building it into your daily routine - the Hey Duggee toothbrushing song works wonders for DD and she now tolerates having her teeth brushed by us. It did take a few months of having to hold her arms and forcibly do it though!

Babies and toddlers are exhausting though OP, don't be too harsh on yourself. Your baby is still only little - baby groups etc aren't particularly valuable to them at this age, so cut yourself some slack!

I don’t think I have anaemia - I’m just tired. DS woke in the night and I was up for an hour trying to comfort him. Finally got him to sleep again at 3am and have been awake ever since with my mind racing.

I think I’m a bit depressed and suffer from anxiety. DH is currently working from home due to COVID and does do his bit around his job, but I still struggle. I do all the cooking (meal planning takes me an age as I’m so crap at it) and most of the cleaning as DH is happy to live in a dusty, untidy house whereas I’m really not. Having a disorganised house that isn’t clean makes me feel really miserable. But I admit the cleaning and tidying does seem endless.

On the tooth brushing, I’ve just been reading an old thread where people talked about pinning down their child and holding their nose to force the toothbrush in, which seems a bit much and potentially quite upsetting for the baby. Surely that’s a step too far?

DS will just clamp his mouth shut if I come at him with a brush, but will happily chew the brush if he’s holding it himself (he’s teething and I think he enjoys it).

Also I know I should be brushing his teeth after the last milk at night not before - but doing that will wake him right up again!

On the tooth brushing, I’ve just been reading an old thread where people talked about pinning down their child and holding their nose to force the toothbrush in, which seems a bit much and potentially quite upsetting for the baby. Surely that’s a step too far?

As an alternative to them being put out and having rotton teeth extracted? What do you think?

I didn't do messy play or baby groups but I did the essential thing of teeth brushing. Would you just not bother to bath a kid because you're tired and it was a hassle?

Tbh it sounds like your bloke is more of a problem. Why can't he take over the teeth brushing and share the meal planning?

Sounds like I’ll have to stop with DS happily enjoying a chew on his brush and pin him down and force it in then. Turning something he quite likes doing (but isn’t effective at) into a horrible traumatic experience!

Getting rotten teeth removed at that age is more traumatic.

Is it already too late do you think - could his teeth already be decayed? I feel terrible.

Please try the electronic 'baby brush' toothbrush. It meant the our DD would let us guide the toothbrush, but we didn't have to scrub. It lights up too, which helped with engagement.
The Digger song is brilliant too.

It's not traumatic, they give in and accept it and it doesn't leave lasting effects. Teeth brushing is none negotiable. It's a part of bathing, getting a nappy change and other things we do so we don't neglect them. Some things are easy and some aren't.

Duggee!!!

Yeah, don’t pin them down, that is terrible advice. Just make it a habit to give him a toothbrush twice a day when you are doing yours.

You don’t need to be sitting with baby doing crafts for them to learn about things. This time is all about sensory stuff: You are in the supermarket, give him something to hold he is going to learn more from holding a potato than a pen. If you are cooking, put him in the floor with some pans and spoons. If he is in the bath, give him some toys (and clean the bathroom while he is there). Kids are exhausting, especially when you are trying to work at the same time, but they are learning all the time, there’s so much to observe and grasp at that age, and they will do that with you around or without you .

And remember, be kind to yourself, you need as much rest, sleep and time to yourself as he does... because you keep that home afloat.

@exhausted345

Is it already too late do you think - could his teeth already be decayed? I feel terrible.

Make a dental appointment. I think if his diet is low in crisps and juice it’s normally ok but only a dentist can confirm.

He only has 4. It's the perfect time to get him into the habit, as it won't take long.

And stop feeling so terrible. You haven't done anything shit. Your bloke needs to step up and take more on though. I'd be having that conversation.