I’ve neglected my baby’s teeth

[exhausted345]

My little boy is 11 months old and got his first teeth aged 8 months. He currently has 4.

I’ve not been brushing his teeth properly - instead I’ve just been giving him a baby toothbrush (looks like a mini adult one) with a smear of toothpaste on to chew twice a day. The second brush is done before his final milk which I know is another problem.

It’s not good enough I know and I feel terrible that I’ve not been helping or teaching him to brush his teeth properly.

I’m honestly completely exhausted trying to hold down a job, keep on top of the housework and all the cooking and cleaning.

Most days he just plays with the same old toys - I don’t do messy play because I have no energy to sort it. I know I should be booking baby classes from April to give him something new to enjoy but I haven’t got round to it and have probably missed out. I wanted to give him the most magical wonderful childhood filled with excitement and fun and I’ve done the opposite. I’m a terrible mother.

@MrsPatrickDempsey thanks - I think this thread is the wake up call I needed. I just hope I haven’t done any damage already.

@00100001 thank you, that’s very true.

Please be kind to yourself OP.

It is traumatic to have teeth removed (my daughter was put to sleep for her procedure and it healed very well). I’m sure it won’t come to that for your LO and even if it did you are not a bad mother.
Sometimes you have to be in that exact situation to understand. I’m so sick of people on here judging unnecessarily and harshly.

Big hug 🤗

Honestly, I suffered from severe depression for a time when I was a single mother to my eldest son and I hardly even managed the basics. Teeth brushing wasn’t one of them. I feel shit about it now, along with many other things, but his teeth are fine. He didn’t eat crisps and only ever had juice very watered down from the age of about three, so maybe they weren’t being too damaged in the first place. He’s now 13 and has had no teeth removed and no fillings. They look just like every other kid’s teeth.

@exhausted345
Don't beat yourself up. You have recognised this needs to change and that is all that matters. That is not neglect in any way.

OP, get two toothbrushes! One for you and one for the baby, makes it so much easier.

We play peekaboo and I only pop up when the teeth get brushed, makes it a bit funnier. Then at the end, I pin down and brush!

Your child has four teeth, it will be fine. Just get in good habits. And maybe see if you can get a bit of downtime, it's a very relentless and draining age!

You don’t have to pin down! Different things work at different ages. DD loves: super-fast toothbrush and super-slow toothbrush (hopefully self explanatory); her animals brushing her teeth for her; tickly teeth (just do hee hee hee sounds); seeing me do mine; staring open-mouthed at Hey Duggee while I poke about with the toothbrush.

We had to enforce toothbrushing as she had 16 teeth by 11 months, so even though some days it’s a battle, it’s something I never relent on. She had breastfeeds at night, after toothbrushing, til 19 months though.

As for messy play, it’s exhausting! I pack mine off to nursery for that lark and do as little as possible of it at home!

You are overthinking it OP. No need to wring your hands about how you are forced to pin him down and traumatise him. Just hug him to you and quickly brush them, he has four teeth, it would take ten seconds.

@Vallmo47

Please be kind to yourself OP.

It is traumatic to have teeth removed (my daughter was put to sleep for her procedure and it healed very well). I’m sure it won’t come to that for your LO and even if it did you are not a bad mother.
Sometimes you have to be in that exact situation to understand. I’m so sick of people on here judging unnecessarily and harshly.

Big hug 🤗

I agree, some people on here are so rude and judgemental!

OP try not to worry. Both mine have hated tooth brushing. I still have to pin my 5 yr old down at times, and it's awful. My eldest was the same too, but eventually they get it and understand teeth need brushing.

I used to use this when mine were little, just stick on your finger and brush them yourself for a thorough clean as well as letting the little one chew on a toothbrush. Just watch out for them clamping down on your finger

Sorry link fail www.amazon.co.uk/Toothbrush-Silicone-Finger-Brush-Massage/dp/B014W7Z4XY

My eldest had his teeth brushed very briefly once a day until about 3 years old as he hated it and I was overwhelmed tbh. The dentist raved about how amazing his teeth were...... however he only drank water or breast milk and very little in the way of crisps/ biscuits etc (pfb and I was keen to avoid as long as possible so he didnt get a taste for it).

My youngest gets more of that stuff as he sees his brother with it so I make an effort to pin him down twice a day. Stay calm and treat it as a necessary evil like having face wiped- have a fun routine/ song/ timer( sensory toy/ 2 minute song to watch).

I wouldn't worry about messy play- stick to natural experiences like playing in the bath/ mud/ puddles until the groups start up!! If you don't feel a bit less overwhelmed when things settle down then I'd recommend speaking to someone. Wish I had.xxxx

Do you think that perhaps you could strap him in the highchair and give him a toy to distract him and brush his teeth? That's what I did with my dd. I initially played nursery rhymes on YouTube to distract my dd (only for a few minutes whilst I brushed her teeth, I loathe resorting to screens ) . After a couple of times , I kept my phone out of sight and I started giving her a toy to distract her and she would allow me to clean her teeth. Its quite difficult to clean the teeth of a wriggly baby so I strapped her in the high chair. Give your ds something he usually doesn't get to distract him. It's not too late to start. I think you could still try and see if there are spaces available in groups if you are able to take him , if not, perhaps a half day or two at a nursery? If you are constantly feeling tired, perhaps you need to speak to your gp to make sure your iron levels are okay and you haven't got an underactive thyroid, especially if you intend ttc anytime soon.

Gosh OP I really don't suggest you do the pinning down or the nose holding! The actually had this exact freak out and DD really suffers with teething so I became convinced she must have toothache because I don't get the requisite two mins brushing in as she is too keen to do it herself (badly) so I took her to the dentist who looked at her teeth and confirmed her molars are coming through (hence the crying) and that even her own daughter at two doesn't do two mins a session. She said to just keep doing what we are doing, which is currently giving DD the toothbrush and letting her have a go and then I use the finger brush and give it all a going over whilst she tries to bite my finger.
However she did say that children with tooth decay on their baby teeth are most likely night time milk drinkers and to do whatever I could to drop that night bottle or move it earlier in the day.

@zaffa yes, that approach just instinctively feels really wrong to me. There must be a gentler way!

However she did say that children with tooth decay on their baby teeth are most likely night time milk drinkers and to do whatever I could to drop that night bottle or move it earlier in the day.

This is something I’m worried about - DS tends to get quite relaxed and drowsy during his final milk before bed. If I have to do teeth afterwards he will be wide awake again just before bedtime!

For me, tooth brushing is a hygiene non negotiable same as nappy changing is! It's being clean. At that age it takes one minute twice a day. Did you know the majority of children under five who under go general anaesthetic is for tooth extraction because of rotten baby teeth. There's no excuse, none, not to do it.

I'm sorry you're tired, it's tough when they're small. Just make it part of your routine, you don't need to stop giving him a brush to chew it's good for him to feel happy and familiar with it but then just take the time to get a get a minutes worth of brushing in too.

Just missed your last update - you really do need to do them after last bottle. Can't you give it before bed, then pjs, brush teeth and to sleep? It's really bad for milk to sit on his teeth all night.

@exhausted345

My little boy is 11 months old and got his first teeth aged 8 months. He currently has 4.

I’ve not been brushing his teeth properly - instead I’ve just been giving him a baby toothbrush (looks like a mini adult one) with a smear of toothpaste on to chew twice a day. The second brush is done before his final milk which I know is another problem.

It’s not good enough I know and I feel terrible that I’ve not been helping or teaching him to brush his teeth properly.

I’m honestly completely exhausted trying to hold down a job, keep on top of the housework and all the cooking and cleaning.

Most days he just plays with the same old toys - I don’t do messy play because I have no energy to sort it. I know I should be booking baby classes from April to give him something new to enjoy but I haven’t got round to it and have probably missed out. I wanted to give him the most magical wonderful childhood filled with excitement and fun and I’ve done the opposite. I’m a terrible mother.

The toothbrush thing sounds fine to me. At the start it'd getting them used to the brush in their mouth and he will get the benefit of the toothpaste too.

Plenty of time to do proper toothbrushing.

@exhausted345

I’ve just tried brushing his teeth myself and he started trying to grab the brush (probably because he’s used to controlling it himself) and then got upset when I wouldn’t let him. I think I’m going to have to get those brush on a thimble things.

Have a brush each.

If you can't move the milk to earlier in the night, start slowly diluting it. Bit by bit, make it more watery over a week or 2 at least, so eventually, the last drink is just water. No need to wake him to brush.

You do NEED to brush though, just earlier before the water bottle. Like another poster said, its like leaving a filthy nappy on to fester (but its his teeth that are festering!) At least you know the importance of it now.

www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-body/taking-care-of-childrens-teeth/

@Twinkie01

It's 1 minute of your day. Pin him down and make sure his teeth are cleaned properly. You'll feel a lot more self loathing when you're taking him to get his cavities filled or his teeth out in his early childhood.

Yeah hun pin him down and traumatise him, make him not trust you! Great idea. You're doing the best you can and it's better than nothing and actually the chewing motion is similiar to the brushing motion, will remove any left over bits of food. You sound a great mum

@exhausted345

Sounds like I’ll have to stop with DS happily enjoying a chew on his brush and pin him down and force it in then. Turning something he quite likes doing (but isn’t effective at) into a horrible traumatic experience!

Why are you listening to GamerChick's nonsensical post & not others saying it's fine?!

Of course you shouldn't pin them down - they'll hate teeth brushing with a passion then & you'll store up problems for the future.

You're doing fine. You're introducing good dental hygiene. The brushing isn't as important at this stage. Other factors like not giving juice, water or milk only, limiting snacks, no grazing, are equally important.

You do need to address the fair sharing of tasks with your DH tho. Much more important.

@exhausted345

Is it already too late do you think - could his teeth already be decayed? I feel terrible.

No they won't be. Gosh Grumpy is scaremongering to a ridiculous extent 😳

Why don't you get the dentist to take a look when you have your next check up? Early check ups with a dentist are important - both to familiarise children with the process & check all is well.

Your DS teeth are almost certainly fine. You are doing fine with the teeth brushing!

My son has gone through phases - sometimes enthusiastic about brushing his teeth / copying me, sometimes fighting it every step of the way. So I have sympathy!
One thing which I think has helped is only giving him water and milk. His granny gives him diluting juice now, but at home I stick to water.

Can't believe all the tender creatures on here saying you'll traumatise your child if you brush their teeth!

Let him have a turn with the toothbrush. Then say it's your turn. Sing songs, make faces, pretend pirates are hidden in his mouth, let him see your teeth - anything but you will brush those teeth. If need be then hold him down and get one finger in between his gums to get him to unclench the jaw.

The word trauma is used way too freely, ffs.

In the morning when I'm cleaning my teeth I give my 21 month a toothbrush abd toothpaste and she chews on it. I clean mine really exaggerated to try get her to copy. In the evening during bath she chews on it a bit but then I give them a quick, proper brush which normally involves DH and I holding her head while she screams. It's not pleasant, but quick. At your baby's age she was only chewing though like you say.

Sorry you're feeling down and worn out. If your baby's not at nursery could enrolling them a couple of mornings/days a week help? And maybe a cleaner for 1 or 2 hours, I always thought cleaners were something for far richer people than me, but I struggled when DD2 was born and hired one...it's the best £20 a week I've ever spent!