I’ve neglected my baby’s teeth

[exhausted345]

My little boy is 11 months old and got his first teeth aged 8 months. He currently has 4.

I’ve not been brushing his teeth properly - instead I’ve just been giving him a baby toothbrush (looks like a mini adult one) with a smear of toothpaste on to chew twice a day. The second brush is done before his final milk which I know is another problem.

It’s not good enough I know and I feel terrible that I’ve not been helping or teaching him to brush his teeth properly.

I’m honestly completely exhausted trying to hold down a job, keep on top of the housework and all the cooking and cleaning.

Most days he just plays with the same old toys - I don’t do messy play because I have no energy to sort it. I know I should be booking baby classes from April to give him something new to enjoy but I haven’t got round to it and have probably missed out. I wanted to give him the most magical wonderful childhood filled with excitement and fun and I’ve done the opposite. I’m a terrible mother.

His teeth will be fine. As long as you’re not giving him bottles to retain in his mouth where sugars will stick to his teeth they are not going to have decayed in the couple of months they have been in his mouth.

Get on top of the tooth brushing but pinning down and forcing their mouths open to do it is just going to lead to trauma and toothbrushing avoidance once it’s not as easy to manhandle them.

We used a few different types of toothbrushes to start with, do you know you can get proper chewable toothbrushes that are curved and will cover those four teeth? They would work but be less traumatic.

Unfortunately most toddlers aren't goinfg to want to brush there teeth and my son started really resisting at 14 months. We hold a phone with hey duggee on and sing the alphabet whilst pinning him down (it doesn't hurt him) and brush. My 15 month old has all but four back teeth already and I would forgive myself if they rotted.

You will feel better for doing it properly.

Being a mum and being in a permanent state of guilt go hand in hand. Don't be so hard on yourself. Could you employ a cleaner for a couple of hours a week? That's what I did when I went back to work part-time, just to keep on top of things? And I've never 'meal planned' in my life. I might have a vague idea what I'm going to cook but around 5pm I'll look in the fridge/freezer, see what's in there, and decide what's for dinner.

At that age having a chew on a baby toothbrush sounds absolutely fine to me. There is a big difference between not pinning a baby down to brush their very new teeth and failing to teach good oral hygiene throughout childhood.

Reading your post I just wanted to give you a hug. The mum-guilt is strong with you but honestly you don't need to feel like that. Instagram and Pinterest etc will make you think you should be doing all those messy/organised activities all the time. It'll all performance parenting, you don't need to buy into that. It's a ball ache, they pay attention for about 30 seconds and all you've achieved is creating extra work for yourself. Handing them a magazine to rip apart is more interesting for them! Or if you feel the need to assuage that guilt fire some Cheerios or weetabix is a plastic tub and let them go for it. Most of the time mine have been happier faffing about with whatever they can grab while we're pottering about the house and chatting to them about what you're doing.

Your love and attention are all they need. You're already a good mother because you care about being a good mother.

Are you using childcare or not?

You sound exhausted and depressed. You need to insist that your husband does his share of childcare and housework. And you need to talk to your GP.

Honestly I think your baby's teeth are the least of your worries. I think you're just finding things to feel anxious and guilty about because of your state of mind. Baby's teeth will be fine, just brush after the bedtime milk and not before.

Don’t worry - I was the same with my daughters teeth and I’ve read a number of threads on here so don’t think it’s uncommon! I bought some baby teeth brushing things on Amazon which were brilliant and made it much easier, they are like thimbles with a brush and much easier to gently brush their teeth. I’d link but I think they should be easy to find.

I’d not worry about messy play either! I did read a tip which was to stick them in an empty bath with some children’s watercolour paints and let them paint the bath/tiles. You could just have him in his nappy and them wipe it all down afterwards. My smallest dc hated messy play anyway til he went to nursery at 15 month.

Now that weather is better I’d just focus on getting outside in the park have picnics etc and letting them explore outside.

Also, at that age mine were still feeding to sleep and their teeth are grand. Personally, I wouldn't worry too much about switching the milk timing round until later.

Please stop been so hard on yourself im sure your an amazing mum. My 2 year old still has a feed in the night (so kill me!!!!) Shes been to numerous dentists and specialists to have lip tie checked and the dentist gave me a lecture about how decayed they would be because my little one is still having night feeds. She looked at her teeth and couldn't believe how good they were. I just give her a toothbrush whenever I'm doing mine, she just sucks the toothpaste off she doesn't like it but then I take the brush from her and do her teeth as quickly as I can. I would never pin her down though! I just say open about 900 times. If she really doesn't want to I don't force her. She's also missed everything since birth thanks to covid but I'm not worried I'm doing my best and that's good enough for me. I'm her mum so don't care what others think haha x

Op cut yourself some slack! For some reason, teeth cleaning is a kind of last straw thing for me too- stressed me out no end and always felt guilty.
If I makes you feel better I took my 2yo to the dentist last week and she was very reassuring. Said at this age a smear of toothpaste a couple of times a day is fine and just making sure they're not eating too much sugar basically. She was surprisingly chilled about it.
Don't worry. It will be ok. It's probably not about the teeth, it's about the whole damn shitshow of bringing up a small child in lockdown. I feel similar x

If he is happy to chew a toothbrush in the bath, let him do that and the just a quick whizz round when he has finished. At that age I brushed them in the bath too.

I do think that tooth brushing is non negotiable and regularly have arguments with DS4 about it, but you ha e to introduce it gently.

May I recommend the hey duggee toothbrush song on YouTube. Not idea I know, but it turned what was a horrible experience all round trying to encourage and ensure an upset toddler was having his teeth suitably cleaned, to great excitement when it's time to brush his teeth. I know at 11 months might be a bit early for that, but could be worth a go? I also used to use the brushes that went onto the end of my finger, so would let DS 'brush' using a baby toothbrush, and then go over them with my finger brush. It worked for a while before he decided he hated anything to do with tooth brushing.

I have to pin our 18 month old down. A lot of singing and trying to make it fun as we do it but I would rather that than her have problems with her teeth later. Mine have been awful from childhood and I wouldn't wish that on her.

I did mention it to the dentist when I was there a few months ago and she said she pinned hers down until they were around two at which point they started complying and told me I was doing the right thing!

It sounds fine. It’s all I am doing.

10 month old has 2 teeth here. He gets toothbrush to chew on 2-3 times a day so he likes it, and one of those times we clean better. It’s what dentist advised.

Messy play - I tried yesterday letting him dig around in the garden as it was nice. He just tried to eat everything.

Baby groups - I’m not in uk, they won’t open here until at least sept 2021, so I’m not worrying.

Tiredness. It’s exhausting isn’t it. I know people try and be helpful suggesting low iron etc.. but for me it’s simply lack of sleep. Baby still wakes every 2 hrs. Even if dh resettled him I’m still awake, as we share a bedroom so I can hear him. Due to house renovations we only have one bedroom atm. I can’t nap when he does as a) doesn’t nap regular, b) I have to try and work a bit when he does nap.

It sounds fine what your doing.

I second the electric tooth brush that PP recommended. Also, I give DS my toothbrush to hold and he “brushes” my teeth as I do his. Once I feel I’ve done enough I let him chew the brush. Good luck!

It doesn't have to be either what you're currently doing (which you admit yourself isn't enough) or pinning him down and upsetting him and nothing in between. There is a middle ground. Have you tried anything more than what you're currently doing? How about sitting him on your lap with a screen and finding a teeth brushing song for kids on YouTube. I appreciate it might not work for your child but it's worth a try. Good luck and you're not a terrible mum

I’ve just tried brushing his teeth myself and he started trying to grab the brush (probably because he’s used to controlling it himself) and then got upset when I wouldn’t let him. I think I’m going to have to get those brush on a thimble things.

@exhausted345

DS will just clamp his mouth shut if I come at him with a brush, but will happily chew the brush if he’s holding it himself (he’s teething and I think he enjoys it).

Mine is exactly the same and doesn’t really like toothpaste 😩

I try to brush it for her but she turns her head and sometimes doesn’t even open her mouth after.

I think if his diet is low in crisps and juice it’s normally ok

Why are you feeding your baby or toddler this crap? They don't need crisps and juice at all It shouldn't be part of the diet you give them. (Obviously if they go to a party - remember those - and other kids are eating it let them.)

In regards to toothbrushing - I've always let my DD play with the toothbrush and then just gone over it afterwards. Yes it takes longer to clean her teeth but they get cleaned.

@exhausted345 the brush grabbing is so annoying! Distraction is your friend - put the TV on! It'll take a little while but he will get used to it and will start to anticipate it in the mornings and before bed. My DD is two now, and we still have occasional battles. It doesn't have to be perfect at this stage - you're just trying to get him used to a) the routine and b) you doing it for him. Be persistent, patient and don't feel guilty!

I took such good care of my first borns teeth, brushed at least twice a day with a floss brush and used a finger brush after every feed to keep them clean and sparkling. He’s just got two adult teeth through and they’ve come through yellow! So I really wouldn’t worry seems to me teeth colour are genetic.

You say that your son is happy to chew his toothbrush so that's what I do. I give my daughter the toothbrush to chew and I finish them off for her. Toothbrushing is essential! Messy play is not!

I think if his diet is low in crisps and juice it’s normally ok

Why are you feeding your baby or toddler this crap?

@RedMarauder is that aimed at me? I’ve never given DS any crisps or juice.

A coincidence but I am attending a child health update seminar this morning which has just confirmed that one in four under 5s have tooth decay and this is the most common cause of childhood hospital admission for general anaesthesia. Shocking really when it is entirely preventable.

@exhausted345

My little boy is 11 months old and got his first teeth aged 8 months. He currently has 4.

I’ve not been brushing his teeth properly - instead I’ve just been giving him a baby toothbrush (looks like a mini adult one) with a smear of toothpaste on to chew twice a day. The second brush is done before his final milk which I know is another problem.

It’s not good enough I know and I feel terrible that I’ve not been helping or teaching him to brush his teeth properly.

I’m honestly completely exhausted trying to hold down a job, keep on top of the housework and all the cooking and cleaning.

Most days he just plays with the same old toys - I don’t do messy play because I have no energy to sort it. I know I should be booking baby classes from April to give him something new to enjoy but I haven’t got round to it and have probably missed out. I wanted to give him the most magical wonderful childhood filled with excitement and fun and I’ve done the opposite. I’m a terrible mother.

Messy play...not important Baby classes. Unnecessary.

All he wants is to be near mum.

His magical childhood will happen naturally. Don't force it.

Think about what your find memories are. They're probably mundane things like... whenever you went to Nan's she always gave you a Jammy Dodger. Or you remember dad pushing you really high on the swings. Or playing card games with the family, using smarties as betting chips...

@RedMarauder

I think if his diet is low in crisps and juice it’s normally ok

Why are you feeding your baby or toddler this crap? They don't need crisps and juice at all It shouldn't be part of the diet you give them. (Obviously if they go to a party - remember those - and other kids are eating it let them.)

In regards to toothbrushing - I've always let my DD play with the toothbrush and then just gone over it afterwards. Yes it takes longer to clean her teeth but they get cleaned.

Don't be so miserable.

Nobody needs crisps, chocolate, juice, beer, sausages, a trip to the theme park, five teddy bears, a bicycle, a ring doorbell....

Life is to short to worry about whether a 3 to eats some crisps on occasion