I feel awful

[ClearMountain]

My 3.5yo is toilet training. He’s too big for a potty so I have a kids seat and I put him on it every couple of hours. He hates going on the toilet so he’s holding it till he can’t hold it any more. He’s going 3 days between poos and 12hr or more between wees. If he wets his pants he gets very upset but he won’t do anything on the toilet until he’s absolutely bursting. When he does use the toilet he’s proud and happy so I don’t understand why he’s not keen to do it sooner.

My concern is that when I put him on the toilet he gets very upset and flings himself around screaming “Oh no not again, not again, please mummy no, stop, please stop”. He’s so distressed and his language is triggering. I know I’m not hurting him but I find the words he’s choosing are very upsetting. I feel like I’m torturing him over and over. Any advice?

Have you read him any of the toilet training books?

Is that a thing? I have no idea what they are. He isn’t big on books unless there’s tigers in them.

@ClearMountain Give this a read together, it may help (you can change the name of the boy in the story and things he likes to those your son will enjoy): www.cntw.nhs.uk/content/uploads/2016/08/Poo-Goes-To-Pooland.pdf

Get him the little pull up pants ( like his underwear)
My daughter is 11 now but that’s how she learnt to go to the toilet as they started it at her nursery .
So take him to the toilet as usual but tell him he is wearing big boy underwear ( pants ) and that he just pulls them down to go but it’s ok if he has a little accident as you have lots of pants and not too worry .
Give him incentives , treats if he doesn’t have any accidents .
It will work .
Xx

Wait until the summer & try again?

At 3.5 years I wouldn’t be waiting any longer. Read lots of books, songs and TV shows about using the potty or toilet - they mayb more about potty than the toilet. DD1 is in 7 to 8 year old clothes could manage on the IKEA potty if needed (she was pretending for her younger sister the other day) so it maybe worth exploring that. Or if sticking to the toilet get him to sit with a step underneath his feet, get a family toilet seat or a toilet insert seat so he doesn’t have to balance. Get him to blow bubbles when on the toilet.

My daughter is 3.5 and still uses a potty, i don't ynderstand what you mean he is to big? Potty's come in all shapes and sizes, seriously look on amazon!

Let him watch something on your phone. Give him a treat after when he does it calmly. Try showing him the Poo goes to Pooand app.

You'll get there. They do like to make it difficult. Don't let him win though, even if you have to sidestep. It won't do his fear any good.

The Ikea potty is much bigger and my tall 4 year old can still use it.

Distraction and incentives help too. My son really liked this short coco melon YouTube video of wheels on the bus. He was allowed to watch it only when sat on the potty. It encouraged him to sit and stay.

Is the seat uncomfortable or to hard
The sensation of doing his business?
Can you put up pictures or use stickers or make it some sort of change so it is not so Long between holding on
I would be worried about his kidneys and infections holding on for so long.
We had a real battle and so I stopped flushing until my child left the toilet the sound was unpleasant so was using the toilet it stopped after sometime and persistence.
Tricky! Now it's battle of washing hair..

Is he happier on the potty and why do you think he's too big? My dc5 uses the potty still at night, as the toilet is quite far from his room.