How do you get an 8yo to have a shower?

[MinesAPintOfTea]

Just that. We’re fine with behaving “well” most of the time but bedtime is always a nightmare. Won’t get in the shower (or bath) just wants to roll around/hug people instead.

Has anyone got past this? We’ve just spent 30 minutes on me talking him into having a shower. Again.

@MrsTerryPratchett

I have a white board on the fridge with all the tasks DD has to accomplish in a day. She ticks them off.

This worked for homeschooling. Might be worth putting it into evening tasks instead.

Practice your assertiveness skills. If he doesn’t do as he’s told now, you’ve a long and rocky path ahead of you. He’s eight. Tell him to go and have a shower and expect him to do so. Tell him once. Don’t engage in any other way until it’s happened.

For those that said shower at a different time: morning is no good because we're showering mud off regularly. Before dinner causes serious tantrums rather than procrastinating behaviour. Straight after dinner might be worth trying!

@LemonRoses

Practice your assertiveness skills. If he doesn’t do as he’s told now, you’ve a long and rocky path ahead of you. He’s eight. Tell him to go and have a shower and expect him to do so. Tell him once. Don’t engage in any other way until it’s happened.

How do I not engage with someone who is clinging to me like a limpet?

Well if he doesn’t shower he doesn’t go to the park tomorrow

I tell my demand avoidant ds, 9, that it's a shower or a bath. But it's one of those. I also only enforce it every other day, and sometimes 3 days in winter if he hasn't had an accident.

You seem amused by his behaviour. That’s less than ideal. Tell him to get off and expect him to do so. Walk away. He’ll fall off.

You’re making excuses.........

@LemonRoses

You seem amused by his behaviour. That’s less than ideal. Tell him to get off and expect him to do so. Walk away. He’ll fall off.

I'm not amused. I'm exhausted. I came downstairs from tonight's half hour of "get in the shower, then you can have your comic back" and cried on the sofa.

Hide the plug...

When its notna shower day can you say to him you've got a problem and need his help. Say you have a little boy for whome its bery important to be clean but he doesn't like the shower. Does he know ajything that might help? Or a roundabout way to have a similar conversation. Make it a problem youre both facing and ensure he knows you're on his side. Ask him if a set time evey other day would work. Or if its washing hair that's the problem/or getting cold. There might something that there's a way round.

Last thing at night is the worst time to do anything here. I have a child with some sensory difficulties and we agreed a time. Agreed to be wrapped up warm and have a hot chocolate afterwards and turned it into something positive. We didn't keep the hot chocolate up but the connection of a warm towel and and a cuddle wrapped up stayed.

Sometimes once something has become a battle ground they almost fear starting it because they know they will "fail" or it will turn angry.

Both mine have been scared of the shower - my eldest showers on her own fine now

Its not worth comparing to what other children do as you have the child in front of you and they need support to manage whatever task it is.

And I do walk off when I can peel him off me. And 10 minutes later he will still not be in the sodding shower

Cross posted with your reply. Hope you can have some time out and am break. It's exhausting sometimes isn't it :(

Wow, you do not want to be having this sort of disrespect and disobedience off your dc at 8, over a shower.

If he's laughing at your consequence, I'd suggest that you have not hit upon the right consequence. What will be removed or restricted if he fails to obey?

For some things, I think a reward is a good idea - a story or 10 minutes of screen time or something. But for basic daily hygiene?? No.

And if he is clinging to you then that is another behaviour that needs dealing with. Not on.

You didn't mention SN, so I'm guessing this is straight-up don't-wanna?

Honestly for many children being harsh will just make them dig their heels in more or feel even more like its something they cant do.

@Liquorishtoffee

Hide the plug...

What plug? A bath is an option, but that choice causes more faff and giggling so I don't typically offer both. If he defiently announced he was having a bath instead I'd be happy.

Before dinner or no food. Done.

@BugsAndBeesAndBirdsAndButterfl

When its notna shower day can you say to him you've got a problem and need his help. Say you have a little boy for whome its bery important to be clean but he doesn't like the shower. Does he know ajything that might help? Or a roundabout way to have a similar conversation. Make it a problem youre both facing and ensure he knows you're on his side. Ask him if a set time evey other day would work. Or if its washing hair that's the problem/or getting cold. There might something that there's a way round.

Last thing at night is the worst time to do anything here. I have a child with some sensory difficulties and we agreed a time. Agreed to be wrapped up warm and have a hot chocolate afterwards and turned it into something positive. We didn't keep the hot chocolate up but the connection of a warm towel and and a cuddle wrapped up stayed.

Sometimes once something has become a battle ground they almost fear starting it because they know they will "fail" or it will turn angry.

Both mine have been scared of the shower - my eldest showers on her own fine now

Its not worth comparing to what other children do as you have the child in front of you and they need support to manage whatever task it is.

This could work. Except at bedtime he's usually a sensitive child

For all children SN or not behaviour is a means of communication and there is a reason for behaving as they do.

For an adult to go into war mode and fight battles it can just escalate bigger and bigger and not actually achieve the desired end.
When the normal tactics have failed it is worth trying something else.

I really do recommend the book "how to talk so kids listen and listen so kids talk." It's a bit American in its examples but the principles are really good.

I have had to manhandle mine in to the shower in the past. When they've got overtired and defiant, it's easier than getting into an argument. Sometimes it's made them laugh and lightened the mood, other times they stay cross but either way the job gets done.

Sorry i meant last thing at night is the worst time to do anything here meanig in my house. Not meaning for you! All families and routines will vary and children will vary etc.

Its exhausting sometimes isnt it :(

Hygiene is non-negotiable in this house, but timing is! My 9 yr old DD loves her shower but causes a massive fuss if she's asked to shower any time other than just before bed time. DS is usually easy enough to get in the shower, I start the timer on my phone if there's any opposition.. timer equates to time reduction on gaming at weekends, he's usually moves pretty quickly then!

@PopUpName

Wow, you do not want to be having this sort of disrespect and disobedience off your dc at 8, over a shower.

If he's laughing at your consequence, I'd suggest that you have not hit upon the right consequence. What will be removed or restricted if he fails to obey?

For some things, I think a reward is a good idea - a story or 10 minutes of screen time or something. But for basic daily hygiene?? No.

And if he is clinging to you then that is another behaviour that needs dealing with. Not on.

You didn't mention SN, so I'm guessing this is straight-up don't-wanna?

Immediate consequences do get attention. Tonight after about 5-10 minutes of refusing his comic was put on the confiscation shelf. He then lay on the floor beneath it moaning that he needed his comic. All statements of "it will be returned after your shower" were ignored. I walked away for a bit and came back, still ignored, but clinging.

I'm consistent with this, things are taken after a countdown and are returned only after the stated task has been done.

Apologies so so many typos. I can't type on a phone and don't "see" the typos until too late.

Good luck OP. All children have their "thing" or "things" that are difficult and other parents (like here) may "helpfully" say, " well just tell them....". See also sleeping through/potty training/getting dresssed/lesrning to read/ all the other things your child will have been through!

@huggzy

I have had to manhandle mine in to the shower in the past. When they've got overtired and defiant, it's easier than getting into an argument. Sometimes it's made them laugh and lightened the mood, other times they stay cross but either way the job gets done.

I would have done that 18 months ago. Now I can't lift him unless he jumps.