I'm going mad with worry

[knitting774]

I've posted about this before, but I'm still so worried.

DS is almost 10 months and just doesn't seem to be progressing physically. He can now sit unassisted (although was slow to reach this milestone) but will often end up falling over if left after about 5-10 minutes. I think that's normal though isn't it?

What I'm really worried about is his lack of standing. He just isn't interested in weight bearing on his legs and if anything, I'd say he has got worse, just lifting up and curling his legs when I hold him in the standing position. Everybody else's babys are standing by now so how come DS can't?!

I've starting really panicking that he could have something wrong and have been reading through my birth notes (something I found extremely hard to revisit as I had a traumatic time with failed forceps, EMCS). It seems he got stuck and that's why I was rushed to EMCS, but was declared healthy and got full marks on the APGAR test after birth.

He's very alert in other ways and is a happy child. It's just the gross motor skills. He hasn't had the 8 month check and even when he does it will take place over Zoom which is totally wrong in my opinion - I really think these things should be face to face. I'm now freaking out that something could have gone wrong in the birth and I wasn't told or it wasn't picked up. Could he have brain damage from the forceps?!

I know I'm wishing his childhood away as I keep telling myself it'll be okay by 9 months, 10 months, 11 months. But nothing seems to be changing apart from the fact he's finally sitting up. I try to do tummy time but he hates it and cries after about 5 minutes.

Please help

Please ring your HV for advice but honestly both of my girls stood within a couple of months of walking. And he is only 10 months. Is he crawling?

First OP, my eldest sat up unsteadily at 9 months. I was just starting to worry but apparently it’s still within the range of normal. She then raced through the next steps, walked at 14 months and is an active 5 year old now. My baby stood up unassisted at 10 months so we expected an early Walker but then didn’t do anything else for another 6 months when she decided to start walking. Development really isn’t linear.

I don’t know about the job weight bearing. It’s likely fine but do chat to your doctor or home visitor if you’re concerned as if there is any issue it could be something a little bit of physio might help with.

No, he's not crawling. He is capable of rolling onto his front if he wants to but doesn't do it very often - instead he just rolls onto his side (both ways) but not fully over if he wants to grab a toy.

Definitely speak to your HV, or because I think there is a problem but you are worried and that’s their job to reassure you. For now I would give him lots

My DS started walking at 19 months, only started pulling himself up and standing at 15 months.

DD started pulling herself up at 23 months, walking at 24 months.

They are both absolutely normal, physically and developmentally.

Please try not to compare him to others too much, it's a path to misery.

... and lots of floor time. Don’t use bouncy chair or jumperoo.

I don't think that necessarily sounds too worrying at this point. Is he having lots of floor time/tummy time? This is what builds core muscles. Also, I'd try not to encourage him to stand. It actually puts them off standing and they just sort of avoid doing it. You have to let them get there on their own. Not all babies are standing by 10 months, and it's usually a progression from up on hands and knees, crawling, pulling up to stand holding onto something, then cruising along furniture, and then independent walking comes later. I would say mine were probably standing around 9 months, but they didn't walk until 15-17 months respectively, so there is a huge variation in normal and can be long stretches when nothing much new is happening. Even those babies who are standing now may not walk before your baby does.

The 8 month check is actually usually between 8-12 months and it's perfectly fine by phone. There is nothing they need to actually see your baby for. I did my 2 year olds check by phone in the first lockdown and it was the same as my older ones done in person. I would just raise it with the HV then, but it isn't anything that would worry me too much at this stage. I'd just give him lots of time on the floor at the moment.

Hi knitting. Try not to worry! It is possible that he's a bit delayed, but that still doesn't mean anything is drastically wrong. My DD was like this and she did get some physiotherapy until she started walking at about 20 months.

They never found a root cause despite a ton of tests and now she's physically fine, just not very sporty.

You can very easily Google physiotherapy activities to do for a ten months old to help strengthen core muscles, then try to incorporate those into play time at home. Then be very firm with the person doing the Zoom assessment about your concerns. List them out before the session and make sure you get clear answers that help you understand where he's up to.

Honestly, if it's only his gross motor that's behind then you're already in a good position. It makes it less likely that there's a serious condition or syndrome going on. Just take it a day at a time and do what you can within the limitations we're all dealing with.

@mindutopia He doesn’t get much tummy time because he just starts crying after five minutes. I’d say he gets about 10 minutes of tummy time and 2-3 hours on his mat per day? We go for lots of walks in the pram and I put him in his bouncy chair when I’m in the kitchen - there isn’t space for him to go on the floor.

I’ve freaked myself out because I googled and it said not meeting milestones can mean brain damage.

Also when on the mat, he will just lie on his back (occasionally rolling onto his side) but gets bored quickly and then just lies there doing a moany sounding cry!

My DD didn’t really stand or crawl, just went from sitting down to walking a few steps. Try not to worry

At what age did she do that @Keratinsmooth? I just can’t see how DS will go from sitting to walking, I really can’t.

Hey OP, firstly I know other PPs have mentioned crawling and I just wanted to say that this isn’t technically a milestone so please don’t add that to your list of worries!

You say that DS has only just starting sitting unaided at 10months; anything up to around 9 months is absolutely in the range of normal so I’d completely discount that as an issue.

At your developmental review you will be asked if DS is pulling to stand along with a few other questions centred around standing with support. However, I cannot tell you how many developmental reviews I do at this age where children are not yet doing these things and it is very, very rarely an issue.

I would usually give the parent activities to encourage gross motor skills at home, which as a PP pointed out are easy to find on Google so have a mooch on there for some ideas. It would then be pretty standard to review again in 3 months (unless there were a range of issues & you say he’s otherwise alert etc) and usually at this point they’ve “caught up”.

Please try not to worry about this but do contact your HV team & ask for the review to be completed as you have concerns. They can hopefully put your mind at ease.

My little one never crawled. He did an odd bum shuffle, never saw him roll over , then when I brought my second home when he was 14 months, he got up and waddled unsteadily towards me, he is still unsporty and far less coordinated than the second.
He was always way behind on physical milestone up until the walking which I think was within normal range. He is however happy and bright even if he can’t ride a bike x

It sounds like you are causing yourself a lot of stress and worry! Please contact your health visitor so they can reassure you. You should also have a development check between 9-12 months and ask for it to be in person so they can see baby for themselves. Mine is almost 10 months, has only just started sitting independently but will topple over if left for a few minutes. He hasn’t even started trying to pull himself up yet or weight bear on his feet. He is crawling though. Please don’t worry. They need a lot of stimulation and attention at this age so he will get grumpy and cry after a few minutes of being left on the mat. Once he starts moving himself around the room, he will amuse himself for a bit longer. My first didn’t walk until 15months, I didn’t walk until 21 months! And we are both fine. Please try and stop worrying but definitely seek some reassurance from the hv

Hi @knitting774 I could have written your post myself. DD has been slow with all the gross motor skills, rolling, sitting, crawling, walking (not yet walking). She's almost 15 months.
I think her timeline is actually pretty similar to your DS. She was trying to stand up for about a month and did so for the first time on Xmas day. She could kind of stand if I held her up so she could weight bear but she wasn't at all interested. She started crawling somewhere around ten months and after a week or so of slithering around she 'got it' and can move at quite some speed now around the house. She also climbs stairs with great speed despite not walking.
She's so close to walking now, cruising about and walking when supported and can stand for a second or so before she realizes what she's doing and sits down.
I raised this with the HV at her check and said she can't do anything on the list of gross motor skills and she said that it wasn't concerning at all and much more common than you would think. She said as long as DD was moving about somehow and progressing then not to worry.
I also saw the peadiatrician on an unrelated matter (allergies) who said bigger babies (DD is 98th centile) can take longer to do some things as there is more of them to balance and muscles need to be stronger.
She also hated tummy time and spent a lot of time on my chest but just refused to go on the floor until she could properly roll over and crawl.
Do talk to the HV but please know that lots of us have had similar with our babies - I also had an EMCS as I had a failed induction and was so worried that when her heart rate went too high somehow she suffered brain damage - but as PP have said you would see challenges with overall development. DD has great fine motor skills because she had time to focus them and is just the most communicative baby too. It took me a long time to move on and stop worrying but I did make a real effort to focus on what she could do, not what she couldn't, and it really highlighted how well she was doing in all the other developmental areas.

From a couple of the previous comments - does this mean DS is destined to never be sporty then?

@PlasticCupPolitics thank you for your reassurance. Are you a HV by any chance? I think he’s been sitting up since about 9 months, so for quite a while now. So that is something.

I know it's hard not to worry, but honestly it's not that unusual, and he's probably fine.

One of mine was like this. He didn't really change position by himself until he was around a year. He could sit unassisted at around 10 months but mostly only did it if I put him in a sitting position. Then he started bum shuffling around 12 months. Didn't stand or even try to pull up until about 18 months, then walked about a week later. My nephew was similar.

I worried lots because his brothers were crawling by 6 months and walking by a year, but it was all fine. By the time he was 2 and a half there was no difference between him or his brothers at that age.

@knitting774 I don’t think anyone can tel you of he will be sporty or not. You sound like you are worrying about uncontrollable things and that generally only leads to misery. Perhaps try and take some reassurance from this post of your HV and focus attention elsewhere

He is only 10 months. DD didn't sit up unaided until 10 months. She didn't pull herself up to standing until 12 months, and didn't walk unaided until 16 months.

A lot of posters had early walkers, but the range for sitting/standing/walking is much wider than you think.

Neither of my two DS were mobile until nine months. They didn't crawl until the 12 month mark and didn't walk until 18 months.

Both are now fully mobile and never sit still.

I have a developmental co ordination disorder so I have often worried about my 3 month old DS as I know he can inherit it and his apagar dropped because the ridiculously busy midwives left me with broken waters for 2.5 days so we both got sepsis which makes me feel his risk is higher.

All you can do is try and encourage them and sure my childhood was challenging at times but I know even if he does have motor issues he's going to have a fufiling life.

Thanks Emma and Zaffa. DS is good on fine motor - he can pick up tiny bits of food with no problems. It’s just the gross motor that’s really worrying me. And it’s brought back really upsetting memories of the birth which is making me doubly anxious. I did have counselling afterwards but it obviously didn’t work!

@knitting774

From a couple of the previous comments - does this mean DS is destined to never be sporty then?

@PlasticCupPolitics thank you for your reassurance. Are you a HV by any chance? I think he’s been sitting up since about 9 months, so for quite a while now. So that is something.

Ok - I was pretty much exactly where you are now 10 years ago. Happy to tell you dd’s timeline.

11 months - started bottom shuffling - no real interest in standing
13 months - will stand and walk if hands held but really not bothered
14 months - crawled
17 months 10 days - stood! And then also stood up! All in the space of an hour.
17 months 2 weeks - first steps!
17 months 3 weeks - walking competently.
2 years - not a “physical” child (likes to sit quietly drawing rather than running about - especially in comparison to a friend’s son who is very physical) but seems to be now within normal parameters
3 years - baby ballet teacher surprised when I said she had been a late walker
6 years - selected for competitive squad for a sport
8 years - entered a triathlon - won!
Nearly 9 - won the British schools championship in a different sport again.
Nearly 11 - trains every day throughout lockdown

It is very confusing. My non physical, non sporty child is now very sporty indeed.

but as PP have said you would see challenges with overall development.

I hope this is the case