I'm going mad with worry

[knitting774]

I've posted about this before, but I'm still so worried.

DS is almost 10 months and just doesn't seem to be progressing physically. He can now sit unassisted (although was slow to reach this milestone) but will often end up falling over if left after about 5-10 minutes. I think that's normal though isn't it?

What I'm really worried about is his lack of standing. He just isn't interested in weight bearing on his legs and if anything, I'd say he has got worse, just lifting up and curling his legs when I hold him in the standing position. Everybody else's babys are standing by now so how come DS can't?!

I've starting really panicking that he could have something wrong and have been reading through my birth notes (something I found extremely hard to revisit as I had a traumatic time with failed forceps, EMCS). It seems he got stuck and that's why I was rushed to EMCS, but was declared healthy and got full marks on the APGAR test after birth.

He's very alert in other ways and is a happy child. It's just the gross motor skills. He hasn't had the 8 month check and even when he does it will take place over Zoom which is totally wrong in my opinion - I really think these things should be face to face. I'm now freaking out that something could have gone wrong in the birth and I wasn't told or it wasn't picked up. Could he have brain damage from the forceps?!

I know I'm wishing his childhood away as I keep telling myself it'll be okay by 9 months, 10 months, 11 months. But nothing seems to be changing apart from the fact he's finally sitting up. I try to do tummy time but he hates it and cries after about 5 minutes.

Please help

Oh, thank you so very much for sharing that @Mumoftwoinprimary.

Please do not worry. Both mine were slow on the physical development.

My eldest didn't crawl until 11 months old and wasn't sitting unaided until about 9 months. He walked at about 16 months.

My youngest was faster on the sitting (5 months) but also didn't crawl until 11 months. She was 17 month before she started walking. She's 2 now and behind some peers on pushing herself along on a scuttle night type thing.

Both though we're much quicker on the talking side. My youngest in particular is a right chatterbox. She has full on conversations with fully formed sentences (she was 2 at the start of this month)

At her 1 year review she scored high on everything except motor skills where she basically scored zero. The HV wasn't concerned though. She could see her development in other areas. It also helped that my daughter answered her when she asked me if there were any other concerns.

I remember with my first being worried that he was taking his time with standing and walking. Other people always had an opinion about it. I actually refuse to see one of my MiL's friends now as she decided to 'treat' my son for not crawling while I wasn't there!

My daughter walked early and had all the physical attributes to be sporty but wasn’t because she wasn’t interested . My friends grandson didn’t walk until 18 months and now she can’t keep him away from a football. Every child is different so try not to worry x

I wouldn't worry about him just yet. It is great he can roll, the fact he doesn't do it often might just be because he can't be bothered. I have seen many babies who aren't interested in walking - so they won't do it!

That may be why he's curling his feet up when you stand him up. Try plenty of other activities like swimming to strengthen muscles instead. It's normal for a baby to walk between 10 and 18 months, so please don't worry about not walking so young. If his physical development is lacking in others areas then it won't harm to check with GP.

I also just want to give you a hand hold OP - I went down a rabbit hole and the anxiety just ate me up. It almost ruined my time with her because I was constantly watching, looking for evidence of cerebral palsy mostly, convinced I had let something awful happen to her at birth or maybe hadn't noticed something during the very early months and I had let her down. It ate me up and even now, if I let myself go down that rabbit hole I find it so hard to pull myself out. But actually, even if she isn't sporty or she is massively uncoordinated as I was or she needs help to walk, she is the most delightful person and i am constantly thrilled by her company and the little girl she is growing up into.

Do talk to your HV because the anxiety can eat you up and it's not worth it. They are so little and they change so fast - I genuinely thought DD would never stand up and she stands constantly, pulling up against anything she can and I can't imagine what I was so worried about.

Thanks everyone. I can’t imagine that he has brain damage as he’s so alert and his fine motor skills seem very good. But perhaps it can manifest itself as only affecting the gross skills, I don’t know.

I think I've seen previous thread of yours. I understand your worry but at 10 months I think you are being way too anxious. It's just too varied at this age. DS was sitting early - at around 5 months - but didn't walk until 13 months (ie about average) and did not achieve a single other physical milestone early.

DD was even later. She was a real little chunker so I always felt that she didn't have the muscle strength to hold herself up! . A friend had a similar situation with her DS - he was such a massively chunky baby but with quite a small frame and he was also very content so she felt he had no incentive to move! He's 10 now, good at football which he plays incessently and is tall and skinny!

comparing babies at 10 months seems crazy to me.

Thanks @zaffa - what you’ve written resonates so much. I was desperate to have a caesarean after a difficult pregnancy but couldn’t convince the hospital - and then the birth went horribly wrong. I think it’s haunted me ever since and I worry that I could have put DS in danger by not being more forceful.

@knitting774

Thanks *@zaffa* - what you’ve written resonates so much. I was desperate to have a caesarean after a difficult pregnancy but couldn’t convince the hospital - and then the birth went horribly wrong. I think it’s haunted me ever since and I worry that I could have put DS in danger by not being more forceful.

This is completely understandable. But if it's any consolation, DD's birth was, for me, a fairly painless experience, notwithstanding the emergency c section. Problems were caught early and acted on. DS' birth on the other hand was a complete shit show and I do suspect that that his Sensory issues may be partly as a result....

.... I still, nonetheless, have significantly more PTSD from DD's birth because there is no doubt that without intervention she would be dead or very very severely brain damaged. 5 years later, I look at her gorgeous clever face and my heart still clenches when I think what could have happened.

Your DS was born healthy and well. He has brilliant fine motor control which is excellent. But he's perhaps a bit lazy and/or not so strong. That is easily fixed as he gets older!

Please try not to panic. Your DS sounds similar to mine. On the edge of delayed with all gross motor stuff, but fine with other things.
He was not standing at 9 months. Not even close. He started commando crawling at 10 months, pulled to stand at nearly 11 months and took his first few steps a couple of days ago at almost 17 months (again, just within the acceptable range). He's been cruising for ages but he just didn't have the confidence to let go!

Speak to your health visitor if you're worried, but please don't panic if he's not walking by his first birthday. Some babies take longer and that's ok!

Lastly @knitting774 my HV told me to keep reminding myself that thoughts aren't facts when I start down that route and it does help - just because something could have gone wrong or could be wrong (because a million things could be wrong every day that we have no clue about) doesn't mean that it is going to go wrong or is wrong, especially just because I had the thought in my head.

@knitting774 my two and a half year old DD scored in the 'black' area of gross motor at her ten month review, and the HV arranged a follow
up phone call. She could barely crawl, couldn't pull to stand etc. This all happened nearer her first birthday. At 13 months we were at my SiL's house and she got up and walked! None of us could believe our eyes! She was then the first out of her toddler pals to be able to jump, and at nursery she's always 'exceeding' the physical
milestones for her age, which is a far cry from
what she was like as a baby! I know people tell
you not to worry, and it's honestly hard not to, but your DS still has plenty time to achieve all of these milestones!

Sorry yes I am, I should have said that in my post haha.

In a professional capacity, I honestly would not be worrying at this stage, but having said that, I completely know what it’s like to be worried about your child’s development, particularly following a difficult & traumatic birth. I convinced myself that my own son had cerebral palsy because he couldn’t sit up at 7 months - he doesn’t, there’s absolutely nothing wrong at all!

Please contact your HV team to arrange a review & also maybe look into a birth debrief/rewind, sounds like it might be of some benefit to you

Thanks everyone. I did have a birth debrief and was just so relieved at the time that DS was seemingly okay after such a difficult birth. But now the doubts are creeping back in

I worry about cerebral palsy too.

My DS was late hitting every single milestone from smiling to rolling over to talking. It was so difficult watching the other babies develop and him left behind. He saw all kinds of specialists who found nothing wrong with him.

He did hit them all eventually and he’s now a perfectly normal 13 year old.

i had late walkers etc. 2 were just in range ie 17months. They are really nice bright kids 10 years on. Speak to your health visitor but unless your son is showing any pain or discomfort then try not to worry. x

Hi all, I've came to this thread because likewise I am worried about my little one..
I'm having a stress at the minute with my LO temperature. Before she second lot of vaccines her temperature sat between 36.6 and 37.0. The night after her injections her temperature went down to 35.9 and lower. We ended up in hospital for 12 hours and all tests were normal. And her temp went back up to 60s again. She is generally well happy chatty and taking bottles. Also noticed she is sweaty and her head would be cold. I am just worried and would like a bit or advice/guidance in this. Her temperature would sit below 60 at night?
Is this normal?
LO is 13 weeks

My daughter was the same and eventually we were referred to a consultant and she is hypermobile. She had physio and eventually took her first unaided steps at 2. She is 7 now and falls over, trips up a lot but is fine.

I’ve just looked up hypermobility and it’s usually inherited apparently - I’m not aware of anyone in our family who has it, so I doubt it’s that?

@Kmgx27 it might be worth starting your own thread as you will probably get more advice for your specific question. Hope your DD is ok x

Up until 2 years they tend not to worry too much about child's gross motor.

They will look more at muscle tone and if too high or low this would be a concern.

Fwiw my ds sat at 5months and walked at 10.
He was always so stiff and strong and then began at 5 to become quite floppy and lose muscle tone.

Then at 8 it went ridiculously high and higher and higher and at 14 was diagnosed with a degenerative neurological disorder.

I also had a traumatic birth and CP was suspected at first and initially suggested diagnosis despite clear MRI.

So what they are doing at 10 months isn't necessarily any indication of not accompanied by unusual tone.

So it you think his tone is not right ask HV for face to face to assess it. You have a right to request proper assessment.

But please be reassured it's likely nothing. Early gross motor skills aren't always an indication of future gross motor.

I certainly didn't think my early developing ds would end up trying to get into the para Olympic team competing 20 years after his birth! (He's aiming for Paris 2024)

@Kmgx27

Hi all, I've came to this thread because likewise I am worried about my little one.. I'm having a stress at the minute with my LO temperature. Before she second lot of vaccines her temperature sat between 36.6 and 37.0. The night after her injections her temperature went down to 35.9 and lower. We ended up in hospital for 12 hours and all tests were normal. And her temp went back up to 60s again. She is generally well happy chatty and taking bottles. Also noticed she is sweaty and her head would be cold. I am just worried and would like a bit or advice/guidance in this. Her temperature would sit below 60 at night? Is this normal? LO is 13 weeks

My ds temp drops when unwell.

He managed a spectacular 33.2° one memorable 3am!!!

Ask for advice from GP but for my ds it's normal so we look for other signs before worrying (he's never had those!)

Thanks for the reply.. she seems warmer today it's just very stressful (especially when you Google)
Apologies for posting on this thread I'm new to this and hadn't got any help on my own post so assume I've made a mistake 🤦🏼‍♀️

@itsgettingwierd thanks. I have no idea how to tell if his muscle tone is anything out of the ordinary - how do you know? He doesn’t seem particularly stiff or floppy? He does sometimes curl his legs up when I try to put him in standing position, but on the other hand, he can stiffen them too (usually when I’m trying to change his nappy).

Why oh why didn’t I insist on a caesarean? I’m so scared that the birth has somehow affected him

[quote knitting774]@itsgettingwierd thanks. I have no idea how to tell if his muscle tone is anything out of the ordinary - how do you know? He doesn’t seem particularly stiff or floppy? He does sometimes curl his legs up when I try to put him in standing position, but on the other hand, he can stiffen them too (usually when I’m trying to change his nappy).

Why oh why didn’t I insist on a caesarean? I’m so scared that the birth has somehow affected him [/quote]
Please speak to your GP and see if you can get some support for your anxiety.

Most likely your baby is perfectly fine and is taking their time with their gross motor skills. Honestly if you saw my LG running around now you'd never guess she's only been walking for 7 months.

But your worry is starting to take over. You cannot change your birth experience but you can talk about it and start to come to terms with it.

Mostly though I want you to know that YOU'VE DONE NOTHING WRONG.