Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Age when family start to look after your DC? Babysitting

53 replies

Opalfruits2 · 25/02/2021 07:35

Hi we are due in July 2021, we had a mmc last summer and this will be our first child.

My MIL looked after her first GC x1 day a week (from 7.30am to 5pm) from when he was 10 months up until 4 years old when he started school. At first was he wasn’t even walking yet and it seemed very young to have him looked after ALL day, but alas, no kids yet, what did I know?! Not my issue and of course it is his grandma so . MIL did say she was exhausted after the whole day with GC, she did and still does work full time but got one day a week off for specially for this. Fast forward to now, she’s SO excited for another GC of course. I do get on with her generally.

ANYWAY so I was talking to my mum about how it worked in DPs family as above, she was adamant that I shouldn’t leave baby with anyone for that long a period until they are at least 2...?

Curious as to what MNer’s think?

I know this will be mine and DP’s baby and ultimately our decision. I work from home, so I am in a good position when baby arrives. There is no need for my MIL to have this GC in the same fashion, but she has already started mentioning she can’t wait to have ‘this baby on a Friday again!’ and that it will be ‘our day’. Which is sweet, she is so excited. But you can see the niggling concerns I have, there will certainly need to be some boundaries as I cannot see myself leaving baby with her all day from 10 months in the same way lol sorry, especially as I do not NEED to do this!

I’m just second guessing myself as DP and I are both first time parents, he only has his side of the family to compare it to and no one else has had kids yet on my side!

Thanks in advance

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

BendingSpoons · 25/02/2021 07:42

Are you planning on having your baby at home with you whilst working? That's really not a sustainable plan for most. In families where both parents work, children tend to have to go to childcare 8-6. Many feel a day with an enthusiastic GP is better (and cheaper) than another day in nursery. Full day childcare is perfectly normal at 10m, but it is a good point to identify if the GP is up to it, as it is tiring.

Superstardjs · 25/02/2021 07:46

I didn't leave mine with family until she was coming up for 9 months and we went our for dinner for our anniversary, so 4 hours ish. Other than that, she stayed with noone until she went to nursery when I went back to work.
Dd was my first, my only and I did not want to give her to someone else. Obviously I wanted her to develop a relationship with gps but ultimately they had had their children and it was my turn to be a parent and, for me, the time with me was more important than letting gps have her for a day.

SnuggyBuggy · 25/02/2021 07:47

It's a very personal choice but if you aren't yet going back to work it would be very unusual to send a 10 month old to a grandparent for that length of time on a regular basis. If you are going back to work then obviously you'll need childcare and it's up to you whether you think a family member is best or if hiring someone you have no history with would be easier.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

4 year olds Families General parenting

BertieBotts · 25/02/2021 07:50

Just do whatever feels right. There's nothing inherently wrong or harmful with a child spending a day with someone else before they're 2! You can do it from birth if you want to (wouldn't be for me.)

Most people go back to work well before 2 years old. I also know lots of people who did a sleepover with grandparents regularly from about 6 weeks or a few months old. Nothing terrible happened.

wheresmycrown · 25/02/2021 07:52

I think you're going to get a massive breadth of answers from YABU to even consider leaving your child with anyone before they are 16 and those who think it's YABU to not leave them with grandma from when they're 5 days old.

Pregnancy brings out the anxiety and overthinking in women- this is not an issue you need to be thinking about right now. At this moment in time you have no idea about what's going to happen in the future. You don't know how you're going to feel or what your baby is going to be like so there is no need to be thinking about it.

I think it's lovely that you have such a supportive mil who wants to help. My mum looks after my children 1 day a week and she's fantastic. She only has 1 at a time as it is tiring for her. Can't blame her. It's tiring for me too!

When it's time to consider going back to work you can make your decision about childcare arrangements. If that means you mil is willing to help then make sure you agree properly with her about what that will look like and agree to communicate if it's not working on either side. It will keep the relationship good.

My daughter spent 2 days with my mum when my son was born but other than that they were always with me. DD went to nursery one day a week and then increased to 2 days but was never on her own with a family member because there just wasn't a need to be because I was home. When I went back to work my mum did a day a week as well as nursery.

wheresmycrown · 25/02/2021 07:53

Oops posted too soon.

You are being very unrealistic if you think you can work from home and look after a baby at the same time.

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 25/02/2021 07:54

Thete are lots of reasons not to rely on family for childcare you actually need in order to work (as opposed to luxuary childcare to allow the parents to do things like go out together without a child). The family member who does childcare has you over a barrel and puts you in a very difficult position if you don't like how they do something (long afternoon nap so the baby won't go to sleep at home until 10pm, hours of TV, sweets at ten minths old, not cutting grapes, spoon feeding a toddler able to feed themselves to avoid mess, letting the dog lick the toddler's face and leaving dog and toddler alone together while nipping to the toilet, for example...). If the family member cancels frequently at short notice you're leftin the lurch etc. and its awkward and damages relationships when you organise paid childcare instead long term because you can't trust/ rely on the family member...

However you can't do childcare and work from home under normal circumstances - lockdown has forced some people to try, but employers wouldn't normally tolerate it. Older babies and toddlers won't let you concentrate on work, unless your work is as a childminder already and you're earning money by caring for a couple of other children along with yours!

user7891011 · 25/02/2021 07:55

My mum has looked after my son overnight once a week since he was 6 months, he loves it. Has loads of fun there and a lot more stimulation than he can get stuck at home with us.

Phiphi123 · 25/02/2021 07:55

I’ve been leaving my 4 month old with my mum midday to 7pm every other Saturday for the last couple of months and gosh do we appreciate the break. There is no way I could have managed to wait until 10months to have some time off. I’d wait until the baby is here before you go making any decisions because you might be glad of her offer after weeks of little to no sleep!

Original poster

Opalfruits2 · 25/02/2021 07:57

Thanks for your quick replies , there were no younger children around when I was growing up and still none in my family so it’s really good to hear what’s the norm. I did wonder whether my mum was being a bit OTT? She was a SAHM.

I am an illustrator and work free lance, I am really lucky that there is a lot of flexibility should I need it. Work can be very slow tho and I have a fair amount of free time every day at the moment. DP works full time, he is back by 2pm most days and starts his working day before 6am. Finances aren’t an issue.
I am considering asking MIL if she’d like GC for half a day on the Friday by herself, I trust her implicitly. I think I am just overthinking it and falling victim to my own inexperience.

OP posts:

Cocopogo · 25/02/2021 07:57

Mine was in nursery at 6 weeks old

Muskox · 25/02/2021 07:57

Many parents do go back to work and leave their baby in childcare from around 10 months or younger, so I think you won't find many people who think it's 'wrong' to do so. Of course if you're a SAHM then it's different, I was a SAHM when my DC were little so there was no need to leave them with anyone for a full day until they were older.

Are you really planning to wfh (full time??) with no childcare while the baby plays happily by themselves? I think you may find that harder than you think!

Muskox · 25/02/2021 07:58

I think half a day with your MIL on Fridays is a great idea.

BertieBotts · 25/02/2021 07:58

Oh sorry. Of course, if you prefer to wait until your child is older, that is also fine. I think the first time I left mine with someone for a while day they were about 2, I just don't think it's bad to do so earlier. I just didn't want /need to.

Original poster

Opalfruits2 · 25/02/2021 08:00

Yes I am deffo overthinking it!

OP posts:

Aimee1987 · 25/02/2021 08:02

In your situation I think the half day sounds perfect you could drop off get a few hours work done. My work was also flexible so I though I can get some do e during mat leave while the babies sleeping. You do underestimate the amount of work involved in looking after a young baby ( at least I did)

whatswithtodaytoday · 25/02/2021 08:03

You won't have much free time when you have a baby. I know I completely underestimated how exhausting I would find looking after a baby and a house while on mat leave - and now Covid has shown me how impossible it is to work at the same time.

By all means see how you feel at the time, but a day of free childcare sounds amazing!

YukoandHiro · 25/02/2021 08:05

It's really hard to imagine before you've done it, but do listen to posters here who say that working and childcare at the same time simply aren't possible. Childcare is a full time role. Many women have lost or been forced to leave their jobs in the pandemic due to this problem.
Sort out childcare for every hour you're expecting to work. You cannot do both at once.

2021WillBeGreat · 25/02/2021 08:06

I am due my first this year too, so it's all very hypothetical. If I feel happy then it will be from a few months old for a morning/afternoon. If not then probably 6-8 months old.

I wouldn't be needing the childcare but I have lots of keen relatives and I think it is nice for the baby to have such interested family. I know my Mum will delight in being able to take the baby swimming or to the park.

YukoandHiro · 25/02/2021 08:06

That goes for freelance flexible roles too... basically assume that if you don't have childcare you won't do any work at all. Because you won't.

purplemunkey · 25/02/2021 08:11

Yes, your Mum is totally OTT by saying 2yrs. Mat leave is a year at most and many go back to work far earlier. Nothing wrong with any of these options but ignore anyone saying you ‘shouldn’t’ do xyz.

Full day or half day with MIL sounds good to me!

Potterythrowdown · 25/02/2021 08:19

Most women I know went back to work between 9-15 months PP and most used a mix of nursery/childminder and grandparents. It's really not unusual. Most of us had left baby with relatives before that to attend weddings etc. I will say its hard to get anything done round a baby, especially with a mobile baby so I'd be grateful of the offer.

babyyodaxmas · 25/02/2021 08:21

We needed 2 incomes to pay the mortage, left DS with DH at 4m, with my mother from 8m and childminder from 10m.

Original poster

Opalfruits2 · 25/02/2021 08:26

If we are still OK financially to do so - we have spoken about me packing in when baby comes for at least a couple of years, so I would be a SAHM.

Ah, I feel like I was a bit rotten now to my MIL in this post! It was mainly that they worked full time as did his partner. + There is a very idealistic part of me that magically thought be able to do it all cos I worked from home, come July I think my nativity will be well and truly gone trust MN for honest answers thanks all good to hear others views for their DC too

OP posts:

Original poster

Opalfruits2 · 25/02/2021 08:27

Naivety .....not nativity

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread