Do your children hit each other?

[Kendodd]

I heard my children argue this morning and it occured to me, they never hit/push/shove each other. I remember as a child older siblings routinely hit me. It was the same at cousins/friends houses, siblings often hit/pushed/slapped each other, it was nothing unusual or commented on. I don't think kids do this so much anymore (?) Good! They did hit as toddlers but probably grew out of it by three years old.

I had a theory that because parents a much less likely to hit their children, children are less likely to hit each other?

I think it is more to do with personality and learning impulse control.

Nope. My three boys are grown now but I wouldn't tolerate them hitting each other when they were children. They all have calm, gentle natures like their dad, which I'm sure helped.

There was only ever one incident when 15 year old DS2 went for his 16 year old brother and their dad had to separate them, but never before or since - they're normally best friends. I can't remember what the fight was about now, and I'm sure they can't either.

I was a child of the 60s and 70s and was never smacked, and neither was DH. Possibly unusually for the time. I'm sure that must have influenced our own parenting.

My 4yr old never hits, my 2yr old seem to have been born knowing how to hit and kick. We're having to much more actively teach him not to. In public my sister and I were angelic, but used to hit each other till we were shockingly old. I really want a zero tolerance policy with my boys, don't want to keep breaking up fights.

No mine dont. They'd be in big trouble if they did!
One of my sister's and I used to try to kill each other.

Mine do. Pretty much daily. They frequently wrestle, which usually starts off as if they are having fun and then degenerates. They are 6 and 9 and generally the best of friends. It drives me potty but they tend to flare up then it’s all fine again moments later.

We’ve never hit them; I was smacked as a child and me and my bro never hit each other.

Me and my sister used to fight like cat and dog when we were teenagers. I hit her with my riding crop once during a huge row and she threw an ornament at me which broke my tooth. We get on fine now but it has taken 40 years 😀

No mine don’t.

Mine are all teens now. I never smacked my kids. Non of them hit each other as toddlers but there were a few scuffles over toys but it was more grabby then anything. As young children they have all hit another child a couple of times. Really different to my own upbringing where we physically fought regularly. However my parents disciplined through smacking and I think it was a direct result.

Mine are 5 and 8. 8 year old has autism and adhd. He hated his sibling from the second he was born. There is now a level of tolerance. They play together but it can often end in squabbles, and some occasional hitting, shoving etc. No full on fights. Neither seems to retaliate to the other, but they are both as guilty of hitting etc.
It is really tricky to manage. The older one often wants to play alone, where as the younger does not. This then leads to arguments where the younger tries to join in and the older will shove him off whatever he is playing with. They share a room, and the house is not big. So respite from each other is hard. I spend a lot of time managing where they are and what they are doing.
As they have gotten older there are definite improvements in behaviour towards each other. They definitely have a love/hate relationship though and winding up the other seems to be the main goal in their lives. I have to say though, the oldest is the instigator to all of this, the youngest is learned behaviour from his brother unfortunately. My oldest would be the same with any other child. The autistic side of him just wants to either play alone, or be in total control of the game that is played. He can't be left at soft play or the park to just go off and play as he would get in to scraps with other children. The youngest is a dream to take anywhere and wouldn't dream of hurting another kid (other than his brother!). He is so easy to take to places. Thank goodness or we couldn't go anywhere!!
I guess due to the eldests additional needs, you probably can't use mine as a comparison however.

They attack each other on a very regular basis. Blood is rarely drawn. Younger DD is more likely to be the instigator and outstrips her older brother in both cunning and pain almost every time; she starts fights when she's bored. They also like to play fight and play in a manner that to my mind is just rolling around the floor attached to each other (this is with mutual agreement and not arguing, imagine watching fox cubs play). They have never seen any real violence, only child friendly cartoon type. They are not physically punished. They are 6 and 8 now, it had improved for a while, but the last year has caused a huge behaviour regression. They were genuinely worrying in younger years. Always good in public though!

They also literally climb the walls, the kitchen, sometimes people... They like to try jumping down the flight of stairs too. They just seem to have a huge surplus of energy which explodes in fighting each other without a proper outlet. It's better in summer when we are out more; it was better without fucking covid, so they could do things... I have often wished for a field so they could just run about it chasing each other instead. I think something went awry and I ended up with two high needs dogs, something like collies, rather than two children.

As kids, my siblings and I were always shouting at, shoving, hitting and hurting each other. There were several trips to hospital as a result. We look back at it fondly.

My dc very rarely come to blows.

To counter your theory. I was heavily physically chastised as a child. It swapped to abuse at points just by severity of chastisement. Never, ever fought as a child and actively avoided it as an adult.

My children are punished with time out, loss of pocket money and temporary loss of 'things'. They are complete brutes to each other, on a near daily basis. They spend all day, every day playing together when they're not fighting though! I think it's personality.

18 months between mine, aged 5 and 6.5. They can be physical when fighting but both quite like throwing things as well. The older one had significant speech delay so I think it's a hangover from that and the younger one has copied it. I'm working on it but I'm not hugely concerned, they don't do it at school, my brothers and I were astonishingly violent with one another and we all grew out of it and are well adjusted adults who know how to use our words.
However their play in general can be incredibly physical, constantly 'tiger cub' wrestling which looks horrific but they'll be roaring with laughter. I tend to take the view that as long as there's no blood or 'that' scream then I'll leave them be (and tell them to take it to their room if it looks like me, the cat or the tv are going to be in harm's way). My mum winces at it when they do it at hers but I'm a big fan of kids working out their own strength and limits. Kind of like puppies 😂

I have an only, thank goodness.

But I consider my brother's treatment of me as a child physical abuse. I was terrified of his moods and my parents did some lax and negligent parenting. Had I had two, there would have been none of that. No one in your house should routinely hurt you physically.

10 and 8yo dd hit each other regularly although dd8 has asd so can be impulsive. I dont and haven't smacked any of my DC so dont see the relation in that sense. I put it down to frustration from ASD dd and dd10 reacting

Practically every person I know kids have fights , push at times those with boys more so.
Mine do and we don't hit them less so now as they are 17/15 but they will still play fight
Tbf mostly its been play fighting as opposed to hitting because annoyed with each other .

No, never. Hitting has always been unacceptable in our house.

No. There's never any physical fighting. I have a Ds 10 and a Dd7. They occasionally bicker but are very close.

Occasionally but nowhere near as much as my sister and I used to. Often it’s playing that goes too far. I was chatting to a friend the other day and we were saying that when we were kids, swearing at school was a terrible offence whereas fighting was almost overlooked. Now it’s completely the other way round ( swearing might merit an email home whereas fighting/ physical aggression= parents into school ).

Autistic dd can lash out at her older brothers and her dad, though doesn't really happen if I am there, and is generally linked to anxiety or sensory overwhelm.
My boys (10 and 11) shout at each other regularly, but have never physically fought or hit each other on purpose. (DS1 did accidentally hit ds2 around the face with a swingball racquet several years ago, he had a grid-shaped mark in his face, but it was a case of neither of them looking where they were thrashing about trying to win).

My brother and I used to fight all the time, we were vicious. Like other posters, I think that may have been down to the fact that hitting was normalised in our house. :(

3 primary age boys. No they don’t hit each other.

No, never. I grew up with two brothers in a tiny house and there was no hitting. My mother just wouldn’t tolerate it. It never occurred to me to bring my kids up any other way. Zero tolerance for any physical assault. I can’t bear it when parent let their kids lay into each other. Especially boys. How are we supposed to teach them not to physically hurt other people when their siblings are fair game?

www.ucy.ac.cy/nursery/documents/Agrio_Pexnidi_sta_Nipia.pdf

I feel a bit judged by those saying they ‘don’t allow it’. We don’t allow it either, but they still do it!
Do your children never do anything you don’t allow? How do you manage that? Ours do have consequences for hitting each other. I don’t know what else I should do.