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Original poster

Toddler refusing naps - husband can’t cope

72 replies

Dreamingsleeper · 14/02/2021 14:21

My 26 month year old has started refusing the lunch time nap. She’ll lie awake in darkness for the whole 1.5 hours playing with her stuffed teddy. I started to think this was cruel and have begun to implement quiet time instead - downstairs lying on the sofa with a blanket, a book, and sometimes something gentle on the tv like In the Night Garden - as I think she is naturally weaning herself off day time sleep.

However my husband is very upset about this, saying he needs that quiet time in the day to relax without the kids otherwise it’s relentless (he only helps at weekends...never mind the relentless weekdays I do by myself...) He keeps saying we should just leave her up in her room in the dark and she’ll eventually drop off. Even if she doesn’t, she doesn’t seem unhappy lying there playing with her bear. I’m uneasy about this and plan on just carrying on with the quiet time downstairs. I’ve shown him articles that say toddler aged 2.5-3 will gradually cut out the nap but he says she’s still a bit young at 26 months.

Please can you let me know when your toddler stopped napping in the day and what you did as quiet time instead? Thanks

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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ineedaholidaynow · 14/02/2021 14:24

Ignore your husband. What does he do with your DC (and it isn’t helping it is parenting)

Wheresmyfuckingphone · 14/02/2021 14:25

We are having the first nap free day for my nearly 2 year old today. She'll probably have an early night and we might alternate nap/no naps for a few weeks. My other child was nearly 3, but all children are different.
It depends on if the child needs the nap or not and your quiet time sounds lovely. They can't nap forever.

peachgreen · 14/02/2021 14:27

If she's lying quietly in the dark playing for an hour and a half I'd leave her to it to be honest. My DD went through a phase like that but then started sleeping again and she really needs it, she's a nightmare if she doesn't have her nap. I'm really glad we didn't break the habit too early. I also think it does them no harm to spend some time in their rooms on their own and get used to that. DD is 3 and I have no intentions of stopping her nap myself, and when she stops sleeping I'll aim to have her play quietly in her room. Tbh I think it's mad to stop it if she's happy enough!

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combatbarbie · 14/02/2021 14:27

Well I think you've got off lightly, both mine dropped the daytime nap at 18 months. Tell DH to get a grip.

Mylittlepony374 · 14/02/2021 14:28

My first dropped her nap at 27 months. My second at 29 months. They both had quiet TV time for a while at that time, and I still vaguely keep that as quiet time bow they're older. But it doesn't really matter, you just need to do what's right for your daughter.

SpaceOp · 14/02/2021 14:28

Why csnt she have her quiet time in her bedroom? As he says, shes not unhappy so putting her somewhere with option for nap seems reasonable. Also agree with a pp that earlier bed time is key if shesdropping nap, especially so young.

Earlybirdmissedtheworm · 14/02/2021 14:28

I can't remember exactly when mine stopped napping but all children are different so the age isn't set in stone.
I do remember what you're describing and it is definitely the transition out of naps. Some days mine would still nap but I put quiet time in place for the days when he was obviously not going to nap, same things as you really- it was just time to relax and wind down.
Your husband has a bit of a cheek really, he isn't even suggesting it's for your daughter - it's for him.
Lock him in a dark room for nap time and tell him to force himself to sleep.
Babies don't nap forever, he shouldn't rely on it for himself especially when it sounds like you do the bulk of parenting anyway.
Keep going with the quiet time, you're doing the right thing.

KyraGoose · 14/02/2021 14:31

Mine stopped napping around 25 months. We watch a bit of tv or read books after lunch. If she nods off I'll give her 20 mins. This is enough to see her through the day, go to bed at a reasonable hour and sleep all night. Yes, losing your break in the middle of the day is hard, but tough. I've heard that girls drop their naps earlier than boys. I don't know if that's true though.

itsgettingwierd · 14/02/2021 14:34

My ds dropped his at 18 months.

And would still wake up at 4am 😫

I also don't see the issue of quiet time being in her room if she's happy but for her to have some down time and keep the skill of self settling and entertainment - not for your DH needs.

grassisjeweled · 14/02/2021 14:35

Just let her be in the bedroom for an hour and a half. Gives her a break from you.

Starlive23 · 14/02/2021 14:38

I'm in the same boat as you OP, toddler now just fighting naps it seems silly to force it, I've done the same as you, tried a bit of quiet time and that seems go be going well.

I think its common to miss the naps a little when they go but it seems most of the people I've spoken to have had this happen at the same time so I can only assume that its the natural time so I think you are doing the right thing op, DH is wishful thinking!

PatsyStone39 · 14/02/2021 14:38

My DS stopped napping at 18 months. And as for quiet time...what's that? Tell your DH to go for a nap instead, he sounds like a grumpy bastard!

BendingSpoons · 14/02/2021 14:38

Personally I would leave her in her cot if she is happy. DS is almost 2 and we have recently been having a nap and bedtime battle but are coming out the other side. I believe it's a regression rather than him dropping the nap. I am hoping to maintain naps much longer! DD is 5 and still has quiet time in her room for an hour when at home.

RandomMess · 14/02/2021 14:40

26 months is not particularly young to drop her nap. Your DH is being unreasonable.

As a consequence she may start going to bed earlier?

Flackattack · 14/02/2021 14:45

4 just before he started school - but all children are different! Some drop them after a year ish - as long as they aren’t too grumpy and sleep at night - you know best!

LivingMyBestLife2020 · 14/02/2021 14:46

I’m feeling quite lucky. My son is 2 years 8 months and still has naps. He doesn’t for the 3 days he’s at nursery (dropped them in the last month) as to much going on and he’s usually fast asleep in bed by 7pm on those days. At home he’ll probably nap 2/3 of the time but in the days he does it’s easily 1.5 hours and days he doesn’t he’ll just cuddle with me on the sofa.
I think he’s currently in a growth spurt as I cannot keep him full and he’s having 2.5 hour naps and still sleeping 11 hours at night.

He is starting to transition away from it now I think I reckon when he comes out the other side of this growth spurt they’ll be in their way out.

I don’t see a problem leaving you child in their room for quiet time if they are happy

DPotter · 14/02/2021 14:47

My DD stopped all day times naps at 16months.

All children are different. Remember you may have read the child rearing books but your DD hasn't.

If she's happy to have some quiet time, let her. If she becomes distressed, get her up and play with her. As they get older, time away from childcare does become more difficult to organise. That's parenthood for you. It gets easier again when they are able to fully self-care; now this is a moveable feast. My DD was pretty good from the age of 12 - she could cook herself a basic meal, but didn't like being in the house by herself, so we still needed a 'baby sitter'.

Your DH is an idiot, but I think you know that. I'd be laughing at him and telling him to get his act together.

ineedaholidaynow · 14/02/2021 14:51

Don’t see why she should be in the dark in her room if she isn’t napping

user2021 · 14/02/2021 14:53

Can't believe the posters who are saying just leave her in her cot?? Jesus.

We do quiet time if our toddlers don't want to nap. That usually involves a film on tv while DH and I take it in turns to hide in the bedroom for a bit and escape from the children.

Quartz2208 · 14/02/2021 14:54

He needs quiet time in the day to relax - he is in for a shock isn’t he when she gets older!

You are doing the right thing

TwirpingBird · 14/02/2021 14:59

My DD is 27 months and is doing this now. Its part of your kid growing up. Yes, its relentless. Your DH just needs to crack on.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 14/02/2021 15:00

If she is ready to drop a nap I think its much kinder to have some sort of quiet/cuddley time like tv time, or books or something.

Leaving her to herself in a dark room seems a bit cruel tbh.

3WildOnes · 14/02/2021 15:11

Why is it cruel if she is happy?
My daughter took about 45 minutes to fall asleep for her morning nap today, I was watching on the monitor and she was happily playing in her cot with her teddies and her toes. Should I have got her out?

TwirpingBird · 14/02/2021 15:17

@3WildOnes

Why is it cruel if she is happy? My daughter took about 45 minutes to fall asleep for her morning nap today, I was watching on the monitor and she was happily playing in her cot with her teddies and her toes. Should I have got her out?

I think once you have a time frame in your head it's ok. To me, 45 mins is a long time, but she if she isnt distressed I dont see the harm. For me, I know by 10 mins if my DD wont nap but thats because she gets angry and shouts. She naps maybe 3 days a week. However, if she was lying up here not napping every day for a week or so, I would just stop putting her up unless she is visibly very tired.

ineedaholidaynow · 14/02/2021 15:19

@3WildOnes how long did she nap for after that?

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