Toddler refusing naps - husband can’t cope

[Dreamingsleeper]

My 26 month year old has started refusing the lunch time nap. She’ll lie awake in darkness for the whole 1.5 hours playing with her stuffed teddy. I started to think this was cruel and have begun to implement quiet time instead - downstairs lying on the sofa with a blanket, a book, and sometimes something gentle on the tv like In the Night Garden - as I think she is naturally weaning herself off day time sleep.

However my husband is very upset about this, saying he needs that quiet time in the day to relax without the kids otherwise it’s relentless (he only helps at weekends...never mind the relentless weekdays I do by myself...) He keeps saying we should just leave her up in her room in the dark and she’ll eventually drop off. Even if she doesn’t, she doesn’t seem unhappy lying there playing with her bear. I’m uneasy about this and plan on just carrying on with the quiet time downstairs. I’ve shown him articles that say toddler aged 2.5-3 will gradually cut out the nap but he says she’s still a bit young at 26 months.

Please can you let me know when your toddler stopped napping in the day and what you did as quiet time instead? Thanks

Leaving a baby to happily self settle when you KNOW they still need a nap is a very different thing to leaving a baby (who may or may not need a nap) in the dark in their room because someone else wants a break.

Naps became unpredictable at 18 months and are now very rare at 21 months. With my first I tried to force it but with second and third I figure I don’t get a break anyway so if they nap they nap and if they don’t they don’t.

I couldn’t even get my toddler to do quiet time. She didn’t need it and trying to enforce it ended up stressing both of us. I tried for 6 months. From 24-30 months. I should have just stopped at 25 months and let us enjoy our days.

Your husband needs to get over himself. Parenting isn’t about what the parent needs or following a set of rules. It’s about adapting to what your child needs.

Ours stopped day time napping around that age too. Husband will have to get used to it

They do drop naps, at what age varies. I actually think a quiet time as you have been doing is amazing, gives her a chance to relax, and the opportunity to sleep is she wants to/is able, without being left alone in a dark room for hours. Does he think children just continue napping throughout the day forever?

PS I missed naps when they stopped, I'm sure lots of people do, but you have to get on with it!

He needs to come to terms with the fact that she will start to drop these naps. My ds would climb (throw himself ) out of his cot when he had enough sleep. If she is playing quietly that’s great but at some point she may get bored and it’s just a matter of time before she will refuse to go down.

@MixedUpFiles

I couldn’t even get my toddler to do quiet time. She didn’t need it and trying to enforce it ended up stressing both of us. I tried for 6 months. From 24-30 months. I should have just stopped at 25 months and let us enjoy our days.

Your husband needs to get over himself. Parenting isn’t about what the parent needs or following a set of rules. It’s about adapting to what your child needs.

My DD doesn't do quiet time either. I just give her a biscuit and sit her in front of the tv for 15 mins so I get a cuppa and a snack too and then plough through the afternoon.

People are missing the point. He wants to ignore a toddler and leave her in the dark so he gets an hour or two by himself. He only deals with it two days a week anyways.

It's all about his needs and not the child's. Fuck that. He needs a break from her?

DD1 dropped her naps at 18 months but occasionally fell asleep in the car if we were out. DD2 was 2 and a half.

It's good for young children to have quiet time when they first drop naps. It doesn't have to be on their own or in their room though, just less stimulation to give THEM a break. What does your DH think parents of older children are doing at the moment? .

for someone who "helps" at the weekend why should his opinion matter.
When he starts providing the childcare and parents equally maybe offer to hear his opinion.
Sounds like you need a break from a useless husband and lack of father.

One of ours didn't nap at all, you just get on with it, ask him why he wanted children, perhaps he just likes to see you providing childcare.

You do miss the naps when they go ... but that's life! Toddlers grow up, that's what they are programmed to do.

Your husband is being a bit of an arse about this.

My son dropped his naps quite early (around about 2 years I think) but we just accepted it. But what he did instead was have a nap a couple of times a week. It happened quite naturally if I let him have quiet time on the sofa (exactly as you describe op) and I might leave the room for a few minutes and when I came back he would be snoozing gently. They stopped altogether by the time he was 2 and a half. That's not unusual, really quite normal.

My eldest stopped napping by 2.5 but I had another young baby by then. My youngest dropped his naps at 18 months, mainly thanks to eldest's akward rotating preschool schedule.

There was never any breaks at Nap time.

@Moomoolandmoomooland

My eldest stopped napping by 2.5 but I had another young baby by then. My youngest dropped his naps at 18 months, mainly thanks to eldest's akward rotating preschool schedule.

There was never any breaks at Nap time.

This is me! DD decided naps were overrated when my baby was 3 weeks old 🥴

I don't see an issue with leaving them to have quiet time in their cot either, if DC is happy with that. It is a good halfway house whilst they adjust to dropping the nap, and the DC will soon let you know if they aren't happy. DD1 did this for about 6 months: she was happy to lie in bed and quietly chatter to her teddies for a good hour/1.5hrs. It was much needed downtime for both of us, and she came out refreshed. As soon as she was done, she'd call out in the same way as when she'd previously used the time to sleep, and I'd bring her back down stairs. It was much better than sticking her in front of the TV, and allowed me to spend time with baby DC2/put washing on/meal prep etc. If they are safe and happy, it's fine. Unfortunately DC2 wouldn't entertain it when she reached the same age, so she got TV time as it was the only way to stop her racing around the place like a chipmunk on speed and give her thr rest she needed.

My DS dropped all naps at about 18 months. Does your DH expect her to nap forever so he can have a break?

I don’t agree with leaving a toddler in the dark for 1.5 hours at all. If she’s happily playing with toys by herself for a bit that’s great but doesn’t need to be in the dark.

If she is happy upstairs i would leave her up there, everyone gets a break and bit of quiet time.

I still do it now with my 3 year old, she is dropping her nap so she has the option of either a nap or quiet time in her room for an hour, gives me and dp an hour of piece and quiet

Leaving your toddler to play happily in their cot is cruel now?! I've heard it all!

My DD is an august baby and she was still napping throughout reception class. She slept 7-7 and slept every afternoon for an hour or so. She would get herself in the reading corner and have a nap children are all different tell your husband he is a childish twat!

DD is a couple of months off 3 and has been slowly dropping her nap for a while now. DH and I equally gutted and quite happy it's flipped from no nap at home and a nap most days in nursery, to no naps in nursery and so naps both Saturday and Sunday at home.

Between 2 and 3.5. Hit and miss really, I stopped putting him down at 18m as we went into his second winter. Those dark afternoons trapped in the house were not good for my mental health. Found life much more enjoyable allowing him to nap in the buggy whilst out and about. I do understand this very different now due to COVID.

Mine never needed a nap by the time they were two.

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

Leaving a baby to happily self settle when you KNOW they still need a nap is a very different thing to leaving a baby (who may or may not need a nap) in the dark in their room because someone else wants a break.

This. If her room is generally secured (draws etc bolted to walls, no necklaces and blind cords) I could see a justification for letting her sit quietly on her bed for a bit with some books / her bear, so she gets a chance to nap on the days she is tired, and because it sounds like you have other DCs who may benefit from some 1-1 at this time (or you can have a break).

Your DH sounds extremely focussed on his needs over the rest of the family's. Is he always like that?

I would leave her in her cot to happily play for a while, maybe not the 1.5 hours but if she’s happy 45min. Give yourself a break if you can!