How to tell my little boy about where meat comes from?

[Sharkbaitooh]

My little boy will be 4 in may, and both my partner and I are vegetarian. We have decided to raise our little boy eating meat and dairy and want any decision he makes around eating meat to be his own when he’s old enough to decide. That being said I don’t want to hide where meat comes from and think it’s important that he understands the cycle of life etc. He’s recently started to understand the concept that different animals eat each other and he wasn’t very impressed and said it wasn’t very kind. (We were playing an orchard kids game where you catch fish and if you pick up a shark the shark eats all of the fish you collected and you lose your fish. I tried to explain that some animals eat other animals, and sharks do infact eat fish, his response again was “no mummy that’s not kind, sharks are kind they don’t eat fish”. Soo .. I guess I wouldn’t mind some opinions on the best way to approach it! When we eat our meals at the moment for example if he’s having mince meat we have quorn and don’t mention that it’s different but I know we should probably start to be more open about it. It’s hard because you’d think being vegetarian (since I was 11 now 34) I’d want him to be the same but I really don’t want to put him off meat just because of our preference as adults.

Well I think I'd have spoken to him when he gave the cue...that was when he said "Sharks are kind"

I'd have said "No, sharks aren't kind...some animals are kind...dogs for example can be kind but not sharks. Sharks only care about eating and having baby sharks"

I've actually said similar to my own children when explaining about animals and their feelings.

I told mine that pork comes from pigs...and they chose not to eat it. They also chose not to eat lamb and cows too.

So all we eat now is kangaroo and chicken.

You can't dress it up. Just be factual. I 'justify' eating roo because it's caught in the wild and not farmed...chickens we eat are from the local organic farm where they run free.

I still struggle eating chicken sometimes...but not roo. I'm fine with that for some reason!

I think you're to be applauded for allowing your son to make up his own mind while also feeding him animal products.

I'd be honest but explain that animals don't have the same ideas of kindness. That animals can't eat other things so they have to eat other animals to stay alive and thats the way the world works.

You could point out some animals eat mainly plants and but with some meat (like birds).

And that some animals can't eat meat at all only plants. Explain that they don't have a choice, its the way they are made. That they would become ill if they ate something they couldn't.

Also look at books for children about nature and animals. Sounds like you're raising a soon to be vegetarian though!

Yes you have to be factual and you probably need to go back to the sharks and tell him they do eat the fish. Kids will just accept it as a fact of life if you are matter of fact about it.

I must admit that when mine were very little I said that we ate animals "after they were dead" 😂 So I wimped out a bit there but I still got the message across.The kids never had any problems with it. They don't need to be very old to work out that lamb and chicken are the same words used in relation to food and to live animals.

I chose the opposite way op. I raised mine vegi and let them decide if they wanted to eat meat once they knew the facts. Dd's chose to eat chicken only as teens. Ds's still vegi at 6 and 12..older by choice.. My adult dc are respectful of the choices I made on their behalf.. Adult dd eats chicken only also.

I would explain the shark isn’t mean eating the fish that he needs to eat the fish to live. The same as when the lion catches the antelope yes it’s not great for the antelope but if the lion doesn’t catch the antelope the lion Cubs will starve. My child has pet chickens which he adores but still eats chicken and every other meat happily. He sees a pigeon flying and understands the connection to his favourite meal of pigeon popcorn so will ask my dh to fetch his gun so he can shoot it for his supper. He is also happy to pluck and gut birds it’s important he knows where his food comes from but equally his teacher has said she has never known a child love animals as much as him either.

My household are meat eaters and I've always told my kids where the meat comes from (what animal). They're 8 and 5.

For me there is no point in sugar coating it and making it "nice". The fact of the matter is that we eat dead animals and they know what these animals are. We've seen them at farms and point them out in fields. We've discussed some "delicacies" from other countries. It's not a secret.

To me it feels like you are deceiving your child. I'm not sure why you are doing that? I find it odd you eat quorn mince and they don't and you don't even tell them? The odd part is not telling them.

Personally I would have talked to them about it from the get go so that it was normal and not something to be "revealed".

What do you tell them you are all eating? Do you just call it mince or something?

I just told mine the whole truth from quite young.
They know that burgers come from cows and that chicken is the bird they see at the farm. I never made a big deal out of it.
My eldest didn't like the thought and was vegetarian for about a year and my 2 youngest don't seem concerned and continue to eat meat.
They have seen whole pig carcasses taken into our local butcher's and have helped me with roast chicken where I have pointed out the wings and legs.
Just answer any questions factually and teach them where meat comes from.

My volunteer job in normal times is taking young children on farm tours (working farm which is also an educational charity) teaching them about the animals and why we have farm animals. I don't go into the mechanics of how they are killed but the volunteers and staff that work with older children cover this. In my experience very few children under the age of about 7 truly understand the animals have to die before we can get the sausages etc. When they do, I explain that we can choose whether to eat meat or not but if we do the animals do have to die. I also explain that if people didn't eat them we wouldn't have them on the farm at all. The children tend to be quite unsentimental about it.

With your son, I'd probably start by talking about animals that eat other animals. Watch some wildlife documentaries maybe. Tell him the animals are doing what is natural for them but point out that human beings can make a choice.

Could you come at I from the nutrition point of view. Food chains are in Primary science, BBC bitesize has some stuff on it.

I've just seen he's not 4 yet. I wouldn't be in any rush to do this just give honest answers to questions.

@Santaiscovidfree

I chose the opposite way op. I raised mine vegi and let them decide if they wanted to eat meat once they knew the facts. Dd's chose to eat chicken only as teens. Ds's still vegi at 6 and 12..older by choice.. My adult dc are respectful of the choices I made on their behalf.. Adult dd eats chicken only also.

Me too. Have offered various meat products at home and when we are having meals out (a vague memory now). DC hadn't liked anything tried so far.

I was raised outside Europe mainly in my mother's country where my grandmother raised her own chickens and butchered them herself. She raised pigs too but those were sent to the slaughterhouse when the time came. I always knew where meat came from!

It's a shame we're so disconnected from our food that you have to explain this to your child, but I'd start with the 'sharks are not kind' they eat other fish. Then explain that he eats fish too, and chickens, etc. Be matter of fact about it. If it upsets him, well handily he can become a veggie like you without too much trouble!

I don't think you're doing him any favours not correcting the "sharks are kind" assertion. There's nothing to be gained by lying to children, it just sets them up to be disillusioned in a far more upsetting way by other children soon enough.

Animals generally aren't kind - its a very human concept. Nature is red in tooth and claw. No need to lie and prettend animals are fluffy anthropomorphic cartoon creatures.

As others say be completely matter of fact and honest, but not emotive. One of mine decided not to eat meat when he made the connection at 3 or 4, but when I pointed out that salami and sausages are also meat he decided he did actually want to eat meat - his scruples lasted about ten minutes!

Sorry, I'm not here to be helpful - I think you've had some good and sensible advise. I'm here to say that I blooming love this:

Sharks only care about eating and having baby sharks.

I think it might keep me chuckling all day.

I remember a conversation mine at at 4&5...
DD1: So chicken meat and chicken birds are the same thing
Me: yes
DD1: But chickens are our friends
DD2: yes, and they are very tasty!

(I had never denied the connection before this, it just seems it was at this point my elder DD made the real connection)

Fish eat other animals too. They aren't completely innocent in this. Even garden birds eat insects....

I would be honest and tell the truth and let him make up his own mind. My DD was 5 when she decided she didn't want to eat animals and became vegetarian. She now eats some processed meat as she likes chicken nuggets and sausages. She is autistic and has limited diet, so I let her decide for herself. She's now 7 and the only meat she eats is processed or in a coating, she would never eat a piece of chicken or a pork chop for example because she says it's a dead animal. I've told her chicken nugget is also from a dead chicken but she said it's OK because it's in breadcrumbs. I'm just letting her decide if or when she wants to stop all meat and not putting pressure on her to decide.

Book an abbatoir tour

I would stop with the whole idea of kind = not eating other animals. Kindness is not defined by what you do or don't eat.

Just say that it comes from animals. We can get some things from animals while they're alive, like milk and eggs and wool, and some things only when the animals are dead, like meat and leather. Answer questions honestly in an age appropriate way, and don't just ignore or gloss over those opportunities to talk about it.

I would just be honest with him. Sharks are absolutely not kind.

Thanks everyone for your responses, they sharks only care about eating and having baby sharks made me chuckle too 😂 - they are all good answers in different ways and give me lots of ideas on how to approach the subject! People who mentioned that I should have corrected the “sharks are kind” comment are right I should have probably stepped in at that point and said they weren’t, although I admit at that point I was more focussed on the statement that they didn’t eat fish and as it was the first time he’d really spoken about it I was a bit taken aback, and tried to correct him on that. I did say they do eat fish and that other animals eat other animals but then kind of led the conversation away as he kept saying no that’s not kind - so this is definitely something I’ll come back to and try and correct when it’s next mentioned (which won’t be long as he always wants to play that game).

Some of you have mentioned living and growing up with farms etc, I was also brought up in the holidays spending a lot of time on my grandparents cattle farm in Ireland, and knew everything about it which is one of the reasons actually why I became veggie. I completely agree about children becoming much more disconnected overall to it and that’s why I wanted the advice :) x

I grew up on a farm and ds is around farming now through family. I've been veggie for 20 years and ds is mostly.
He's always known since he was talking that animal eat other animal and meat is from animals. Its not a big deal, it just is. Eg birds eat worms. Big fish sometimes eat little fish etc.

Introducing the concept of kind in regards to animal nutrition puts you in a difficult corner!
Some animals are carnivores, some are herbivores, some are omnivores....
Keep it factual, age appropriate but strip out the sentiment.
We had it the other way round, we are not vegetarians and when DD twigged that chicken for dinner was an actual chicken she refused to eat it. She was mostly pescaterian until fairly recently. She's still not keen on meat.

It's really sad how disconnected from nature we are. Or that you feel it's some terrible subject to be tiptoed around. If nothing ate any other life forms (including plants - we kill them to eat them) all life would end.

Sharks are neither kind nor unkind. Neither are dogs.

They eat in order to survive and to keep populations stable so that they can all coexist. If nothing ate fishes or seals their populations would grow out of control and damage the environment, run out of food for themselves and starve.

Cycle of life not kindness or unkindness.

You're not doing him any favours by going along with the idea that what you eat has anything to do with kindness.

Was his comment on sharks about real sharks eating real fish, or about the unkindness of the game sharks taking away all his fish?

Thanks everyone, just to be clear, I’m not lying to my son or wanting to disillusion him, this was the first time we had held a conversation around this topic and that’s the very reason why I’m here posting for advice :) - if I did want to pretend everything in nature was fine, I’d be very happy continuing with the rose tinted glasses approach! 😂

I think you need to be really honest with him as he could potentially be a bit at you not eating meat but him.eating it.

Why are you vegetarian? And what have you said about why you don't eat it - have you been honest?

Always be as honest as you can.