How to tell my little boy about where meat comes from?

[Sharkbaitooh]

My little boy will be 4 in may, and both my partner and I are vegetarian. We have decided to raise our little boy eating meat and dairy and want any decision he makes around eating meat to be his own when he’s old enough to decide. That being said I don’t want to hide where meat comes from and think it’s important that he understands the cycle of life etc. He’s recently started to understand the concept that different animals eat each other and he wasn’t very impressed and said it wasn’t very kind. (We were playing an orchard kids game where you catch fish and if you pick up a shark the shark eats all of the fish you collected and you lose your fish. I tried to explain that some animals eat other animals, and sharks do infact eat fish, his response again was “no mummy that’s not kind, sharks are kind they don’t eat fish”. Soo .. I guess I wouldn’t mind some opinions on the best way to approach it! When we eat our meals at the moment for example if he’s having mince meat we have quorn and don’t mention that it’s different but I know we should probably start to be more open about it. It’s hard because you’d think being vegetarian (since I was 11 now 34) I’d want him to be the same but I really don’t want to put him off meat just because of our preference as adults.

I have no idea how my kids came to be aware, it's just a fact of life.
I do recall either being pregnant with ds2 or him being v small, so ds1 was about 3. Driving past a field of lambs and ds1 saying "it's a shame for the cute little lambs mum, but I DO LIKE MEAT".

Some of you have mentioned living and growing up with farms etc, I was also brought up in the holidays spending a lot of time on my grandparents cattle farm in Ireland, and knew everything about it which is one of the reasons actually why I became veggie.
I don't know any farmers who are vegetarian. There must be some. Were your grandparents cruel to their animals?

Maybe watch some BBC nature documentaries? Start understanding why some animals eat other animals then you could expand to explain that chicken comes from...well chickens! Etc.

@inquietant Hi, he doesn’t actually know we are vegetarian, we haven’t spoken about it with him as he just thinks we eat similiar things. We have both decided that when he does ask we will say that we don’t like it, so we choose not to eat it. I personally think that if he asked around this age it’s very young to start discussing things like the killing process which is ultimately why I am a vegetarian. You are definitely right about being honest, thanks!

@derxa no they were wonderful farmers! They cared for their cattle a lot - one summer I had bonded with one of the cows and found out that it had gone to slaughter. They were very factual and open and honest about it, but it upset me and as i grew older I started to research into it more and it developed from there.

I’ve had the conversation with my eight and four year old. I just explained that we eat meat, however for that to happen an animal has to die.

It’s a difficult concept as they love animals and I said in the future if they decided they didn’t want to eat meat I’d be absolutely fine with it. I also said that obviously at that point we’d have to find replacements for pretty much ALL their favourite meals so of course they elected to stay meat eaters for now 🤦🏻‍♀️

I think if you are vegetarian because you think killing animals is wrong/unpleasant, you have created a minefield!

If killing animals is wrong/cruel, why do you feed them to him?

You shouldn't lie to him about your reasons or you'll either have to lie for ever, or come clean later which will be odd.

None vegetarian household. But I taught my Ds through a game of does it come from pig or cow.so obviously names like beef pork are associated with pig and cow.

Also talking about carnivores/ omnivores / herbivores.

I'd have said "No, sharks aren't kind...some animals are kind...dogs for example can be kind but not sharks. Sharks only care about eating and having baby sharks"

Oh this kind of ridiculousness makes me laugh

I'd just start talking about it pretty matter of fact my. Right from when mine were toddlers, we talked about which meat came from which animal-they've always understood what they're eating.

Ds recently made the link between the chicken on his plate and the chicken in our back garden (ours are pets btw!). I explained he had a choice to either not eat meat or say thank you to Mr chicken and make sure he didn't waste his food. He says it makes him sad that not all animals are pets and we eat them but he equally likes chicken nuggets.

It might be good to talk about the whole food chain from the bottom eg sun and water to give flowers and grass, rabbits eat the flowers and grass, foxes can’t eat that but can eat rabbits etc. When talking about animals I would try to disassociate it from being nice or kind eg dogs are lovely and kind but do eat meat. Obviously when it comes to humans it’s more complex but even if he decided he wanted to go vegetarian I don’t see any harm in him giving it a go if he knows it’s his choice. Tbh I don’t think I would have discipline to go veggie but I suspect in his life time it may be the majority of people are.

Gosh, that’s hard. We’re a veggie/ vegan household too but tbh it didn’t occur to me to consider feeding my son meat. He’s not weaned yet but when he is he’ll be veggie until if he decides he wants to do otherwise.

I think you’re taking the right approach in being honest with him when he asks questions. If you think he has the capacity to understand you could explain why you have made the decision not to eat meat and ask him if he would like to do the same? Or if that feels pushy you could follow his lead on how he seems to feel about your reasons.

I think it’s odd that you are giving him meat when you’re vegetarian. If you and your DP are vegetarian, then bring him up vegetarian. Millions of people are vegetarian from birth. If he wants to try meat at some point, he can.

My DS is 2 and I think he’s got the idea. He loves animals and loves watching David Attenborough documentaries. When he sees a hunting scene he usually says ‘poor rabbit’ or the like - and then follows it up with a line he’s learned from me - ‘but fox needs to eat’. As a pp said it’s not about being ‘nice’. He acts out hunts with his toy animals - sometimes the giraffe turns on the lion which is quite entertaining. Also, I know most meats are a bit ambiguous e.g. ‘ham’ and ‘beef’ but he also eats chicken and fish - pretty sure he knows what that means. As a pp said if he still hasn’t got his head around that I would be very matter of fact about it.

I think it's a bit weird to give him meat when you don't eat it - don't you feel bad buying and cooking it for him?

We're veggie (my partner strictly so, no meat or fish in the house, but I occasionally eat fish in restaurants), and are raising our son veggie. If he wants to eat meat in the future that's fine, but not at home.

[quote Sharkbaitooh]@derxa no they were wonderful farmers! They cared for their cattle a lot - one summer I had bonded with one of the cows and found out that it had gone to slaughter. They were very factual and open and honest about it, but it upset me and as i grew older I started to research into it more and it developed from there.[/quote]
That doesn't make sense. Your GPs looked after their cattle well so you decided to become a vegetarian. Your GPs understood the symbiotic relationship between humans and animals more than you ever will.
Dogs are no more 'kind 'than sharks. They're domesticated animals whose ancestors are wolves.

Why on EARTH are you feeding him animal mince when you're having quorn anyway? He's going to be weirded out when he finds out you don't eat animals but feed them to him isn't he?
What I'd do is switch him to a healthy veggie diet with as little fuss as possible and answer any questions honestly.
When he's old enough he can decide whether or not to eat meat/animals.

You're both vegetarian but feed him meat?
Stop doing that. It's nuts.

@mouldyhouse101

I'd have said "No, sharks aren't kind...some animals are kind...dogs for example can be kind but not sharks. Sharks only care about eating and having baby sharks"

Oh this kind of ridiculousness makes me laugh

Not sure it is wise to tell kids dogs are 'kind' either, my childhood terrier was not kind to rats!

It’s a bit strange that you’re both vegetarian but you ‘secretly’ (I know it’s not a secret but that he’s too young to grasp it yet) feed him meat. It’s good you’re giving him the choice though.

My parents have both been vegetarian for decades and we were never offered any meat at home. Being veggie was not a thing 20/30 years ago in the country I grew up in, so we (kids) knew from a young age what being veggie meant. It was explained in a very matter-of-fact way, that we as a family don’t eat meat or fish. Whenever we were out and about, my parents said they’d be happy if we wanted to try it. But at home, it wasn’t ever cooked. They explained why they didn’t eat meat and their principles for not having it in their home. We were free to try if we wanted but they wouldn’t offer it themselves. It wasn’t ever an issue or required a lengthy explanation. ‘Some people eat it, some people don’t’. Same as some people not having pork for religious reasons.

I think it really was the best approach. I haven’t ever been interested in trying meat (and before someone says that’s because my parents made choices on my behalf - no it’s not. I’ve also never tried Coke and we had bottles of the stuff in the house) - some of my siblings have. I couldn’t give meat to my children because that would go against my principles for not eating it. If I believe a veggie diet is the healthiest/more ethical/etc, that’s what I’ll give my children too, until they’re old enough to decide for themselves. Same with religious beliefs, I wouldn’t ‘hide’ what we believe in or not take them to church until they’re old enough to realise it.

By being raised like this, I realised it all comes down to choices. What we eat/believe in/how we dress/who we support in politics or whatever. No choice is better than the other. Which is why raising your kids according to your choices isn’t any worse than keeping it neutral and giving them the choice later. Keeping it neutral is also a choice, so you’re making a choice on behalf of your child anyway.

I think your son will have to learn at some point that his parents don’t eat meat and why, and that he’s always been eating it. Might be a bit weird to explain but it’s good you’ll support him no matter what he decides.

No, sharks aren't kind...some animals are kind...dogs for example can be kind but not sharks.

Eh? 😂
There’s some lovely footage of divers swimming with sharks and having a nice cuddle. Dogs do kill people from time to time... in fact I think dogs kills substantially more people than sharks do.
But I suppose that’s a whole other thread.

I don’t think you can justify it. If you think it’s unethical to kill animals to eat for yourself, or because of environmental damage, or health reasons, etc, then you as a parent pass your beliefs to your child. You are raising them. Why give your child things you actively think aren’t good?

@Ruddyfedup That’s good to say thank you to “mr chicken” or whatever it is when eating!

@Sittingonabench I think that’s a good idea too about life cycles, I think there’s some great answers from people on here so thanks for posting. I am going to try and incorporate this kind of topic more now I know he’s started to think about the concept and just be as honest and factual as I can whilst keeping it age appropriate.

@inquietant & @daisypond - some people might find it odd, personally I don’t think there is a right or wrong way to be regarding food preferences, each to their own. I feed my son meat, despite objecting to the killing process, because personally i don’t want him to make decisions based on my opinions and morals. The same way I will let him choose if he wants to take up a religion. Not everyone is the same and I think whatever you believe is right for your family is completely fair enough. I have friends who are vegetarian and don’t feed their children meat, I have friends who eat meat and have vegetarian kids. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Some animals are carnivores, some are herbivores, some are omnivores....

Yep. I’m trying to explain this to my DD (nearly 3) We have some pets who are obligate carnivores (cats) and some who are completely vegan (degus). DD is interested in what different animals eat and was fascinated to watch one of the cats eat dead mice (she didn’t see him kill them). She also likes to help me feed hay, nuggets and chopped veg to the degus.

When she’s a bit older, I’ll explain that people are omnivores and need a varied, balanced diet, but they can choose whether to eat meat or not. I have never given DD meat, but she has eaten fish.