Who should buy the car seat?

[JenIsAGem]

I'm returning to work from Mat leave soon. Dm offered childcare on 1 week day for a few hours in the afternoon. She is the only childcare we have who drives as DMIL doesn't. We have an integrated isofix car seat in our own car so dropping off to DMIL isn't a problem.
My DM however, has her own car but doesn't have a car seat and will be picking up DS on said day for the afternoon, she has mentioned activities to do together which involves driving somewhere (obviously only once lockdown is lifted).

My question is - who should buy the car seat for her car?

@JenIsAGem

Thank you, yes I was happy to buy the car seat regardless but DM was offering to pay for it herself, I'm a FTM and didn't know if there was a common thing for people to buy it for their own car. I'd always assumed it's my child so therefore I buy - happy this is the pretty much the only answer.

Now, let's check my bank account and get another seat 😂

If your DM is offering that's different to 'expecting' her to buy it. Mine would be offended if we insisted in paying for it after she wanted to buy it.

If she's offered/wants to pay then that's fine. The wording made it sound like
You EXPECTED her to pay, it would have helped to clarify in the OP. There isn't a rule and every family does it differently. My parents bought one for their car as my dad was tired of switching seats, I offered her the money and they said no. All good!

My mum will be having my DS once a week. Originally we planned to have one car seat between DH and I, and she would have her own. She offered to pay for it. But for lots of reasons she can’t do as many pick ups from nursery as originally planned. We discussed car seat options with her and decided that we would get a second car seat that would both our family cars, hers as well as my step mums (so 4 cars overall). That way we have all our bases covered. It came down to two and we went with the one she was happier with (I was happy with either). She still offered to pay half but I wouldn’t let her. She ended up buying a few clothes for DS in the next size up instead. He is her first grandchild and she loves getting things for him but I don’t want her to feel she has to. If your DM is offering that is different to you expecting it.

You.

You
Why would she buy one.

You!

You! It also means you can make sure it is a seat you choose.

I would assume I was buying but my mum would most likely end up doing it!

I always wonder whether the posters who respond so rudely and aggressively, as some have here, feel a bit shamefaced when the OP returns and is clearly intending to be completely reasonable about the whole thing. You simply can’t ask a question on mumsnet without some people assuming bad intentions and jumping down your throat to belittle you for even daring to ask, when the reality is often someone just wanting a sense check on something.

@SoupDragon

*But the isofix just click out? It literally takes seconds.6

Presumably it doesn't just click out of nothing and the car has to be compatible though?

The OP has the isofix base in her car that the car seat clicks in and out of- for ease as she uses in often. In her DM’s car, the same car seat will go into the car without the isofix base- it gets secured using the seat belt.

OP did you know that? You should be able to belt your car seat into your DM’s car with the seat belt, without the isofix base.

Going against the grain here but personally I would buy my own for grandchild rather than taking in and out of cars .if you want to have your grandchild you must make sure they are safe .

You! Your child!

You, of course as it’s your child.

LittleRa - that's only for infant carrier seats. Once they are bigger it doesn't work like that.

OP you should have mentioned she offered to pay initially!

The car seat needs to be compatible with her car, so it's a good thing she is willing to buy it, if she wasn't then you defo should. I would probably want input as there are some really shoddy cheap seats on the market, plus you may have different expectations to her regarding things like rear facing etc. But ultimately, it's her car it's going into and she's the one who is going to be using it so it's a good thing she is invested in choosing one.

Haha is this even a question? You! Just buy another isofix base and the car seat can go between cars 😊

@ShiteningMcQueen

You're a parent now: get used to reluctantly paying for stuff.

this

Are you for real? She’s having your kid for you and your asking if she should pay for your kids car seat? The answer is in the fact that it’s your kid. Yours !

You should buy it. But it’s totally different if she’s offering rather than you demanding or expecting.

You!!

You. Obviously. Who else would buy it?

We have an integrated isofix too, so we bought a Joie tilt for my mum's car as she does some childcare for us, and it's a great car seat and not painfully expensive either, definitely recommend.

@BertieBotts

LittleRa - that's only for infant carrier seats. Once they are bigger it doesn't work like that.

OP you should have mentioned she offered to pay initially!

The car seat needs to be compatible with her car, so it's a good thing she is willing to buy it, if she wasn't then you defo should. I would probably want input as there are some really shoddy cheap seats on the market, plus you may have different expectations to her regarding things like rear facing etc. But ultimately, it's her car it's going into and she's the one who is going to be using it so it's a good thing she is invested in choosing one.

Ah ok, thank you I was thinking it was an infant carrier she meant.

Use your car seat in her car or you buy a new one. Definitely not up to your DM!

You're a parent now: get used to reluctantly paying for stuff
I definitely agree with this. Even though after the ops update it doesn’t apply to this situation its a good lesson for every new parent to learn!

You should provide all equipment for your child to allow her to look after it. She might offer to pay, which would be nice, but its in no way her responsibility to pay.