breast feeding

[kay06072021]

long post

Hi everyone! I’m going to be a first time mum to my little boy, due in July. One of the first things I ever brought was a bottle making kit with bottles and a steriliser because I was sure I didn’t want to breast feed.

I didn’t want to because my baby will go
to the nursery I work in. They will start at around 8 months old, which by this time I know they will be starting to eat food and stuff like that, but I have noticed that the babies who are breast fed are much more clingy to their parents (especially mum) and are very hard to settle. I don’t want him to be upset and unsettled like that.

another reason I didn’t want to is because I don’t want to be responsible for every feed, if i’m tired it would be nice if my partner could feed the baby in the night without me having to pump or something.

I’m also starting uni in october, so I will have a 3 month old and uni, and then also a 30 hour working week when they start nursery, so I don’t want to overload my self.

the last reason is due to the fact that every post i’ve ever seen about breast feeding in the mum group i’m a part of on facebook is extremely negative, talking about how draining and emotionally exhausting it is, how it’s hard to know if they’re even eating anything and that it’s so demanding, all the time.

but recently, as i progress through my pregnancy i can’t stop thinking about if i want to breast feed or bottle feed.

can I have peoples true and honest opinions about how they found bottle/breast feeding, and i’d love to hear from someone who has done both? thank you x

I breastfed both of my children and loved it. I didn't have any problems at all, aside from dealing with the initial engorgement which is normal, and lots of women don't. Some do, but it is definitely not always doom and gloom and misery like some forums might make you believe.

I thought id breastfeed, did it for two or so weeks but absolutely hated it. If id carried on im pretty sure id have got PND.

My advice would be to see how you get on when the time comes.

DS is five weeks old and, except for a little wobble when he was a week old, I’ve really enjoyed it.

It’s so lovely to look down and see his little face looking up at me when he’s feeding. Also, being able to feed him lying down half asleep is a game changer rather than having to get out of bed into the cold and make up a bottle.

I use a Haakaa silicone pump to catch the letdown and have about 6-7oz per day that DH then uses to give him a feed at night when I’m in bed, so it’s not totally on me. DH also really enjoys that time with him.

I’ve probably been quite lucky in that we’ve not had any major problems establishing feeding - although I’ve only done it in the safety of my home due to lockdown! Might be another matter feeding him out in public!

whatever you decide is best for you both, and you don’t need to decide right now. You can try it out for however long and then switch, or start him on bottles from the start!

Still feeding my 18 month dd. Wasn't dead set on it. Felt I would like to try but would ff if it wasn't for me.

I love it. So much easier to go places (once we can once more). Great bonding. I like feeling I'm giving her extra protection in this pandemic. It's not all roses. It is tough being so needed over night but I got quite a lot of spare milk just by putting a haaka on my other boob so that could have been used in a bottle over night. It's also getting quite intense now but many have self weaned by now.

Do what feels right and don't be afraid to give it a try then decide if it's right for you. Or not. It's got to be your decision. Good luck!

My first was combi feed until 6 weeks and then ff. DD1 had tongue tie and undiagnosed allergy, I was very physically ill and mentally struggling after c section complications and spesis and we never got a good latch. DD2 was combi feed until 6 weeks and ebf to allergies.

Honestly the beginning is fucking exhausting but I imagine that’s true even if you ff. Bf can be amazing, nutritionally it’s perfect for your baby needs on that particular days and your body is constantly assessing what your body needs and changing the milk to suit, it reduces your and your baby’s risks of certain cancers as well as having other health benefits. Bf is an instant tool to get your baby to sleep. It’s so much less hassle to go out and about.

In an ideal world I would have preferred a combi feed baby.

If you want to breast feed then you need to learn about it now. These are the things I would suggest. Join a breast feeding Facebook page to find out what is normal. For the first 6 weeks there will be times where babies can feed for hours at a time. Google flipple technique videos. Look up safe cosleeping. Buy a thermal mug, tv subscriptions, the purple nipple cream, feeding bras, extra long phone charger.

I bottle fed my first and BF my 2nd. Honestly there are pros and cons to both. You should do what is best for your situation. If you are thinking about BF you could always see how it goes and if it doesn't work out for you then you can go back to plan A!

My first was premature so was weak and wouldn't latch for the first month so I had to bottle feed him. It was such a pain to sterilise the bottles and warm them up, especially in the middle of the night when you're already knackered. It was so much easier to just get him in bed and feed him lying down once he was able to breastfeed. Also didn't need to take anything extra when we were out and about.

With my second she fed really well from the beginning and it was super easy.

Still feeding my 21 month old, I don't enjoy it now as much as I did when he was ebf but hes not ready to stop. It was very convenient when travelling and out and about and ive saved a fortune. We introduced a bottle straight away and he had the occasional expressed bottle but to be honest it was easier just to feed him myself. He wasnt a clingy baby whatsoever and settled for his Dad no problem. It is time consuming and relentless for the first 6-8 weeks but I was so determined I didnt mind. We co slept until he was 1. I will absolutely be breastfeeding my next.

thank you everyone

This will turn into a bunfight shortly - people feel really strongly about feeding.

Breastfeeding can be really easy, really hard, or somewhere in between. You can’t know unless you try. If it’s easy then it’s amazing and none of the reasons you give should rule it out. It’s very personal and tbh a whole load of people coming on saying it was great/terrible for them really won’t help you. Your hormones do weird things after the birth and you might find you passionately want to do it, or you might be exhausted and not want to. Read up on it, keep an open mind.

It sounds like you have some good reasons for choosing bottle feeding that are based around your practical needs going forward, so I think go with what your family needs and what your gut says.

Perhaps combination feeding might be an option for you- a friend of mine has done this and it’s worked very well. Baby has formula for some feeds and breast for others.

Personally, I breastfed DC and had all the trials and tribulations with it but it was worth it for me. It’s such a personal thing though, and only you can really decide.

One thing I think about a lot with the breastfeeding is attachment. You mention the children who are clingy towards their Mums due to breastfeeding, which we view as a bad thing typically, but actually I feel that it’s a sign of a strong attachment and therefore probably a good thing that they act this way. We tend to think babies acting like this is unfavourable but it’s just something that has to be worked through with a lot of patience, and is really just a normal response to separation that we shouldn’t be worried about.
I should clarify this does not by default mean bottle fed babies do not form strong attachments, as clearly that is not true, just that those relationships might be a bit different- ie directed towards more than one parent. I would be interested to know what the research says about this.

There are pros and cons to both. Breastfeeding is harder to begin with generally but when established it can be much easier as no need to make bottles in middle of night or worry about if you have enough on a day out.
What about combi feeding? Some people manage this very successfully.

I agree that you really don't need to see it as completely either/or. My intention was always to breastfeed and I put far too much pressure on myself when I had difficulty establishing breastfeeding, tongue tie problems etc. I was advised to top up with formula and completely unreasonably felt like a failure. In the end we stuck with one formula top up in the evening which worked for us and I'm still breastfeeding morning and before bed time at 15 months.

Our childminder certainly agreed with you that in her experience breastfed babies have a harder time settling into childcare. My DD found it tricky for a few weeks but now she loves her childminder and gives her kisses as soon as she sees her. I've got friends who breastfed whose little ones took to it like ducks to water so I guess part of it is also character.

Personally despite the horribly difficult experience I had to begin with I'm really pleased I persevered and I will forever have the memories of feeding my baby with my own body. I loved that I could go out without any faff and definitely appreciated the ease of night feeds without having to go and get a bottle. When my DD dropped the formula top up at 6ish months I loved having no bloody bottles to wash. If I have another child I will definitely try breastfeeding. The only thing I would do differently is not to give myself such a hard time if I need a bit of formula top up for whatever reason. If you start off breastfeeding, even just making sure your baby has the colostrum confers health benefits and you can always switch to formula if/when it no longer works for you.

Having read @Tier500 ‘s post I agree completely- keep an open mind to it if you are even slightly unsure - very good advice

I’m combi feeding and it’s the best of both. Means baby isn’t solely reliant on me for food.

My first was hard work and I ended up combination feeding, stopped Bfing at all when she was about 7-8 months as I’d returned to work and didn’t want to express. The first few weeks just totally wrecked me, after a difficult birth too. But by 12 weeks it was all pretty easy and less faff than bottles.

My second was much easier (I had some hassle about her weight but her nappy output was fine and I had the confidence to ignore it this time!). I still feed her now (15 months).

For me, bf pros are you get to sit on sofa and be waited on by oh as you can do nothing but feed and change the tv channel and there is something lovely about quiet night feeds even if you are shattered. It’s also a great way to settle them when they are sad and you don’t need to faff with bottles. But it is hard work, you have to give a bit of thought to clothing too. Cracking feeding lying down was a game changer for me.

Bottle pros- someone else can do it while you have a break, easier to leave baby for a few hours, easier to share nights. But you get more poos and messier poos. Readymade formula can be a godsend, and is really handy to have in the bag especially I baby will drink it at room temp. Cost wise it adds up quickly though.

In your position I would give it a go, even if you only do a few days, weeks whatever you will have tried and if it works out then great, you’ve saved yourself some money, if not, you will know that you tried.

I’ve loved breastfeeding, found it really easy and still BF at 17 months old.
My DD settled easily at nursery, easiest settle they have ever had apparently, so BF has not made my DD clingy, that’s nonsense.

Establishing BF is physically hard, those first 6 weeks are tiring, it takes stamina to get through it and it’s a real slog at times. But I’d never change it, BF is just so convenient and so much easier after those hard first weeks.

There’s nothing to lose by trying.

I ff ds and am bf dd.
Personally, I have found bf a heel of a lot easier than formula. Yes, it's exhausting, but being able to just pop dd on the boob instead of sterilising, making up a feed, cooling it, feeding it, burping, dealing with colic, just to go around the circle again in 2 hours time. In comparison, I found ff relentless. It worked for us at the time, and bf has by no means been easy, but easier than ff I would say.

It's completely your choice and I'm a fed is best person. But you said you wanted to hear from someone who has done both and Ive done exactly that. Personally, I would try bf and I'd it doesn't work out you have formula to fall back on.

And yes, dd is very attached to me and isn't keen on dh yet! She's only 2 weeks though.
Ds despite being formula fed, was still very attached to me and settling at nursery at 8 months old was difficult for him and us.

I breastfed and I loved it. I had planned to mix feed, but my dd wouldn't take a bottle. I tried hard, all different types etc but she just never took to it.

I never worried about how much she was taking. I fed her on demand, and could tell from her weight gain and nappies that she was doing just fine. The hardest part for me was the sheer demand of having this tiny thing 100% reliant on you. I would have loved to have been able to give her an occasional bottle and hand her over to her dad so I could get a break from time to time (though he was useless so I doubt id have got one!), but overall I loved breastfeeding and I'd pick that over formula if I had my time again. Though I think my ideal would be to mix feed if I'd had a baby who'd cooperated with that!

I found the first few weeks quite time consuming and hard, but I am so, so happy I kept it up. There’s nothing like the feeling of knowing you’re giving your baby the absolute best thing for them. Breast milk has benefits that formula simply can’t replicate - formula simply can’t do as good a job of feeding and nourishing your baby as breast milk can.

Your husband can still help with feeding if you express milk. It’s a bit of a faff but easy enough to get into a routine with.

It does take time and perseverance, and you may need to lower your standards of housework etc until it’s established because it can be very time consuming in the early days. But it’s 100% worth it.

If I were you I would at least give it a go - you can always stop if it’s not working out but I think it would at least be worth trying.

Oh and my dd started nursery part time aged 2, which I know is much older than yours will be, but I had absolutely no problem with it. She was very happy to go there, didn't cry for me - and was still bf at the time.

I was always set on bottle feeding, we ve got a prep machine and an electric sterliser and dishwasher so it doesn't take up much time at all really, he has finished a bottle within 15 minutes since he left the NICU.

My mum couldn't get my sister to bottle feed and it was so difficult to wean her off that she didn't fully stop breastfeeding until she was 2 and I knew I couldn't do that and meet all my son's other needs well as I have a condition affected by sleep deprivation.

It turned out I had sepsis post birth and was quite ill after over a week in hospital being able to have my husband look after baby to have solid sleep was a lifesaver, breastfeeding definitely wouldn't have been a good move for my health.

Why don’t you mix feed- I loved the ease of breastfeeding once established but also being able to go out for a dinner without having to schlep the baby. I say keep an open mind and see how you go!
Yes breastfeeding when establishing is a shock, it’s a full time job for 2 weeks and can feel never ending but it’s also lovely and bonding (I’m typing as I feed my second baby- would struggle to type with a bottle )

I breastfed DS1 for 8 weeks and DS2 for 10 weeks.

Both times I found it physically very easy but at 4 weeks I got this overwhelming feeling of repulsion. I started to dread every feed and resented doing it. I carried on as I felt guilty but I decided to switch over to bottles. It made me much happier and tried to reassure myself I’d at least given them something

Oh and I left my LO At 8 months to return to work- no issue weaning off the boob