Help!! Baby led weaning - tearing my hair out!!

[SailingAwayTodayPlease]

Hi,

I started weaning my Dd at 6 months, 3 weeks ago. At first I fed her purées for a week, but then gradually added finger foods and now trying to do a bit of both at each meal. I'm finding it really frustrating to be honest. The first week she was excited and gobbled down all the purées. Since then she's been really cranky at at table and refuses to be spoon fed anything. I have used a special soon such grabs up purées so she can feed herself, but she doesn't want to and the spoon ends up on the floor. She just throws down most finger foods, or mushes in her hands but nothing goes in her mouth. The only thing she will chew are those Ellas kitchen melts sticks.

I introduced breakfast last week and days 1-3 she loved having porridge with fruit purée but last 4 days she had none of it.

This has coincided with husband doing breakfast duty so I'm not sure if she's different with him or it's just his bad luck. I tried her again today and no luck.

At mealtimes she is now cranky and upset / frustrated.

Help! Is this normal?

The learning of anything in children is not a straight line but a zig zag.

Truest thing I’ve ever read on MN!

Every kid is different but in my experiance BLW helps prevent fussy eaters.

Your experience...of one child

There really is nothing to get concerned about. They all get there at different paces and it doesn't matter; for example my DC 1was barely having anything until 11 months, DC2 was self feeding everything by 6 months apart from yoghurt which he adored but couldn't manage so would allow me to profer a spoon, DC3 was somewhere between the two, he always ate with his siblings and from the off had the identical diet. It really helps to sit next to your baby and let them see you eating and let them taste etc. It's how they learn and it makes life a lot easier.

I love it when the BLW fanatics come out to play. In my minds eye they're the same people as the EBF fanatics.

@bitliketonyhares

So every health visitor and gp I've seen have been wrong in saying they don't need food before 1? 😬 I had issues with ds and literally everyone I saw told me not to worry because they don't need it 🤷🏻‍♀️

No they don't need food but if you're breastfeeding then you need to give supplements of iron and vitamins. Have a look at Abidec or similar. Breastmilk alone doesn't provide enough of this at this stage (mothers' supplied are depleted at this point and not enough for a 6 month old baby).

If you're formula feeding, formula milk has iron and vitamins added.

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

I love it when the BLW fanatics come out to play. In my minds eye they're the same people as the EBF fanatics.

Yes yes yes

And by 'don't need food' I meant they don't need loads of it, rather than you don't need to introduce it. Start weaning at 6 months but there is no pressure to be eating 3 proper meals by 7/8/9 months. Just go with the flow.

@SailingAwayTodayPlease

Wow, thanks for all the snarky comments! Stressed out mum trying my best here. I said I was doing a combination of spoon feeding and finger foods on my post. It seems the Mumsnet police didn't like me using the BLW term.

Don't worry too much about what's going in.

I did a mixture of blw and pouch food and ebf (still bf at 2 years too)

I chose both as I wanted to know she was getting some tastes/bit more of food as she turned one. I started off with things like broccoli and finger fruits and baby porridge etc. Soft bits of bread and generally just got her used to having meal times with us.

Milk of any description is those main food source until one.

Weaning should be fun for both of you otherwise if you start stressing they will pick up on it. My daughter went through a period of not eating at about 1.5 and for weeks I was dreading meal time and she picked up on it. I chilled out and she ate

Good luck

Feel your pain OP I found weaning so stressful. I found offering both puréed version and normal version of the same food really helped, and if she didn't eat just have her milk instead. Don't stress if she doesn't eat/is fussy as you have a lifetime of it ahead and baby will pick up on the tension, so just be kind to yourself and take the pressure off x

@Missingthebridegene

Feel your pain OP I found weaning so stressful. I found offering both puréed version and normal version of the same food really helped, and if she didn't eat just have her milk instead. Don't stress if she doesn't eat/is fussy as you have a lifetime of it ahead and baby will pick up on the tension, so just be kind to yourself and take the pressure off x

Thank you

I'm just struggling to see the point of it really.

Some posters have misunderstood what I've been doing. I started with purée as I was worried about choking, then moved to lumpy stuff and then started giving finger food. Whatever you insist it's called, that's what I've done. Baby has had finger food only for a few days. Nothing has gone into mouth. Bananas, cucumbers, eggs, roast chicken, broccoli, artichoke hearts, salmon, porridge fingers, minted peas, butter bean dip, natural yoghurt, strawberries, steamed peaches, apples, mangos, melon, orange segments... you name it, all on the floor. Not one thing has passed my baby's lips since purée.

The poster who suggested I'm feeding my baby junk, this is NOT the case. It's all organic, and nothing processed. I tried Ellas kitchen sticks which are organic and have zero nasties as someone recommended them as something they can hold. But that is the only thing my baby has had from a packet.

Will she not allow you to spoonfeed her anything now?
Are you eating with her?
Is she hungry? No milk within an hour or two of her meal?

I started with purée as I was worried about choking, then moved to lumpy stuff and then started giving finger food.

I did this too but not over the course of three weeks - the mashed phase lasted a while as DS didn’t really show much interest in finger food until he was about 7 and half/8 months. 6 months is still very young. I would leave the finger food for now and just carry on with mashed food if that’s what she likes at the moment. Try again with it in a few days or even a week or two.

Here what I did with my DS. I puree fed him until he was about 9 months old. Until then he really wasnt interested in feeding himself at all. I wanted to get nutrients into him though, because food before 1 is NOT for fun, despite what that BLW purists chant. He's 10 months now and I spoon feed him his main meal, then give him bits to feed himself with. Hes becomming better and better at it each day. At some point ill be able to give him his whole meal and he'll feed himself, but that day isnt anywhere near yet.

My advice would be to be guided by your baby and ignore what you're 'supposed' to do.

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

Here what I did with my DS. I puree fed him until he was about 9 months old. Until then he really wasnt interested in feeding himself at all. I wanted to get nutrients into him though, because food before 1 is NOT for fun, despite what that BLW purists chant. He's 10 months now and I spoon feed him his main meal, then give him bits to feed himself with. Hes becomming better and better at it each day. At some point ill be able to give him his whole meal and he'll feed himself, but that day isnt anywhere near yet.

My advice would be to be guided by your baby and ignore what you're 'supposed' to do.

Interesting, thank you. The problem is that since starting to play with finger food baby no longer wants spoon feeding at all- purées or porridge, scrambled eggs etc! All the things that went down very well at the start are refused

Honestly, I think the reason this is upsetting you so much is because you’re clearly putting a huge amount of effort into what you’ve prepared and it’s frustrating to see it not eaten. However there’s many flung meals to come. Nutritionally, there’s no harm that baby isn’t taking much food in yet so don’t worry about that. Just view it as baby exploring food and it will start going in at sone point. Maybe prepare simpler, but still healthy, foods until baby starts eating more so you’re efforts aren’t going to waste.

Have you tried offering loaded spoons? Thick food on a spoon then put it down and let baby pick it up and put it in their mouth (as you say baby doesn’t want to be spoon fed any more). This can work well. Sounds complicated but it’s quite natural for baby to pick up something and put it in their mouth so learn it very quickly. Try thick Greek yoghurt with fruit purée mixed through.

Thank you yes I have tried that @FizzingWhizzbee123 and we have a baby spoon which is designed for baby to hold - grabs purée easily. However since starting finger foods nothing wants to be eaten at all.

Have you tried just sitting her on your lap while you and your partner eat, and just taking the pressure off?
Don't make her anything different, just let her help herself off your plate while you eat, offer her little tastes from your spoon.

I havent RTFT so apologies if I am repeating what's already been said, but I can relate to your situation OP.
My eldest is in her 20s now so BLW didn't have a name then, but I sort of did it anyway as she basically refused to be spoon fed. The only thing she would accept on a spoon was one particular brand of fruit in a jar. Everything else was met with a closed mouth and head turned away, and the harder I tried the worse it got. I would start to get anxious about an hour before a meal, and we both frequently ended up in tears. The issue was compounded by all my friends with similarly aged babies telling me about the vast amounts their babies ate, and my HV suggesting that there must be something wrong with DD as she "should be on 3 meals a day by now".
The turning point was when I turned up at baby clinic one day to find my HV was on holiday and another one was covering. She reassured me that she had seen this kind of situation lots of times and that my child wasn't abnormal at all. She encouraged me to keep trying but in as non confrontational way as possible, and not to make a big deal out of mealtimes - basically to offer food at the same time as we were eating and if she didn't eat anything not to show that I was upset. She also suggested offering finger foods and again, to try not to react if it wasn't eaten. I noticed a difference quite quickly. DD still wasn't eating much but mealtimes ceased to be the battleground that they'd become, and as I relaxed, so did she. Gradually she began to eat a bit more, and though she never really ate a lot off a spoon she soon got the hang of finger foods. By 12-14 months there was no difference between what she was eating and those who had started off much "better" than her. In fact if anything in some ways she was easier than some of the others who had got stuck af the puree stage and wouldn't accept lumps. But I doubt any of them have any problems eating now, however they started!
My second child was much the same but I gave up on purees sooner as I'd accepted that they weren't necessary by then, and with my third I never even tried. He had finger foods only from the very start and was by far the least stressful of my children to wean.
I know it is easier said than done, but try not to worry. It is very early days. Keep up milk feeds on demand so that you know there's plenty of calories going in, try to make mealtimes relaxed and let your baby explore different tastes and textures, but don't stress if not a lot is eaten at first.

@MrsAvocet thank you, I appreciate you all taking the time to post your experiences. I will just keep it low key and see how it goes.

It's tricky to all eat together due to dinner timings being too early for us but I'm having a snack with baby at lunch.

Babies change so fast so hopefully this will just be a short phase!

The poster who suggested I'm feeding my baby junk, this is NOT the case. It's all organic, and nothing processed. I tried Ellas kitchen sticks which are organic and have zero nasties

I used the words "ultra-processed food" not junk and it is what melty sticks are. "Organic" and "no nasties" is pure marketing to lure mothers into buying them. Corn flour and oil are still the same main ingredients as Cheetos or wotsits , organic or not.

I asked if the problems started after her trying ultra-processed snack and then gave you suggestions of things to try and reassurance about the whole process of learning to eat.

Sorry you are struggling. We are trying to help you.

I don't know if it helps but I have a 9.5 month old living with me, I have never been able to get a spoon past his lips since we started weaning at 5 months old (under medical guidance) and he has a really strong oral aversion. He would literally put no food stuffs in his mouth, not even a spoon if he is given it to hold but will put hard toys in his mouth, the problem is so bad he is prescribed rectal paracetamol as we can't even give him medicine by an oral syringe. Just lately we have been working with his SaLT to try to get past this and now he just joins us at mealtimes and has finger foods to try. In the last week he has put a breadstick in his mouth, dry toast and today he sucked a piece of cabbage. I know it is easy to say but just keep offering, make food sociable (even if you just have a cuppa and a biscuit) and go with the flow.

It's tricky to all eat together due to dinner timings being too early for us but I'm having a snack with baby at lunch.

This is the easiest way to encourage eating. Check out Joe Wicks insta to see how his (admittedly older) child is copying what he sees at mealtimes. You’re making this much harder for yourself than it needs to be.

@SailingAwayTodayPlease

Hi,

I started weaning my Dd at 6 months, 3 weeks ago. At first I fed her purées for a week, but then gradually added finger foods and now trying to do a bit of both at each meal. I'm finding it really frustrating to be honest. The first week she was excited and gobbled down all the purées. Since then she's been really cranky at at table and refuses to be spoon fed anything. I have used a special soon such grabs up purées so she can feed herself, but she doesn't want to and the spoon ends up on the floor. She just throws down most finger foods, or mushes in her hands but nothing goes in her mouth. The only thing she will chew are those Ellas kitchen melts sticks.

I introduced breakfast last week and days 1-3 she loved having porridge with fruit purée but last 4 days she had none of it.

This has coincided with husband doing breakfast duty so I'm not sure if she's different with him or it's just his bad luck. I tried her again today and no luck.

At mealtimes she is now cranky and upset / frustrated.

Help! Is this normal?

Does she want to self-feed the purees? Make them a bit thicker and let her try. DS never liked us feeding him but didn’t always like to have just finger foods either so we just let him at it. It worked really well.