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Parenting

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Original poster

Would you be peed off...?

28 replies

PregnantGrrrl · 29/10/2007 14:17

If your PIL had cut your baby's hair (for 1st time ever) without asking you, or mentioning it afterwards either? (And, may i add, without it needing to be done)

And yes, he is PFB.

I need to know if i'm being unreasonable before i possibly get v. annoyed.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

skibump · 29/10/2007 14:18

I'd be pretty hacked off too - tho that's no guide as to whether it's a reasonable reaction

scorpio1 · 29/10/2007 14:19

Yes i would be truly peed off. (i saved my childrens hair from their first haircut)

VoodooLULUmama · 29/10/2007 14:19

yes

it is a little milestone

i have the curls from both of my DCs first hair cuts, kept in an envelope with the date on

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skibump · 29/10/2007 14:19

Scorpio, yes, me too

CadaverousCorpulentCarmenere · 29/10/2007 14:20

I think I would be pretty angry.

Original poster

PregnantGrrrl · 29/10/2007 14:29

glad it's not just me then. I said to SIL that i thought they'd cut it (not much hair, hard to tell!) but i said 'they wouldn't without asking, would they?'

She said they probably thought it didn't matter, and gave me the impression i shouldn't either.

I feel really annoyed about it. To me it's like first shoes etc. Plus, he didn't need his hair cut in first place!

OP posts:

Beasties · 29/10/2007 14:30

I would be really, really angry.

stealthsquiggle · 29/10/2007 14:33

I would be absolutely fuming. TBH I would be even now (and my "PFB" is nearly 5) - this is the sort of thing which should never be OK to do without talking to you first.

OrmIrian · 29/10/2007 14:35

I would be upset too. Why on earth would they do such a thing?

Original poster

PregnantGrrrl · 29/10/2007 14:37

god knows! he has very fine hair and not much of it anyway, didn't need doing.

SIL is going to ask them if they def cut it for me, as i'm not 100 % certain, and don't want to look like hormonal pregnant loon if i'm wrong. (SIL thinks it looks shorter too though)

OP posts:

mixedmama · 29/10/2007 14:45

Would def be annoyed. My ILs asked if we were going to shave DS's head for a second time (cultural thing). Both DH and I both in uncertain terms said NO.

Left DS there and went for a job interview DH bought him home with a shaven head.... couldnt look them in the eye properly for a long time without being annoyed. DH even had a go and it isnt like him to stand up to them.

How do you get on with them? Perhaps (once you know for sure) you could casually mention how important it was to you. Hopefully, they are reasonable people.

Beasties · 29/10/2007 14:46

They shaved your baby? That is so wrong.

mixedmama · 29/10/2007 14:51

It was more the fact that they did it after we expressley told them not to. To this day i have never said anything, but expecting number 2 in Dec and will be much more vigilant this time.

Preggirl - did your SIL find out if they did or not.

BroccoliSpears · 29/10/2007 15:01

I'd be livid! Yes, it's only a haircut, but it's not their hair to cut!

oneplusone · 29/10/2007 15:15

My MIL cut DD's hair when she was around 3, (so not first hair cut but still) and I was FURIOUS! I was trying to grow it longer so admittedly it was at the messy inbetween stage, but worst of all MIL lied about it but DD told me she did it and I went ballistic at DH (who knew about it) and I think he had a quiet word with MIL.

mixedmama · 29/10/2007 15:19

oneplusone - that is so sly. Why do that... so annoying.

oneplusone · 29/10/2007 15:50

mm, I know it is sly, DD's hair was a bit 'wild' at the time but it's still my decision whether to cut it or not.

Oh well, it was over a year ago now and apart from that MIL is ok so not holding a grudge!

JaamityvilleHorror · 29/10/2007 16:03

Only one thing for it...take to scissors to your PILs' barnetts and see how they like it! Bit extreme, I know but really, couldn't they have just said "Would you like us to give x's hair a little trim for you?"

Sorry, not very constructive. It's done now. If PIL have cut your DS's hair all you can do is make it clear that you will be doing the next cut. Then try to forget about it so that in your own mind the next cut IS his first haircut IYSWIM.

Oh, and NEVER leave your DS with PIL unattended again!

Miaou · 29/10/2007 16:10

I would be very cross, whether it was a first haircut or PFB or what - simply because it's crossing a boundary and taking the decision away from you. My mum is a hairdresser and even if my kids desperately need a haircut, she would never do it without checking with me first!

The fact that they did it and didn't tell you either does beg the question of how trustworthy they are. I would also wonder if they feed sweets (or any other parenting no-no in your book) when you have told them not to.

Depends what kind of relationship you have with them but I would be inclined to have a quiet word about acceptable things to do with your ds and also make it very clear what is NOT acceptable to you.

pattilou · 29/10/2007 16:13

Yes - definitely crossed the line there!

Original poster

PregnantGrrrl · 29/10/2007 16:32

haven't heard yet- will do later.

told my mother and she was and also said she'd be annoyed. Well, f**king livid is what she said!

OP posts:

colditz · 29/10/2007 16:35

I'd cut a chunk out of the MIL's hair.

I really would.

nannyL · 29/10/2007 18:06

Id be fuming!

(even if they did ask / tell me and keep it afterwards and it needed doing i would STILL be fuming)...

(And i dont intend to even have a pfb as a first born child either or subsequent children!)

qwertpoiuy · 29/10/2007 22:47

It happened to me with DS and I was furious! MIL was minding DS while I worked and she phoned DH to ask if she could cut hair. She didn't ask me! I was upset when I saw his lovely curls had vanished, I couldn't say anything and I think they knew how upset I was. FIL kept saying he needed the haircut and "looks like a proper boy now".
I remember reading the same problem in one of those women's magazines, where a mum was upset because her MIL cut off her little girl's curls. The problem advisor tld her not to stop her DD seeing her DG, and to let her know she was just as lovable without her curls. What rubbish - that did nothing to make the mother feel better!

qwertpoiuy · 29/10/2007 22:53

Mixedmama, your experience was much worse! It was very braisant of them to go ahead and shave your child's hair esp when you had said NO!

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