Help! Baby slipped off my knee and onto the floor

[Donnas01]

So, sadly last night my baby girl slipped off my knee when I was putting her cream on and into the floor (hitting her back,neck and head). Thankfully it’s a soft and thick carpet and the fall wouldn’t have been more than 1.5ft. I didn’t even hear her fall to the ground and by the time I felt her slip, it was too late. 3 seconds later and this would never have happened.

I still don’t know how it happened, she’s almost 7 months old and nothing like this has ever happened. I’m so paranoid about everything.

I think because I had put too much cream on one hand (it just came shooting out) and she was sitting on my knee, I then held her shoulder eith the hand full of cream (stupid I know) and turned to grab the bottle from behind me (planning to scrape the cream onto the lid and hugging her as I did it and switching between hands and always keeping a tight grip usually) but she was suddenly in the floor. She had slipped out of my hand. I was so stupid and I can’t believe I did it. My partner had been working away during the week, mon - fri for the last 10 weeks and I had been doing everything on my own as I can’t get any help with covid. I have been lucky to get 1.5 or 2 hours a night. I thought I was doing so well until now.

As soon as it happened I screamed so she started to cry. She seemed fine right after but I panicked and called emergency services. Sadly, I just felt completely judged the whole time. They never once said, don’t worry this happens or it’s ok. They said they usually call social services for this kind of thing for under 1s but won’t this time. That really shocked me.

Every nurse and doctor asked me if social services were involved. I told them at one point to phone social services and I don’t mind them coming. I think they may have been tested my reaction so no idea if it’s policy. I don’t understand as she had no marks or bruising or cuts, nails were clean and short, she was clean, can tell she’s well fed, clean clothes, being loud and smiling away and so on. I know I’m her mother but you can tell when a child isn’t looked after. I would die for my child so this absolutely destroyed me. The last doctor I saw was very nice to me I must say later on, I think she thought I was a bit too cautious.

Thankfully my dd was absolutely fine, didn’t even have a red mark so I may have been over the top but I just wanted to make sure she was ok.

I just can’t get passed the guilt, I feel so horrible. Like she would be better off without me. I was brought up by an abusive alcoholic who I was constantly given back to by the care system over my dad, who was drinking at the time (he did quit thankfully). No daughter should ever have to say that she is lucky that her mother died when she did. I never want my daughter to ever even think that. I want her to be proud of me and I let her down. I feel scared to even hold her and keep reliving that moment like
I’m cursed.

I’m sorry for the long speech. Please say I’m not the only one?

Mums often do feel overly guilty when this stuff happens, but this really is taking it to extremes, though it is understandable given what you sadly went through as a child, and I'm sorry for that.

What your DD needs more than a mum who never does anything wrong is a mum who can forgive herself and be resilient.

I'm fairly sure I've rolled at least one of my kids off a sofa or a bed when they were under a year old but honestly I don't remember the details as the important thing was that they were fine, not that I made an error or let them down.

Being a mum is hard, especially at the moment. Be kind to yourself, you’re doing a great job.

Also, the consultant was asking me questions about what time it happened, how far the fall was, how she fell etc. They have to check these things but it does make you feel even more awful at the time. Please don't stress, you did all the right things.

The real question in our household is what item of furniture hasn't DS fallen off. The most spectacular was when he was learning to pull himself up to standing and he managed to pull himself up in his next2me cot and topple out over the side head first. I was in the room but just wasn't quite quick enough to grab him although I cushioned his fall a little. He was totally fine.

Please don't worry. A few weeks ago DS grabbed a hot cup of tea and poured it all over himself and DP (luckily both were fine). We went to A&E just in case and they asked about SS involvement. Nothing has happened since other than a call from the health visitor to check everything was OK, which apparently they do for every A&E attendance. You're not a terrible parent. These things happen.

Thank you everyone, this has really helped. I wish I had said this in my message (I thought it did sorry). I know I was very ott in going to a&e and calling in the first place but I panicked as this is my first child l. I wish I could go back and not panic but I screamed and called emergency services before I could think. They were very nice to me and told me that they think he is fine but with all head injuries/bangs, you should get it checked so asked me to go in? Not sure if this is usually the case by some responses? I wish I never did panic as she may not have even cried and I could have seen she was fine but it was the shock mixed with the exhaustion. I’ve tried my health visitor for support but nothing back. Thankfully my husband is taking some time off to help. I am grateful to all the staff that helped me and think I was taking things personally (mainly because I was beating myself up and thought it’s so rare this happens that they usually call ss). Thinking back that was very stupid to believe and I think the nurse was actually trying to put my mind at ease? They weren’t suspicious at all (I did think that was odd for people to say above as the staff could clearly tell I was honest and distraught and beating myself up otherwise they would have called ss?) and they would have checked more than just looking at the back of his head and torch in the eyes. I can understand of course why they ask, I think was just trying to punish myself more.
The doctor did say I did the right thing in getting it checked and he’s absolutely fine so don’t worry. So I’m still glad I got him checked, just wish I didn’t panic. I’ll work on that.
Also, the hospital is very quiet for children’s as covid hasn’t really effected them as much they said which eased my guilt if I did wasn’t their time. Still feel bad. I know I could have handled it differently. Thankfully even though I wrongly felt judged, they were very lovely.
Anyway, thank you everyone. I do appreciate it and my little one is doing great, giggling away today.

Oh goodness what a shock! Glad she's ok.

Honestly don't be too hard on yourself, these things happen. My 2 dc have fallen off pretty much everything possible, just this week ds (13 mo) fell into a table and bit his tongue which bled a lot, fell on some ice and bruised his butt, walked into the fridge bruising just head and tripped at nursery marking his chin... and that's just this week!

You won't have been judged (well maybe a few knowing looks about calling 999 but they're used to it and better to be safe and it's nothing they haven't seen before).

You're doing amazing to be alone so much with no help or adult company. Never underestimate just how much it takes out of you.

Do you know you can form a support bubble with a baby under 1? Is there anyone you could bubble with so you can have a break, get some sleep or just time out?

@Moonbabyskalimba

Please don't worry. A few weeks ago DS grabbed a hot cup of tea and poured it all over himself and DP (luckily both were fine). We went to A&E just in case and they asked about SS involvement. Nothing has happened since other than a call from the health visitor to check everything was OK, which apparently they do for every A&E attendance. You're not a terrible parent. These things happen.

Aw so sorry to hear that but glad they are all okay!

I boffed DS head off the banister when he was newborn. I was so tired and misjudged how far away it was. It happens. I understand the judging though. DS swallowed an ice cream spoon and the hospital was horrid to me (he was 4 at that point and it was only part of it- it snapped in his mouth). I'm a social worker so you can imagine how that conversation went seriously though, it happens be kind to yourself x

When DD was 2yo, she had a mega tantrum on the first day I had her and DS alone after DH paternity leave.

She went off on one at the top of the stairs and ended up falling the full flight and banging her head on the shoe cupboard.

I couldn't save her because I was holding 2 week old DS.

I called my mum in a complete state and she came to the rescue.

These things happen. It would be great if they didn't but you can't rewind time.

It’s bloody ridiculous, this is why people are scared to ring and seek reassurance that baby is okay. It doesn’t help matters at all

@TonkinLenkicks

I boffed DS head off the banister when he was newborn. I was so tired and misjudged how far away it was. It happens. I understand the judging though. DS swallowed an ice cream spoon and the hospital was horrid to me (he was 4 at that point and it was only part of it- it snapped in his mouth). I'm a social worker so you can imagine how that conversation went seriously though, it happens be kind to yourself x

Glad he is ok! I swallowed a few pennies when I was younger so I can understand the temptation at that age It was mainly just my first nurse but it just made me look into what everyone else said even more. Like the guilt isn’t enough. Maybe I’m looking into things again far too much as I said before but good to see someone felt the same:

I managed to smack DDS head on the wall when going up the stairs when she was really small. Also one of them fell off the bed can't remember which.

If they cry immediately/ or in your case don't even cry or even seem to care then it's almost certainly ok just keep an eye. If they lose consciousness/ seem woozy etc it's worry time.

OP you really over reacted tbh so that's something learnt.

Please don't feel bad. SS won't be at all interested.

I'm glad your DD is fine.

Please don't beat yourself up OP, this sort of thing happens ALL THE TIME. Really it does. I get the feeling from your first post that you are viewing this incident through the lens of your own abusive childhood. Whilst it's completely understandable you would see things that way - because it's the only frame of reference you have - it's a false view. Your child is very loved and it was an innocent small accident. Don't punish yourself x

@Fatas

It’s bloody ridiculous, this is why people are scared to ring and seek reassurance that baby is okay. It doesn’t help matters at all

I definitely will always check in future (I’m too paranoid not to unless it’s a very very tiny injury ofcourse) so I am not sorry for getting her checked at all but just will try not to panic and think first before I call.

She's never, ever, better off without you and she loves you. You are giving her the loving upbringing you never had. She will never want you not to be there.

Thank you for all of your kind words, it means a lot. I’m feeling a lot better and looking forward to some much needed rest

DS was a poorly baby so we were a little over protective when we got home... DH bumped his head on the changing table. Trip to PAU. He jumped on the bed and fell backwards hitting his head on the cupboards. Oh I was HYSTERICAL and they sent an ambulance (took an hour) who barely looked at him but we're very kind to me. There's def been more where o over reacted.

Honestly op you're not the first not the last. You're a good Mom.

Do you want to mention why you're getting so little sleep tho @Donnas01 perhaps we can help?

Everyone has things like this happen, it’s totally normal. The staff are just doing their jobs re asking questions.

It sounds like you did have an unusually big response though (it doesn’t sound like there’s anyway she could have been hurt) so could you get a bit more support at all? Friends - or could your partner be home a bit more till end lockdown. If not, don’t be hard on yourself, sounds like you are a great mother.

Oh god last as day, two week old twins. Dmil and DS pulled a cracker. He went backwards. Hit his head off the toy box. Neither of us could grab him, we each was holding a 2 week old baby. Dmil got him, I dumped baby and picked up D's and had to seriously decide of he should go to hospital or not. He cried. I cried. Dmil cried. Lunch was cold.

Worst. Christmas. Ever.

This year to pull crackers DS had to have an adult stood behind him

@SleepingStandingUp

DS was a poorly baby so we were a little over protective when we got home... DH bumped his head on the changing table. Trip to PAU. He jumped on the bed and fell backwards hitting his head on the cupboards. Oh I was HYSTERICAL and they sent an ambulance (took an hour) who barely looked at him but we're very kind to me. There's def been more where o over reacted.

Honestly op you're not the first not the last. You're a good Mom.

Do you want to mention why you're getting so little sleep tho @Donnas01 perhaps we can help?

I’m so sorry that happened to you. I can just imagine the worry and glad he’s okay! It’s so hard in the moment to stay calm isn’t it?

Thank you and you are too!

Well, we are trying a new set routine, wake up at 7am, up for 2. 5 hours, nap, up for 2. 5 hours and bedtime routine at 6:15 and bed for 7pm. It just hasn’t worked yet. She’s also started solids (not that recent, about 3 weeks) and has eczema which when it’s bad, can keep her awake. We are thinking of a sleep method but really not sure. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you 🙏

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

I worked in A+E up until December. Its policy to ask everyone if SS are imvolved in the family. Its literally a tick box exercise. In my hospital it was on the triage form we have to fill in for each child.

We once wrongly had ss involved after a false allegation so when I’m asked this now i still say no as should never have happened

Whacked my DDs head on a bookcase, just got her to sleep after a night feed she was about 5months old, was tiptoeing back to bed when I turned a light out and turned round to open a door but I misjudged the door & bookcase distance in the dark and whacked her head on the bookcase. She was fine let out a whimper, I was more upset.

Next time I did it was on the car roof getting her out of the car. In fact I’ve done this with all 3 of mine multiple times. They all know the stories and think it’s funny when I bang my head on the car and tell me it’s payback for when I banged their heads 🤦‍♀️

I’ve lost track of the times they have bounced of beds and sofas.

My oldest DD has had several head injuries and ended up in A&E. they have to ask these questions. Luckily only the first happened at home, the rest in public places with witnesses or at school.

Stuff like this happens all the time....don’t beat yourself up....not sure if you are aware....but all a and e attendances are reported to your child’s named health visitor......and then recorded on your child’s records....I wouldn’t imagine for a moment that they will contact you over what was very obviously an accident but just to give you the heads up in case they do.

@Donnas01 These things most definitely happen! I'm sorry you felt like you were under suspicion, that's a horrible feeling.

My DS fell off the sofá once and pushed his tooth right back into his gum, I was devastated and rushed him to hospital and was asked if he had a Social Worker (it is hospital policy so they can inform agencies if there are any concerns)! Worst thing is that I am a Children's Social Worker

Don't beat yourself up, I'm sure you're a great mum