Reported to social services and sick with worry

[Charlottesweb82]

Looking at previous posts I’m clearly not the only one who’s been the subject of a malicious call to social services. This afternoon, to my deep shock and disbelief, I had a call from social services saying they were following up on the below allegations that:

1. I am never dressed (I work full time as an accountant from home and ALWAYS am dressed smartly even if it’s just for a TEAMS meeting)
2. I am never without a glass of wine with bottles apparently visible on my coffee table (ok I can fess up to enjoying a single glass of Vinot in the evenings but heck who doesn’t and it’s never on the coffee table!)
3. I have mental issues of an undisclosed nature (??)
4. The most hurtful and which left me in tears was that my two boys, 3 and 5, are ‘shy and weird’ and not playing outside in the street. My youngest boy is the opposite of shy and, whilst we go for walks etc in the neighbourhood during this lockdown, obviously I can’t just leave them in the front street alone. What upset me is that my oldest boy can be shy, has a receptive speech problem which may be related to a mild autism disorder. We are taking him for speech therapy but it breaks my heart someone could be labelling him, a beautiful 5 year old boy, as ‘weird.’

The social services lady was sympathetic but said she was duty bound. They called my youngest boys nursery manager, whom I have a good relationship with, who said she was outraged and upset for me. I am more concerned the school (my son still attends 3 days a week as husband a key worker in public health), will somehow take notice of this allegation as symptomatic of some kind of neglect at home which is causing his speech problem.

I moved into a middle class type neighbourhood a couple of years ago after having my second boy. Everyone here knows each other but because of the pandemic and I guess me just being too busy I haven’t ‘bonded’ with the other women on this street. Both my boys are very happy, clearly well loved and anyone who spoke to them would see that. I just cannot imagine why, in the middle of a full lockdown, someone could have the time or inclination to do such a vindictive thing!

I am humiliated and hugely upset by this and also livid that someone could insult my 2 toddlers! Please could someone who’s been through this tell me I’m being paranoid and fearful about social services escalating and putting me under “surveillance” of some sort or a watch list.

1. I live in pyjamas so am probably classed as "never dressed"
2. I dont drink so can't identify with this bit.
3. I have severe depression and anxiety, cPTSD and insomnia.
4. My dc are shy and weird and never played out in the street.

Not sure SS would care about any of that!

Easier said than done , but try not to panic. SS are used to these sort of malicious reports but obviously have to follow up just in case. From what you have said, I don’t think you have anything to worry about. You will almost certainly not have your children taken away from you. Xx

Thanks hon. I know it’s someone being vindictive but I feel as though with everything else going on it’s super upset me. I think sometimes I can be a bit of a shy weirdo but clearly it doesn’t merit me being investigated! I ca understand why callers reporting abuse should have the right to anonymity but it does really leave the doors wide open for malicious callers😢

Do not worry! It's their job to cal and check up after an allegation is made, all that will happen is, worst comes to the worst, visit and see you're not lying and close the allegation. I very much doubt they will though!

I can’t tell you how much SS won’t give a toss. It’s so hard to get involvement where it is needed. That doesn’t make you paranoid just shocked - let it go though.

Someone has been horrid - it may well be that they have a mental health issue. Some people are always reporting people to councils, employers, SS or someone is jealous. It’s unfathomable but not important. Non of this makes any difference to you and it’s nothing that school won’t have heard before.

No one can insult your toddler who doesn’t know them. They literally don’t matter - anyone who talks about children like that has some sort of issue that makes their thoughts irrelevant.

Give them a kiss whilst they sleep and force yourself to accept some propel are odd or horrid. It makes no difference to you.

For the record, I live in pj's or loungewear atm...my son has worn his spiderman onesie for 2 days aswell. Dont panic

I’m really sorry to hear your going through this. As if times are not hard enough for all of us at the moment. You really don’t need this too. I don’t have any personal experience to go on I’m afraid but it really dosen’t sound like you have anything at all to worry about and especially with your sons speech. One thing I will say is that my son had very delayed speech all through primary school but caught up and had brilliant exam results. Try not to worry too much about this if you can and I hope someone can come along and give you some better advice xx

You might be shy , but I doubt very much that you are a weirdo !

Do you have an inkling who made the report? It’s very odd

@TSBelliot

I can’t tell you how much SS won’t give a toss. It’s so hard to get involvement where it is needed. That doesn’t make you paranoid just shocked - let it go though.

Someone has been horrid - it may well be that they have a mental health issue. Some people are always reporting people to councils, employers, SS or someone is jealous. It’s unfathomable but not important. Non of this makes any difference to you and it’s nothing that school won’t have heard before.

No one can insult your toddler who doesn’t know them. They literally don’t matter - anyone who talks about children like that has some sort of issue that makes their thoughts irrelevant.

Give them a kiss whilst they sleep and force yourself to accept some propel are odd or horrid. It makes no difference to you.

Lovely comment thank you, my boss actually was telling me something similar that anyone making this allegation has got some issues of their own.

I admit I did hug the boys a bit tighter this evening (ridiculous thoughts of police arriving with battering rams through the door to take them away hadn’t subsided by this point!😆)

I’m thinking now I had a minor disagreement with a nosy neighbour recently over the green wheely bin position. FFS could someone be so crazy to seek revenge on me over a wheely bin!!

So sorry you're going through this. Do you have any idea of who it could be?
Please try not to let it get to you. SS deal with hundreds of fake calls and they'll soon realise it's a malicious report with no truth behind it.
I'm sure that your pre-schoolers are wonderful little boys. Please ignore comments like "weird."

1. I don’t think they’d care about you being in pyjamas whilst wfh.
2. well, I doubt you’re a raving alcoholic. I’ve got wine glasses out, but I drink lemonade from them.
3. if you’ve addressed it with the GP, not an issue.
4. 3 and 5 shouldn’t be out on the street playing. Mine are 9 and 11 and don’t hang around the street.

Who do you think reported you?

Those allegations are ridiculous I'm surprised there even following it up .

Who would be close enough to see what's on your coffee table? 🤔

This is so clearly a malicious report. I’m shocked they have time to investigate such nonsense. Especially when school have no concerns about your dress or alleged (non existent) alcohol tendencies or “weird” children. How awful for you OP. The person who did this must be incredibly sick in the head.

My husband pondered this very thought. We have a very long front garden with no other house directly in front so, excluding the possibility of an eagle flying through to have a nose, it would in fact be extremely difficult to see what was on the coffee table. Someone has just made something up it would appear.

The only weird person is the one who has reported this. There's a special place in hell for those who make fake reports to ss, btw.
Stay strong OP.

@ProudAuntie76

This is so clearly a malicious report. I’m shocked they have time to investigate such nonsense. Especially when school have no concerns about your dress or alleged (non existent) alcohol tendencies or “weird” children. How awful for you OP. The person who did this must be incredibly sick in the head.

I have to say about the “pyjama”;accusation that even the social services woman said she didn’t care about that as she herself was in pyjamas! It was more about my supposed mental health issues which, according to the report, making the children shy weirdos. Ugh it’s so ridiculous I’m so embarrassed.

Seriously, someone would report you because your kids don't play on the street? It's usually the people that boot their kids out on the street unattended all day to cause havoc that need reporting.

It's unfathomable to me how someone could file a false report like this. I'm so sorry, op.

I moved into a middle class type neighbourhood a couple of years ago after having my second boy

Completely off track but is it really “middle class” I have lived in several “middle class” areas and no child ever played out in the street and no one would ever make any sort of accusation mainly because no one would have a clue who their neighbours are.

I have lived in my area for a number of years and have no clue who lives next door.

if you get to speak to the social worker again, you could say, i know you can't tell me, but just in case it was mrs smith at number 52, she did berate me last week for leaving my green bin out. apart from that, i can't imagine who/why made such a report.
i think you'll be fine. best wishes.

I can totally understand why you're upset. I would be too.

But just to give you an outsider, level-headed perspective... all of those points in the report sound really odd and, frankly, a bit stupid. Nothing that any SS professional would take very seriously at all.

Whoever has done this obviously couldn't come up with anything remotely convincing. What an idiot.

Honestly OP, as a SW they won't care about wearing PGs,
Having a glass of wine or two in the evening and the location of the wine bottle.
Leaving your young dc in the street in a pandemic would be really irresponsible so don't worry about that either.

But SW's aren't mind readers so giving permission for them to talk to the nursery is sensible.

Malicious referrals aren't that unusual and the workers can complete the assessment and then shut the case.
(I do agree that a middle class area wouldn't usually have dc playing out that young or spend a lot of time with neighbours)

Name changed for this, working for the local authority I used to take these kind of calls.
False or exaggerated calls happened every day, some from clearly mad neighbours complaining about absolutely nothing. More often calls from ex’s calling to complain about the mums as a way to still exert control. Ditto some calls from other family members, have you had anyone in your house recently (or pre COVID) that might want to “get at you”?
But the most important thing to remember is that we couldn’t just dismiss any of these calls out of hand, all calls would be passed to a duty social worker who would make the decision about the level of enquiry that particular call would warrant.
You know that your kids are loved and taken care of but the SW dept don’t know you so can’t assume all is well. When they investigate their concern is purely for the children, they are so busy they are definitely not trying to drum up business for themselves they get a report they really want to find out there is no actual problem and move onto cases where they are desperately needed.
For SW we would happily take 10 false or exaggerated reports as long as the teacher, neighbour, friend, grandparent whoever with a real concern about a family felt able to call us.
If you heard some of the genuine calls we get you would be glad that SW is there.