Reported to social services and sick with worry

[Charlottesweb82]

Looking at previous posts I’m clearly not the only one who’s been the subject of a malicious call to social services. This afternoon, to my deep shock and disbelief, I had a call from social services saying they were following up on the below allegations that:

1. I am never dressed (I work full time as an accountant from home and ALWAYS am dressed smartly even if it’s just for a TEAMS meeting)
2. I am never without a glass of wine with bottles apparently visible on my coffee table (ok I can fess up to enjoying a single glass of Vinot in the evenings but heck who doesn’t and it’s never on the coffee table!)
3. I have mental issues of an undisclosed nature (??)
4. The most hurtful and which left me in tears was that my two boys, 3 and 5, are ‘shy and weird’ and not playing outside in the street. My youngest boy is the opposite of shy and, whilst we go for walks etc in the neighbourhood during this lockdown, obviously I can’t just leave them in the front street alone. What upset me is that my oldest boy can be shy, has a receptive speech problem which may be related to a mild autism disorder. We are taking him for speech therapy but it breaks my heart someone could be labelling him, a beautiful 5 year old boy, as ‘weird.’

The social services lady was sympathetic but said she was duty bound. They called my youngest boys nursery manager, whom I have a good relationship with, who said she was outraged and upset for me. I am more concerned the school (my son still attends 3 days a week as husband a key worker in public health), will somehow take notice of this allegation as symptomatic of some kind of neglect at home which is causing his speech problem.

I moved into a middle class type neighbourhood a couple of years ago after having my second boy. Everyone here knows each other but because of the pandemic and I guess me just being too busy I haven’t ‘bonded’ with the other women on this street. Both my boys are very happy, clearly well loved and anyone who spoke to them would see that. I just cannot imagine why, in the middle of a full lockdown, someone could have the time or inclination to do such a vindictive thing!

I am humiliated and hugely upset by this and also livid that someone could insult my 2 toddlers! Please could someone who’s been through this tell me I’m being paranoid and fearful about social services escalating and putting me under “surveillance” of some sort or a watch list.

They will have their work cut out then because I’m sure 95% of us have had one too many pyjama days.
I can’t believe someone would do that. Easier said than done but try not to get too upset. And don’t try and find out who it is because you never will know. The fact child’s nursery was so shocked abs angry shows you the parent you are ☺️

Recently saw an article about a woman who has dressed up once a week to put her bin out since Covid began.. It has been the only time she has left the house. Pictures of her in ball gowns and gloves and a hat!! Maybe you should op!! Smile and wave regally to the ndn you suspect.. Now the stupid bint had lost any chance of you being a friend.... Her loss isn't it?

Honestly I’d be tempted to text the street WhatsApp group and warn them someone in the street has made a malicious allegation, which has been dismissed by social services. Just so they know.

"Never dressed"???!

Can't even believe that's even been mentioned.

You poor thing. Please don't give it too much credence as this point alone just says what a nonsense it is.

The SW will see through all of this, they just need to follow protocol. Give yourself a break!

When you are at work, can the people on video calls with you see your environment?

It's worth considering someone at work being the culprit, given the coffee table/bottles comment. Perhaps a sideboard behind you?

Whatever, you have plenty of evidence to support your parenting should you need it. If there is another malicious complaint, try and treat it as an irritation rather than a big deal.

I am sorry 😐 People can be nasty 🤢

All the best and keep strong.

@picklemewalnuts

When you are at work, can the people on video calls with you see your environment?

It's worth considering someone at work being the culprit, given the coffee table/bottles comment. Perhaps a sideboard behind you?

Whatever, you have plenty of evidence to support your parenting should you need it. If there is another malicious complaint, try and treat it as an irritation rather than a big deal.

Yes I was going to say this. Either a coworker or even a client if you deal with them directly. One of my colleagues was reported maliciously by an ex-colleague due to a minor disagreement.

I think that's a good point that it could be someone on a video call

That's great news te the SW is closing the matter.

Try not to worry about being reported again, I'm sure this malicious report will be on file & if it's the same person they'll surely dismiss it

@HoppingPavlova my guess and it is only an uninformed guess is that they wanted to confirm that two small dc weren't in the care of an alcoholic, who is unable to dress even herself and has left the dc in such a state of neglect that they haven't learned to communicate with others.

I guess my confusion is that I have been a mandatory reporter for decades, and while requirements have changed over time of course, nothing in that list would cause me to raise an eyebrow.

If I was contacted with that list it would be a more interesting call. Yes, that’s correct I’m always in pj’s wherever possible which includes gardening/yard work (just shower and change into a fresh set); yes, that’s correct I drink wine, yes, a lot but no there are no bottles lying around as they are all in the recycling bin; yes, I have mental health conditions and think that antidepressants are gods gift; yes, I don’t let young children play out the front, preferably out the back but also the park for which I will throw some clothes over my pj’s; yes, some of my kids are ‘weird’ (can’t believe a SW used that term) which would then involve me getting them to define what weird meant complete with bell curve references etc. No, I don’t believe any of that’s a problem.

I'm not sure where you live but I can assure you that despite living in quite frankly the most expensive suburb in my city in a large detached house (aka upper middle class) no kids played in the street. I would say playing in the street is more a working class neighbourhood kind of thing in my experience (ive lived several places)

What kind of weirdo does that to a person???? Not sure what I would do next tbh. Hope you’re okay OP!

@movingonup20

I'm not sure where you live but I can assure you that despite living in quite frankly the most expensive suburb in my city in a large detached house (aka upper middle class) no kids played in the street. I would say playing in the street is more a working class neighbourhood kind of thing in my experience (ive lived several places)

You misunderstand - no one is playing in the streets (well not that I can see much of it anyway). It was the malicious caller who claimed my sons not being out playing meant something was amiss. Probably says something about their own neighbourhood if the kids there are roaming wild!

In your shoes OP, I might be tempted to send a message to the neighbourhood group chat, saying that ss called you to inform you that some lunatic has reported you over false claims. I wonder if the culprit is one of the neighbours, they might come around again with another ridiculous claim. You might be able to figure who did it.

Some would say let it go, but I would want to know who did it. Reminds me of a thread of a few weeks ago where the OP was reported by one of her collegues to ss, also over ridiculous claims. I think in the end that OP reported said collegue to HR.

I remember a neighbour from the HA part of the estate asking if my three year old had special needs because he never played out with the other kids...there is definitely a class divide there.

OP I have sometimes severe bipolar and had SS involvement for a while after a couple of serious suicide attempts. I also drank most evenings and rarely got dressed (same again these days tbh). My kids were on a plan for about six weeks or so before they signed us off as a happy, minimal risk environment, despite my issues which were at that point ongoing.

The bar is really high. You’ll laugh about this one day, I promise.

Are you thinking it's not one of your neighbours now op as you said "Probably says something about their own neighbourhood if the kids there are roaming wild!"

I just wanted to add my support, this happened to me during the summer. I received a call from ss saying I'd been accused of neglect. It came as a bolt out of the blue and I was absolutely devastated.
After a phone interview with both me and my husband and a chat to my boys school it was deemed there were no concerns. Case closed.

I'm sure your case will be dealt with as swiftly but my sympathy to you because its such an awful feeling. And I'm still extremely upset about it to this day

I feel hurt on your behalf, op. That is outrageous, somebody is being maliciously mischievious ('work for idle hands' maybe).

You sound absolutely fine btw so please don't worry. I'm glad your children's nursery manager is equally outraged.

The SS lady is right, they have to follow up on all complaints 'just in case' but she now knows what's what. They have loads of fake calls.

I wouldn't expect your children to play out in the street. No children do that where I live and even if they did, yours are far too young.

I'm glad that they are shutting the case OP.
Try not to give it more headspace.

@HoppingPavlova It seems that social services weren't concerned having had the conversation with mum and nursery.
It also is very unlikely that a mandated professional would have ever raised a referral on those issues but obviously the general public can (and does) raise referrals about all sorts of things.
Once a referral has been raised and different LA do this differently it isn't unusual for someone in an intake team to make a quick assessment.
It is safer to take a quick peek than to ignore it.

That must be so horrible for you one of my dc has similar sounding sn and I'd be so upset if my parenting was judged as a cause or my dc described as weird...I'm sure ss will see things for what they are. They have to follow up naturally but I'm sure they have more than enough genuine cases of abuse and neglect to deal with.

You're being paranoid, honestly.

I was maliciously reported by an ex who said I had an alcohol problem and was clearly beating DD and possibly more due to a bruise on her inner thigh. SS called me and asked how she'd got the bruise and I explained I genuinely had no idea as she was at nursery 5 days a week but thought it might have been misaiming sitting on potty as she was potty training at time. They asked how much I drank and some general questions. I told them I had nothing to hide and they could visit anytime if they had concerns. In the end all they did was contact her nursery to see if they had any concerns and whether I'd ever turned up drink. They gave me a glowing review and that was that. He's tried to maliciously report me several times subsequently but they have him down as a timewaster now. There has been odd call to the school which is embarrassing as I'm chair of governors there but the head always laughs it off and nothing comes of it do please try not to stress. I understand how upset you must feel though