Reported to social services and sick with worry

[Charlottesweb82]

Looking at previous posts I’m clearly not the only one who’s been the subject of a malicious call to social services. This afternoon, to my deep shock and disbelief, I had a call from social services saying they were following up on the below allegations that:

1. I am never dressed (I work full time as an accountant from home and ALWAYS am dressed smartly even if it’s just for a TEAMS meeting)
2. I am never without a glass of wine with bottles apparently visible on my coffee table (ok I can fess up to enjoying a single glass of Vinot in the evenings but heck who doesn’t and it’s never on the coffee table!)
3. I have mental issues of an undisclosed nature (??)
4. The most hurtful and which left me in tears was that my two boys, 3 and 5, are ‘shy and weird’ and not playing outside in the street. My youngest boy is the opposite of shy and, whilst we go for walks etc in the neighbourhood during this lockdown, obviously I can’t just leave them in the front street alone. What upset me is that my oldest boy can be shy, has a receptive speech problem which may be related to a mild autism disorder. We are taking him for speech therapy but it breaks my heart someone could be labelling him, a beautiful 5 year old boy, as ‘weird.’

The social services lady was sympathetic but said she was duty bound. They called my youngest boys nursery manager, whom I have a good relationship with, who said she was outraged and upset for me. I am more concerned the school (my son still attends 3 days a week as husband a key worker in public health), will somehow take notice of this allegation as symptomatic of some kind of neglect at home which is causing his speech problem.

I moved into a middle class type neighbourhood a couple of years ago after having my second boy. Everyone here knows each other but because of the pandemic and I guess me just being too busy I haven’t ‘bonded’ with the other women on this street. Both my boys are very happy, clearly well loved and anyone who spoke to them would see that. I just cannot imagine why, in the middle of a full lockdown, someone could have the time or inclination to do such a vindictive thing!

I am humiliated and hugely upset by this and also livid that someone could insult my 2 toddlers! Please could someone who’s been through this tell me I’m being paranoid and fearful about social services escalating and putting me under “surveillance” of some sort or a watch list.

As I say to anyone I personally know that's been a victim of this, if you don't have anything to hide then let them in and they'll see for themselves it's some idiot being malicious and nasty.
I know it's easier said than done but if I'm honest it's exactly what I'd do. Nothing to hide, my kids are perfectly well, looked after and loved so come and take a look

Whoever reported you are spiteful little saddos. Do you have any idea of who it might be?
And I wouldn't worry about it. If your genuinely a good parent They will see that And leave it. Don't worry about what she said he said. Social services will deal with this stuff all the time. I'm sure there's nothing to worry about and all will be forgotten

My daughter mentioned to a teacher hen she was little that I have candles on a lot and next thing I know the SS were round, questions etc. I think it was because I didn't fit in and looked different to other mums. I think they thought I was running a witches coven !

They soon saw it was just a couple scented ones on mantelpiece that were occasionally on for relaxation.

@snowliving

Honestly OP, as a SW they won't care about wearing PGs, Having a glass of wine or two in the evening and the location of the wine bottle. Leaving your young dc in the street in a pandemic would be really irresponsible so don't worry about that either.

But SW's aren't mind readers so giving permission for them to talk to the nursery is sensible.

Malicious referrals aren't that unusual and the workers can complete the assessment and then shut the case.
(I do agree that a middle class area wouldn't usually have dc playing out that young or spend a lot of time with neighbours)

I’m pleased she’s already contacted my 3 year olds nursery manager who was really lovely and said she was outraged for me.

Regarding the “middle class” thing it’s more to do with the area rather than anyone letting their kids play out. That’s what’s so odd about the accusation it’s not as though they’re any other kids, never mind 3-5 year olds, being left outside all day. There’s a street WhatsApp group the women all gossip on however and talk about baking a lot!

For those who are social workers, what exactly on that list was being followed up on? I would think half the world currently lives in PJ’s 24/7. Drinking of wine is not a crime surely (or I would have been put in prison or my kids taken away decades ago). Most people these days have mental health issues, depression and anxiety being most common. If it’s ‘undisclosed’ and the caller couldn’t describe dangerous issues associated with a MHI then couldn’t be anything the average person doesn’t have these days. A lot of kids would not be out playing in the current environment. Lots of kids are weird these days, look at the rates of ASD and things like ADHD.

To be honest the list the OP gave sounded like a typical household so not sure what social services was following up on? Also don’t understand OP’s seeming horror about the PJ’s and insistence we all know she is dressed smartly in her house? Yayh for you!

Hi Op
Don't worry same thing happened years ago, to me,
My son unfornately had fractured his hip and before this had happened,
I was struggling to make ends meet cause I had decided to do a Holistic Therapies Diploma course whilst I was on Job seekers benefit and there was a issue how many hours training I was allowed to do on this kind of benefit,
And cause they dropped my benefit cause,social security council thought I was doing too many hours my benefit was dropped
I was struggling too put food on table/make ends meet cause of this.

Cause I was deppressed,my house was in a mess,and my kitchen was cluttered,
I sorted out/cleaned my kitchen so much
Social worker said she felt a bit embarrassed cause my kitchen looked better than hers, L.o.l
Social worker found extra support for me with quite a well known woman's charity at time
And with a another charity
So I had extra support as a single parent.
social services have to check out these kinds of calls even though it seems scarey.
Social services will want to support you, and your family,
not take any of your children into care
Its very much a last Resort to take children away from their families.

You are doing good enough job looking after your family by the sounds of it.
You have nothing to worry about Op

[brew
Hi Op
x

@Charlottesweb82

I'm sorry you've been shaken by this. Some people are just nasty! Mad or bad?!

'Never dressed' - my neighbours are 'rarely dressed' and take great delight in shocking people. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm astounded you get 'properly work dressed'. You may be the only WFH person doing so! I have lived in leggings & tshirts. - I have biting black or navy leggings and my t shirts are I retry samey so I could feasibly look, to an outsider, like part of the great unwashed!! And it's fair to say there's are bottles of alcohol in view through the kitchen window -which may make me look like a lush, but I don't drink much, hence the bottles being there and not in the glass recycling. Perception is everything, except when it's just malice!!

SS can see through these malicious reports. Don't let it worry you & change you!!

Where did you leave it? What's next?

I get dressed so rarely during the pandemic, I seriously questioned if I could get away with going out in my pyjamas earlier. I didn't but wish I could. I don't think what you wear is a reflection on your parenting.
Sounds like a malicious report to me! Don't worry, SS can tell the difference.

The PJs thing is the weirdest one.

If I am at home, I am wearing PJs - I will even go into the street wearing them to put the rubbish out or pick up my post. The only exception being if we are having people over for a dinner party or something... obviously then I put proper clothes on.

I don't really see what it would have to do with anything? Very odd thing for someone to report.

I am surprised that your nursery were contacted before you.
That is unusual, usually consent would be asked and the nursery or school confirmed with you.

@HoppingPavlova my guess and it is only an uninformed guess is that they wanted to confirm that two small dc weren't in the care of an alcoholic, who is unable to dress even herself and has left the dc in such a state of neglect that they haven't learned to communicate with others.
A conversation with mum and professionals at nursery will show that this isn't the case.

My heart goes out to you, OP. My eldest has Asperger and it breaks my heart when people call him weird. He is another beautiful boy, even though he’s 19 now.

I doubt the school will suspect problems at home. They have probably seen this kind of malicious troublemaking before. It’s very, very nasty though. I’m sorry. Your boys sound lovely.

Christ theres plenty of bored arseholes keeping the already stretched to capacity SW busy!
WTAF..sorry OP you sound like every other family out there just getting through atm..
They would've had plenty of ammo with us!
We has a special shopping trip purchasing a ton of loungewear/pjs/slippers when we first got locked down in Vic-I knew we'd be in the gear in place of regular clothes and it kind of had a wierd novelty value(initially)...winter/every store apart from food shut/pm curfew/ resticted to 5k distance from house& police /roadblocks/drones it was our uniform for 6 months.
I had the DC doing laps around the garden & shuttle runs&footie passes in the bocce court..(rain&5' weather didnt stop us)we didnt have to wear masks in our garden(but mandatory for every other situ)so it was ideal-just to break up the tv/tech binging..I reckon your neighbours wouldve dobbed us in far quicker : ) Ours were pretty non-plussed and a 'bit jolly hockey sticks-out in all weather' types too so generally waved a cheery hello from the deck if we ever saw them.

My teens are not and never have been "social butterflies"&positively eshew neighbourly interaction-thats their prerogative as far as im concerned. Oz seems to be a massively extrovert place so i've had to grow a rhino skin to buffer comments regarding my happily introverted (and perfectly well adjusted, thank you) kids.
I even mentioned our Covid fitness routine to the doctor one time and he laughed and said I must have some good blackmail strategy hehe.
Meant we avoided getting chubby and depressed though& the DC now have gym passes they got more into fitness than they ever had(didn't see that coming).
Keep doing what you're doing op & to hell with the curtain twitchers. Welcome SS with open arms, offer a cuppa and understand they have a duty to respond-they'll be in&out in minutes..then get back to the vino&embrace some pjLove-sod the smart clothes ; )

I have come across a person whose life obsession it was to make malicious reports about people and organisations. He called the council and fire department to report that a local community centre didn’t have proper fire prevention measures in place, told the council that various restaurants had bad hygienic practices, reported the kid of a neighbour to police for supposedly having a gun (very obviously a toy and was a brightly coloured plastic thing). He would then stand back and watch as the inspectors/officials descended and caused mayhem for the folk being “investigated”.

I am not saying at all that SS will create mayhem for you. They are duty bound to investigate but they are far too sensible and busy to waste time on what is clearly a malicious complaint.

But I am just telling you about this chap to emphasise that he has mental health problems and from what you say, so does the person who complained about you to SS. Please don’t worry, this complaint will go nowhere.

@snowliving

I am surprised that your nursery were contacted before you. That is unusual, usually consent would be asked and the nursery or school confirmed with you.

@HoppingPavlova my guess and it is only an uninformed guess is that they wanted to confirm that two small dc weren't in the care of an alcoholic, who is unable to dress even herself and has left the dc in such a state of neglect that they haven't learned to communicate with others.
A conversation with mum and professionals at nursery will show that this isn't the case.

Morning. The nursery weren’t contacted before me but just after and after I had given consent. The nursery manager set them straight I think and even offered to write a statement on my behalf.

I’ve just dropped my eldest off at the school and the SEN teacher who works with him on his speech issues confirmed they’d received no phone call yet from SW. Don’t know if that’s a good thing or not.

Haven’t slept all night I feel like sh**.

I was imagining someone with binoculars spying and going to suggest voiles or window film but sounds like there's no way of them seeing in and it's all made up.
I'd be really annoyed with the new variant and hospitals so busy that someone was going to have to come into my home unnecessarily! I would think the bin person is the most likely. How annoying!

It's purely malicious and SS will not care. I have family in SS and some of the things they see will make your hair curl, drinking wine of an evening and living in pyjamas is nothing! Show me a kid who hasnt been shy or weird at some point!?

Please don't worry about what the school might think. They will trust their own judgment rather than be influenced by a report to SS which goes absolutely nowhere, and will be aware of the phenomenon of malicious reports.

I had a colleague (SEN school) who had a malicious report made about him in relation to being “unfit to work with children”, basically saying he was a liar, vindictive, had a scary temper and shouldn’t be allowed around children etc. They actually contacted the school directly and, knowing the lovely young man he was, they informally approached him straight away and asked if anyone could have a vendetta against him. He wracked her brains for a while (and was in bits, thinking his job etc was at risk). The person had left their real first name and it dawned on his girlfriend that it was someone she’d done an eBay local pick up with. He’d sold her dodgy items that were unusable and refused to refund her so she’d left him a bad review. Through that he’d found her social media and her boyfriend’s (my colleague) which, unlike her’s that was quite locked down, had his workplace on, his hobbies etc. The eBay seller targeted them both for a smear campaign! And the worrying thing was that HE had a very trustworthy job having to go into often vulnerable people’s homes to deliver a service.

I only tell you this to let you know that there are some downright weird people out there who don’t give a damn about ruining the lives of near strangers. I honestly think that if the school hadn’t broke protocol and revealed the first name of the individual, then they’d never have guessed.

I’ve got a relative that I had to go NC with due to her personality disorder (diagnosed not just a bandied around MN label) and she also would make malicious allegations against lots of people if they rubbed her up the wrong way or cut her out for their own mental health and safety. As a family, we quickly learned that we needed to inform our bosses, schools, professional organisations (ie GMC, NMC) in advance after any rows as she’d have done anything possible to get us struck off/sacked etc.

This person is obviously quite an evil individual. In all honesty, of that list, the only real concern that has to be investigated is the alcohol. And it will be apparent you aren’t an alcoholic from witness statements and/or a visit.

Were you dressed when you put your bins out? I’d guess it’s bin lady...

@NameChange84

Good god what an horrific story! There are truly some demented individuals out there.

Ha ha yes I was in a dressing gown and slippers during the bin incident. Maybe it was this person.

Update actually - I’ve just spoken to the SW who called yesterday and she let me know she’s taking no further action and is closing the matter. She said that unfortunately there is no way of stopping this person making a similar anonymous call however in future which does annoy me.

@miserableannie post was deleted

My mum is a social worker and deals with these types of complaints a lot. Please don't worry, they will probably just visit you and close the case.

I had a malicious referral made to Social Care by a school I had made a complaint about them off rolling my dd. The referral intimated she hadn't been seen in months (the time they were off rolling) but in fact she had a tutor twice a week supplied by LA (which was known by the school) and input from three people at CAMHS (school had letters from them confirming input) It was just a case of SW contacting CAMHS for confirmation and referral closed within minutes.
Try not to worry the referral can be closed as quickly as it was opened.

Please remember your engagement with social services is completely voluntary.
As there is no claim of harm to your children you can say you don't want involvement.
Believe me this is sometimes in your best interest.
There are some brilliant social workers and then there are those that make a mountain out of a molehill and carry it on for ages, rather than providing any constructive assistance.
Can you see I've had a bad experience of some.