My DS isn’t meeting his milestones - so upset

[knitting774]

My DS is 8.5 months old.

He’s only rolled from back to front and front to back about 20 times ever. He rolls a lot from side to side to reach his toys, but almost always gets stuck on his arm before making the full roll from back to front. If he could just pull his arm out from underneath him he’d be there!

He can lift his head well when on his tummy and has full neck control, but he hates tummy time and after about 2 minutes of it, he will put his head down on the mat and start crying. He doesn’t seem to realize that he could just roll himself over to get out of the situation!

When put in a sitting position he can’t sit up without support from me - if I let go he will last about 5-10 seconds before falling over. I obviously catch him before his head hits the mat.

Weaning is going well and he sits in his highchair (supported with a cushion) happily for ages and loves his food. He’s good at chewing and swallowing - he’s eating fairly hard foods like pasta and strawberries with no issues. He babbles a lot and makes lots of different sounds.

When supported in the standing position by me (my hands under his armpits) he will bear weight on his legs for a few seconds before giving up.

I’m so concerned as friends’ babies were all sitting, rolling and crawling with ease by this age. DS just seems so far away from crawling, and walking seems a lifetime away.

I read recently that not sitting unaided by 9 months can be a sign of cerebral palsy and am now totally freaking out - DS only has 2 weeks to go.

My HV isn’t helpful, GP is worse and we have no money to pay for private assessments. I feel at my wits end and like I have nowhere to turn.

DH thinks I’m worrying over nothing and says it’s DS’s big and heavy head that is slowing him down (his head was 98th percentile or something like that).

Please help

There is no advantage to be had from forcing tummy time so don't beat yourself up about that. I am fostering a baby at the moment who is around the same age as your little one and my little one is delayed, he is able to do far less than your little one. I would phone your HV for a chat and see if they feel it is necessary to have a referral to other services.

My eldest was just the same. .It;s perfectly normal for healthy fit babies to develop at very different speeds

Many babies don’t hit the milestones on time and are absolutely fine - they just take things in their own time. It’s only if he’s significantly overdue that it’s something worth investigating. Try not to worry too much, he will almost certainly get there on his own schedule.

@knitting774

Thank you so much for the replies - it has really helped. I started tummy time at about 3-4 months too, but didn’t persist because he hated it so much - although I did do a lot of sling time, which I read counts as TT. I’ve barely been doing much TT at all since then - probably about 10 minutes a day at most, just because he gets really upset. I know I should have done more and am kicking myself.

Op I didn't do any TT. At all. I carried in a sling. We played around with standing. But I didn't do any concentrated TT. It's honestly fine. Stop beating yourself up.

Another one with a large headed child! Hit the early milestones as expected (rolling, crawling and sitting) but then didn't walk till after 16 months or talk till after 2. Really good fine motor skills - sadly most people don't ask if your baby can pick up a pea at 6 months old though.

They really do develop in their own time and in their own ways. Stop googling, it's a rabbit hole once you start.

None of my dc walked until 18 months, and were late sitting up but once walking it took just days before they were doing exactly the same as friends' dc who had been walking for months.
Dgs has been here today, he sat at 10 months and walked at seventeen months and is now eighteen months. He can run and climb, he goes up and down stairs, he can walk on tiptoes, he runs me ragged if I'm honest and learns something new every day. Today he told me "Mama's all gone", told me "yeye purple" which means get alexa to put the purple light on, "yeye tricky" alexa play it's tricky and "yeye shh" alexa play ice ice baby which I think is pretty smart.
Try not to worry babies haven't read the child development books and tend to follow their own paths.

My DD 'failed' every development 'test'. But as she was a really sleepy baby and didn't really wake up until she was around 7 months, she was hardly likely to be doing much at 8 months.

I actually felt sorry for the mums with babies that walked at 9 months, they were being run ragged while I relaxed with my very static baby

She walked at 18 months - and went straight to running. They all balance out in the end. I really wouldn't worry about your baby. All sounds very normal.

And really don't worry about TT

Have you tried the ages and stages questionnaire? It’s what the hv would use if she was any good. The standards of ‘normal’ are so wide ranging. From what you say I think you would pass.

Thanks everyone I really wish I wasn’t such a worrier.

Have you tried the ages and stages questionnaire?

Yes, I think I found this online - DS scored very highly in everything except the gross motor skills section, which he scored really badly in

DS couldn’t sit up unaided until 11 months, he just used to face plant unless I put him hands in a specific place for him 🙈 whereas DD could sit unaided at 6 months...

I’d give the Hv a quick ring - I did this recently with DD. She was 16 months with no teeth... they said nothing to worry about and thye come in time. I only really rang as other people made me think something was up with her. Within a week her first had popped through and now she has 2. I googled all sorts which didn’t help at all!

But honestly give them a ring and see if they can offer any advice.

My DD didn't pull herself up and stand until a week before her first birthday. She also never crawled. Then there were baby's in my antenatal group who's babies were walking at 9m. I know it's hard not to worry but you have to try to ignore the milestones and just enjoy your LO.

DD walked at 15m and pretty much went from walking to running and now at 2.5, she's doing exactly the same as other children and is bright as a button. Theres so much comparison and pressure over milestones in babies.

If you are on Instagram I really recommend the page milestones and motherhood - she is a physiotherapist who has loads of exercises to promote physical development.

@knitting774

Have you tried the ages and stages questionnaire?

Yes, I think I found this online - DS scored very highly in everything except the gross motor skills section, which he scored really badly in

That's the one DD 'failed' the gross motor skills in at 12 months OP. Like she didn't get a single point as they were all related to standing and she didn't stand. I went back a few and checked to see though and could see DD was on the path - she could do the things on previous ones that would ultimately lead to the age appropriate one. The HV was so unbothered by it and said it is far more common than you think that babies aren't on track with everything but as long as there is interest in moving not to worry at all.

If you’re concerned about global development delay and learning disabilities then delays would be across everything (hence the scoring system). If it’s about cerebral palsy etc as pp said red flags are more being floppy/ stiff / one sided etc.

I know it’s very stressful! Our DS actually as DiGeorge syndrome and I am unhealthily obsessed with milestones. Honestly your kid sounds like he is doing absolutely fine.

Yes, I think I found this online - DS scored very highly in everything except the gross motor skills section, which he scored really badly in 

With regards to this, my DS scored very highly on everything except communication. Im not worried. It shows they're all different.

Tbh OP, after 90 comments telling you that you've nothing to be worried about, you're still finding reasons to worry. At this point, nobody on MN can really do anything more. Im not sure what more you're after here.

My first dd never crawled, she bum shuffled everywhere from about 11 months!

Holding him so he’s head is up over your shoulder counts as tummy time too. I think my oldest was only jsut sitting at 9 months and he never crawled, was just walking at 17 months. He has a big head too! He is now a tall athletic 5yo who eats more than me and whose favorite thing is running. I agree it’s too early to stress.
I would do more of the holding him so he weight bears too. It’s quite possible there’s a little low muscle tone which is pretty common and mostly just could do with a bit more practice/help which is you holding him in a standing position.

I don't think you have anything to worry about, based on what you have said. If you want to encourage sitting, crawling, pulling up etc, I really recommend doing baby exercises together. I used to put a nursery rhymes CD on, lie on the floor or couch and do lots of "tummy time on me," holding the baby and helping her to "dance" or jump or walk with support, "flying baby" stuff, all that kind of thing. She hated tummy time but was happy to do it with me. It's also good for getting your arms toned!

I don't know if this will help but my 1yr old DD is under the paediatric physio team (she has global developmental delay). She also has always hated tummy time. The physio emphasises the importance of tummy time constantly but also says to always stop before she gets upset. We've been told to lie her on our front with her elbows propped up held in by our arms and gradually over time increase the angle you recline until you're laying down. Also to use a breastfeeding pillow to lay her over so she props herself on her forearm and try and persuade her to play like that, even if only for a minute. We also have to roll her in and out of these positions each time so she starts to realise she can do this for herself. We've been doing this for a few months now and my DD is definitely happier on her front. I am sure your DS will get there in his own time but I would say, if you are genuinely concerned to trust your instinct. If you're worried keep speaking to the HV. They can do online appointments and refer you to physio.

Forgot to say we also have to "teach" her how to roll from front to back. We bend her 'top' leg and rock her over just using her legs so she's on her front. Then we roll her back the same way before she gets upset. We've managed to turn this into a game she finds funny by making sure we give her time to get her arm out if she can but not so long she gets upset. We make silly noises and sing songs to try and keep it fun.

Oh, dear. I'm so sorry you are so upset. Maybe there is a reason to worry but more likely he is just developing on his own schedule. I have twins who are now 19 - one didn't walk until he was 18 months and the other didn't talk (or even say Mommy) until he was well over 2. They are now in their 2nd year of university - the non talker has a 4.0 average and won't stop talking and the non Walker was an elite athlete in high school. Take a breath. It will come.

My first was a lazy walker, it was 100% personality for him. He never practiced doing anything so waited until he had it down perfectly before doing it so when he started walking he never toddled, he was walking properly from the get go. Now he is 4 he is an anxious child who doesn't like to try anything he could get wrong, hates failing. Obviously at 9 months old you don't know what their personality is like so you panic it's some horrible neurological issue.

I honestly think that seeing specialists at this stage is not going to alleviate your concerns, nothing they say will make you panic less until he starts crawling. Again my DS never practiced speech by babbling and my best friend is a speech and language therapist. She spent months telling me she had absolutely no concerns and I continued worrying about it until he was 10 months old and started talking (and talking and talking and talking).

One of the reasons they get fussed about the lack of standing and walking at about 12 months is it can occasionally be a flag for hip dysplasia. At DDs 12 month check they had a good look at her hips and then weren't bothered about her being behind on gross motor once they'd seen her hips were healthy.

Remember with these milestones they can start to do several of these things very quickly and out of the blue. I have a close family member who was delayed on gross motor to the point of having a paediatric referral that just one day stood up and walked, never crawled, rolled or shuffled. Crawling and rolling are soft milestones anyway, how many adults do you see crawling and rolling?

@knitting774

Have you tried the ages and stages questionnaire?

Yes, I think I found this online - DS scored very highly in everything except the gross motor skills section, which he scored really badly in

My daughter got hardly any points on the gross motor skills section at 12 months. She stormed the rest. She even answered the HV when she asked if we had any other concerns (she looked dead at the woman and shock her head and mouthed no)

She was super lazy on the physical side but omg has she made up for it now.

She only started walking 6 months ago and she's now running every where, climbing on everything and starting to jump.