My DS isn’t meeting his milestones - so upset

[knitting774]

My DS is 8.5 months old.

He’s only rolled from back to front and front to back about 20 times ever. He rolls a lot from side to side to reach his toys, but almost always gets stuck on his arm before making the full roll from back to front. If he could just pull his arm out from underneath him he’d be there!

He can lift his head well when on his tummy and has full neck control, but he hates tummy time and after about 2 minutes of it, he will put his head down on the mat and start crying. He doesn’t seem to realize that he could just roll himself over to get out of the situation!

When put in a sitting position he can’t sit up without support from me - if I let go he will last about 5-10 seconds before falling over. I obviously catch him before his head hits the mat.

Weaning is going well and he sits in his highchair (supported with a cushion) happily for ages and loves his food. He’s good at chewing and swallowing - he’s eating fairly hard foods like pasta and strawberries with no issues. He babbles a lot and makes lots of different sounds.

When supported in the standing position by me (my hands under his armpits) he will bear weight on his legs for a few seconds before giving up.

I’m so concerned as friends’ babies were all sitting, rolling and crawling with ease by this age. DS just seems so far away from crawling, and walking seems a lifetime away.

I read recently that not sitting unaided by 9 months can be a sign of cerebral palsy and am now totally freaking out - DS only has 2 weeks to go.

My HV isn’t helpful, GP is worse and we have no money to pay for private assessments. I feel at my wits end and like I have nowhere to turn.

DH thinks I’m worrying over nothing and says it’s DS’s big and heavy head that is slowing him down (his head was 98th percentile or something like that).

Please help

My daughter didn't roll until 18 months and is totally normal. She didn't start any food till 10 months either. Both my kids hated tummy time. I think you are over panicking at his age.

I suspect your dh is right. My DS missed all his targets in terms of speech. At 28 months he hadn't said a word and I was terribly worried. Can't shut him up now

It's so hard not to feel like this - whatever the issue is, it seems like the biggest thing in the world. My first daughter, for example, was pretty good with fine and gross motor skills but absolute crap with chewing, and she coughed/spluttered on fluids regularly. She also tended to use her left hand far more than her right, and as a result, I was absolutely CONVINCED she had CP (because Google said so). I had a SALT come out to see us, and even paid a private physiotherapist to come to our house to assess her.

There was absolutely nothing wrong. She is now 6.5, absolutely typical, chews normally, drinks normally, is fully RIGHT-handed and definitely doesn't have CP. :) I stopped worrying about it long ago, as she grew and changed, but at the time I was so het up about the lack of chewing and the issues with drinking that I would have given anything to have a baby like yours!

In my experience, lots of stuff you put in to Google about your child will lead you back to CP. It's quite a common condition, especially these days with survival rates for premature babies being much higher than in the past. So there is a lot of information out there just waiting to be accessed by frightened parents in moments of anxiety.

From what you've said, I don't think your son has it at all, but I do understand how easy it is to get sucked into this miserable way of thinking when your baby isn't quite doing what Google says they should be.

There's a big range of normal though, and honestly he sounds absolutely fine.

I very much doubt he has CP. However it is late to not be sitting up unaided. I personally would be getting a physio assessment (privately if possible, you can get excellent people who will come to your home) or alternatively you can have physio appointments on most of the digital platforms now. Best case scenario is that they give you some tips to get him moving which will be helpful.

Don’t stress but also don’t ignore your concern - you will always get people telling you their baby was super early or super late on any particular milestone, but other people’s babies are not YOUR baby and you should keep pushing for appropriate (RL, clinical) support until you’re satisfied.

I've found they tend to develop different aspects at different rates. The weaning and pincer movements sound advanced to me (I had lazy babies).

Try not to compare to others as you might only be focusing on what your son isn't doing. My eldest didn't crawl or roll. Just sat there or lay on his mat thingy until he was 14months old. Then he decided to walk proper walking. Started walking at 11am, we were in the shoe shop at 2pm for shoes and tottering in the park at 3pm.

Really try not to worry, focus on the things he's doing amazingly well at. He sounds contented.

OP talk this through this your health visitor, even a phone call might give you some useful information and advice.

As a side note, do you have a dog? My DS was similar to you and I put it down to a lack of floor time as I was always a bit wary about the dog.

Look at the EYFS development matters - it is a great document - milestones are not a fixed point they are a 'usual' and it is all within an age range.

My dd was always the baby at play groups just lying there not really moving. I worried so much that she wasn't rolling like the others or sitting up etc... she crawled at 11 months, walked at 15 months and at almost 4 years old she is constantly on the go, rolling around the floor, dancing, climbing, running off when I'm trying to get her dressed or clean her teeth etc... I really wouldn't worry at this age, babies really do develop at their own pace.

Please don't worry. My son had/s a huge!!! head and 98centile for height and 91st for weight. He was a very relaxed, happy baby and didn't easily get worked up hence his laid back attitude.

He didn't learn to walk until nearly two and didn't even crawl -only rolled everywhere.

He was referred to the hospital but they just said he was the slow end of normal.

Once children are walking, you'd never know who were early or late bloomers. My son is now studying at Oxbridge and physically is as normal as they come so obviously his late milestones didn't have any long term effects.

There is so much to worry about when you become a parent. OP, honestly, he sounds like a normal healthy baby. My twins didnt sit reliably unaided until 10 months and they walked at 14 & 16 months. They were always behind with their gross motor skills but they very quickly caught up and overtook their peers where were way ahead. Both could swim and ride a bike before 4 and they are crazy daredevils now.

I know it's hard but try not to worry.

My first baby did everything in the wrong order. It is very frustrating. Now that he is grown up, he is his own person.

You will probably find that he busy perfecting something that isn't on the milestone list.

Keep playing with him and talking with him and also make sure you are getting your own needs met in this lockdown situation.

Thanks again for all the replies, I really appreciate it.

However it is late to not be sitting up unaided. I personally would be getting a physio assessment (privately if possible, you can get excellent people who will come to your home) or alternatively you can have physio appointments on most of the digital platforms now.

Where can I find one who is really good/reputable? We’re very short on money at the moment thanks to the pandemic impacting on DH’s work, so I will need to convince DH.

My eldest DD couldn’t sit up until about 10 months, pull up until 18 months or walk until 22 months, no medical issues but incidentally she did have a large head, she is now 13 and absolutely fine OP.

I keep asking myself if he’s slow on the gross motor skills because of something I have (or more accurately haven’t) done. Should I have tried harder with tummy time for example? Are there any exercises you’re meant to do to encourage babies to sit unaided and roll that I’m unaware of? He does spend about 4 hours a day on his playmat!

I read that if babies can’t sit unassisted then you shouldn’t make them, as it could hurt their spine - but DS already spends a lot of time in his highchair propped up with cushions. Should he not be doing that?

I don’t know whether to keep putting him back on his tummy even though it makes him cry!

Thanks @Fembot123 - maybe the big head does have something to do with it!

I really hope I can come back on here in a month or two and tell you all he’s made progress.

I used to prop DD using a breast feeding cushion, all 3 of my kids hated tummy time and would rather try and suffocate themselves than bother to lift their lazy little heads 😁

Oh @knitting774 I actually could have written this post myself. I feel your pain and the terrifying worry about CP even though there were no risk factors for it!
I used to text my HV every month to say DD isn't rolling or sitting or beating weight. We had her 12 month checkup and she didn't score any points in gross motor skills because she wasn't pulling to stand so couldn't do anything. The HV couldn't have been less worried.

DD is also a big baby. She could sit in between my legs for support and then would throw herself backwards when she had enough - and she couldn't get into the position by herself. I'm fairly certain she was ten months old before she just did it by herself one day and then never stopped. She did this weird slither on the floor for about two months before she just began crawling at 11 months and now she's crawling up the stairs after the cats. She stood up fir the first time on Xmas day at 12 and a half months. She does not have cerebral palsy. She's just chunky and has better things to do with her hands than use them for crawling - like grabbing things and manipulating them. She is never empty handed and now when she crawls you often hear the clack clack of toys as she crawls along with them - she wasn't willing to do it until she could do it while carrying stuff. Walking would suit her better but she hasn't quite figured it out yet.

Babies really do it all in their own time and the HV assured me that as long as progress is being made that is what they look for. An interest in moving and progressing. And also if they focus on one thing it's often to the detriment of another - DD is quite a chatterbox so spends a lot of time getting me to do stuff for her so she didn't need to crawl. I was big on rewarding communication before I cottoned on to what was happening😂
Your little boy sounds just fine and very much not like CP xx

You’re not alone either, you have us!

Oh yes she also refused tummy time. It undoubtedly had an effect but there wasn't much u could do - she would face plant the ground and scream in such distress I was worried she would vomit. Once she could roll it improved though

Hello lovely, my little boy's head circumference is over the 100th percentile and he only sat happily at 9 months, first picture of him sitting was at 8 months and it was always close to a wall, behind a teddy etc just in case so he lived on his tummy.

When did you start doing tummy time? I started at 3 1/2 - 4 months and kept at it all the time until he got comfortable and it did take time because my husband and his family have large heads.

My neighbours baby sat at 5 months and walked at 8 1/2 months - he is 2 months younger and did basically everything before my DS.

It's hard not to compare but all you can do for now is encourage, no pediatrician or health visitor will class him as delayed. If he wasn't reaching for items at 9 months, he would be classed as delayed but I would not consider your baby as not meeting milestones yet. They will look into it further if your DS cannot sit cannot sit by himself at 12 months.

Relax, breathe and carry on! Happy to give you a pep talk on private chat if needed! Xxxx

Thank you so much for the replies - it has really helped. I started tummy time at about 3-4 months too, but didn’t persist because he hated it so much - although I did do a lot of sling time, which I read counts as TT. I’ve barely been doing much TT at all since then - probably about 10 minutes a day at most, just because he gets really upset. I know I should have done more and am kicking myself.

My grandson could only sit up at 6 months, never really rolled over - hated tummy time - and only walked at 16 months. Didn't say many words at his 2 year check.
He’s now exceeding all his milestones - can throw and catch a ball, kick footballs accurately, holds a pencil correctly, got great fie motor skills. His speech is fab - can have a proper conversation with us now.
Do NOT be comparing your child to everyone else. Children develop at different rates.

DS crawled at 12 months and walked at 15 but a week after he started walking he could run down hill looking behind him. DD could pull herself up to standing at 10 weeks if you held her fingers when lying down for a nappy change, crawled at 6 months, walked at 11 months but never was she as stable as DS - she was just in a hurry. There's a reason why it's not recommended to put a baby on their front to sleep until they are much older - they won't all be rolling over, holding their head up etc etc enough for it to be safe. Babies can literally change overnight so try not to worry too much.

I hope this will help. DC1 did not walk until aged 3. At all. She spoke in sentences at aged 1.
Youngest DC was running or at least walking quickly aged 1 and didn’t say a word until age 3.

Yes they both were brought up the same.

Your child is fine but don’t be afraid to push for a referral. There is no harm in that. But welcome to being a parent. I’m nearly 50 and my parents still worry about me.

Also sounds fine to me. My ds in 9mo and he does some of the things you've stated but not others. For example weaning isn't going great for us but I know he will get there! As will yours in his own time. Relax, enjoy it.