SAHM's with working DPs/DHs...

[PregnantGrrrl]

What does your other half do in terms of household stuff and taking care of the kids? Do they expect you to do everything because you aren't 'working'?

I'm going to be home for 11mths with 16mth old and newborn shortly, and am pondering how to divvy up duties with DH. I'm thinking I'll take care of the kids in the day (aswell as breastfeeding newborn at night), sort out washing and dishes, and do evening meal every other day (he can do it on the alternative night). Will be going back to having driving lessons once i'm upto it aswell, so he'll have to be at hand for having the kids then.

Stuff like mopping / hoovering / putting rubbish out he's going to have to split with me aswell i think

DH looks after DD when he gets in from work and gets her to bed. I usually cook, but he tidies the kitchen (usually). We often end up having a blas at the housework together on a Saturday, although I do try to keep on top of it as much as possible in the week.

Well I take care of most household stuff during week and at weekends. DH does run hoover round every now and then and does all 'blue' jobs, putting out rubbish etc.

When he gets home from work he feeds and baths DS and puts him to bed every night, unless he's suffering from man flu or something.

But we only have the one DS when we have another I might want a little more help.

i do what i can during the day. if i dont get to do it either dh does it or it doesnt get done! i think maybe we are a little more laid back (and our house is probably quite a lot messier lol)

good question, PregnantGrrrl, have a bun as a reward!

My DH baths ds (6m) on alternate nights - when he starts crawling (ds, that is, dh just about has that one mastered ) - it'll be every night. DH cooks 1ce or 2ce a week, he does the dishes nearly every night and most weekends he cleans the bathroom. (Love that man - haven't scrubbed a toilet since we moved in together!)

I, on the other hand, spend all my time looking after ds (mumsnetting when he naps!), doing laundry, and cooking. FA else in our house seems to get done these days, so I will be watching this thread with interest to see how others resolve it!

My dh has pretty much done nothing over the years, but he does read a bedtime story to the kids if he's home in time.

I
Cook
Iron
Change beds
Washing (sometimes)
Food Shopping
Mopping

I get up in the night if dd wakes, but as she is 4, that is rare.

He will wash & dry the dishes everynight as I cook. On the weekend he will clean the bathroom. He puts the bins out each week, but I make sure all the small bins have been emptied into the wheelie bin.

We take it in turns bathing dd & putting her to bed. Although I usually always read the story.

He does the lions share & never moans. Dd was bottle fed & he would get up with me & help while he was off work, but I stopped him doing it once his paternity leave was over.

Should add that I hoover everyday (dog is moulting) but he does it at weekends.

My partner works full-time and I don't currently work (but will do soon). He does not:

• shop for groceries
• cook
• clean
• do laundry
• iron/put laundry away
• do general tidying
• do DIY
• organise or supervise children's social life
• think about holidays/education/general forward planning unless prepped and prompted by me

My partner does:

• tidy up after himself
• take children to school in the morning
• supervise homework
• take children out at the weekend
• do doctor/dentist/hairdresser appointments
• buy children's clothes
• supervise children's baths/teethcleaning etc

He loads the dishwasher after dinner at night and sometimes he puts the rubbish out.

My arguement has always been that I agreed to be a SAHM rather than a housewife, therefore, I mother during working hours (or I did before I started the business), and any housework that got done was a bonus (when DD started preschool etc I got more done).

I do the cooking and the clothes, DH does the bins and anything else I kick him to do, the rest is shared (or ignored )

I look after dd (26 months) in the day, do the food shopping, do most of the cooking, clean bathrooms, do most of the washing (which reminds me must get some on now) and keep on top of keeping the kitchen clean in the week. DH is very good and does quite a lot of housework and looks after dd whenever he is at home, eg weekends and after work. But I am 35 weeks pregnant as well so he is taking on more of the housework etc than usual. He is also more "anal" about cleanliness than I am so I think things get to him quicker than to me.
He also does the garden, sorts out rubbish/recycling etc. In fact he is very good generally.

Ahh FlameInHell, that sounds like my kind of thinking. We always used to share the housework, now I've got something else to do as well.

Thing is, I wouldn't mind doing more housework - I am at home more often so the mess bothers me more - but when dh is home he doesn't do any childcare unless pestered by me. And I mean, "go change that baby's nappy now!" Every Saturday I go mental about it, every Sunday he's a bit better.

I am SAHM dh works full time dd is 28months.

during the week

• I do most of the cooking and cleaning and he does whatever is left that still needs doing

• I do most of childcare obviously but he does the bath and gets her ready for bed

at weekend
we share and do whatever needs to be done and he usually has time alone with dd which means I have time alone for me. and he likes cooking.

he takes responsibility for his stuff like making sure his clothes are in order etc but I do help if I can.

and we have low standards

We have one DD (12 months) and DH works full time. He helps me bath her and put her to bed, and he often takes her out for a walk at the weekends to give me a lie-in (we take it in turns). He also does washing up and cleaning surfaces, and if I'm not feeling well, he does laundry and tidying up after DD.
I actually feel that I'm not doing enough sometimes.

MrsTittleMouse - don't feel guilty .

You'll be so glad you have a hands on DH when you have LO2.

My dh does practically everything. He's a bloody marvel. But if I wasn't disabled, I'd do the lot, probably, barring a few agreed bits. Looking after and schooling the kids is hard work, definitely. But so is commuting and working in an office 45 hours a week.

Actually, we're planning a DB2 (have massive fertility problems, so fingers crossed), and if we are lucky enough, I'm going to need lots of help. I felt awful during my first pregnancy, had a very long and difficult labour, and DD was a very demanding baby. She was ravenous all the time and got bored very easily. Everyone tells me that the next baby will be different, but who knows, DB2 could be worse!

On the other hand, when DH was job-hunting just after I gave birth, I proofread his applications, criticed his job talks and generally ran around after him because he was so stressed (understandably). So it does cut both ways.

I do everything except cleaning the toilets, which dh does, and he'll do a bit of washing up at the weekends (he's usually away Mon-Thurs).

Lucky me .

I do everything in the house except for DIY, taking bins out (but only cos I'm pg and really suffering from bad back) and gardening. That sounds terrible but a. i like things to be done my way (anal alert) and b. erm , there isn't a b - although it means when dh comes home from work we can both relax together as everything is done . Actually, dh does put dd to bed every night and I work one evening a week when he'll dish dinner and clear up afterwards. He'll also help if I'm struggling with things like mopping and changing duvet covers and I expect when this baby arrives I'll need him to do a bit more...

He does bathtime and I do all the cooking for ds, other than that we just seem to get on with it. All other jobs are done as they come up by one or the other of us.

His mother trained him well

I feel a little lazy here...I am SAHM of 2. I find it hard to just clear up after them in the day, nevermind do other chores. DH is a lot tidier than me, so often when he gets a bee in his bonnet about the mess he will zoom round and its all tidy again.

On the whole I DO:
cooking, washing, washing up during the day, breastfeed 6 month old and do night wakings. I clean bathroom and toilet.

HE DOES:
Bathtime (then I get 15 minutes to clear kitchen)
Hoovering

Its pretty laid back though and DH is good at helping around the house. Fortunately the mess annoys us at different times, so we just clear up as and when. He notices mess on the carpets, which I just step over and ignore whereas I hate a dirty bathroom, so it works quite well.

I dont think it is unreasonable for you to expect DH to do jobs despite working all day. Being a SAHM doesn't mean you do nothing all day long and I find it hard to get the everyday jobs done whilst my 2 are awake.

I:
Hoover
do washing
clean as and when necessary
sort out all stuff for the children (admin and in terms of packing ds's bag for the childminder)
mow lawn
do most gardening
cook
grocery shop

DH:
Gets children up and gets them breakfast
Unloads and loads dishwasher as required
takes rubbish out more often than me
folds washing if there's any that needs folding while he's home in the evenings
does most money stuff
puts one or both children to bed and baths them both (while I scoot round and tidy then come up)

We alternate bed times - at weekends dcs share a room so then only one of us reads and settles them. During the week we alternate ie. i put dd to bed, he puts ds to bed or vice versa.

We have cleaners in once a fortnight and our ironing goes to the ironing shop.

Seems to work rather well. I do freelance work from home, but only about 6 - 8 hours a week while ds is at the childminder and dd is at pre-school.

I work from home (although only part time) so its a bit different, although dh does consider me to be a SAHM.

But anyway, I do everything except:

Gardening, washing of cars, any general DIY.

DH also often tidies up the kids toys (he prefers to as he's a tidy freak!) and he also often hoovers/dusts.

He never cooks, washes clothes, irons or washes up.

I'm happy enough at that, as my work from home is self employed work, so I can do less on the days when I need to do more for the dcs

sahm i do majority of it

dh helps with what and when he can
night times he's late so just story and bed
weekends cooking, off playing together whats needed is shared out really

but i like to get all the wahsing cleaning etc out the way so we can all play together at weekends
and consider it a personal failure of organisation if i have to go near shop saturday or sunday..

we share the cooking... though I obviously do more because I am sahm...dh does a lot more shopping now we don't live in a town(when I did nearly all the shopping)...

if I strip our bed, dh will make it, but no other beds, he irons his own clothes... I do all the washing, most of the cleaning, dishes again mostly done by me, dh will do the dishes, if he has cooked the meal and sometimes at the weekend, bathroom very rarely gets cleaned by dh...... we share cutting sticks and cleaning up around the garden, but dh is more pro-active than I am outdoors...

we share the evenings with reading, bathing etc

I think the balance is okay, we have no fixed jobs, I get grumpy then tidy, he gets grumpy and tidies the cupboards