SAHM's with working DPs/DHs...

[PregnantGrrrl]

What does your other half do in terms of household stuff and taking care of the kids? Do they expect you to do everything because you aren't 'working'?

I'm going to be home for 11mths with 16mth old and newborn shortly, and am pondering how to divvy up duties with DH. I'm thinking I'll take care of the kids in the day (aswell as breastfeeding newborn at night), sort out washing and dishes, and do evening meal every other day (he can do it on the alternative night). Will be going back to having driving lessons once i'm upto it aswell, so he'll have to be at hand for having the kids then.

Stuff like mopping / hoovering / putting rubbish out he's going to have to split with me aswell i think

Ah - ironing.

Neither of us do much of that .

Dh baths dd and ds every evening but I do all the cooking, shopping, cleaning, tidying, dishes, ironing etc. He is pretty good at diy and gardening. tbh I'm a bit of a control freak and don't really like him doing stuff in the house Having said that when I've got alot on at work or with study I do nag him to help out and he does. Interesting to see that lots of your dh's do housework though... My dad never did any, I wonder if thats something that influences the division of housework in my own house..?

DP does naff all around the house, so pays for a weekly cleaner (if that's how he wants it, thats fine with me!)

He gets up with the older children and cracks on with breakfast/washes/dressing and does the school run most days. I get up when I can depending on the night I've had with the baby.

On weekends we alternate lie-ins.

He takes the older one's off to an activity Saturday mornings, so in the afternoon we all chill out together.

But saying that, he works away a fair bit too so this is only as it is some of the time. When I do the school run we are nearly always late

Hope that helps

I agree with hmc. I work part time so I expect DH to do more than if I was a SAHM. We do not have a cleaner. So our system is that I will clean upstairs during the day when I am being a SAHM to my DD (she is 3 and only goes to nursery when I am working) and my DS (if it is school hols) and we will clean downstairs together in the evening. This is, IMO, fair, reasonable, and sensible. It is hard to clean upstairs when the DC are in bed so it is more practical to do that during the day, it is good for the children to see that the house doesn't get clean by magic, but OTOH, I do not spend all my time at home cleaning, I have time to do other things with DD.

And when you have spent an hour cleaning with my DD you need a break. [sigh] She got very cross with me for cleaning the toilet seat/lid etc with a wet cloth and bathroom cleaner because she had already dusted it. Then insisted on having a go with the toilet brush. And this was just the first part of the first room.

Agree with you totally on that handlemecarefully. I know couples where the mum is a sahm and the man goes to work (office job mind you) and he does half if not more of the housework whilst she is at home all day. To be quite honest I do not mind doing the majority of the housework, it gets to me more whereas he is happy to just leave it, I suppose I am a bit of a control freak with it aswell. We always agreed that whoever stayed at home with the kids would look after the house aswell. People say just looking after the kids is a full time job in itself but don't see that as 'work', I enjoy spending time with and looking after my child (soon to be children!) I see my 'work' as the housework and compared to working 9-5 in some of the jobs I've done it's a walk in the park.

The thing I always find unfair is where being a SAHM means working seven days a week until late into the evening, while her DH works five days a week and doesn't lift a finger in the evenings or at weekends because he has been at work all day. Not sure what world that is fair in.

I do paid work two days/SAHM the rest. I don't have very high standards so I can get most housework done during the day in odd bits and pieces but anything left over is shared between me and DH at the weekend. He does bath and bedtime, which is his main time with DD in the week, and I do supper. He loads the dishwasher and sort of cleans the kitchen (not as clean as I would do it, but then I'm not doing it....!) Weekends we take it in turns to have a lie in.

For me the two most important things are that we both have the same amount of leisure time and that we both recognise and respect the work that the other puts in to the family - that includes paid work to support us financially and unpaid work to keep the whole thing going. The exact division of labour varies - at the moment I'm 9 weeks pregnant so haven't been doing so much during the day due to sheer bloody exhaustion. If one or other of us has a particularly busy time with paid work the other will pick up more housework.

I'm getting jealous hearing of helpful husbands here...
I do _everything which contrary to how this post sounds, I don't mind too much as I get to spend time with DS and it's no big deal if I put my mind to it (including bins, even tho 27 weeks pregnant, don't think DH even knows where to wheel them out to, in fact I also have to dip into bin to remove recyclable stuff he always tosses into household waste) apart from DH's laundry, as he doesn't trust me not to muck his clothes up. Mind you, he never bothers to remove them from the washing machine and hang them up to dry, so that's my chore too.

He cooks for us a few times and does it deliciously, but doesn't wash up/load dishwasher. He bakes cakes with DS but mainly prefers to read newspapers (article about providing a happy childhood to one's children) when DS is begging for a play companion and that is annnoying as I have to cut in and nag him to take interest.

What I do mind though, is that he seems to enjoy telling me that I'm not cleaning/tidying up thoroughly enough - says I'm a bit slapdash and lazy if he spots dust on the spare bed's headboard, or some other unimportant thing. It really p*es me off...You'd never believe I used to be a manager and 2nd in command of a business. He can make me feel like a skiving work experience skivvy. Can't wait to be working again and get back some independence, but won't be a while yet. Pay around here is quite bad and doesn't justify against the childcare costs.

I also do the research tasks to find best cost furniture/service suppliers/blah, and deal with questioning bills and all that. Also listen to how he suffers from the pressure of having to support us financially, while I'm living it up at home all day. Oh, somebody stop me, I'm ranting! I do love him, but I'd love him even more if he showed appreciation/help.
When you're falling in love with somebody, you don't really consider discussing their attitude to housekeeping...