SAHM's with working DPs/DHs...

[PregnantGrrrl]

What does your other half do in terms of household stuff and taking care of the kids? Do they expect you to do everything because you aren't 'working'?

I'm going to be home for 11mths with 16mth old and newborn shortly, and am pondering how to divvy up duties with DH. I'm thinking I'll take care of the kids in the day (aswell as breastfeeding newborn at night), sort out washing and dishes, and do evening meal every other day (he can do it on the alternative night). Will be going back to having driving lessons once i'm upto it aswell, so he'll have to be at hand for having the kids then.

Stuff like mopping / hoovering / putting rubbish out he's going to have to split with me aswell i think

I do pretty much everything but DH does the bin, it is a mnas job imo That being said he does empty the dishwasher and such like when necessary, don't think I have seen him mop for a loooong time tho [hmmm]

DH works quite long hours (work day starts at 7am and he can work until midnight). He mostly works from home, though.

I do:
shopping, cooking, cleaning up
tidying up
running of all errands
most school runs
accounting for household
gardening (light)
most childcare
some laundry
IT stuff for house
DIY for house
stocking up on household goods
Future planning for household
Booking of travel for household

DH:
reads DS bedtime story
nothing else

HOWEVER, in compensation, I do get a nanny/housekeeper two days a week, a gardener every 3 months, and a window washer every 3 months. Otherwise, we'd have some serious marital problems.

I'm doing something wrong I think....I do everything
dh will bath ds if I scowl enough...but thats it......oh dear....

I work part-time, have dds 8,6 and 3 and do everything! Dh goes to work

Wow a DH that actually does something other then put the toilet seat down. I do everything and I think its totally unfair. DH does work 5 days a week but I swear he should have married a woman from the 1950's.
I work 7 days a week as a SAHM. He's such a lazy buggar he won't even dump the crumbs off the cutting board(why he doesn't just butter and cut the bread on a plate is beyond me). I plan to start working part time when our lil sunshine starts kindergarten but I'm betting even then I'll still be stuck with all of it. Hmm..I don't see a fed up face...lol

My DH has weekends off but only sees the kids from 6-7 during the week and so gets my older 2 ready for bed.

He'll do anything around the house apart from bathing DD (7 months).

He sees looking after the children when he's at work my job.House work isn't in the job description iykwim ,so when he's home we share all the chores,apart from gardening which I hate!

on the days that I am at home, I do everything right up to putting the children to bed.

when dh gets home between us we do the following:

empty dishwasher
get bags ready
he usually makes us something to eat
he usually does cat litter
bin bags if necessary

At weekends he does the ironing, alot of the cooking and all the bathing/putting to bed of the children.

I work part time and so we have a cleaner, when i didn't have a cleaner, I did the cleaning at the weekend while dh took the children out.

In theory he is also meant to be helping our eldest with his maths homework, but this hasn't happened yet.

Well dh gets up with the kids (nearly 6, 4 and almost 1) every day including weekends so I can get a lie in as the 1 year old still feeds 4-5 times a night if not more. He's up anytime from 5.30am.

I do all the cleaning, cooking, washing etc. He does the dishwasher at the weekends in the morning most of the time but I do it the rest of the time. He usually irons his own work shirts but if I'm ironing then I'll do him one too.

He does the bins, I do this very rarely.

He often cleans and hoovers the dining room after weekend meals and he baths the kids maybe once a week? Weekends as they have their baths before he's home from work.

He gets up in the night with our 1 year old if he stays awake, lately he wakes in the night an stays awake for an hour or more. I try to get him off to sleep first but if he isn't going then dh gets up with him.

He hoovers some weekends too. All in all he does his share I think, I love that he gets up in the mornings with the kids. Luckily he doesn't need much sleep otherwise I'd be a wreck as ds2 still feeds all through the evening, night and daytimes.

We've always found the first 12-18m of a child's life quite hard going, and dh ends up doing most of the housework. Probably because he's the sort that can't bear to see a job left un-done. For the first few weeks he does most of the hot cooking as well, but then I gradually take over.

His regular things are bathing and bedtime for all the children. It's not just a job, though, it is a very important part of his day - particularly when he was woking long hours - because it's an opportunity to re-connect with his children and have some special daddy-time with them.

He also tends to do the shopping in the evening. I always feel very ignorant when I start to take that over, totally out of touch with how much things cost and what quantities to buy.

As to the rest of the housework, it gets done by whoever has the energy for it - usually dh. But, like I said, he's more driven to get it done than I am. TBH he'd make a better househusband than I make a housewife.

There comes a changeover point when I have to give myself a kick up the backside and take over most of the jobs again.

I do pretty much everything during the week
as dh works long hrs (4am on a couple of occasions!). He will do the rubbish in the morning for the collection though.
A cleaner once a week, shopping online and only cooking quick, one pot dishes help.
On the weekend, he'll do a lot. He'll do breakfast, get ds1 ready, take him out so I can get some time to myself (ds2 is 3mnths), cook me dinner etc
I agree with you, HairyIrene, weekends are mainly for play and I consider it a personal failure if I have to do any laundry on the weekend!

I am a sahm with 17mth old ds and 10 wks pg with no.2. I do the childcare (all), cooking, cleaning, washing up, laundry, shopping, recycling although I only hoover every other day and bath ds every other day.

he, walks dog, occasional shopping, puts bin out, does what DIY he can and will cook the sunday meal. He does play with ds though and sometimes will take him out on weekends. He may have to do more housework as I get more heavily pg.

The thing is I can't really say anything as he has a really physical job and works shifts so is absolutely shattered in the week. He says that my job is not that tiring and if I have a problem with it I can go out to work full time and he will look after the kids and house which I don't want to do lol!

I think you need more input from your dh Alishanty because you have a young (17 month old = constantly on the go/ exhausting) child and have no respite from that - not even Pre-School, and you are also pregnant.

I have a 3yr old and 5 yr old. One at school and the other at Pre-School 5 mornings per week.

Dh works long hours so I require him to do nothing during the week - afterall I have 2-3 hours to myself every day (so can fit in chores), I also have a cleaner, a gardener and dog walker! (yes, I'm fortunate I know).

So I do kids packed lunches and cook proper evening meal every night and clean up afterwards.

Do all food and household good shopping.

All tidying around the house.

Pick up the dog poo (my all time favourite job)

Sort the chickens

Top up cleaning (my cleaner isn't particularly high on productivity bless her)

Read with dd / homework

I don't have tonnes to do, but there is certainly sufficient to keep me occupied and I can't often be found on here for more than 10 minutes or so during the day.

Dh does put kids to bed on the 1 or 2 nights he is home early enough, and he is hands on and devotes a fair amount of time to them at weekends.

I have no major beef with him other than I would very much like to hang him by the testicles when he makes comments like "God, the house is always so untidy" (this was said the day after my 3 year old recovered from a 4 day long vomiting bug and I had spent the preceeding few days mopping up sick and washing constantly)

His other good comment is "How can we make you more efficient so that you have more time and attention to spend on me?"...then he looks at me with incredulity when I go into orbit

I am a SAHM, DD is 19months old. DH works full-time.

What I do

• clean house
• cook
• washing
• washing up
• ironing
• looking after DD
• bath her

What DH does

• puts out rubbish
• looks after garden
• washes the car
• DIY
• puts DD in bed every night

Over weekends we both do the shopping. Some weekends he will cook the whole weekend or 1 or 2 times. Will help with dishes here and there. If he sees I had enough he will take over everything.

But one of these days I'm going to start to work again. Hopefully he will think about this and we will make turns with the cooking and he will help with the house duties! Only time will tell......

I use to kill myself trying to do everything and posted on AIBU about how I needed a break and was rightly told my DH was taking the piss, so we slowly started to comprise more.

I have lazy days like today, when all I have done is a few loads of washing, cleaned the kitchen, bathroom and had a visit/lunch with my father and spent the rest of the day playing with DD and poping on/off MN

My DH deals with the car, a fair bit of the cooking, some shopping and does limited tidying at weekends. DD wise he plays loads with her and looks after her and takes her to bed/toilet if I'm tired, ill or generally need a break.

I know what you mean handlemecarefully. When I first had ds he was off work because of an accident and he did everything round the house while I concentrated on the breastfeeding and childcare. The reason he doesn't do much atm is cos his job requires him to lift really heavy gas cylinders all day long for 8-12 hrs, he either has to get up at 5am and walk to work or finish at 10 pm and walk home because I need the car. I realistically can't expect him to be doing housework when he gets in. To be fair as long as the bare minimum is done in terms of housework he doesn't complain, as you say I have an active toddler, no wonder I am as thin as a rake! When we both worked we shared the chores. He is leaving his job at the end of the mth as we are moving, so until he finds another one he will help around the house and he knows he will have to do more as I become bigger! Hopefully his next job won't be as tiring.

well I have been a SAHM for over a year now (wow!) although I was studying with the OU for a while... and I do most stuff, but only when I feel like it to be honest. We're all fairly relaxed about keeping things clean and tidy... our house will never make it into any house magazines but we usually know where everything is and I haven't noticed any mould anywhere recently...

I don't expect dh to do anything except iron his shirts if he needs them done quickly, and we have an arrangement that he cooks dinner on Saturday evenings which gives me a bit of a break.

However, he's great and does help out whenever he thinks stuff needs doing, rather than pestering me about it. For example, he's been doing tea a lot recently if he's back home early enough, because I am in the first trimester and very nauseous. If he notices the washing piling up, he will stick a load in the machine, or he often unloads the dishwasher because I haven't bothered yet! Plus we have a cleaner once a week, but like hmc's cleaner, she's not terribly efficient. Mind you, dp's work hours are really variable and sometimes he does really long hours so i can't depend on him to be around and help out. Like I said, I don't expect him to do much, so it's just a bonus when he does.

I'm pretty happy with our arrangement, to be honest. My ds1 is at school and ds2 goes to afternoon nursery so it's not as if I'm looking after the kids all the time (although the two hours in the afternoon can go very quickly). It is harder with a small baby, and two things that really helped me out when ds1 was small was to get the dishwasher connected, and get a cleaner once a week. I felt a bit bad initially cos I thought I should be doing it all, but it definitely helped ease the stress. With two kids (ds1 was about 2 when ds2 was born) it was even harder, and I would suggest you try to get him involved in the nighttime routine, because it can feel very draining to have to get them both to sleep when you've been looking after them all day. Of course it does depend if your dh is back on time to do this, and he might want a bit of a rest after getting home, before having to go straight into kiddy mode!

sahm is just that a mum

when dh is at work and im with dd 6 months that is my work and another time we split things

its only fair

I am a SAHM with a 11 month old (today)dd with another due in august.

My dh works full time and works shifts. However he does pretty much everything, even picking up the dog poo.(after it took me 3 years to convince him getting a dog would be a good idea and he would never have to do a thing with it)

He is much more tidy and organised than me, and only goes over things anyway, so I leave him to it. We have an agreement that I do the ironing as he hates it, but as I write I have a pile in the corner of my eye which as been mounting for over a week.
I obviously clean and do my bit but not as much as i should.
I tell him its like sleeping with the enemy

I think that arrangement could be grossly unfair to some dh's / dp's robinredbreast.

It might work and be viable if a dh / dp works 9-5 in a not too physically demanding or mentally taxing environment....but if they are busting a gut with hard labour (like alishanty's husband) or practically sweating adrenalin (due to high stress) / working long hours, then saying my job as a SAHM is simply to look after the children and everything else is shared 50:50 is not reasonable

I don't necessarily see it as political / a gender battleground like some do - it's a compromise and agreement based on negotiation of what is fair to all parties

if I'm home alone I'll do it

if we're both home we'll share it

he does some stuff

I do some stuff

cleaner does some stuff

We don't divide tasks up in any structured way. If dh gets in from work and stuff still needs doing then I expect him to chip in and help so that everything is done in half the time and then we can both sit down and relax!

I work from home though so I'm often working all day and housework etc is not done unless I've got a gap in my work (rare).

Same as Twig.

Apart from the cleaner .

am allergic to ironing