To be genuinely amazed that so many people have children

[aoneandatwo]

I’m a first time mum to an 8 month old baby and often struggle with parenting - it’s so repetitive, draining, hard work and relentless. It really does change your life so completely and utterly and that is a huge shock to the system!

Having experienced motherhood myself, I’m now quite amazed that so many people have kids and manage to be successful parents - and am even more amazed at those who go on to have a second or even a third.

I wouldn’t expect most people to have run a marathon or climbed Mount Everest, because both of those things are very hard to achieve - yet parenthood seems even harder in many ways but almost everyone seems to do it and do a good job!

It gets better and then you forget. They have a lovely phase in the middle. Then you get a teenager (my dd was hard work as a teen but ds is lovely but a hard toddler) and then they become lovely again.

Mine are great fun and I love having a family and seeing the adults they are becoming.

By the way I found the babies tedious...

Don't be fooled! Every parent in the world has difficult times, we all just muddle through them in the end.

I remember when I first became a mum, walking with my pram and suddenly noticing all these other parents with prams. I remember been amazed that so many others were in the same boat, having crazy sleepless nights, the crying, the exhaustion. It felt like I'd suddenly joined a club that I never knew existed before, and realising how many others were in it did help to feel a bit more 'normal' and not quite so isolated.

You're doing a great job. It feels overwhelming now but as every month/year goes by it gets easier (or just different!)

I felt the same as you op. Dc1 had terrible colic for weeks, I was so miserable and thought I'd made a terrible mistake having a baby, I wasn't cut out to be a mum etc. I didn't know anyone with babies beforehand so it was a real shock to the system despite anticipating all of it iyswim!

The first year is so up and down. But it gets so much better. I even decided to have a second and now they are a bit older I'm so glad - they play together and the second time round I knew a lot more what I was doing!
" Relentless" sums it up. I love it when a little milestone is reached - they can go off and wash their own hands, they can help put their clothes on, bring you the remote it really does get better!

When do they learn to bring you the remote? I want that stage please 😂

I remember when I first became a mum, walking with my pram and suddenly noticing all these other parents with prams. I remember been amazed that so many others were in the same boat, having crazy sleepless nights, the crying, the exhaustion.

This is me too - I look at other parents now in total awe, and am amazed that so many people willingly choose to put themselves through this and are seemingly doing a great job!

There’s no doubt that 8 months is easier than 0-6 months - mainly because my baby is in a much more predictable routine now. But it’s still very hard!

I think the only reason there are so many babies is that they are relatively easy to make. If it required more thought and work people wouldn’t do it.

It’s mainly social expectation and biological urge that makes people have children. I have no biological urge to climb Everest tbh.

Quite normal. I remember getting home with my first and looking at him and thinking wtf do I do now? What stupid idiot thought letting me leave with an infant was a good idea. 😂

The overwhelming sense of responsibility is scary stuff!

I absolutely guarantee other new parents look at you and think the same about you as you do about them

My baby’s napping now and I’m having a cup of tea and scroll through my phone (bliss!) BUT I don’t feel I can ever truly relax as I did pre baby, because I’m essentially just waiting for her to wake up and then it all starts again.

I absolutely guarantee other new parents look at you and think the same about you as you do about them

Haha I didn’t think of that but I doubt it @VettiyaIrukenve - I’m usually the red faced mum whose baby is screaming while I drop stuff everywhere and flap about. I make parenting look hard!

Maybe give yourself a break.

My first child screamed almost non stop for the first 12 weeks of his life. I thought what the hell have I done. FML. Still had two more babies!

Today I have a day off work. I am lying on the sofa on my phone in front of the fire with a cat lying across me. That screamer of a baby is now a strapping giant wall of muscle teenage boy who just brought me a cup of coffee because I am trapped by cat. He wants to know if I would like to listen to him play the new pieces he has learned on guitar. Yes, yes, I would, but after he has done the dishwasher.

A day will come when you will oversleep because the children did not wake you at dawn. Then some day you will find that at the weekends they get up, make their own breakfast then play quietly on the Minecraft or such like. Those sleeps will feel sooooo good.

I felt and feel just like you OP. I have never relaxed since DD arrived and I know I never will again. My DD is 4 now, and it gets hugely better and easier as they get older. But I wouldn't have another. And I find parents of multiple children really fascinating. I don't know how people
do it more than once or twice.

I have four children, it honestly gets easier the older they get!

We've evolved to forget the worst parts! Our drive to procreate is strong. People will keep having kids no matter how difficult raising them is.

I've got a five month old and I've not found it toooooo bad (yet). BUT I have anxiety issues and was having a horrendous time at work, so the monotony of life with a small baby is actually quite nice for me. If this happened two or three years ago when I was loving work and generally a happier day to day I think it would have been really hard. Also, don't forget that covid makes it extra tough right now, it's not like we can go sit in a coffee shop or meet up with our friends for a baby free afternoon.

I've had rough patches in the last five months and am sure I will be tearing my hair out again soon, but somehow you do forget it. Maybe that's why people keep popping them out

I'm child free and have no idea why so many people do it. I am very close to my sister and we lived together after her 1st was born. Through circumstances of house renovation and cross country move. I helped out with my niece for first 6 months of her life and saw how hard it was. Nothing was unexpected about how hard it was and what I was seeing though. So I'm always surprised when people say they had no idea how hard it is. When women say it all the time. But anyway I adore my nieces yet I'd never want my own as it is just so life altering and hard.

Which is why I'm amazed so many people do it!

I guess the problem is that you have no idea of the reality until you’re fairly committed and baby has arrived! You’re right though- I’m amazed by people who have more than one 😂

I'm amazed at how many people have kids with no prior experience of babies, that would terrify me. I guess a lot of people have much smaller families now so its way more common.

I'm pregnant with our first but being the eldest of a heck of a lot of cousins have been on permanent baby duty since I was about 7, including more recently with younger cousins' babies. The only thing scaring me is if lockdown continues I won't get the same support back now its my turn!

Two is easier than one. You then realise how much is down to innate personality and how little is down to parenting, yet how important the true parenting bits are. I believe this can relieve much maternal guilt and stress.

Have three or more and you quickly learn what's worth sweating about and what is not. It is quite liberating in the end. The art of not giving a fuck.

Keep your own life going. It is scary how quickly they grow up. One day you find they barely need you and you are left with the non-child bits of your life. Make sure you have something left for you.

I went to puppy training classes and the young couples who had no children were barely coping - the constant demands for attention, the biting, lack of sleep.

All those with kids were very blassé in comparison!
It's a huge adjustment to go from thinking solely of yourself to thinking about the survival of a tiny baby. That baby grows and becomes more robust over time for sure.
Hang in there!

With two they play with one another. It’s a lot easier.