To be genuinely amazed that so many people have children

[aoneandatwo]

I’m a first time mum to an 8 month old baby and often struggle with parenting - it’s so repetitive, draining, hard work and relentless. It really does change your life so completely and utterly and that is a huge shock to the system!

Having experienced motherhood myself, I’m now quite amazed that so many people have kids and manage to be successful parents - and am even more amazed at those who go on to have a second or even a third.

I wouldn’t expect most people to have run a marathon or climbed Mount Everest, because both of those things are very hard to achieve - yet parenthood seems even harder in many ways but almost everyone seems to do it and do a good job!

I’m on my third (ahhhhhhh) big age gaps (5/6years) and think why, oh why did I do this. Surely the others weren’t like this. Ahhhh I hate being a mum...... but then I have moments where I vaguely remember crying in a toilet at work (when returning after 2nd) because I just couldn’t cope with life. I’m sure in 4 years time I’ll forget how horrendous life is atm. I’m one of those parents where everyone says I seem really laid back and not stressed. ITS A LIE IM ONE WRONG MOVE AWAY FROM A MENTAL BREAKDOWN CONSTANTLY. You are doing wonderful

Most people feel like you at some point OP, even those who look like they have everything under control and are enjoying it. My eldest is in her 20s now but I still remember the utter horror I felt when brought her home and realised this was it, no going back and that I was somehow magically expected to know how to do this hardest of jobs. But to the outside world apparently it looked like I did know. Our best friends had their first baby just under a year after us and I remember one day my friend breaking down in tears saying that she wished she could be like me as I had taken to motherhood like a duck to water and could do everything. Her husband described our home as an oasis of calm. At that time I had just gone back to work, had a nearly 1 year old who was still waking multiple times a night and felt like I was clinging on to sanity and indeed life, by my finger nails. And our house was completely chaotic! But obviously we were putting on a good show for the outside world, or our friends were only seeing what they wanted to see. But either way, I was not "having it all" at all, I was struggling as much as anyone. And all the mums you see around are probably the same, at least some of the time.
But it does get easier. For me, speech made all the difference. I found it so much easier once they could tell me how they were feeling and what they wanted.I have found parenting older children/teens far easier and more enjoyable than the baby/toddler stage, though each stage has it's ups and downs of course.
Hang on in there and don't be afraid to ask for or accept help from others. And don't be hard on yourself. Everyone is making it up as they go along even if they look like they have everything under control!

We've been programmed via evolution to love our kids from birth (if the hormones flood in as they are meant to) precisely so we don't abandon them because it is, let's face it, a massive ball ache!!

It's also something most look back on as one of the best periods of their life, even though they were absolutely miserable due to sleep deprivation at the time, and then, just as things start to improve and the road gets much more bumpy, the old programming kicks in and we start getting broody again.

Thanks evolution!!!

It gets better, OP.

Usually.

LESS bumpy.

The road gets LESS bumpy.

Fucking baby brain.

I don't know why people get so stressed when a little baby arrives on the scene. They are a little person, who's needs are many, and who demands attention all the time, you don't have to run yourself ragged all the time though,if you have some kind of routine everyday.

I agree, I'd never have a second, I don't get how people do this and their marriages and mental health remains intact!

Saying that DD is 6 now and lovely and fairly easy.

I remember having the most god awful shock on my first post-baby holiday that holidays... weren’t really holidays any more.

The baby stage is very hard work for little return. Much better when they are older and know how to make cocktails for you

The only thing that gets me through is knowing the relentless baby/toddler phase comes to an end at some point. Then they go to school and I'll have 6hrs+ in the day to walk the dog, go to the gym, sleep, relax, whatever.

I'd like another one... and I'm a SAHM of 2 with a 14 months age gap Not entirely out of the woods yet and fuck me it's hard work some days. Especially this year with various restrictions on children's activities.

I think when they get to an age where they see so much joy in everything and can express it (in between the tantrums and tears!) that it makes it all worth it.

Take, for example, the recent snow. Mine were overjoyed and having not had a decent amount for several years, it felt new to them. They don't think about the slippery pavements or bad driving conditions, it's just snowball fights and fun.

Mine are older and I would not go back to those early days.

I don't know why people get so stressed when a little baby arrives on the scene. They are a little person, who's needs are many, and who demands attention all the time, you don't have to run yourself ragged all the time though,if you have some kind of routine everyday.

Do you have kids? I’m assuming not?!?!

@1forAll74

I don't know why people get so stressed when a little baby arrives on the scene. They are a little person, who's needs are many, and who demands attention all the time, you don't have to run yourself ragged all the time though,if you have some kind of routine everyday.

Indeed, I've seen new parents wake themselves up multiple times a night, every night for months on end, sometimes for hours at a time, and instead of making up those sleep hours in the day, spend their time playing with the baby, feeding it, changing nappies, taking a shower, and doing grocery shopping and laundry! They've only got themselves to blame for being tired!

Welcome to the club! I bet you you will have a second one!

Yeah I have a great routine of feeding, entertaining and keeping a baby and a toddler clean and healthy. Changing nappies. Picking up whatever they throw on the floor all day long. The toddler hits the baby sometimes, the baby bites the toddler, they both have tantrums over the most trivial nonsense which results in them both screaming and crying. They both need to be watched constantly to make sure they don't have a stupid accident climbing on something or tripping over something.

And at some point during this I have to take care of myself and life in general. Or I can leave that for the evening when they're in bed, but I don't want to go to bed too late myself, since I've usually been up since 6am and I get woken by the baby every 2-3 hours at night.

But yeah, I totally don't get why some people get so stressed!

@WhenPidgeonsCry exactly!!