DH does not enjoy being a parent....

[Butterybiscuitbasebase]

Hi all,

My husband just admitted he doesn’t enjoy being a parent. He doesn’t like the loss of his free time or the day to day slog of being a parent.

We have 2 DC. DS1 is nearly 3 and DS2 is 3 months. He has suffered with depression since the birth of our first son and is on antidepressants so I knew he has found things tough so I am not necessarily that surprised. I think Covid has compounded everything as he can’t get time away doing the things he enjoys (pub/rugby/golf) and is working from home with a baby around all the time. He is great with the kids and obviously loves them but he can get snappy and bad tempered when with us all for too long.

I am posting this as I need some advice. How do I deal with this? He has had counselling before which he didnt get on with.

Do you think a lot of men (and maybe women) feel this way they just don’t admit it?

Thanks for reading!!

I love it and so does DH, although we only have one aged 20 months and don’t plan to have any more. It’s fun! But then I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything else having waited until I was absolutely ancient before having him.

I agree the real issue is that he needs to take responsibility and get help for his mental health problems. You can’t just check out of family life. What if you both decided to do that - who would look after the kids then?? As always the mental strain of looking after the family falls on the woman while the man trudges about because he can’t go to the pub.

@NewUser123456789

As a man I can say that some of the other posters are correct about many men just not being cut out for parenting. Female hormones pretty much mean that if a man wants a partner after age 30 he has to agree to children but of the men I know with children I would say less than half wouldn't go back in time and not have them if they could.

I now find myself in the position of having a child. I was always dead set against the idea my whole life but found myself in a position where I had a choice between being single and stuck in rented accomodation forever or buy a nice big detached house and garden with my partner (her family has lots more money) and have a child. The terms of our deal are very clear though, it will be an only child and completely her responsibility, any input from me is totally discretionary as when i feel like it and she will pay for it entirely on top of her half of everything else. Even so I wasn't convinced it was a good deal then and I'm less convinced now but I guess time will tell.

And when she is sick of you, you go back to living in a small rental with Child Maintenance to pay regardless!

Sorry your thread got a bit derailed there OP. I'm also sorry I don't have any advice, I think your husband should go back to counselling though, maybe a different counsellor or different type can help.