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Parenting

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Original poster

I dont like gender stereotyping boys and girls toys, BUT please help me with this dilemma

66 replies

ScaryScaryNight · 17/10/2007 09:50

My son is 5. He is by no means a rough and tumble type of boy. He is not really into sports, he does not like football. He enjoys tennis lessons once a week after school. He got windsurfing tuition this summer, and loved it. He has asked for more swimming lessons so he can progress with surfing. He is not a "scaredy cat", he is really good at the climbing frames, and swings from ropes with the greatest ease, he did not think twice of climbing a rope bridge this summer (Like a football net suspended across a river), and he enjoys cycling.

Yet, he is different from the other boys in his class, in that he is not very boyish. He likes to draw, he draws intricate construction manuals for science projects he wants to do. He builds lego suitable for 8-14 age range without any help, he builds his own lego inventions that he can never pull to pieces (chocolate factory, nailpolish machine) all with elobarate stories of how it works.

He is also into pirates, Jack Sparrow, Transformers, Scoobydoo, Dr Who, Spiderman, etc....

I have always encouraged him to follow what he wants to do and not push him in any direction, as I think it is important for him to do as he wants and explore who he is and what he likes to do.

But now, he wants a make up kit. He has seen the Argos catalogue and he wants the entire Bratz range, with nail, make up, hairbrusher, etc. He knows it is for girls, yet he wants it.

He is very into clothes. He has enjoyed advising all our au pairs on what to wear, what belts and accessories go with what outfit, he has a remarkable eye, and they actually listen to him. A year ago I bought him a paper doll fashion kit, and he enjoyed dressing up the dolls in the different outfits. Then he discovered my Vertbaudet catalogue, and progressed to cut it to pieces and put the clothes together on a big collage, with what accessories to go with what.

I dont want to stiffle him. Yet, I am reluctant to buy him all these cosmetics toys. What should I do?
I feel a terrible hypocrite, on the one hand I would like to buy him one, and hope he doesnt show his schoolfriends. On the other hand..... Maybe I should just buy him a make up head doll?

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DoctorFrankenSquonk · 17/10/2007 09:52

why don't you give him some of your old make up instead? That way you're not buying him a "girls" toy, but he still gets to play with the stuff

oliveoil · 17/10/2007 09:52

well dd1 (a girl!) wouldn't get make up, especially Bratz stuff, so I wouldn't get it for a boy either

can you steer him towards something else do you think

DoctorFrankenSquonk · 17/10/2007 09:54

or on a day when you don't have to be anywhere, let him put make up on you

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Hathor · 17/10/2007 09:55

He sounds great. I think you are more scared of him being teased by his peers than by letting him follow his apparently 'girly' interests.
Would you buy the Bratz/makeup stuff if you had a 5 year old dd?
If the makeup bit worries you, get him some more stage-type makeup/dressing up box.
I think you should let him follow his interests. Personally I would not touch Bratz toys with a bargepole. I think they are hideous.

witchandchips · 17/10/2007 09:55

first don't worry too much about your relunctance my guess if he was a girl you would be worried too (although for different reasons).

if he was a girl what would you do? my guess it that you would buy some face paints so he could play at make up but he could do himself as a pirate instead

Original poster

ScaryScaryNight · 17/10/2007 09:56

ah Squonk, that is what started it! My au pair let him put make up on her. Once. You should have seen her. She said never again, and now he is bitten....

Maybe I shall let him do it on me....

OP posts:

MeMySonAndI · 17/10/2007 09:56

Good post OliveOil. No need to make a gender isssue out of this, he is too young to wear make up!

binkleandflip · 17/10/2007 09:56

Is stiffling the same as stifling ?

If so I understand your position and I would agree with Squonk - let him make you over.

Original poster

ScaryScaryNight · 17/10/2007 09:56

Face Paint! what a brilliant idea! I can make him into a pirate, or a tiger, or anything!

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muppetgirl · 17/10/2007 09:57

Have to say I agree with Oliveoil, If I had a dd (instead of a ds) she wouldn't be getting makeup at 5. It's not a gender issue for me.

I had make up bought for me when I was 14. Before that I wasn't allowed it.

binkleandflip · 17/10/2007 09:57

Sorry x post

Agree about Bratz for 5 year old of any gender

Not suitable at all IMHO

firsttimemama · 17/10/2007 09:58

I think you should let him have it. You said "I dont like gender stereotyping boys and girls toys" so don't. He's five and wants to be creative - why not?

Original poster

ScaryScaryNight · 17/10/2007 09:58

I agree, it is age as much as gender. Girls start around 11-12 with a little lipgloss etc, dont they? Not 5!

But in all fairness, I offered him the make up and hair doll, and he said it was too girly and childish. it is the bratz stuff he wants, and I am not too keen on bratz

OP posts:

binkleandflip · 17/10/2007 09:59

No Bratz is horrid

Original poster

ScaryScaryNight · 17/10/2007 09:59

sorry about stiffling/stifling typo. I dont want to hinder his play/progress

OP posts:

binkleandflip · 17/10/2007 10:00

Made me think of stippling (you know that old decorating effect that everyone was into in the 90's , gave me a funny mental picture lol)

firsttimemama · 17/10/2007 10:01

But at 5 "make-up" is face paint. I wouldn't be worried about a girl having it either at that age. I think that comes later on.

oliveoil · 17/10/2007 10:01

he sounds like that fab boy in Ugly Betty!

I have seen a hideous thing advertised that looks like what I used to have, Girls World or something

a head but you can cut the hair and get refills

not sure if it has make up with it or not, maybe a compromise?

face paint sounds better tbh

Original poster

ScaryScaryNight · 17/10/2007 10:03

Thanks all, I have some really good ideas already. He will get a face paint kit to use with his dressing up box, and he can try my make up on me.

I shall tell him Bratz is for older children, rather than saying this is for girls. I cringe with the thought of saying "it is for girls" to him. I feel it is labelling him, he is a child, and should be allowed to explore all that is in him (without being mean or violent or anyting).

OP posts:

oliveoil · 17/10/2007 10:04

still very 'girly' (and hideous

the other one is on there as well but looks like something from Halloween

binkleandflip · 17/10/2007 10:06

bloody hell olive that's un-nerving to say the least

oliveoil · 17/10/2007 10:06

isn't it just?

search under 'head' then on Argos, there are plenty more shockers

oliveoil · 17/10/2007 10:07

constipated?

binkleandflip · 17/10/2007 10:08

lol - I wouldnt sleep at night if that was under my roof

bozza · 17/10/2007 10:11

Do you know my MIL bought that for my DD when she was 2 1/2. Needless to say, despite her only have it out about twice, all the hair is smeared up and the face stained despite me cleaning it with bathroom cleaner and a scrubber.

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