Anyone else feel like a fool for not sleep training?

[Lelophants]

I think I know the answer to this because every baby, mum and relationship is different. I also don't want to make this a judgemental post, but would like to hear from any mums more similar to me and see how your kids turned out! Do you regret avoiding the whole sleep training fiasco? Were you also the only one you knew not to do it?

I dont want to sleep train for various reasons and I am happy with that, but it's starting to get me down how I'm the only one out of my friends who hasn't and I keep wondering whether I'm just being stupid.

It's just me still breastfeeding, going to bed early, missing out on late night chats and consistent naps. A few local friends who were similar are now starting to sleep train their 1 year olds (who were adamantly against it before). My friends who have had babies after me are also now doing it. One of these has a 3 month old and she keeps going on about how well it is working and giving me sleep tips, which is driving me a bit mad tbh. She keeps gently patronisingly telling me how basically really I should've done this by now as my ds is 1 and her 3 month old (I know ) is great and I need to toughen up and do it.

I feed him to sleep, still breastfeed and frequently bedshare at night. Naps are up and down and yes I am tied to the pushchair during rain or shine and sometimes I tear my hair out a little bit, but I still find it better than the alternative and I want to do what's best for him, which is what we are doing currently. I feel comfortable parenting this way but sometimes I am made to feel like I am being a bit of a soft idiot.

Sometimes I wonder if I should just try it for an easy life. I can't look forward so can't see how he will turn out and what is best for him. I guess I'm looking for some reassurance that I'm not an idiot for doing what I'm doing and my ds will be OK! And worth missing out on the 12 hour stint at night.

@Lelophants

My issue is that I'm worried I'll feel constantly guilty about doing it, even if he does end up sleeping 12 hours! What if he needs something in the night and doesn't cry?

My son was 'trained' but still calls for me when he needs something, usual his dinosaur that's fallen on the floor.

Also, sleep training isn't a fiasco. Proper sleep is essential, especially for developing babies. Broken sleep for years isn't healthy.

[quote Lelophants]@Ohalrightthen because he's learned that if he cries I won't come.[/quote]
This is a myth tbh

[quote icedaisy]@bookworm14 exactly!!!

That nonsense about not crying really pisses me off actually. I sleep trained at 14 months or I wouldn't be here.

I learnt the difference between pissed of cry and distress cry. Dd still cries occasionally, of course she does!! Unwell, bad dream, lost dummy, etc. I am straight there.

But she doesn't wake every 20 minutes for no reason at all. She's content and happy as In her cot, and let's me know if she needs me. [/quote]
Yes!!!!

@user853600

I'd feel like a failure if I did sleep train tbh.

I love that dc sleeps naturally.

Lucky you! Some kids sleep naturally, some don't sleep.

@user853600

I'd feel like a failure if I did sleep train tbh.

I love that dc sleeps naturally.

Ha ha ha ha. ODFOD.

I'd feel like a failure if I did sleep train tbh

Why?

Lucky you! Some kids sleep naturally, some don't sleep.

All children sleep naturally.

Biologically normal infant sleep doesn't involve not waking throughout the night.

I breastfeed my 2.5 year old regularly through the night. I don't want to sleep train as I am against it, nothing to do with my sleep quality (which is barely non-existent as a single mother with no support.)

@MrsSchrute

I'd feel like a failure if I did sleep train tbh

Why?

Because I disagree with it.

What about I do you disagree with?

@MrsSchrute

What about I do you disagree with?

The concept. It's unnatural.

What about it do you disagree with?

Sorry for the typo!

@user853600

I'd feel like a failure if I did sleep train tbh.

I love that dc sleeps naturally.

Just realised I said failure.

I meant fool

So are cars, and antibiotics, and pushchairs.

I'm not trying to have a go, I just want to understand how you came to have such a strong opinion about it.

I’ve also never sleep trained (what is that - like controlled crying?) and am now paranoid that I should be! My DS is 6 months and I let him nap for as long or as little as he wants - he just wakes up naturally when he’s done. Nap times range from 40 minutes to 1.5 hours usually. He wakes once during the night generally speaking, but does sometimes sleep through.

@MrsSchrute

So are cars, and antibiotics, and pushchairs.

I'm not trying to have a go, I just want to understand how you came to have such a strong opinion about it.

I agree. Lots of things are.

But sleep training is something that I would not enforce. I find it cruel. My dc may cry, my job is to comfort them. I couldn't leave them to cry, to be scared, that isn't why I had a dc.

I don't use a pushchair either, never have done. Not because I think it's cruel but I tend to go for more natural parenting approaches (babywearing)

@user853600

Lucky you! Some kids sleep naturally, some don't sleep.

All children sleep naturally.

Biologically normal infant sleep doesn't involve not waking throughout the night.

I breastfeed my 2.5 year old regularly through the night. I don't want to sleep train as I am against it, nothing to do with my sleep quality (which is barely non-existent as a single mother with no support.)

Does it involve waking every 40 minutes though? Because that's what i was living with for 10 solid months.

Also, not using a pushchair because you're going for a more "natural" approach - good luck with that when your kid is 25kg but still not up to walking for more than 10min.

DS shouts out for us if he needs us. Why wouldn’t he, we’ve always been there for him. Thankfully it’s rare and usually when he’s poorly. Last Saturday he slept in the spare room with DH for example because he had a super stuffy nose and couldn’t settle after waking up at midnight. He was back to normal the next night.

For the last time, YOU DO NOT NEED TO LEAVE YOUR BABY TO CRY TO HELP THEM WITH GOOD SLEEP HABITS ffs. Sorry to be shouty but why do people keep saying this!?

@ivftake1 there is frequent evidence that it doesn't work for a number of babies and yes it is stressful and a fiasco as I've known people have to take time off work to do it because it is distressing and stressful. I'm not trying to offend people who have chosen that route. Some babies do perfectly well on it, but others do not.

Most humans don't sleep for 12 hours straight. It is perfectly normal and healthy for babies to wake and want to be near their caregivers during the night just as they are with them all day. Tbh you could say the opposite is unnatural.

Look I get it, adults need their sleep and to focus on their mental health, especially in today's world. It doesn't mean it is right for everyone and necessarily best for the baby if the adult can manage it fine.

@Abouttimemum

DS shouts out for us if he needs us. Why wouldn’t he, we’ve always been there for him. Thankfully it’s rare and usually when he’s poorly. Last Saturday he slept in the spare room with DH for example because he had a super stuffy nose and couldn’t settle after waking up at midnight. He was back to normal the next night.

For the last time, YOU DO NOT NEED TO LEAVE YOUR BABY TO CRY TO HELP THEM WITH GOOD SLEEP HABITS ffs. Sorry to be shouty but why do people keep saying this!?

I don't understand your post then? I'm tasking about sleep training specifically.

I don't understand your post then? I'm tasking about sleep training specifically.

What do you actually understand sleep training to be OP? Cos I don’t think you necessarily understand it from your posts.

There are LOTS of options - from letting your baby cry to taking weeks and weeks of gentle options. All of these are sleep training!

@londoner87

I’ve also never sleep trained (what is that - like controlled crying?) and am now paranoid that I should be! My DS is 6 months and I let him nap for as long or as little as he wants - he just wakes up naturally when he’s done. Nap times range from 40 minutes to 1.5 hours usually. He wakes once during the night generally speaking, but does sometimes sleep through.

Please don't get paranoid about this! If isn't an issue then please don't try and make your life harder.

I think non loaded debate or reasoning has been lost on this thread, which to be honest, I detect a smidge of martyrdom/ humble bragging right from the offset. I personally think sleep training has led to better sleep for my DD which is vital for her to grow properly. Not sleep training and suffering would not have made me a better mother, like PPs seem to suggest. Do whatever you want but sleep training doesn’t make you a worse parent just because you put the child in their own bed.

@ShirleyPhallus

I don't understand your post then? I'm tasking about sleep training specifically.

What do you actually understand sleep training to be OP? Cos I don’t think you necessarily understand it from your posts.

There are LOTS of options - from letting your baby cry to taking weeks and weeks of gentle options. All of these are sleep training!

I'm talking about traditional sleep training methods. All very well but I haven't found a gentle one yet. Please enlighten me!

Google the disappearing chair and shush pat - both very gentle sleep training methods!

@Lelophants reading your update I’m not sure you really understand the different options for sleep training. As a counter for your argument, actually teaching a child to be comfortable in their own sleep space, and teach them how to put themselves to sleep, is an important skill. You clearly feel you sleep training ‘is just for the adults’ but actually it’s vital that a child gets proper rest. If you can do that by cosleeping or whatever, good for you, don’t change it. But others may not and sleep training may be best for their child to get proper sleep. Stop revelling in your own martyrdom.