I’ve just left DS alone on his playmat for half an hour

[newmum234]

DS (6 months) has been on his playmat for the last 35 mins, entertaining himself by playing with his toys. I’ve been sitting on the sofa nearby, keeping an eye on him but not interacting with him at all and scrolling through my phone instead. I’m a terrible mum aren’t I?

It's completely right .
You're in the same room, he's safe and exploring his toys.
You have another 23hrs a day (and night!) to chat.

I do this several times a day. I either do jobs or take a break and drink a coffee. It's perfectly fine, and indeed healthy, to take some time for yourself and your baby is perfectly safe and happy. DD could chat to the lion on her playmat all day long it seems some days.

It’s best not to interact all the time as it means they learn to entertain themselves.

DD could chat to the lion on her playmat all day long it seems some days.

Haha this! DD adored the lion would smile and giggle at it for ages. It never occurred to me that I was supposed to NOT check my phone while she was lying on the mat

Motherhood is not a career in show business. I don’t know where so many get the idea we must entertain our children all day long. It is exhausting—for the child!

Can you imagine someone in your face 24/7 making you learn and laugh and interact? Honestly, even babies need to chill. And as someone posted above, it is in our downtime that we—as humans—really time in to the world around us as we see it, not as others wish to show it to us. From there, true imagination, problem solving, and ideas are born.

*tune in to the world, not time in

Definitely not a terrible mum! I thought most people did this? As long as baby is safe then I think it's a great way for them to learn to play independently.

It’s good for child to learn to amuse themselves and play independently, you’re doing the right thing by giving your baby the chance to do that while he’s safely supervised and happy.

Quite the opposite. It's good for babies and toddlers to learn to play by themselves and entertain themselves. We had a playmat that baby could kick and lit up when he was little. He loved it, and I added nothing to his play if I was hovering over him. Used it daily and I quite happily had a sit down. Stop being so hard on yourself!

@newmum234

Why on earth would that be wrong? You could start him on latin i suppose instead

Because I feel I should be interacting more. But I’m exhausted.

I honestly think if I had to pinpoint the single biggest harm we've done to new mothers in the last 30 years or so, it's been to create this idea that we have to subsume ourselves n our children and that our children cannot and should not ever be left alone to entertain themselves for even a minute. You are teaching him important skills re entertaining himself, beginning the process of helping him to feel the thrill of satisfaction when he practices something and then achieves it (I'm sure you've seen the glee on his face when he finally hits that mobile with his chubby little fist or successfully kicks the ball lying next to him?).

Plus you are allowing him to self modulate and not forcing him to be overstimulated.

I WISH i had understood this more with DS. I was always trying to distract him and entertain him. And I did him no favours. Poor kid was permanently over stimulated (I realise now).

OP when you have more than one child it’s very common too do this, you can’t just stay entertaining a baby.
Enjoy it sounds good to me & then have a play in a bit together

I think you're doing your child a disservice if you interact with them constantly. They need to learn to entertain themselves and to develop their levels of self concentration

Amusing themselves is the greatest skill any child can learn. Well done

Encouraging amounts of independent play is a good thing OP!

It is impossible as they sleep less to play with them all the time. If they expect that.... when "life happens" and you absolutely can't, you will have a very distressed baby. So encouraging these moments long term is for his benefit in every way

(Not saying playing with your baby isn't also important)

Also going to point out that if and when a baby goes into childcare, often around 8 months for working mums, the ratio is 3 to 1, so babies won't be played with all the time.

You're doing a great job.

When my ds was that age entire days would be spent watching netflix. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Motherhood is not a career in show business. I don’t know where so many get the idea we must entertain our children all day long. It is exhausting—for the child!

This!!! My MIL was mortified that I left my son to play with his toys, she said he should have my 100% physical attention and interaction while he’s awake. He’s a very content little boy who likes to play alone AND with others!

When your DS gets big enough to crawl, invest in a playpen so you can still have your half hour 'off'. You're not expected to entertain your child every waking moment, that will exhaust you and make him overly dependent on your attention. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Stealth boast that your 6 month old can occupy themselves for 35 whole mins? :P

You don't have to be doing stuff all the time, make the most of those times when they let you sit down!

Heavens above - the last thing this poor child needs is you interacting all the darned time!

Give him some space. This is the very start of the process by which he becomes his own person, which is the whole point of raising children.

I am mind-blown by this idea that parents should be unremittingly interacting with their children.

Just leave him be!!!

I get it OP. I sometimes feel guilty if I leave DS to occupy himself. In fact just recently I was so upset that my nursery did just this.

I have to remind myself that he's a person too, albeit a small one. If I had DH with me all day long talking to me and asking me questions and giving me things to keep me busy he'd drive me mad!

Of course he loves interacting with you but a bit of time just chilling by himself will have done him some good too. Plus you were right by him, if he needs you he'll let you know.

Babies NEED to develop their own skills and independence.

So leaving them to play alone, while supervised, for periods, makes you a GOOD mum.

If you were leaving DC to play alone for 12 hours a day then it would be different. But a short period of independent play is good for DC, and to mix that with cuddles and playing/interacting with you is perfect.

How many second or subsequent children do you think get focused interaction for their entire waking time?

I hope you made a point of having a brew and sandwich at the same time. Honestly you have to make the most of these moments. 💐

This is clearly your first baby 😆

Your job isnt an entertainer 24 hours a day. He is perfectly fine to be left to entertain himself once you are watching him. Mine was left in her bouncer and dragged from room to room while i hoovered, put clothes away, cooked etc. I used to just eat lunch while watching homes under the hammer with her on her playmat.

In the nicest possible way, you are making a big deal over something very small. It's ok.

If he isn't mobile & couldn't hurt himself on anything & would probably have had a kip!