Am I being unreasonable about family caring for my baby?

[Razpoot]

I have breastfed 3 month old girl. My own family enjoys looking after her for the day with me around and taking over when necessary and we have no problem with this. However my partners side of the family keep pressuring me to leave her with them for long periods of time, preferably without me around or even overnight. I really dont want this, i feel she is so young still and have explained to them I'm hesitant on bottles as I really want to avoid nipple confusion.

However they tell me i am being unreasonable and they want to share the "special experience" of feeding her and caring for her as she is their grandchild. I'm also concerned about naps as i always make sure she gets a good rest but i have seen MIL wake her before from a sleep because she is desperate to play with her and let her sleep for ten mins and when she stirs letting her wake again seeing that as a good nap. When i mentioned this they said they know what theyre doing, they've had children. They also have a dog and i SCREAM internally as they try to get the dog to lick my daughter, bring her to the dogs face, and it goes wild when she cries when i raise this they always brush me off and im terrified of what might happen if im not there but they insist the dog is good and wouldnt hurt her.

I feel cruel for going against their constant requests for me to leave her with them but I just really don't want it, and they are getting frustrated with me feeling that im hogging the baby. MIL keeps telling me about all the fun i can have without her around but i really dont care about that at this stage. Thoughts and advice appreciated

She's only 3 months! No way can she stay overnight, ridiculous

You're not being unreasonable.. But from someone who has very little family and no partner I would probably love my future partners family wanting to spend time with my DD. Your baby is a little young though to be separated from you overnight when she's breastfed. I would maybe just keep putting your foot down and saying you don't quite feel comfortable yet because she's so little and obviously the dog issue.
You can't hog your own baby. That really is utterly ridiculous.

Absolutely not being unreasonable. Some people let their babies go for sleepovers at grandparents early on, others dont. There isn't really a right or wrong tbh. I dont judge anyone that does, but its down to what you as a parent feel comfortable with.
They need to respect that.
My ds was well over 1 before my pil had him on their own during the day, and they've never had him overnight.

Yanbu at all. It’s not about them- and they’ve plenty of time to spend with her. I’d also be really pissed off about the dog. That’s dangerous and unhygienic.

What is the matter with some people? Your baby, your rules. She's not a sodding toy!

Yanbu at all. I cannot fathom why they would be pressuring you for time alone with the baby like this.

Also, I’m a dog lover through and through but no matter the dog, you NEVER trust them with a baby, at the end of the day it’s an instinctive animal and they can never be truly predicted.

Sorry you’re feeling this pressure, last thing you need!

3 months! Are they insane? She’s your baby, there’s no way I’d ever let that happen.

Wow that’s crazy. The dog thing is terrifying - it’s so dangerous at worst and at best just really unhygienic. You need to put your foot down about that - beloved family pets have killed newborns.

And in general she’s much too young to be away from you, especially as you’re breastfeeding. I think you should speak to them and call it out in a gentle way. Say something like “I’m sure you don’t mean it like this at all, but I’m feeling under a lot of pressure to leave her with you and I’m not comfortable with that at the moment. I will let you know when I am. I’d love for her to develop a really strong bond with you.” The last sentence shows them that you do value them but also implies that whether she does or not may well depend on whether they can obey your wishes now.

Just tell them you like your dc's face intact..
Seriously remind mil she had her own babies..
Now is your time.

MIL has had her turn with babies.
No way would I be letting an exclusively breast fed baby be away from me for very long, definitely not overnight. The dog would worry me too.
Your baby, your choice.

No no no, trust your instincts. The more people push the more you need to pull away as these are people who do not have your or your daughters best interests at heart. Just their own weird need to pay house over and above your babies need for her mum (and boob). I had issues with PIL and through counselling and couples counselling realised there was emeshment where they actually felt they had a right to be involved in parental decisions like overnights, birthday parties etc. They were toxic then and they are toxic now. MIL was ecstatic when I couldn't establish bf due to DD being a special care baby as its 'selfish' apparently and denied her time with her DGC. Sadly for her DD is a much better judge of character and refused to leave me anyway. PIL still have not had her overnight at 2yrs as I simply do not trust them and their weird views of children (babies should sleep until 8am, we don't want to be disturbed at night but want her to sleepover, 2 chocolate mousses and a pack of quavers if fine just before dinner etc). My parents have DD overnight maybe 4 times and it's been fine. I trust them and DD loves them and is happy there.

YANBU
I could’ve written this OP!
I had pressure from my in laws too. I just ignored it or said thanks, but no thanks.
Even down to the dog “that loves her”. Yet I saw him snap at my toddler repeatedly on one visit . So all future visits switched to my house or not at all. Sleepovers never happened.
That went down really well!
Waking up the baby is a huge NO too!

It’s your baby and it’s up to you what happens with your child!

We’ve a Labrador who we all love very much and trust, but you can never say never and they cannot insist that their dog won’t hurt the baby. I’d never leave my dog around someone else’s child because he is so big.
There’s no way I would “offer” a baby to a dog . That’s not creating a boundary for the dog to respect. That’s saying here’s a toy for you, this is yours ... Too much licking isn’t great either.

Like a pp, I am a big dog fan- but I'd not be letting them have a baby unsupervised, if only because they sound clueless about dog behaviour and how badly it can go wrong. That description has me shuddering..

They also sound quite dismissive of your concerns, which isn't great. It's lovely that they are so enthusiastic, having said all that- but your partner is going to have to back you up and mediate here.

If they want to fall out with you over it, there's nothing you can do.

They have no right to time with your baby on their own. It's nice if both parties want it and it works but it's not a right. Some grandparents have got incredibly entitled.

Your partner should tell them to leave you alone.

No way on earth I would be allowing that. My baby is six months and I still won't leave him for longer than the gap between a feed.

Your partner needs to tell them to back off and tell them to stop trying to undermine your breastfeeding just so they can play babies.

They are being completely unreasonable and frankly wouldn’t be having the baby at their house even for visits unless they are going to keep the dog away . This is your child , as they have pointed out , they had their children so you do what you are comfortable with .

3 months?! absolutely not. You need your Partner to stand upto them too.

As for the dog, yuk!!! that is vile!

iwould be spending less and less time with them,your MIL has had her turn with babies,this one is hers!

**not hers!

She may be dgm but you are dm!! Baby only NEEDS you...

No no no! What is it with some in laws?! I'm having the same battle. Mil is desperate to have my 4 month old dd for a sleepover or for the day alone. So much Donahue "surprised" us with an over night stay in a hotel on the premise that she babysits. Obviously we have said no, I'm not ready to be apart from dd and you know there is the slight issue of a global pandemic!

*i have no idea what that typo is! Meant to say "she surprised"

Your MIL has had the 'special experience' of caring for a child; it's your turn now,

Just say no. You don't have to explain yourself. No no no and no until the conversation is dropped. Rinse and repeat.

They've had their babies.

My DS is 10 months and won't be staying overnight without me for a very very VERY long time. It's not beneficial for him - it's just a novelty for the adults.

Your baby is neither a doll nor a puppy, and is yours not theirs!

YANBU, they ARE!!

Your DH needs to be the one to shut this down, though. It's not fair for you to be painted as the bad guy when actually what you're doing is ensuring the best for your child.