Preschool/nursery

[Givemeabreak88]

My daughter is 3 and I was going to send her to the primary school preschool that my older children already attend but with the situation and not being able to meet any of the teachers or having any settling in sessions I decided not to. How did other people manage with this as I’m a lone parent and she doesn’t spend any time away from Me so there is no way she would be happy to be left without any kind of settling in. I don’t know if I Made the right decision though?

She's going to need to be away from you sooner or later, and the jump from home to school is much bigger than the jump from home to preschool. There also isn't usually any settling in. I think you just have to hold your nose and go for it. Read lots of books about it, talk to her lots about it, make it super exciting. It will be so important for her development at this age.

There’s no usual settling in or meeting the teachers? That’s unusual then as our school they do a settling in session and allow you to meet the teachers, you also get invited in once a week for reading time etc

Our preschool does a morning of settling in, as she’ll get free hours maybe you could ask the setting if she could just do one hour a morning for the first week and then increase when she’s happy?

The nursery and pre-school I send my son too offer short complimentary 'settling' sessions, but the parent cant be with them. They get one to one time with the same nursery staff member (if possible).

It is difficult, but realistically you need to work with whats going on at the moment.

She doesn’t need to be there as I’m at home anyway that’s why I was wondering if I should send her in this situation, I haven’t even met my older children’s teachers at all so it would be a case of dropping her a reception and leaving her with people I’ve never met. I don’t know maybe it’s cos I’m a lone parent and she doesn’t go anywhere without me so seems uncomfortable!

Children who haven’t experienced any sort of preschool setting very often struggle when it comes to reception, their simply not used to the massive jump between just parents and their being no parents and 29 other children, many of whom may already be friends, from preschool.

When was she three? Should she have started in September?
Could you perhaps ask for a slow settling in to the January entry point, maybe one morning a week from half term?

It is generally just one morning in July, and or this year September, and yes holding your nose and jumping in.

Thing is realistically unless the child is in the bubble I’m not sure there will a settling in morning in July either, I think life will only just starting to return to normal, while most of the restrictions will be starting to lift I think it will be a fairly long process. So what are you going to do? Not send your child to reception because there is no settling in morning in July and parents are still being restricted in terms of their involvement in school?

Would meeting the teachers over zoom be acceptable?

I haven’t even met my older children’s teachers at all so it would be a case of dropping her a reception and leaving her with people I’ve never met

While I get that, and I get that she’s only 3, I think your over thinking it a bit, not many parents would say they “know” their child’s teacher. I think with teachers you have to trust them a little.

Are you going to want to meet your kids university tutors? (Extreme I know and I’m trusting not)

Question for you, you say your older kids go there, your not as fussed you don’t know the older kids teachers, although I sense there is a little anxiety. Do you trust your older children’s teachers and the school?

I haven’t even met my older children’s teachers at all

Ive only met a handful of staff at my sons nursery. With childcare I feel like you can do all the research you want (and so you should), but at some point you do need to just jump in and do it

Oh ok just seems very different from when my son started which we actually had a home visit before he started and the I was invited to come and sit with him on his first day then if he seems fine wait outside the room, then they came and told me he was fine and settled so I left, that was the previous arrangement so this does seem very different. I will speak to them and mention my concerns, it’s probably more just that she isn’t use to being away from me so I’m worried about it but thanks for the advice I will speak to the school.

My kids “settling in” was a half day at nursery instead of a full one and they called me after an hour or so to let me know they were doing fine. I hadn’t met any of the teachers except the director, and a brief handshake with the actual nursery teacher. This was pre COVID so I did get a tour of the facility. It would be a lot harder if I’d never even stepped inside, but I guess these are the current times. Obviously when my second child went 2 years later, we were very familiar with the teachers

My DS has just started primary school and I’ve never been in the building or met his teachers

It is hard but presumably she knows the building a bit if her older siblings are there.

I’d give it a try, kids are always more resilient than we think and actually settling in with parents present can be counter-productive because then they expect the parent to always be able to stay.

Would the nursery teachers do a zoom call with you and her so you can both meet them in advance? Our nursery did this but it is part of a private school and did some distance home “learning” so was all set up for video calls.

As a preschool owner all I can say is we have been totally amazed at how well all our new children have settled this term.

To be honest they seem to settle far better without parents around. We do an hour max the first day and work from there. We send photo's of the settled child happily playing as soon as we can- usually within 5-10 mins.

If your older children are already there perhaps that will help, she may see them in the play ground or at least be able to walk there with them?

Our nursery doesnt let parents stay for settling sessions, they say it makes it much worse for the kids, they do a doorstop handover and that's it, Covid or no Covid.

@Ohalrightthen

Our nursery doesnt let parents stay for settling sessions, they say it makes it much worse for the kids, they do a doorstop handover and that's it, Covid or no Covid.

Having read in here and other forums lots of parents find drop and go works very well,

Sometimes even the most anxious child is fine once the parent has gone. Sometimes it’s the parents anxiety that the child is picking up on.

As soon as parents have gone they often just enjoy being with their friends and being with teachers

Well it might be my anxiety but in no other circumstances would someone drop their child of to someone they’ve never even met!

My oldest is autistic and she would have loved seeing her their but sadly she won’t as they need to stay in their own bubble so unlikely she would come across her, or my other two.

I find it strange some nurseries don’t allow settling in sessions like I said ours did a home visit!

off there

My DD started school nursery last year. She had a home visit and a stay and play session with us there before starting. This definitely helped, so I understand your concerns. Saying that, I think current restrictions will be here for some time, so I'd be keen to send her. Do they have any photos/videos of the classroom or teachers? That really helped my DD starting Reception.

I was worried too about having no settling in but my DD was absolutely fine, just went in and the door shut and that was that. I’ve still not seen what the nursery looks like inside! She had never been in a nursery setting before but the teachers are professionals and she’s been fine. I understand your concern but imagine how worried you’ll feel in September if she still hasn’t gone to preschool and then has to start straight in at the deep end...

Well it might be my anxiety but in no other circumstances would someone drop their child of to someone they’ve never even met!

absolutely and that’s why I said I totally understand that and the fact she’s only three, I think if you said you were leaving a three year old with a child minder or a babysitter you’d never met there would be quite a lot of wow I’d never do that.

I think with schools though it’s almost that you don’t have to know the individual teachers you almost trust the school it’s self rather than the individuals.

As to the drop and go comment I wasn’t necessarily referring to your own anxiety op, I was explaining the reasoning why nursery’s and schools have taken to using this technique - it works. Children very often are alright within moments of their parents leaving.