Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Am I a part time mum?

69 replies

MamaOl93 · 20/09/2020 20:14

My son is 3.5, single mum, son’s dad never been on the scene, his choice.

It’s only ever been me and my son, which I love. Now he’s at the age to go to pre-school, he goes for the full week (but three afternoons, one morning & one full day)

I then work Friday and Saturday all day, but he’s there at home with my family member who looks after him.

My dad and my sister have said I’m a part time mum now because he goes to pre-school all week. Are they right?

My feelings are quite hurt by that statement so if that is true, then am I doing wrong? 😣

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Ihatesandwiches · 20/09/2020 20:19

No, you're not a part time mum! He has time with you, time at pre school with little people his age and time with family. Sounds a perfect combo :-) I would have been devastated if a family member has passed judgement on me like that so I think feeling hurt is justified.

SueEllenMishke · 20/09/2020 20:20

They are 100% wrong. What happens when children go to school? Do we all become part time parents??

I've worked full time since DS was 10months old. I'm still a mum - I'm not a part time mum I'm just a mum.

Don't let such a shitty comment get you down.

StressyMcStressFace · 20/09/2020 20:43

Just because you're at work and your child is at nursery does not mean you suddenly cease to be a mum. You are a full time mum with a part time job and your child is at nursery part time. Just as if you worked full time you'd be a full time mum with a full time job. Yes it irritates me to!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3 year olds Families General parenting
Notfeelinggreattoday · 20/09/2020 20:45

No your a mum working to help provide for your son
Him going to nursery is helping hum with his social development and preparing for school etc

UnaMujer · 20/09/2020 20:45

Do you stop being a mum when your arrive at work?

workingfortheclampdown · 20/09/2020 20:49

Your dad never worked, then? Because otherwise he can't criticise your choices...

nitsandwormsdodger · 20/09/2020 20:52

My 1 year old DD is at nursery 11 hours and is so knackered I spend an hour in the evening with her before she is asleep

Wish I could afford to go part time
My eldest was at nursery similar time and we are bonded and happy

Kanaloa · 20/09/2020 20:56

Of course you’re a full time mum. Anyone who has had a baby and raises them is a full time mum. I mean, if your son got sick at preschool and they phoned you, would you say ‘sorry I’m not on shift at the moment, you’ll need to cover.’

I would wonder why your dad and sister would say that and whether they meant it nastily or it was just a badly judged joke.

formerbabe · 20/09/2020 21:02

That's such an odd comment. I'm a sahm but still sent my DC to pre school. Loads of people do. It's really good for kids imo...helps get them ready for school and socialising with other kids.

Original poster
MamaOl93 · 20/09/2020 21:10

Hi all who have commented so far - thanks, I appreciate all your responses and glad I’m not alone in thinking that comment was unfair.

My dad initially said it, and after talking to my sister about it and how it upset me, she said she agreed that I am a part time Mum because my little boy goes to nursery 5 days a week and then I work 2 days.

I disagree, but man, that comment really hurts. X

OP posts:
SoloMummy · 20/09/2020 21:50

@MamaOl93
Personally, I see no benefit to such extensive preschool attendance when you're available to offer him activities and experiences. So I understand their perspective.
Comparing to a school age child is like comparing apples and pears in my opinion.
I don't think that the single parent element is significant. Beyond the inference that this is a recent development. But lone parent or not for 18 hours of his waking week he is in preschool, then a further 2 days with other members whilst you work. So has with you only one full day in the week. To me as a lone parent, that feels sad for him and a lot of down time for you... Whether that's part time parenting I suppose is down to the individual to decide....

Kakiweewee · 20/09/2020 21:55

I don't even consider myself a part-time mum and my kids went to live with their dad seven years ago when my health got seriously bad. I never stop being mum just because they aren't right there next to me.

Original poster
MamaOl93 · 20/09/2020 22:24

@SoloMummy I put him into pre-school for education purposes, to be around other kids (he’s an only child, likely always will be), to develop his speech (he had a speech delay) but mostly for education purposes as he’ll be in school next year so don’t want it to be a shock.

I can understand you think it’s a lot but he doesn’t do full days every day, he goes for 5 hours out of the 4 days he attends.

Yes I work 2 days a week but is that wrong? If I wasn’t working that would probably also be wrong by someone commenting.

Not saying you ^ I’m just making a point.

I love my son with all my heart. I’ve only ever wanted the best for him. 😥

OP posts:
tunnocksreturns2019 · 20/09/2020 22:29

You are absolutely not a part time mum and to me your schedule sounds good for both of you.

Leafbeans · 20/09/2020 22:32

No you're not a part time mum, you sound like a great one. A lot of people act like pre school is some kind of punishment for children, it's absolutely not; my DC genuinely loved it. Shock horror they were in nursery from 12 months, and I am just as much of a mum as anyone else, as are you. I actually agree it's great at that age for him to be around other children, those who are adamant that a 3.5 year old are best off at home with them is odd to me.

Original poster
MamaOl93 · 20/09/2020 22:39

@tunnocksreturns2019 thank you, it works for us, but admittedly I feel guilty after the comment my family made 😢

OP posts:
Original poster
MamaOl93 · 20/09/2020 22:40

@Leafbeans Hi, thank you so much. No absolutely not, children love being around other children, fact, and I believe it helps them grow and develop/learn from others. I know my son’s speech has improved massively from not just me teaching him but many others from pre-school, teachers and his friends. I’ve always thought I’m an ok mum, I’m not perfect I know that, I’m yet to meet a mum who is, but I thought I was doing what was best for him x

OP posts:
SoloMummy · 20/09/2020 22:44

[quote MamaOl93]@SoloMummy I put him into pre-school for education purposes, to be around other kids (he’s an only child, likely always will be), to develop his speech (he had a speech delay) but mostly for education purposes as he’ll be in school next year so don’t want it to be a shock.

I can understand you think it’s a lot but he doesn’t do full days every day, he goes for 5 hours out of the 4 days he attends.

Yes I work 2 days a week but is that wrong? If I wasn’t working that would probably also be wrong by someone commenting.

Not saying you ^ I’m just making a point.

I love my son with all my heart. I’ve only ever wanted the best for him. 😥[/quote]
He will be in school for 14 years. Do you not think that a couple of sessions would have sufficed? I do, as a parent of a child with speech delay/additional needs and experienced/qualified teacher.
But that's for you reconcile.
What I will say is, you'll never get this time back again. The time I had with my lo will always be so treasured. That's why I value the additional time we had due to the pandemic.
If you're so certain it's right for your family unit, then it shouldn't matter what anyone says....

Original poster
MamaOl93 · 20/09/2020 22:48

@SoloMummy of course I treasure the time I spend with my son, I love the time we spend together, we are each other’s best friend. But I also believe that there’s nothing wrong with putting him into pre-school, I don’t think I should have got called a part time Mum for that. As I said before I have only ever wanted the best for my boy. X

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 20/09/2020 22:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

timeisnotaline · 20/09/2020 23:00

Solomummy can fuck off, but your dad and sister are worse as they are supposed to have your back. I’m a full time mum of two preschool aged children who works full time op, don’t let anyone tell you different. Tell your dad next time dc is ill he can look after them as you’re just part time and off shift. Are they always very unsupportive and putting you down? Watch out for that.

Original poster
MamaOl93 · 20/09/2020 23:01

@OnlyFoolsnMothers ❤️

OP posts:
Original poster
MamaOl93 · 20/09/2020 23:04

@timeisnotaline thank you, I’ve never thought of myself as a part time Mum either, and when I discussed what my dad said with my sister, I was shocked to hear she actually agreed, because I don’t have him “full time” anymore, they think I’m a part time Mum. Breaks my heart it really does. It’s not consistent that they’re like that, but it’s not the first time no x

OP posts:
riotlady · 20/09/2020 23:12

Who’s the family member that is looking after your son?

I don’t think you’re a part time mum (and that was a shitty thing for them to say) but I wonder if they’re maybe a little bit resentful that they’re giving up their free time at weekends to look after your son so you can work, and then during the week when he’s at free school then you’ve got quite a bit of your own free time of your own. Is there no way for you to work while he’s at preschool?

Original poster
MamaOl93 · 20/09/2020 23:17

@riotlady Hi, it’s my dad and sister. I specifically chose those days to work because it ties in with my sister’s work as she doesn’t work weekends and my dad doesn’t work, they both said it was absolutely fine for me to go back to work, how they wanted me to etc. So if they are resentful, they shouldn’t have encouraged me 😕 x

OP posts: