Am I a part time mum?

[MamaOl93]

My son is 3.5, single mum, son’s dad never been on the scene, his choice.

It’s only ever been me and my son, which I love. Now he’s at the age to go to pre-school, he goes for the full week (but three afternoons, one morning & one full day)

I then work Friday and Saturday all day, but he’s there at home with my family member who looks after him.

My dad and my sister have said I’m a part time mum now because he goes to pre-school all week. Are they right?

My feelings are quite hurt by that statement so if that is true, then am I doing wrong? 😣

Well do you live with your dad? If not is it even your dad anymore? Tell him that

@Livingmagicallyagain Oh goodness your comment is so lovely, thank you so so much. He is loved beyond belief you are right. Thank you honey ❤️

@OneKeyAtATime I’m 27, haven’t lived with my dad in nearly 10 years so I guess not lol. X

You're still his Mum when he's at preschool.

The government doesn't offer preschool education out of the goodness of their hearts. They offer it as it has proven benefits to children, and let's a parent become economically active. Even in the countries where 'school' doesn't start to 7 have a preschool offering.

OP please don’t feel bad. You are doing what you think is best for your son.

Some people just love to put mothers down and think that children should be glued to mums hip 24/7 which is a load of shit.

Socialising is SO important, learning how to get on with others and be independent.

The main thing is if your son enjoys being at the setting. If he does then fuck what anyone else says, honestly!

Does your family have form for putting you down?

@Aroundtheworldin80moves Yes I agree children learn in pre-school, it’s good for them!

@TwilightSkies Hi, thank you, I’m so glad you and so many others can see that too. Yes he absolutely loves it, always talking about it, and his friends! As for your question, unfortunately it’s not the first time and I know it won’t be the last. X

Honestly I think you've got off a bit lightly by putting together two things.

1. Are you a part time mum? No, of course you are a mum all the time, love your child and it's a horrible thing to say to you.
2. Are your relatives reasonable to feel a bit irked by having to do two full days of childcare when you have 18 hours of childcare during the week that you currently take as me time, meaning there's only one full day with you and your ds - well yes, that is reasonable too.

@OverTheRubicon as I have explained in previous posts, my dad and sister TOLD me to work Fridays and Saturdays so I don’t understand this irk. X

Is there anyway you could work while your child is at pre-school? That way you don't have to rely on family for childcare....they sound quite toxic.

@SueEllenMishke I wish ☹️ I work at a hospital so my shifts are 13 hours, they don’t tie in with nursery hours/my sister’s hours. If I could I would x

That is a shame.
You aren't doing anything wrong so don't let them make you feel like you are. Pre-school can be incredibly beneficial for children.

It sounds like maybe your dad is getting a bit tired of childcare. It's also a bit hard on your sister if she is working during the week, has her own kids to spend time with, then on one of her weekend days is also having to help out your dad with your DS.

Could you move the full day of preschool to Friday, or at least a half day? That way your dad would have to do fewer hours, and your DS would also get two full days a week with you, which is typical for most kids.

@OverTheRubicon on a Friday he’s in for a morning, 5 hours, comes home at 1 and goes to bed at 7 so I’d count that as a half day as you put it - but my dad didn’t take my son to nursery on Friday. I honestly cannot win. I might just leave work so they can’t call me a PT parent. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Why don't you consolidate the days so that your son is in for 3 days and you get to spend 2 days a week with him during the week? That's quite a typical amount of time for a child to be in preschool.

[quote MamaOl93]@OverTheRubicon on a Friday he’s in for a morning, 5 hours, comes home at 1 and goes to bed at 7 so I’d count that as a half day as you put it - but my dad didn’t take my son to nursery on Friday. I honestly cannot win. I might just leave work so they can’t call me a PT parent. 🤦🏻‍♀️[/quote]
Your dad still has responsibility for him for 6 hours, including the feeding, bathing and bedding elements. Not just the gun let's go to the park grandad moments though.

Fun not gun!

MamaOl93 there is no norm for a child to be in nursery and there is no norm for how much a parent should work. You do what suits you and your family.

What your dad and sister have said is hurtful however if it is a subtle way at telling you they no longer want to look after your son, is there another way you could do it so you are working when he’s in nursery?

Don’t ever think of yourself as a part time mum though, that’s one thing you are not.

I honestly cannot win. I might just leave work so they can’t call me a PT parent.

Ignore what they said about part time parent, it's hurtful and unfair, but more importantly this is a sign that Friday and Saturday aren't working for your DS or you.

Could you do your two days during the week so you could have your dad look after him just one evening and one afternoon? Presumably if he's not working it's because he's either older or not well, maybe he's tired. That way you still have 2 mornings when he's in nursery, and a lot less conflict, and your DS doesn't have to be with someone who is finding childcare a bit too much or is making your life harder. You'll lose your full day child free, but frankly that is a luxury that most of us don't have, single or with partners, but will come when your DS starts school - and hopefully if they're not doing every Saturday, your sister might be more open to occasional full days.

Or if you offer this and they say no, then they can wind their necks in!