Am I a part time mum?

[MamaOl93]

My son is 3.5, single mum, son’s dad never been on the scene, his choice.

It’s only ever been me and my son, which I love. Now he’s at the age to go to pre-school, he goes for the full week (but three afternoons, one morning & one full day)

I then work Friday and Saturday all day, but he’s there at home with my family member who looks after him.

My dad and my sister have said I’m a part time mum now because he goes to pre-school all week. Are they right?

My feelings are quite hurt by that statement so if that is true, then am I doing wrong? 😣

[quote MamaOl93]@riotlady Hi, it’s my dad and sister. I specifically chose those days to work because it ties in with my sister’s work as she doesn’t work weekends and my dad doesn’t work, they both said it was absolutely fine for me to go back to work, how they wanted me to etc. So if they are resentful, they shouldn’t have encouraged me 😕 x[/quote]
So does your sister work during the week and have your son at the weekend? That’s quite a lot on her plate.

It’s daft to offer to do something and then get snippy about it, but I do think that might be behind her side of it.

@riotlady No my dad mostly has him but to help him out, she said it’s best I work Fridays and Saturdays so they can share the care. My dad made the original statement about me being a part time Mum, my sister just agreed with him. They both encouraged me to go for the job and then my dad says that - they also said it was good for him to have an education, so I put him in pre-school and the comment of me being a part time Mum is made. Can’t win! x

I actually completely agree with everything that solomummy has said. I have my own regrets from when my children were pre-school age.
I do think that you need a break around your work and parenting but that seems a lot. These years fly by x

@twilightermummy oh 😕

It was a thoughtless comment and a ridiculous one too. You are 100% parent as his father isn't in his life.
Please don't let stupid comments undermine your parenting.
With that logic we are all part timers. They have to be away from us at some point. That's life.
Can you imagine saying that back to your father because he isn't with you all the time? That's illogical.

Mama0193 My MIL used to complain that I wasn’t working when my daughter was 3 months old and my son 3. I spent months feeling crap. Fell pregnant again very soon after, got myself a career and now all she bangs on about is how I work too much (despite being a teacher who has weekends and holidays). Ignore what people say. Do treasure your time with your son. It really does disappear and I missed out on a lot from what basing my actions on what others thought :(

Don’t feel shit about their comment op. You’ve done what you thought best. It’s good teaching kids the value of work and pre-school is good for him.
Bloody families and their opinions at times.

So by their logic your sister is a part-time aunt and your father is a part-time grandfather. And since you live on your own, your father is not a father at all? If that's the way they want it - just laugh and go on your way.

Although your son attends preschool every day, he isn’t actually doing full days though? He’s only doing an afternoon or a morning, so he’s actually spending half the day with you most of the time. Just mentioning because of the mention of him being at preschool all week but he’s not doing long days.

I would much rather a few hours each day than two long 7 a.m to 6.30 p.m days. When I worked in nurseries, the children who did short sessions regularly usually really enjoyed themselves and it was much better than a child who did, for example, one long day every week because they never got the chance to settle properly. Just a morning at preschool goes really quickly by the time circle time, breakfast, activities, outdoor play and lunch are finished, then he goes home to relax. I dont see anything wrong with this.

Of course, it would be ideal if you could work while he was at preschool, and then have the weekends free with him, but if this isn’t possible it isn’t possible.

@twilightermummy

I actually completely agree with everything that *solomummy* has said. I have my own regrets from when my children were pre-school age. I do think that you need a break around your work and parenting but that seems a lot. These years fly by x

@twilightermummy are you two different people? With polar opposite ideas? Which posts are what you think- the ones telling op not to feel bad, or the one telling op she is a crap mum?

Well my son is in high school so I presume my husband and I are part time parents?

We must all be part time parents when our dc start nursery and school then. Maybe we stop being parents altogether when our dc are 18 and can look after themselves?
Ignore stupid comments that make no sense.

timeisnotaline No, not two different people.
I guess that I am trying to say that, whilst I agree with what solomummy says, in regards to op spending a lot of time away from her young child, the fact that she was encouraged to work by her family and now they are judging her for that, shows that you can’t win. That’s how I felt. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t based on people’s opinions.
My original comment agreeing with solomummy was to perhaps encourage her to make small changes, perhaps a further day off with her son in the week so that she doesn’t miss too much which she might in time regret. It really is a fine line. Maybe my post has been focused mostly on my own experience.

Timeisnotaline I’ve just read your post again and my God I’m not trying to make her feel like a crap parent or a bad mum. Obviously I wouldn’t spend my time messaging on this thread otherwise. In fact, I see similarities to my own life a few years ago and my ultimate advice is to spend more time at home (because it is possible for her to do so in the week) as the toll of work and school is always there. I did agree she needs time to herself as a single parent.
Don’t be quick to jump on people and maybe think more about what people are saying. It’s not all black and white.

@GeorgiaGirl52 lol well yeah by their logic I guess they are! I bet if I said that to them they’d agree because of their comment to me 🙈

Welcome to the world of motherhood where whichever decision you make will be the wrong one. If you were a SAHM and chose not to put your son in pre school, they'd be saying you're lazy and stunting his development.

If your son is happy at pre school then let him stay there, we didn't have the choice, I had to work but our son has always been a social guy and gained a lot from it and the social aspect and routine gave him a great advantage when he started school.

It sounds to me as if they're resentful at doing childcare in which case thats a different conversation which they should be able to have without the personal jibes.

@twilightermummy Hi, sorry to hear you faced difficulties with family too. Thank you for your comments, I find it hard with comments from my family. I feel like sometimes my friends and mumsnetters are the only ones who understand me x

@MamaOl93

Hi all who have commented so far - thanks, I appreciate all your responses and glad I’m not alone in thinking that comment was unfair.

My dad initially said it, and after talking to my sister about it and how it upset me, she said she agreed that I am a part time Mum because my little boy goes to nursery 5 days a week and then I work 2 days.

I disagree, but man, that comment really hurts. X

It sounds like the are deliberately trying to upset you. Do you really care what they think? I would stop listening to this nonsense.

@Kanaloa Yes that’s exactly right, out of the 5 days he attends, 3 of them are afternoons and one morning, he has such fun when he’s there! He loves it! Thank you for your comment x

@seayork2020 @InterstellarDrifter yes I guess we all must be part time parents 🙄🙈

@DrDavidBanner couldn’t agree more with the comment you made about never being able to make a right decision. They encouraged me to go to work and put him in pre-school, so I did, and then get called a part time Mum. This isn’t the first time my parenting has been judged, probably won’t be the last.

They're being rude. No-one calls dads 'part time dads' even if they work 60 hour weeks.

However... I'd probably be a bit annoyed if I was having to book inflexible time out of my schedule every week to look after a relatives child, when there are 18 other hours in the week when that child is in childcare and they are not working. They said they'd support you to get back to work, probably imagining that they'd be doing more care around nursery, not full days so you could have a break.

Could you make it that his full day is on Friday when you work? Gives your family a bit more time off, a bit more time for him with you too.

I say this as a working lone parent of 3 young DCs including one younger than yours - so I do know it's not easy no matter what.

@ButteredToast19 I remember when I started dating a man last year, my family didn’t approve of me dating. So when I returned home after work one day, they said they were keeping my son overnight instead of bringing him home to me. A sort of punishment, if you will. I cannot anger them x

@OverTheRubicon Absolutely I agree with you, it would be easier to work in the week however it doesn’t fit with my sister’s schedule of work so they told me to work Fridays and Saturdays specifically to work around them. Xx

you are absolutely not a part-time mum! I was a single mum when DD was that age. I describe it as full time mum plus! You sound like a lovely mum and you'll likely raise your boy not to be judgemental to people/unsupportive on anonymous forums! Your love for him shines through tbh.

Remember as a single parent you're doing so much more for your boy than most, and his time in pre school is not only fun for him but also good for your mental health.

He sounds loved and very lucky.