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Parenting

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Original poster

If you have more than one child, and preferably if they are mixed genders do you think they needed different parenting techniques

14 replies

TwigorTreat · 08/10/2007 17:41

you know in the throes of the tantrumming years, did you find that different methods worked best?

With DS I did the traditional and textbook remove and ignore and it went away. DS would also respond well to a sharp NO.

With DD any attempt at ignoring and removing from situation merely escalates it. She seems to need me to sit by her and offer to hold her till she comes out of it. Which all my parenting experience with DS would tell me is tantamount to justifying and reinforcing the tantrum.

Am wondering if other parents have seen this too, and whether its a 'child specific' thing or a 'gender' thing

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dustystar · 08/10/2007 17:43

With ds we often have to take a step backwards and handle things very differently than we would with dd as he simply cannot handle confrontation at all. I don't know whether this is to do with his personality, gender or him being on the autistic spectrum.

berolina · 08/10/2007 17:48

ds1 needs holding too - ignoring would never work.

Will get back to you re. ds2 in a couple of years' time

pointydog · 08/10/2007 17:49

I'd say it's an individual child thing

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NAB3 · 08/10/2007 17:51

I have 2 boys and a girl and while I think I treat them all the same, I dont really. My DD is a completely different personality to my sons and I handle her differently. The boys are peas in a pod.

MarsLady · 08/10/2007 17:51

Nah.......... as pointy said... it's an individual child thing!

DD1 hated having her toys taken away
DD2 hated being away from everyone.

DS1 used to take himself off to sulk
DD1&2 used to (still do) sulk in my face

The wee weapons of mass destruction are a PHD subject all on their own!

draculasmummy · 08/10/2007 17:54

I've got 2 of each and you def have to treat them as individuals. Having said that,both ds's are stroppy little so and so's and you have to handle them the same way. Ds1 is 7 and i thought we'd be past the tantrums now. Ds2 is 3 and also tantrum king! Not that the girls are much better

ScaryScaryNight · 08/10/2007 17:56

Nah. I have two boys. Need to use two different techniques, what works on one is not necessarily right for the other. They are individuals. And thanks goodness for that.

Tortington · 08/10/2007 18:03

it dios depend on the kid, however they all have to abide by the same level of punishments i dish out on a frequent basis - despite their temprament - it would be unjust to the child to do anything else.

putting one child in their room - whilst sitting with another - could cause resentment in my household.

Gobbledispook · 08/10/2007 18:06

I have 3 boys and all 3 need different approaches. Ds2 more than the others - he's more sensitive and responds better to calm talking. The other 2 you have to bawl at to get them to do anything and it doesn't upset them. Shouting at ds2 makes him go crazy!

ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween · 08/10/2007 18:07

DS1 used to go and sit on the bottom stair when told and of his own accord!
DS2 would not contemplate staying there no matter how many times you took him back.
DD is a law unto herself. Quite frankly, I haven't a clue about her

Original poster

TwigorTreat · 09/10/2007 08:50

people keep telling me how like me DD is .. it scares the hell out of me

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LowFat · 09/10/2007 08:53

DS is only 10 months and DD is 4 so am not there yet, but am already noticing huge differences in his behaviour compared to hers, will watch this thread to get some ideas - or see what I'm in for!

MamaG · 09/10/2007 08:55

DD - ignore and she'll stop. Also a sharp NO

DS - a sharp no sometimes, other times being held and talked to, calmly and firmly

not hissing STOP IT but I do keep doing that for some bizarre reason!

bozza · 09/10/2007 09:02

LOl twig - people will keep saying that DD is just like me (meaning in appearance) and DH generally comments "yes they are both stroppy" or some such. I think that besides gender there is position in family to consider.

DD disolves into floods of tears at even just a firm voice, whereas sometimes I have to shout at DS just so that he returns to earth and actually hears me. And TBH DS wasn't really having much in the way of tantrums at 3 1/2 and DD is. However our biggest problem with DD is her attitude towards DS, and DS never had a big brother to get uber-competitive with. Yesterday she had a 15 minute tantrum, crying with head buried into the laminate, because DS went to the toilet before her. (Facts: DS was desperate when he got home from school, DD had only just been 20 mins before and didn't need to go until DS said, I suggested she use the upstairs toilet). But I did not have the time to sit with her because I needed to get on with making their tea because it was DS's Beavers night.

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