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Original poster

Granddaughter or son - why should I choose?

72 replies

g6zarkea6m652 · 01/09/2020 08:09

My son does not want me to have a relationship with my granddaughter. He has split from her mother more than 8!yrs now. Every time I have my granddaughter it creates conflict. He feel that I am helping his ex by having his daughter. He does not see his daughter regularly (choice).

He tells me she is his family and that I do not have the right to see her without his approval.

They have both moved. His ex wants their daughter to have a relationship with her nan and the fraternal family. He does not.

Why should I have to choose?

OP posts:
MrsSpookyM · 01/09/2020 08:10

Your son is an arsehole.

Choose your GD.

Backtoschoolnotsoonenough · 01/09/2020 08:13

You choose the real dc not the one acting like one.

7to25 · 01/09/2020 08:13

Parenting males never ends. Call him out on his ridiculous abusive behaviour. He should parent his daughter. You should love his daughter. And reserve the nuclear option for "helping my ex".

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Shayisgreat · 01/09/2020 08:13

So what if you're helping out the ex? You're actually really helping out your grand daughter by having her over. The ex is doing the right thing by her daughter by allowing her a relationship with her grandmother. Your son is being a dick. Was he controlling of his ex and this is just another way of exerting control?

Marieg10 · 01/09/2020 08:15

Your son should be utterly ashamed of himself trying to use his daughter to get at his ex. You should be able to see your DGC and it is good for her to have a relationship with her her grandparents.

I suppose you can see why you're sons wife is now an ex!

cariadlet · 01/09/2020 08:18

You don't have to choose. Carry on seeing your granddaughter; it will benefit her to be close to her Nan and it's enjoyable for both of you.

If your idiot son stops seeing you because of it, that's his choice and his loss.

Muddyinthesticks · 01/09/2020 08:18

From what you say, your son sounds controlling. See your granddaughter.

BewareTheBeardedDragon · 01/09/2020 08:21

Yes - he's trying to make his choice your fault. Keep seeing your granddaughter and if your son decides not to see you because of it that is his choice. And his choices thus far make him a giant selfish pathetic arsehole (which is not your fault)

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 01/09/2020 08:22

He's being an idiot. My BIL sees his daughter once a year (he lives abroad, so it didn't happen this year). She regularly stays with us or her grandparents. She's part of the family. Both her parents encourage this.

If your DGDs DM is happy to facilitate this, do it. Your DGD has the right to know she is loved and wanted.

chubbyhotchoc · 01/09/2020 08:22

See your granddaughter

CrotchetyQuaver · 01/09/2020 08:22

so he prioritises making life difficult for his ex over seeing his own daughter? that's very grown up of him.

call him out on his horrible selfish behaviour and carry on seeing your grand daughter.

Soubriquet · 01/09/2020 08:23

Tell your son to sling his hook and choose your GD.

He’s a pathetic excuse for a man

slipperywhensparticus · 01/09/2020 08:23

my ex did this with our daughter she now has no contact and no respect for her nan

LittleBearPad · 01/09/2020 08:23

Keep seeing your grand daughter and build a relationship with her.

Your son is being horrible to all of you.

Lockdownseperation · 01/09/2020 08:24

It’s not you making the choice is your immature son. Keep seeing your granddaughter as she is a child and will benefit from a relationship with you and your son can choose to do whatever he wants.

DidoAtTheLido · 01/09/2020 08:24

Your son is emotionally blackmailing you.

What value is a relationship that is co-erced like that?

He is manipulative and unkind. How can he choose not to see his own child? To cause the child such rejection in order to spite his ex?

Your Gc needs you. See her as much and as often as you like. Tell your son you are seeing her because she needs her Nan and she is your grandchild and you love her. You love him too,. But it’s up to him.

If you stop seeing your Gc he has turned you into a weapon against his ex, and caused another rejection / abandonment for his poor child.

Would you want to be used like that?

VeggieSausageRoll · 01/09/2020 08:28

I was the granddaughter in this situation. I had an amazing relationship with my grandparents and uncle on my dad's side, and nothing to do with my dad. His choice, he lived in the same town as us all, he just chose not to bother. He made his choice and I'm always grateful that my grandparents made theirs.

On that side of the family, it's just me and my uncle left now. I'm in my 30s and he's almost 70 but we're still very close.

Your granddaughter is the innocent in all of this and her mother sounds like she's more than happy to facilitate the relationship. Your son is an adult and can make his own choices, let him.

YinuCeatleAyru · 01/09/2020 08:32

when the selfishness of an adult is in conflict with the wellbeing of a child, the needs of the child come first
your granddaughter needs a loving family around her, including her nan. ideally it would also include her dad but he is an arsehole. it may be too late to do anything about that, but you definitely don't drop out of the child's life to suit your son's horrible attitude.

Pobblebonk · 01/09/2020 08:41

He tells me she is his family and that I do not have the right to see her without his approval.

Ask him to quote chapter and verse in relation to the legal authority for the proposition that his wishes override the child's mother's agreement. He won't be able to find it, and the search should keep him quiet for a bit.

Beautiful3 · 01/09/2020 08:45

Your son is a horrible man. He is trying to hurt his ex by controlling you, so you dump the grand daughter. Your grand daughter has done nothing wrong, she is vulnerable and needs to know her family loves her. I would continue to see her, if you cut her off you may never see her again. Your son is emotionally black mailing you, he needs to stop. You have to tell him that you'll always see your grand daughter, because she is family.

Original poster
g6zarkea6m652 · 01/09/2020 08:46

Your comments are so factual. I am emotionally drained from my son’s behavior. He refused to come by my home if his daughter is here. He once told me I am “ busy being a grandmother and not a mum”. Emotional blackmail. He is 33., my granddaughter is 12yesrs old. She loves her dad so much that she is receiving counselling to cope with his rejection.

OP posts:
Lockdownseperation · 01/09/2020 08:48

Your emotionally drained by your son’s abusive behaviour.

RoseTintedAtuin · 01/09/2020 08:49

Your son is abusing his relationship with his daughter to punish his ex wife. You are in the crossfire. I would point out to him that though he may be a blood relative of your gd, he is not family as families don’t choose no contact with children. Definitely choose your gd, he may be spiteful enough to make it difficult but he will push everyone away and come back to you, she won’t if she never knows you.
So sorry you’re in this situation!

Imissmoominmama · 01/09/2020 08:51

So he’s feeling rejected by you? Oh, the irony.

LittleBearPad · 01/09/2020 08:52

@g6zarkea6m652

Your comments are so factual. I am emotionally drained from my son’s behavior. He refused to come by my home if his daughter is here. He once told me I am “ busy being a grandmother and not a mum”. Emotional blackmail. He is 33., my granddaughter is 12yesrs old. She loves her dad so much that she is receiving counselling to cope with his rejection.
Sod him.

He needs to learn the world doesn’t revolve around him.