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Parenting

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Housekeeper COVID safety

99 replies

TravellingSmartMum · 30/08/2020 23:25

Hi - today I am really fuming . Our housekeeper who has a sweet spot for my three year old daughter came into our apartment (she has her own set of keys), picked her up (we never sanctioned this and she didn’t wash hands to add) and started kissing her a dozen times on the face. I immediately came out of the kitchen where I was making my child’s meal and took my child away. She called for my child again and did the same thing and I took my child away. This time both me and my husband spoke to the housekeeper saying how unsafe she was with doing this and we didn’t approve, and were actually angry. I am still very angry and think she’s a liability and should be fired. If she is this callous who knows what else she is doing that is wreck less in this pandemic? After all she does clean multiple households. I asked her to leave her keys today which she ‘forgot to do’ and then she texted to ask if I was upset. I was very frank with her about how upset I was and how my child’s safety surpasses anything. How could she infringe like this on my child being an adult and understanding the severity of what’s happening ? Also before leaving today (post us confronting her about what she did) she still had the nerve to ask me to leave her a good review for cleaning to her agency . It added more wood to the fire. I spoke to her agency and told them everything, from which they were in shock. I also said she doesn’t routinely wear masks while cleaning in our house which also we question and they stated it’s their protocol that all cleaners have to wear masks 100% of the time. They said she would be kept off assignments (and most likely fired) and she would provide for our keys. I feel so frustrated and upset that this happened on my watch (that I didn’t tell them how callous she was about masks from before and most of all I didn’t yell more at her and tell her to get out immediately after she kissed my daughter) but you just don’t expect someone to behave this way let alone in your own home 😕. Just wanted to know what others would do and please without judgement . We are being hard on ourselves as is. I really don’t think she deserves a second chance because she should just know better — and most of all I lost my trust in her coming into my home. I’ve also asked the agency to get her to do a covid test ASAP as the responsibility was on them for putting her risky behaviour into our home. Most likely they will fire her and I don’t feel bad or sympathy but feels she deserves this for what she did. Is that very unempathetic on my part?

What I really also don’t understand is that she realised how I took my child away from her and my husband also starting telling my child to come back - yet she called for my child a second time and did the same thing. As if to test our reaction , she’s a mother as well of two grown children and for her not to read any of these signals and repeat it is beyond clueless and a liability for her work.

OP posts:
TravellingSmartMum · 31/08/2020 01:15

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

Its unprofessional behaviour, but to get her fired is appalling.

You could have played this differently by saying something like, 'im not comfortable with how close you are to my daughter, more so now due to COVID. Id also like you to wear a mask to clean our apartment. If not, ill tell the agency due to health and safety'. Or something to that effect. That probably would have got you what you wanted, and the woman would have kept her job. Hindsight is a great thing, but you over reacted.

Shouldn’t she know this? Not to pick up and start kissing peoples children during covid and if your agency tells you to wear masks at your clients houses , is it really my job to remind her ? Sorry but this is all unprofessional. She choose to do these things , made an active decision to. And her agency will decide to do what they see fit. I am no one to tell them anything but the truth of what I witnessed .
OP posts:
TravellingSmartMum · 31/08/2020 01:17

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

Please stop justifying your reaction because of your Dr friends thoughts.
Maybe it’s best to read a science journal then? My actions I own. As her actions she should own.
OP posts:
Letsallscreamatthesistene · 31/08/2020 01:25

You asked what other people thought in your OP. Thats what I think.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

TravellingSmartMum · 31/08/2020 01:26

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

You asked what other people thought in your OP. Thats what I think.
Well thank you for your opinion.
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Letsallscreamatthesistene · 31/08/2020 01:40

Its literally what you asked for in your OP, Im not sure I deserve the snippy responce.

Its great you own your actions, and you sound like you think you did the right thing. Why bother making a post about it?

TravellingSmartMum · 31/08/2020 01:47

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

Its literally what you asked for in your OP, Im not sure I deserve the snippy responce.

Its great you own your actions, and you sound like you think you did the right thing. Why bother making a post about it?

No thank you for your input on this. I was upset by the situation at large and that is my reason for the post and trying to get input. But the more I digest her behaviour , the more I am content with my action of reporting her behaviour to the agency . It’s not professional behaviour and frankly it’s irresponsible for any adult to behave this way to a child (especially one they have almost zero relationship with)
OP posts:
Letsallscreamatthesistene · 31/08/2020 01:51

I agree, its odd behaviour, COVID issue aside.

Will you get your daughter tested for it?

Inkpaperstars · 31/08/2020 01:56

It's not nice to feel scared of misunderstood, and if you are going to be having someone in your home you need to feel a level of understanding and trust. I can see that her calling your child back when you and your DH were clearly uncomfortable would have been upsetting.

With the masks, I don't know how much they really help but I agree they should be worn. The other households this lady visits may include elderly or vulnerable people and if she is very laid back about the regulations then, even if she means well, it could be risky.

It is hard to know what the intentions were here, hopefully the agency will assess accurately and perhaps retrain her if they think that could work.

It certainly is hard to entrust things to other people sometimes, I suppose you have to think about your priorities and decide if you are comfortable with your current arrangements.

TravellingSmartMum · 31/08/2020 01:57

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

I agree, its odd behaviour, COVID issue aside.

Will you get your daughter tested for it?

The agency told me she would be tested but for peace of mind I think I will get my daughter as well. Her grandmother (my husbands mom who is 80) is visiting us and was in the house when this whole thing transpired - adding another element of frustration and sensitivity.
OP posts:
TravellingSmartMum · 31/08/2020 02:16

@Inkpaperstars

It's not nice to feel scared of misunderstood, and if you are going to be having someone in your home you need to feel a level of understanding and trust. I can see that her calling your child back when you and your DH were clearly uncomfortable would have been upsetting.

With the masks, I don't know how much they really help but I agree they should be worn. The other households this lady visits may include elderly or vulnerable people and if she is very laid back about the regulations then, even if she means well, it could be risky.

It is hard to know what the intentions were here, hopefully the agency will assess accurately and perhaps retrain her if they think that could work.

It certainly is hard to entrust things to other people sometimes, I suppose you have to think about your priorities and decide if you are comfortable with your current arrangements.

And you have to understand I didn’t have any ill will towards her until she did this . When she comes to the house to clean (twice a week) I offer to make her coffee and provide her with snacks. The majority of time there is no intersection . The few instances there was interaction (they’ve met a total of 3-4 times in the year she’s worked for us , as the cleaner usually works during weekdays and my daughter is in nursery) in the past I felt uncomfortable with her energy because she seemed too involved but I’ve quickly taken my child out of these situations : and nothing has ever been close to this. Her grandparents who love their granddaughter over the moon don’t grab and kiss her this way . So I do feel a sense of guilt for being preoccupied with something else when this happened and not immediately telling her to leave when she blatantly overstepped the first time.
OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 31/08/2020 07:59

I’m sensing some cultural differences here between you and the cleaner however you are utterly convinced of your rightness and that you didn’t overreact. I think your husband was rude to shout and that there was a better way to deal with it. You’ve dispensed with the cleaners services so there’s not really much left to say.

AspergersMum · 31/08/2020 08:07

OP are you in America or UK? That would make a huge difference to me. US cases are crazy and I wouldn't be having any "staff" come into my household in the US for the foreseeable future. Just not worth the risk.

Also, is she a housekeeper or a a cleaner? Housekeepers IMO do get more involved with the family, cleaners not at all.

SkiingIsHeaven · 31/08/2020 08:28

Did you all wear masks to protect her wellbeing or is it only her responsibility to protect you?

Gunpowder · 31/08/2020 08:31

Overreaction. Especially getting her fired. Sad

gamerchick · 31/08/2020 08:36

Why didnt you tell the agency about the mask wearing before?

You deliberately got her sacked from her job and you're still moaning about it. I think you've had your pound of flesh. Hmm

Cannotwillnot · 31/08/2020 08:40

I would be very unhappy with anyone outside my family kissing my DC at the moment. I would not want anyone in my house who was so indifferent to SD rules.

Although DC are the least risk category, so try not to worry too much.

TravellingSmartMum · 31/08/2020 08:53

@AspergersMum

OP are you in America or UK? That would make a huge difference to me. US cases are crazy and I wouldn't be having any "staff" come into my household in the US for the foreseeable future. Just not worth the risk.

Also, is she a housekeeper or a a cleaner? Housekeepers IMO do get more involved with the family, cleaners not at all.

I am from NYC but we live in London. She is the cleaner comes twice a week. She comes mostly on weekdays (so my daughter in the past was in nursery). Very little interaction so this behaviour is uncalled for.
OP posts:
TravellingSmartMum · 31/08/2020 09:10

@LittleBearPad

I’m sensing some cultural differences here between you and the cleaner however you are utterly convinced of your rightness and that you didn’t overreact. I think your husband was rude to shout and that there was a better way to deal with it. You’ve dispensed with the cleaners services so there’s not really much left to say.
If you have your child being picked up and kissed by relatively a stranger hired to do a function in the time of a pandemic and strict guidelines of social distancing , what would you do? Getting her away from a possible health risk is priority one, and an unprofessional adults feelings take the backseat
OP posts:
TravellingSmartMum · 31/08/2020 09:14

@SkiingIsHeaven

Did you all wear masks to protect her wellbeing or is it only her responsibility to protect you?
Her company mandates she and other cleaners wear masks in residence homes . We try not to be in the house the majority of the time or be in different rooms. She called my daughter who was in another room twice to kiss her. Extremely unprofessional and not something any responsible adult should do to a child they have relatively no relationship with
OP posts:
TravellingSmartMum · 31/08/2020 09:17

@Cannotwillnot

I would be very unhappy with anyone outside my family kissing my DC at the moment. I would not want anyone in my house who was so indifferent to SD rules.

Although DC are the least risk category, so try not to worry too much.

Agree with you no one has the right to encroach on what I feel undermines the well being of my child m. Even though children are relatively low risk, I would never take this gamble. My daughters 80 year old grandmother is visiting us. Adding another headache to this situation and what this woman has done .
OP posts:
gamerchick · 31/08/2020 09:17

OP you can try and justify it to yourself all you want. You did an obvious nasty thing to someones actual job because she pissed you off. If you had a problem with the masks before you should have said something. Not use it to weaponise your anger over something else.

Appalling behaviour.

TravellingSmartMum · 31/08/2020 09:25

@gamerchick

Why didnt you tell the agency about the mask wearing before?

You deliberately got her sacked from her job and you're still moaning about it. I think you've had your pound of flesh. Hmm

It really never hit me because we usually are in different parts of the house so there is no intersection . The mask question got brought up by her agency and I was honest about what I observed
OP posts:
TravellingSmartMum · 31/08/2020 09:26

@Gunpowder

Overreaction. Especially getting her fired. Sad
I have the right to complain especially for unprofessional behaviour around my child .
OP posts:
TravellingSmartMum · 31/08/2020 09:33

@gamerchick

OP you can try and justify it to yourself all you want. You did an obvious nasty thing to someones actual job because she pissed you off. If you had a problem with the masks before you should have said something. Not use it to weaponise your anger over something else.

Appalling behaviour.

Sorry if you feel strangers have the right to behave this way around your child It’s your prerogative. But I do not think it’s appropriate for a person with relatively zero relationship to my daughter to call her, pick her up and begin kissing her deeply on her face and near her mouth. Especially when she sees the child’s parents are in distress and to repeat it again . Especially in a pandemic but also in any circumstance . My duty is to protect my young daughter from anything I find Objectionable and harmful. It is a perogative as a parent, but feel free to exercise your discretion or no discretion for your own children.
OP posts:
Houseplantmad · 31/08/2020 09:37

While what she did was potentially dangerous but, let's be honest, a very low risk, especially in London, you didn't handle it well at all and maybe could benefit from some training in how to interact pleasantly with staff ie not shouting etc. It sounds as if you and your husband made the situation a lot more inflammatory than it needed to be.

Why hadn't you reported non mask wearing previously? The woman has lost her job now in a market that is very difficult. Why couldn't you have calmly but firmly explained things to her rather than getting her sacked and given her the chance to improve. Even worse, you then post about it...and are extremely defensive when questioned (which is what happens on a public forum!)