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Original poster

reported to social services- feeling devastated

76 replies

Thurinius · 27/08/2020 09:13

I am absolutely devastated. I had a phone call from social services yesterday saying someone had phoned them with concerns I was neglecting my boys.
Apparently they are worried I'm not feeding them and they don't have appropriate clothing for the weather.
I have two boys, the eldest is 9 and autistic and the youngest is 7.
I'm assuming this is all about the younger one, since my autistic son isn't one for leaving the house much.

We live in a quiet cul de sac so now my youngest is 7 I thought I'd give him a bit more freedom to explore and play outside without me supervising him. He's had a terrific summer running round in his shorts exploring the bushes and trees and having adventures on his own or with some of the kids down the road.
He's enjoyed the terrific rain storms we've had, he calls it his expeditions and plays in the water, splashing and enjoying the deluge.
I grew up in the countryside and it's the sort of childhood I had, just playing outside all day.
I thought I was doing the right thing, encouraging a bit more independence (he does not leave the street and I check where he is at regular intervals) and letting him explore nature. Apparently not.

Despite being a massively picky eater he gets plenty of food. In fact i've had to ration crisps and other junk food because on lock down he was eating far too many and has put on quite a bit of weight.
We make pancakes most days together and we bake cakes and biscuits and stuff like that. The other day I drove 4 miles to a petrol station Subway as a treat so he could get a sandwich he tried on holiday and liked.

I can't believe that anyone would think I wasn't feeding my children. That I would neglect them in any way. I am just absolutely devastated by this and I can't stop crying.

OP posts:
ballsdeep · 27/08/2020 09:15

Op I'm so sorry I didn't want to read and run. It sounds very much like my Boyz I can't keep a top or socks on him for love nor money!! They sound very well cared for. Do you know who has reported you?
I'm not sure how these things work but sending positive thoughts x

QualityFeet · 27/08/2020 09:19

Whilst a shock, it literally makes no difference. Someone you don’t know who might make malicious reports all the time, who might be the kind of person irritated by kids phasing who wants them kept inside, who might not like to see a child messy and wet reported you. It could be Someone who doesn’t like where you park or done I’ve with a misplaced but genuine concern - raise your kids how you think best. It literally makes no difference to you if Someone else doesn’t agree. Go easy on yourself and don’t let it worry you and SS if yiu and SS are happy with your choices that’s all that matters

IheartJKR · 27/08/2020 09:19

I’m so sorry that you have been so impacted by this op Flowers

Please don’t worry. I have family and friend who work in a variety of public services, police, social services etc. They have all stated to me that the amount of over reporting from people towards their neighbours, as they’ve had to much time at home is outrageous.

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Abraid2 · 27/08/2020 09:19

He sounds like a normal healthy, loved boy.

I can't imagine that SS will have any interest in this at all.

QualityFeet · 27/08/2020 09:20

Oh and dancing in rainstorms sounds ace!

Curiosity101 · 27/08/2020 09:21

Easier said than done but try not to worry. Social services will probably do a follow up visit and if you say what you said here (as well as nodding politely / agreeing with any of their suggestions). Then I'm sure it'll all be a bad memory soon. You sound like a parent who cares.

For what it's worth I agree that your son sounds like he's been having a whale of a time and nothing worrying at all.

Aworldofmyown · 27/08/2020 09:24

Could it be a neighbour that is maybe irritated by him being out? Are the kids making slot of noise or making a bit of a nuisance?
Some people get annoyed by everything and that may be the reason for the reporting. Sad

MynephewR · 27/08/2020 09:25

OP don't worry Flowers You know he is well fed and not neglected, and SS will see that for themselves.

I would bet it's a grumpy neighbour who doesn't like children playing out. Some people are just weird. Don't let it get to you.

Original poster
Thurinius · 27/08/2020 09:33

A neighbour. Either one of two he's been happily chatting to.
One gave him a ham sandwich once which he told me was far superior to the ham sandwich I had given him an hour earlier

OP posts:
FriedasCarLoad · 27/08/2020 09:34

I was reported to social services by a midwife who was concerned because I'd expressed suicidal wishes... After 27 hours of labour and being told it wasn't progressing.

I was also devastated. Cried constantly and was terrified of someone taking my children.

In the end I had a phone call from a social worker who was lovely. The case was closed a week after being opened. I think that's quicker than usual, but I understand that most cases are also closed fairly quickly, after a phone call and often a single house visit.

If you knew any doctors, teachers, vicars etc who would speak up for you, it might be worth asking their permission to offer their contact details to the social worker. Mine was reassured by letters she'd had from other midwives who knew me better.

And the outdoorsy upbringing? That's exactly what I want for my children. Sounds like you're doing a great job.

FOKKYFC · 27/08/2020 09:48

I was reported by the officious and sanctimonious daughter of my officious and sanctimonious neighbours. SW rang my 78 year old mum (with whom we live) while I was away with the children, camping, and shit her up good and proper. I told the SW that if my mum became ill as a result of the vexatious complaint and SS intervention, I'd never let it lie. I always tell people with concerns to report, as god knows this country is filled with the graves of children who had no-one to protect or speak up for them, but eff me this was the most specious complaint I'd ever heard, and clearly predicated on the fact that we're not well off (it's the most run-down in a naice cul-de-sac). I spoke to the SW for a bit, she made some calls, and the file was closed with NFA the same day. Please try not to worry too much; I have no doubt you'll be fine. It's an awful thing to happen, thoug, and I'm still livid.

User563420011 · 27/08/2020 10:01

I'm sorry, it's awful but please try not to panic.
SS will probably do a visit, talk to you and your sons (likely this will be in private) and most likely close the case.
It's horrible, but you sound like a great parent, so take it for what it is- someone just being spiteful.

MJMG2015 · 27/08/2020 10:08

It sounds like your DS has had a brilliant summer!

Everyone's sandwiches are better than the ones your mum makes everyday!

Little bits chatting to neighbours can unwittingly make it seem like they are never fed & are shoved outside to play, when they're actually well fed & choosing to play out. Kids don't always use the right terminology or are canny st getting extra treats! So your neighbour might not be being nasty.

I'm sure a chat to SS will have it all sorted out in no time.

TRY not to take it personally or to worry x

Dillybear · 27/08/2020 10:26

Hi OP, child protection social worker here. I’m sure you understand that children’s services have to follow up reports like that - as you’ll know there are children who are neglected like this. But it sounds like your DS has had a fabulous summer. We get inappropriate reports like this all the time and if what you’ve said is true (I’m sure it is!) then the complaint won’t come to anything.

In terms of what happens next, depending on where you live you may or may not be offered a home visit. Please be aware that unless the social worker says they are conducting a child protection ‘section 47’ investigation (concerns that your child may be experiencing or at risk of significant harm) you do not have to consent to any visit or involvement at all. From everything you’ve said I think it’s highly unlikely this would be an S47 enquiry, especially if it’s the first report. Wishing you all the best. Hopefully soon this will just be a distant bad memory!

HijabiVenus · 27/08/2020 10:36

If they visit and once they have checked as is their job, and found all to be fine and no issues, then you will be able to say they are happy, I'm doing a great job (which you are already) and it will recorded, so if the person reporting tries again there is a paper trail.

As has been said before there are many many parents whose actions and neglect should be reported but are not.

Spidey66 · 27/08/2020 10:46

That sounds a horrible experience. However SS have trouble managing the caseloads they already have without adding unnecessarily to it. Even if it gets to the assessment stage, they'll take one look at your child and close the referral. He sounds like a great kid and you sound like a great mother.

eaglejulesk · 27/08/2020 10:57

What a horrible thing to happen to you OP. You sound like a fantastic mother - I can't believe that anyone would report you. SS will soon see that there is no problem, but I can understand how you must feel. There certainly are some interfering busybodies out there - I'm all for reporting concerns, but this just sounds ridiculous. Stay strong, and don't change. Flowers

formerbabe · 27/08/2020 11:01

I wouldn't allow a seven year old out alone exploring. But that's my choice as a parent, just as you've made your choice.

Clearly ss have to check if they receive a report like this. Just be honest with them and engage fully. I'm sure it will be fine.

lumberingaroundthehouse · 27/08/2020 11:03

I wouldn’t let s seven year old play unsupervised in the street, and weight gain can be as indicative of a problem as weight loss. I’m sorry you’ve been upset though, OP.

SafferUpNorth · 27/08/2020 11:41

OP, try not to worry, as others said Social Services will soon see your boy is loved and cared for... and enjoying wholesome, happy times outdoors!

It would be interesting to know who reported. I do think lockdown has turned this into a nation of righteous curtain twitchers.

GisAFag · 27/08/2020 11:48

As hard as it is if you know there's no self guarding issues then social services will investigate and it'll be fine. People see what they want to and in a way its good they made a report as it shows they care.. Although you may it see it like this which is understandable.
If those who report concerns are not kept anonymous then it might put people off reporting and imagine the kids who are at risk of no one stood up for them.

Merryhobnobs · 27/08/2020 11:55

Social Work have to check, make it clear that you do check on child when outside, because some people as seen above are a bit more funny about that.... But honestly I think it all sounds fine, outdoors, imagination, fun and learning about freedom and boundaries.. Much better to me than devices.

Arthersleep · 27/08/2020 12:02

I wouldn't let a seven year old have that much freedom in a urban or suburban area. I grew up in the country and spent hours exploring in fields surrounding my uncles farm. But I would feel hesitant in a neighbourhood with more cars/people around. However, I can't see how inappropriate clothes in the summer or a lack of food (not sure how they reached that conclusion) could be a problem. It doesn't sound concerning.

CatSmith · 27/08/2020 12:14

If your boys are well looked after you have zero to worry about from social services.

I’m sure we’d all be shouting if a child was neglected to the point that they starved to death . And that has happened! I’m remembering a news story about a starving girl who was seen eating food from a neighbours bird table dressed only in her knickers, when she was finally found dead everyone was shouting “why didn’t the neighbours do anything” you hear what I’m saying?

That said, I’d not let a 7 year old out and leave him to his own devices all day. But that’s your choice.

theemmadilemma · 27/08/2020 12:19

You'll be fine, and they'll see that he is well cared for.

Sounds like a neighbor has misread the situation. I'd try to view it as at least people care.