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Parenting

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Original poster

Social Services children

57 replies

HUGS65 · 25/08/2020 11:54

Lockdown has not been easy for my son with a 2 year old and a 4 year old and working from home. One extremely hot day his eldest would not go to bed and he slapped him. The child didnt even notice but it left a mark. They told childminder next day and it was reported to SS. My son had to move out and have no contact with his children. Its been 2 weeks and he has not heard a thing from them but his partner is becoming depressed and his eldest son has resorted to being naughty. I just dont know what to do as a grandparent

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

workshy44 · 25/08/2020 11:55

That seems like a massive over reaction by SS- is there more to the story. Who told the childminder, the child ?

Apolloanddaphne · 25/08/2020 11:59

Your DS assaulted his child. He must have noticed for it to have left a mark. He will now have to wait until the police investigation and SS assessment is completed. They will be clear about how things should proceed from there. I would advise your DS to seek help for anger management and possibly look at any parenting courses locally. Anything he can do to show he is taking this seriously and making positive changes. As for his partner, if you can could you support her, maybe take the DC out for a while and be a consistent factor for them?

Apolloanddaphne · 25/08/2020 12:02

@workshy44

That seems like a massive over reaction by SS- is there more to the story. Who told the childminder, the child ?

It is not an over reaction. I worked as a chid protection SW and it was standard practise to ask the alleged perpetrator to move out whilst the investigation is completed. They need to make sure that this behaviour is not something that is habitual and that the children are not at risk in the future.

@HUGS65 Your DS could call SS and ask how the investigation is proceeding and what the next steps will be. Have the police been involved and interviewed him at all?

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Farlow · 25/08/2020 12:06

The child didn’t noticed being slapped!?

Original poster

HUGS65 · 25/08/2020 12:12

Yes received a caution. He is very remorseful. He is normally a very loving and caring dad. His partner suffers with mental health issues and my son cares for her as well. I am hoping they can get the support they need

OP posts:

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 25/08/2020 12:15

As a grandparent:

Support DIL.
Offer to have the children,or go over there,but do not let your son see them.
If supervised contact is agreed,offer to be a facilitator.
Do not minimise and dismiss your son's actions.
Support your son in seeking help for anger management if needed,tell him to cooperate fully with SS and that he follows the rules.
He needs to be proactive in managing his behaviour and seeking help to improve.
He needs to show he understands what he did was wrong and he is taking steps so it won't happen again.

wavecatcher · 25/08/2020 12:15

As a grandparent you can be part of that support. Offer your time, having the little ones over night or a trip to the park. If your unable take a dinner over or take them to McDonald's. They are clearly struggling and would probably love the support and help of a family member.

Apolloanddaphne · 25/08/2020 12:16

So if the police have done their part then it is now down to SS to look at the future and supports etc. They may decide to have a CP case conference or a child well being meeting (I am in Scotland they may be called different things in England) to get all key professionals together to put together a plan. I would still advise him to call SS and ask what the next steps will be.

Atalune · 25/08/2020 12:18

What support are you offering?

Babysit the children? Take one or both out for an afternoon regularly? Go over and hike with the occasional bedtime? Go with parent to toddler groups to help them integrate? Visit the library website and choose some books?

Son needs to be much more proactive in seeking help and support.

A slap that left a mark is a HARD slap. He should be thoroughly ashamed of himself.

Atalune · 25/08/2020 12:21

In England it would be a

Team around the child TAC meeting with key professionals meeting and then the child could be classed as a child in need which is some monitoring and supported or a child at risk in which case the need is far greater and would have a social worker attached.

If it was one isolated incident of a slap and a happy calm home life the rest of the time then I imagine it will all be signed off and that will be that. However the mother with mental
Health issues may benefit from some structured support.

Must be very hard for you too, stressful. Take care of yourself and focus on your grandchildren.

Lockdownseperation · 25/08/2020 12:23

There is no way you can be hit someone hard enough to leave a bruise but for the victim not to notice.

Your son need to contact ss and cooperate with them.

GarlicMcAtackney · 25/08/2020 13:11

A second thread about this?
The man you raised attacked his child and left a mark, you need to stop giving reasons as to why the victim deserved to be attacked, ‘hot day, lockdown, the choice to have had two kids, the child not wanting to go to bed’ there’s no excuse for assaulting anyone of any age, stop defending his choice, then the mother may be more open to allowing you contact with her kids.

Spied · 25/08/2020 13:16

Agree with PP.
You are defending him and finding reasons for him to have done it.
You are also dragging the mother into this blaming her MH for your son having a lot on his plate.
If I was the mother I'd be extremely wary around you.

cantstopsinginglittlebabybum · 25/08/2020 13:17

Your son hit his 4 year old hard enough to leave a bruise

You don't ever hit a child. There is no reason whatsoever for him hitting his child.

Refusing to go to bed, hot day, difficult day because there are 2 children are all bullshit excuses.

CodenameVillanelle · 25/08/2020 13:20

Slaps don't leave marks the next day. He hit him and bruised him. He needs to work with social services to work on being a safe parent because at the moment he is not.

AriettyHomily · 25/08/2020 13:20

@GarlicMcAtackney

A second thread about this? The man you raised attacked his child and left a mark, you need to stop giving reasons as to why the victim deserved to be attacked, ‘hot day, lockdown, the choice to have had two kids, the child not wanting to go to bed’ there’s no excuse for assaulting anyone of any age, stop defending his choice, then the mother may be more open to allowing you contact with her kids.

Exactly this.

You won't get different answers because you posted a second thread.

CoronaBollox · 25/08/2020 13:28

Oh diddums poor DS.

You need to support your DIL in whatever way you can IMO. I would offer Childcare, help around the house or with bedtime etc. She has MH issues which will not be helped by seeing her DP hit one of his kids.

LonginesPrime · 25/08/2020 13:33

The child didnt even notice but it left a mark

Didn't even notice?

You're minimising the issue and the fact the child didn't clock it suggests it wasn't a one-off.

The best thing you can do to support your DGCs (especially if they're going to be around you) is to examine your own attitude to domestic violence and question yourself on why you think your reaction to this incident is in such stark contrast to that of the police and social services.

rebecca102 · 25/08/2020 13:33

Here come the perfect parents

RedRumTheHorse · 25/08/2020 13:40

None of us here are perfect parents.

OP what do you think child abuse looks like?

I'm in my 40s and when I was a teenager, a couple of my school friends' parents slapped/hit them and left marks. The school found out and they were removed from their homes by SS. Their parents had to jump through hoops so they were allowed to move back in.

So the fact that your son has been told to leave the home after leaving a mark on his child, your grandchild, isn't a new development.

PPs have told you how to deal with the situation to support your grandchildren - the only victims in this - and help your son, their father, get allowed to move back in their house with them.

tiredanddangerous · 25/08/2020 13:47

Obviously the child noticed if he told his childminder

eurochick · 25/08/2020 14:02

I don't think you need to be a perfect parent in order to avoid hitting your child so hard it leaves a mark.

Jussayingisall · 25/08/2020 14:26

Wow @rebecca102 you sound just as awful. Not bruising our children make us perfect apparently. I hope you are not a parent

Original poster

HUGS65 · 25/08/2020 15:26

What makes a good parent!!! It happened something my son deeply regrets. My concern now is they get the support; they need!

OP posts:

meow1989 · 25/08/2020 15:33

They get support by being open and honest with social care and accepting the support offered. Your dil should seek gp support for her mental health.

You minimising the event as just one of those things is not going to help them, can you offer practical support such as having them for a day so your dil can look after herself?

Rebecca - it's a pretty low bar to set of being a good pare t means not physically assaulting your child.

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