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Parenting

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Original poster

Am I disadvantaging my baby by not sending him to nursery?

99 replies

nurserydilemma3 · 22/08/2020 07:14

My baby boy is six months old and I’m starting to think about going back to work. Financially it would make the most sense for me to become a SAHM until he’s three and gets the 30 free hours - and this is what I’d ideally like to do from a personal POV as well. However, a lot of my friends put their children into nursery from age 1 or 2, in most cases so they could go back to work.

I was chatting to one friend yesterday who said it has been very beneficial for her boy to go to nursery early as it’s something he really enjoys and it has made him more confident socially.

So my question is - would I be actively disadvantaging my child by not putting him into nursery before the age of 3? Should we try to find some extra money so we can send him one or two days a week when he’s 1 or 2? Or will it be ok just to keep him home with me for the first three years of his life?

Any thoughts/advice welcome.

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Original poster

nurserydilemma3 · 22/08/2020 07:16

The other option would be for me to go back to work full time when he’s 1, but my wages would be barely more than the full time nursery fees.

OP posts:

DancingCatGif · 22/08/2020 07:17

"More confident socially" at six months old???

Sorry but what a lot of nonsense. They change daily at that age.

People make decisions and then justify it to themselves why it was the right one by imagining up positive outcomes.

She has no idea what her baby would be like if he hadn't gone to nursery.

Just do what you feel is right for you. Babies have no need to socialise outside the family until they are around three.

Heygirlheyboy · 22/08/2020 07:19

Definitely not disadvantaging him!

Interested in this thread?

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3-6 months old 6-9 months old Babies & sleep Childcare & nursery

MinesAPintOfTea · 22/08/2020 07:21

It is unlikely to disadvantage your DS overall. I know that mine benefited from nursery in some ways, but also benefited from the times we were both at home. You friend probably needs to think of the positives of nursery from her DS's perspective to help her feel better about him going there.

That said, given the current environment, unless your DH's job is completely secure (ie doctor, supermarket worker etc) I would be going back to work so that you are less likely as a family to find yourselves without any work.

CrazyOldBagLady · 22/08/2020 07:21

No you he won't be disadvantaged if he doesn't go. People send them before them so they can work or do whatever they need to do. From a child's perspective, about 3 seems about right as that's when they start to become a bit more independent and sociable.

latticechaos · 22/08/2020 07:21

No, you would not be disadvantaging anything!

Many children are home for much longer, across the globe. Children who were home educated go to university.

Look at your child and see if they have what they need - love, food, play, learning, exercise, contact with children. They can get these at nursery or at home.

You can not disadvantage a child if they have these things. Maybe you will do a bit more baking at home, nursery does more painting. Neither confers an advantage.

What matters in early years, imo, is love and happiness.

Original poster

nurserydilemma3 · 22/08/2020 07:21

Just do what you feel is right for you. Babies have no need to socialise outside the family until they are around three.

Interesting, is that really the case? I thought it was important to start getting them used to meeting other people from an earlier age than that - around 1.5 or 2.

OP posts:

Purplequalitystreet · 22/08/2020 07:22

I'm not sending my DS to nursery either. I'm going back to work, but he'll be looked after by family. I am worried about the social aspect, but my plan is to take him to toddler groups (as soon as they open) to make sure he mixes with other children. I think as long as you're getting out and about, he'll be fine.

SnuggyBuggy · 22/08/2020 07:22

I wouldn't worry too much at this age.

crosser62 · 22/08/2020 07:22

There are other ways of introducing social skills to him when he is a bit older though rather than the expense of nursery which sounds a stretch for you anyway .

When libraries reopen they have bounce and rhyme sessions for babies & toddlers, playgroups at local churches, my local one was £2 for 2 hours of play, craft, story, tea and toast for me as you stay with your child.
There’s swimming sessions for mum & child too.

Hopefully when everything returns to normal, watch your local communications for things like that.

Honestly there’s no end to the worry and guilty feelings with kids is there.

latticechaos · 22/08/2020 07:23

I was chatting to one friend yesterday who said it has been very beneficial for her boy to go to nursery early as it’s something he really enjoys and it has made him more confident socially.

Imo this friend is worrying if they have disadvantaged their child and is reassuring themselves!

Lockdownseperation · 22/08/2020 07:24

Assuming you are interacting with him and when he is older you take him to toddler groups then no he won’t be disadvantaged.

BullshitVivienne · 22/08/2020 07:25

@latticechaos

I was chatting to one friend yesterday who said it has been very beneficial for her boy to go to nursery early as it’s something he really enjoys and it has made him more confident socially.

Imo this friend is worrying if they have disadvantaged their child and is reassuring themselves!

I knew it wouldn't be long until someone criticised parents who use nursery for their children.

Anyway, If you can afford to send him when he's a bit older, I think that would help him get used to doing activities with other children, being around other adults etc.

Original poster

nurserydilemma3 · 22/08/2020 07:26

Thanks. From what age is it important to start taking him to groups? 1? 2?

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MsTSwift · 22/08/2020 07:27

No it’s utter bollocks and marketing by nurseries.

KitKatastrophe · 22/08/2020 07:27

No you would not be disadvantaging him, quite the opposite. Six month olds dont need to "socialise" - they dont really need that until at least age 2. You can help him to become comfortable with other kids by taking him to baby groups, play dates with friends, the park.

I am a stay at home parent and my 3 year old is well adjusted, very sociable and confident. When she started preschool just before turning 3 she settled in straight away and the teachers commented how confident she was.

Provided that you do a variety of activities with them and are an engaged parent (I.e. dont just sit them in front of the TV all day) they will do just as well at home compared to nursery.

It can be difficult to hear other parents saying how much their child loves nursery and how much they have developed since being there, but that's what babies do - they learn and develop at home or at nursery or wherever they are. I remember a friend of mine being so impressed that their 2 year olds speech had improved after 3 months of nursery. Of course it had, all 2 year olds get better at speech over a 3 month period, nursery or not.

Original poster

nurserydilemma3 · 22/08/2020 07:27

Anyway, If you can afford to send him when he's a bit older, I think that would help him get used to doing activities with other children, being around other adults etc.

A bit older being what age exactly? It would be a financial stretch for us to send him, but I do want the best for him and if it’s important then we’ll do it.

OP posts:

SnuggyBuggy · 22/08/2020 07:28

I think from when they start to get bored at home it's good to do groups. Me and my 2 year old have really struggled with the groups not running.

MsTSwift · 22/08/2020 07:28

3 ish? Mine went to pre school when the hours kicked in before then home with me and now teens they are very social. Actually too social 😁

Original poster

nurserydilemma3 · 22/08/2020 07:29

@KitKatastrophe thanks, that’s good to hear about your daughter!

OP posts:

latticechaos · 22/08/2020 07:29

@BullshitVivienne

It was not a criticism of using nursery at all, I did different things with my different children.

It was a comment that the friend sounded like they were worrying about their child.

As I said in my post up thread, children can get what they need at home or at nursery.

Don't be so defensive, no one is criticising.

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 22/08/2020 07:29

I think they benefit massively from going to nursery. Not from 6 months but around 15-18 months. But that’s my own personal opinion based on my children and others I know that did / didn’t go at that age.
My nephew really kissed out by not going to nursery but that’s probably because neither of his parents took him to any groups and he just didn’t interact with any other children until he was 3.

Lonoxo · 22/08/2020 07:30

How about 2 years? That’s what the research say is the best age when it’s more about development and less about childcare. I really appreciated my extra year with my DD. I saw her walk, have so many brilliant memories of the playgroups we attended and watched her personality develop. But babies change so much. By the end of year 2, I needed a change from singing nursery rhymes. Professionally, on paper, I only have a year gap on my cv. The loss of confidence thing is so real. If I left it any longer, it would have been worse. You might be different though.

Tyranttoddler · 22/08/2020 07:31

To be honest I do think they need to socialise before 3, but it doesn't need to be through nursery. When my daughter wasn't socialising through lockdown (18 months, almost 2 now), after a few months I really noticed. When she returned to nursery I noticed a real positive change in her. In response to your question, no, they don't need to ever go to nursery or pre school unless you need or want them to

latticechaos · 22/08/2020 07:31

Look at your child and see if they have what they need - love, food, play, learning, exercise, contact with children. They can get these at nursery or at home.

You can not disadvantage a child if they have these things. Maybe you will do a bit more baking at home, nursery does more painting. Neither confers an advantage.

This is what I said about home vs. nursery.

Wish people weren't so quick to get offended!

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