Would you leave 3-year-old with Dad and grandparents for 10 days, if you'd come back a better mum?

[ChipsAreDown]

My demons are catching me out every day in my parenting, and I need to put them to rest; it's miserable, for me and ds.

Counselling hasn't cracked it, and I've heard some great things about The Hoffman Process. I've seen friends really benefit from it. But it takes 8-10 days, with no contact with anyone 'outside'! Ds (3) would be taken care of by Dad and grandparents - the very best alternative - but given that he sometimes finds separations from Mum really tough, will the benefits of potentially Much Happier Mummy outweigh the risk of leaving him for 10 days?

I've thought of making little Mummy videos, recording stories for him, etc, to keep the idea of Mum 'alive'. Would you leave little one, if the odds were you'd come back a more chilled out, playful, loving mummy?

Thanks.

nodepends on demons

I don't think I could but I'm not in the same position as you. If it was going to benefit me and my family in the long term then I think I would have to do it. If you feel it is the right hing to do then you are probabl right. Ds will probably have a ball

Could you try a shorter "trial run" of just a couple of days? To get him used to the idea; he could be looked after Dad and GPs and you would have a better idea of how he'd cope. And then if you did do it, it wouldn't be a completely alien concept to him for Mummy to be away for a while, but it's OK and she'll come back.

undoubtedly, it would be so good for all concerned in the long run. does he spend much time with gps already? if so that would make it easier, other than that, I would say you should have a trial run of a couple of days beforehand.

yes
ds1 goes on holiday with his daddy and grandparents every year, gives me some time to get myself back on track
he went for 8 days the week after his 3rd birthday, and 16 days this year when he was 3.9

He will be fine - he has his father with him.

You sound like you need to do this for yourself - go try it, i hope it makes you feel better.

Yes definitely

I would definitely go if you feel like you will be a better parent - you do owe it to your child to be the best mother you can be and if that means 10 days away, then so be it - it will probably be the best time investment you ever make.

I would even if it was just for fun
I would also do all the things you have mentioned about keeping mum 'alive' but I wouldn't thinik of it like that at all. he is old enough to understand you are coming back and he will miss you so those things will make it easier for him
Hwe will be absolutely fine and love all the extra attention form his grandparents

Happy mum = happy child in the long run so yes i would do it for the sake of me and everyone who has to live with me. Being miserable is no fun.

Friend did and swears by it - so good that her husband did it and now her mum is about to go for it.

Good luck and go for it. Endeavouring to become a better parent and deal with your demons is always time well spent.

Go for it, I went away for 10 days albeit with my DH earlier this year and it made our relationship with our 2 DS a whole lot better. Your relationship with your DS in the long run is what you want to think about and if he is used to being left with your DH when you go out some times then he should be fine. Have you left him with his GP before for any length of time?
If not then a trial run might be a good idea. Good luck.

Yes, in fact I could do with a bit of time out myself. If you are convinced this will make you a happier person and thus a happoer mother go for it...

Yes

yes. did it for seven days when dd was 3 and it helped me and my relationship with both dd and dh.

Yes - if its only 10 days and you'll be happier in the long term then yes, he'll be ok and the video ideas are a great way of keeping in touch

I hope it works out and that you put your demons to rest x

Yes of course. I had to go away for 6 days when DS was 2.5. He had a great time with his Dad, and we keep in touch using webcams. And the cuddle I got when I returned was priceless.

In your situation - yes most definitely.

Oh, thank you all so much. I've been feeling I need to do this, that it would be an investment, and just couldn't get to the point of feeling OK about leaving ds for 10 days without some reassurance.

All of ds's grandparents live close by, and he sees all of them regularly. He has stayed with them for up to two nights before, while we've been away; he was there last night, in fact. He misses us, and doesn't always separate happily, but usually has a ball. The return cuddles are so lovely.

Because he frequently doesn't feel great about separating from me yet, and because part of my 'demons' involve me creating a fleeting fear in him, earlier this year, that I might leave , I wonder if this isn't such a good idea. And yet, because of this, it is ... iyswim?!

Trinity, I meant the video/story ideas more as a way to keep Mum 'around' than 'alive' - dodgy phrasing on my part.

Anyway, thank you again. Had better book up tomorrow.

Yes. I leave mine every year with their dad. Great for all of them.

They may be a little hungrier and a little dirtier than I might like... but as long as there's a discernable pulse... I can work with that.

Enjoy your time away!

Yes!
You (or your DH / grandparents) can talk to a 3 year old and explain that Mummy Will Be Back. 3 year olds are not helpless, not emotionally. I have o idea what the hoffman proces is, but if you wnat to do it, feel it will help with whatever your demons are, then do it and do it without guilt or doubt.

In principle yes. However I am very iffy about having no contact with outside - sounds rather cultlike to me.

Please look at my thread i have a solution that only takes 3 days and is free im giving away free tickets to a wealth and sucess weekend with christopher howard who works with NLP which is what i believe the hoffman process also does!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/1375/399940?ts=1191449871223

Im trying to pass on my good experiance lol im not selling anything i promise!