What age should you let children out on their own? and is being at private school another consideration, because they may not have experienced difficult social situations outside or inside school?

[bws83]

I have a son age 12 in a local private school, he has been kept quite sheltered for some time now, and does not leave the house alone. I just wondered what other people thought about when the right time is to give children more independence and any strategies they may have to do so safely. And how to know when you are keeping your child too sheltered. Tough question it was one the of the key reasons for choosing private education to dodge the problems that plague society in state schools, but how much is too much?

Could you move house? It sounds no life at all for you, and him in turn, if you are this scared about the people who live near you. It's likely you have it all out of proportion, but that doesn't help, can't you move somewhere you feel safer?

Sending him to private school is a sticking plaster solution based on some kind of fear and a way of avoiding the problem, don't focus on it but instead what worries you.

If he doesn't learn to gauge risk now he will be more likely to make poor risk judgements when he's older. By all means talk about what he'll do when he's out and about, what if something happened etc. but don't hide him away.

Also, small bad things happening, losing your wallet, getting away from a scary drunk guy you think is following you, wrong bus etc are character building and give you confidence about what you are able to deal with. He'll be feeling a lot less capable than his peers and this will be a problem in school trips etc.

So - send him out for a pint of milk... go on!

I went out on my own when I was 12 and got the shock of my life. I encountered artillery fire, gun running, zombies and state school children.

I didn't go out again.

Sorry OP, I was being facetious. The drug use, institutional bullying, eating disorders, theft and racism I encountered as a teen all happened at my posh private school.

Mrs Taylor-Thomas and her yogurt!

@Baaaahhhhh
I am really sorry about what happened to your daughter and hope that she didn't suffer any permanent injuries.

MaybeDoctor Oh, thank you so much. Physically she was fine, mentally she took quite a hit.

By 8 or 9 they should be able to walk to school, go to the local shop to spend their allowance, walk the dog or themselves alone (probably not straying more than 1-2km from home)

By 11 they should be able to catch the bus into town on their own, meet friends, and be able to get themselves home. They should be able to ride their bike all around town and be able to get home.

By 13-14 they can get a job so should be well versed in how to get themselves around so they can get to their job and home on their own. And decide when to accept shifts because they are in control of their own timetable and know when they are available or not.

But maybe state schools in good areas where liberal minded wealthy parent pay with mortgages to live in good areas this is not the case.

People who rent can have well behaved children. Equally people who are liberal minded and wealthy / living in good areas can have kids who are arseholes.

I think we all know there are parents who pay a premium (whether rent or mortgage) to live in the area of a high performing state school. So basically they become middle class schools. It’s no different to paying private really.

It's more that he is quite shy and not sure if he could stick up for himself, also he doesnt know any local kids, the problem is with the school that lots of kids travel in from remote areas so its hard for him. Just want to make sure he gains confidence but doesnt loose it to a bad incident.

In 6 years time your son is going to be an adult and will have to deal with whatever horrible things there are out there. Yes, of course you want to keep him safe but you also want him to develop enough resilience and judgment to deal with situations himself- and that does include some experience of difficult situations.

But maybe state schools in good areas where liberal minded wealthy parent pay with mortgages to live in good areas this is not the case.

You may not realise this but MN has quite a wide demographic. Are you really telling those of us who are not wealthy that your children are not good enough for your son to associate with?