What age should you let children out on their own? and is being at private school another consideration, because they may not have experienced difficult social situations outside or inside school?

[bws83]

I have a son age 12 in a local private school, he has been kept quite sheltered for some time now, and does not leave the house alone. I just wondered what other people thought about when the right time is to give children more independence and any strategies they may have to do so safely. And how to know when you are keeping your child too sheltered. Tough question it was one the of the key reasons for choosing private education to dodge the problems that plague society in state schools, but how much is too much?

MaybeDoctor - Just noticed your comment - Well yes, see above, my DD fell right within that age range......

www.tes.com/news/bullying-worse-private-schools-new-research-shows

@bws83

Sorry I didnt mean that everyone in state schools are bad, I went to one, I just meant the challenges with discipline and bullying.

What on earth makes you think those aren't issues at private schools!? Your ridiculous snobby beliefs would have rubbed off pretty quickly at the private schools i went to.

Newsflash, teenagers are shits. Doesn't matter how much money you pump into their education. All it means is that the school is too scared to discipline them for fear of losing the fees.

We'd have ripped the piss out of a 12yr old who couldn't go anywhere without his mummy.

I can't understand what has made you think that bullying will be less common and discipline tighter in private schools? Why do you think this is the case?

The time of my life I had the widest and easiest access to the full spectrum of drugs was when I attended my private school.

As others have mentioned above, if you've had to send your son to a fee-paying school to 'dodge the problems that plague society in state schools', it rather suggests you live in a horribly dangerous area. Have you considered moving elsewhere? Maybe somewhere you'd feel happier about your son mixing with local children?

We live in SE13, SE London. My DDs attend local state schools but have plenty of friends they've made through their hobbies who attend independent schools. Anecdotally, I'd say the society-plaguing issues seem largely attitude-based and are to do with a sense of entitlement, superiority complexes and huge lack of commonsense or independence.

My just-turned-11-year-old walks to friends' houses alone, cycles in the park alone, pops to the shop alone, takes herself to and from school alone, stays home alone for the day if DH and I are working and her big sister is out... she's yet to catch a bus or train by herself but that's only because lockdown has prevented her needing to. Her big sister was catching the train into Central London and navigating herself to unfamiliar destinations by bus aged 12. At 13, she and friends would catch trains out of London to a couple of hours away. When staying with friends in less urban places, both DDs have enjoyed greater freedom there e.g. playing out aged 5 ish, walking to shops or the town aged 7/8.

OP my ds is 11 and at private school. He is allowed to walk to local shops with a couple of friends. He’s on a strict time limit though, no hanging around. He can also go to a local field with his mates to kick a football, but again he has a time limit.
It does depend on your area though, we live in a fairly quiet safe area where you don’t tend to see much trouble.

Oh and I’ve had two older boys go through the state system and now the youngest in private. I understand what the OP meant, she just worded it badly.

Our local private school has had massive issues with drugs and bullying.

Poor kids can't afford a coke problem at 14 🤣

My dd was 11 when she started to walk to and from school on her own, that then progressed to going to the park with friends etc

Because when I was in state high school, other students would throw chairs at teachers, give verbal abuse, other people would be removed from classroom at every lesson for violence and bad behaviour. This has never happened at the private school my son goes to. But maybe state schools in good areas where liberal minded wealthy parent pay with mortgages to live in good areas this is not the case.

Local friends make it much easier to go out without parents. Does he have any local friends from clubs etc that he could meet up with in the park?

Our local primary has a list of suggested activities for age 10, like going into a shop alone, running errands and visiting neighbours. Not all ideal in coronavirus times but I’m sure you can think of things he could do. Every time he talks to an adult without you there he’s building up skills.

At 7 DS was biking 2 mins down the road to the shop if needed. At 4 he was outside in the cul de sac playing.
Now at 13 (in a private school) he travels 40 mins by train into London to meet his dad and then mooch around for a bit e.g Imperial War Museum. This was pre-COVID, but as soon as practicable he will be back doing the same.
Please give your kid at least some freedom!

Yes its true we live on edge of a very deprived area with high crime rates. The post came across the wrong way, the local secondary school has a pass rate of 17% of boys at GCSE getting 5 A-Cs. I'm sorry if it came across as a sweeping statement.

I think you've let your experience of one school colour your whole opinion.

Only 6.5 - 7% of people in Britain are privately educated - the other 93% aren't all going round chucking chairs!

Dodge the problems with a state school 😂😂😂😂 Good luck with that. All the private school kids I grew up were far more dysfunctional and did far more drugs than us mere state school pupils. Get a grip 😂😂😂😂😂

You must live in a rough area, never heard of that at any of our local schools and we have a high number of social housing.

It must obviously be those pesky kids in rented and social housing

Keep digging that hole OP

If caring about your child makes you a twat than so may it be. It wasn't an attack on students at state schools it was meant to point out that the state school alternative near where we live is one of the worst in the country with 17% pass rate at GCSE for boys, and your suggesting I should send my son there?

It wasn't an attack on students at state schools it was meant to point out that the state school alternative near where we live is one of the worst in the country

That isn't what you said at all. one the of the key reasons for choosing private education to dodge the problems that plague society in state schools You were absolutely attacking students at state schools and that is twattish behaviour.

My dd is going in to year 6. Over the last year, she has started being allowed to meet friends at the park etc on her own. She got my old phone at the start of lockdown and I have location sharing enabled between her and me so I can see where she is. But, there are pretty strict rules - no going in to anyone's house without me knowing (redundant at the moment due to covid), if she's going to the park, she stays in the park and they don't leave any friend on their own.

She has been walking the few minutes to and from school herself for the last year or so, if she wasn't going to the Childminder's and one of us was at home.

I was a bit worried (I'm a twin, so never went anywhere on my own until I was older) but I figured from next year, she will be getting herself a mile to and from secondary school independently, and wanted her to have the experience of being out on her own. We live in a big village / small town. Some parents from her class are much stricter, some less so. But I do wonder how the stricter ones are going to manage their kids going to secondary school independently. The secondary school is quite clear that kids should walk or cycle (totally manageable in the village) rather than being dropped off in the car, so they will all need to get used to it at some point.

Point taken. Apologises. At the end of day just trying to do whats best, but like everyone has said need to start giving some independence.

It's a question we will ask, once the pandemic has calmed down. Definitely. It's good to see what other people think about this issue.

Too sheltered. My dd was 10 when she started walking to the local shops alone, 11 when she started going into town to meet her friends and go ice skating and 12 when she started catching the bus independently.

Most primaries here recommend children walk to school in year 6, so aged 11, in preparation for secondary.

Thus, My Ds2 had been going out alone, meeting friends, since aged 11.

But he was born confident! I too feel safe where I live and walk home in the dark from the pub, without a second thought.

Depends on child. Depends where you live.

But fundamentally? Yes. Else they are mollycoddled and that's not good.

I'm not sure what our local crime rate is but s few years ago, the LA was identified as the worst/most dangerous place in the country to live. It is the 31st most deprived in the country (out of 326) and the DCs that attend the same secondary as my DDs nearly all live within 2 miles of the school. The intake is as mixed as the local population, just as a comprehensive should be, and that goes for the accommodation near the school too.

Chair-throwing and violence do not form part of my DDs' school experience. Your experience of a state secondary doesn't sound very positive but I can assure you that there are plenty of brilliant state secondaries that draw their intake from the local area, from all sorts of housing and backgrounds and still manage to have high expectations, positive relationships and good results.