To ask you when life with baby gets easier

[2020ns]

I'm a first time mum to a 15 week old baby.

I've been coping okay with everything up until now, but I got to this weekend and suddenly feel frazzled. I think it's hit me just how deeply tired I am.

There's just so much to do all the time - looking after baby first and foremost, keeping the house presentable, a constant never-ending flow of laundry, trying to keep in touch with friends from LBB (life before baby), which I'm doing very badly at. DH and I split a lot of the work but I still feel exhausted.

We're off on holiday soon and the amount of organisation involved with a baby is just overwhelming, not to mention how daunting it is that he'll be in a completely different routine and sleeping in a strange new cot, which could potentially be very unsettling.

If I'm honest I'd rather just stay home than face all of that and the potential sleep disruption to myself when I'm already totally knackered, but it's too late to cancel now.

I know people say that something's got to give, but the only thing I could do less of is the housework and that to me is essential - mentally I get very low if I'm surrounded by mess and untidiness.

I also thought that things were meant to get easier around the three month mark, but that hasn't happened - if anything DS is crankier and cries just as much as ever. I've no idea what's causing this - I've had him examined by the doctor and there's nothing physically wrong with him. He naps quite well in the day usually too (with a lot of intervention from me).

DS slept from 8pm-4am yesterday so it's not like I'm not getting any free time. But it still all just feels so endlessly demanding.

Not sure what the point of this post is really - I just needed somewhere to vent. Thanks for reading if you've got this far.

It won't be like a normal holiday. You will just be away. Mine are all now nearly older than 5. It's much easier now.

Exactly, so what's the point of putting ourselves through all that stress when it won't even be a proper holiday? Like I say, it's easier just to stay home.

I think the mental load is getting to me as well - there's so much to think about and organise all the time. I'm exhausted.

About 4 months I felt things turned a corner and by 6/7 it was like normal life (well as close as it ever gets with a child!) I had 3 in mind too and it’s quite disheartening when it’s still a slog but it’ll feel like such a short period by the time Christmas is here, cliched as that is xx

15 weeks is coming up to the 16 week development leap and four month sleep regression. I found that stage incredibly hard. For me it got easier when DS started walking as until then he was an incredibly unhappy little boy. It then got gradually easy is stages and now he is 4 and it's largely a doddle :) Have just had an afternoon nap and am lazing in bed, DH is on his computer and DS is playing quietly in his room.

Can you afford a cleaner? They really are a life saver when you have very small ones!

In all honesty I think you just get used to the lack of free time, house never being quite how you want it, constantly being tired and things with friends being a bit disjointed. I also think that babies go in fits and starts; they go in phases of being easier then harder. Definitely after 1 I felt like things got easier as my DD played more contentedly by herself as she wasn’t a baby who really entertained herself.
I do know what you mean about going away though; sometimes it felt like more trouble than it was worth but that definitely changed as DD got bigger.

Ach vent away, it can be hard. I had a non sleeper and by 15 weeks was broken.

We went away at about 10 weeks I think and actually it was fine. You are the constant for baby so that stays the same. Also less house admin stuff so slightly easier.

Day to day I know what you mean but you do need to lower your standards or come up with more of a routine type system. Wait till baby mobile! Then it's real mess.

I tried to work ahead as much as I could. So dishwasher on overnight, emptied after first feed morning or as soon as. Something easy in slow cooker for tea later. If FF bottles washed and into sterilise ASAP. Online shop add as you think of things. I used to do mine when BF and then by the time I came to need it everything was in the basket.

Aside from whites, things into the machine as dirty, load on when full. Towels a Saturday, beds a Monday.

Quick Hoover of main room every day, others once a week.

Wipe down bathrooms and quick clean of toilet when in bathroom once a day, main clean once a week.

Get out for a walk every day, the fresh air helps you both.

Then sleep, if your tired nap when baby does. Hand over to dh and get a couple of hours solid sleep, even at a strange time of day.

It does get easier and it doesn't last forever. Although as I said above the mess gets worse as does the chaos. Dd is now twenty months and it's like a trail of debris left as she moves. Impossible.

I'm on my second baby (18 weeks) my first is 3. She's pretty straightforward to be honest and while it's not LBB wegen it was just her we could both (me and husband) definitely have things like evenings out etc. I

I have a 5 year old and a 7 month old. Still waiting for things to get easier tbh. 5 year old is easy, the baby is obviously more work. He doesn't sleep though yet, but does have a strict bedtime which I make sure we stick to. He's being weaned now and I find that the hardest thing of all, apart from breakfast when he has his porridge I never know what to give him. It's always a struggle at this stage. I think things start to get easier at 2+ and much better at 4+

I had 3 under 3. It was crazy but wouldn't change it for the world.

I found that once she went down in the evening reliably (around 3m) it got much easier. Then again at 6m when she started napping in her cot.

Tbh the thing that helped most was just letting go of the need for things to be clean. If you can't, and it really is impacting your mood, can you hire someone to do it for you?

First 23 years are the worst !

Its hard, I found it easier after 14 months, but its gradual from 6 months to that point. Well done for admitting it to yourself op, a lot of mums don't. Forgive yourself, things don't have to be perfect round the house. We got a cleaner at 3 months, best decision

Being on holiday when kids are babies or young meant my husband was there to share the load. We did things together, which was a lot different than me doing it all alone. Plus we ate out most meals, I didn't have to constantly tidy up etc (This is the main reason why I don't do self catering anymore).
And the family time was unforgettable- my husband passed away when my kids were young, so treasure every minute you all have together.

Once she could sit up independently at five months we had a brief non-cranky period until she decided that sitting up wasn’t enough and she wanted to move. Once she hit 10 months and started cruising (never crawled) everything became infinitely easier. Now at 20 months she just potters round the house ‘helping’ when I do housework.

I never understood people saying oh leave the housework, you’ll feel better if you don’t put too much pressure on yourself. An untidy house causes me the greatest stress of all!

Honestly, the difference from last summer’s (UK) family holiday to this summer’s is immense.

I’ve got a two week old and two more under 3, I’ve found just accepting the chaos and laughing at the insanity of it all helps! Life will get easier one day I’m sure! Sending hugs and strength from another exhausted mama with a messy house 💐

@Alicatz66

First 23 years are the worst !

It will get easier- gradually

I remember feeling despair when pg with dc3. I had a 3 and 5 yr old. No one needed a nappy and they were able to get in the car without help. What was I doing going back to the baby years???

But it was all fine!

Honestly I think you'll enjoy your holiday as long as you lower your expectations. It'll be a break

I went back to work when dd was 13 weeks. That’s when life got easier.
It’s hard work though. I never stop.

With both my DC I found the first 6 months the hardest and it gradually got easier from them until about 14 months when they started walking and little bits of communication started and it got much easier. Still full on but once they're at the stage of playing a little independently and going down at a reasonable time at night giving you the evening to yourself it feels much more manageable. I understand about you wanting to keep the house clean for your mental health because I'm the same, could your dp or anyone take baby for a good big walk on the weekend to let you blitz the house a bit and get a bit ahead or even have a nap yourself?

First babies are such hard work because you’re adjusting to losing your freedom. It’s doubly worse if you have a non sleeper or a really screamy baby.

It doesn’t get easier as such. It just changes, suddenly they stop screeching but start actively trying to kill themselves and you end up constantly watching. Then that stops and your life is swamped with their social lives and endless role play. Then that evolves into them playing happily but you just constantly tidy up after them and feed them.

It’s awful and fabulous all at once. You’ll adjust.

Hi! I have an 18 week old and have just gone away for a weekend with him. Yes, the amount of stuff you have to pack is insane and I was wondering if it was worth it too, whilst me and my husband were loading up the car. That all stopped when we got to where we were going. Its not like a holiday you were used to before the baby, there are still the night feeds etc to be done. I found that the change was all worth it though, a change being as good as a break. Do you have a sling? We found that as long as we timed naps with car trips, we could sling our son and just get on with what we wanted to do. Id really urge you to go, it may not seem worth it now but I think it is.

Honestly, from 4. Years that is.

Go on holiday though, you have to adjust to life with kids, no point letting it stop you. It will be a different holiday to what you’re probably used to but I still think it’s worth going.

More generally though, you may as well crack on and accept the rough with the smooth. This is life now. There will be some joyful moments, honest

I don't know, I haven't found it become 'easier', just that I guess your confidence grows, you find a routine and organisation/cleaning hacks that work for you, they start to sleep through (hopefully); and although the relentless morphs into answering the same question millions of times and checking they don't run off into the road or fling themselves off of the sofa, I found from about 12 months a lot 'easier'. Also going back to work and getting more of a balance helped.

I always read about people saying it doesn’t get easier, I disagree, it definitely gets easier. Or you get better and more used to it. But when I went away with DS1 at 3 months I felt like we had to pack everything and it was ridiculous. Going away with him now at 2 it was a handbag and 1 small carry on suitcase situation... When they start talking they get a lot easier and more fun. They aren’t so demanding of your time and closeness anymore. It just gets easier all the time, honestly.

You get your life back once they become adults. Its great then.

@2020ns Things got much better for us when they could sit up - first propped in one of those v cushions, then sitting independently. Then easier again when they could crawl and then walk. I just found the whole ‘slug in a babygrow’ stage horrifically boring.

Can you afford a cleaner? Could someone give you a monthly clean as a birthday/Christmas present?

Please tell us you aren’t self catering for this holiday? Same shit, worse equipment...