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Original poster

Going from 1 to 2 kids... how hard is it really?

63 replies

Swaddleblanket · 01/08/2020 10:27

We want to try for a baby so there is 3 years between our children (ideal world, fingers crossed)

We don’t live anywhere near our families so we don’t have any external support.

I want to make sure I am as prepared as I can be for the challenges and I know there will be many, many things I haven’t even thought of so wanted to get an idea from parents who have made the leap to 2 children what you found hard and if you have any tips, tricks, advice etc.

Than you!

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Oncemorewithfeelin · 01/08/2020 10:51

I was in a similar position and have the same age gap.

I found setting routines for dc2 very difficult. They weren’t a good sleeper and wouldn’t nap when I wanted them to. They would choose to fall asleep when I had to pick up the older one up from preschool and they were the sort of child that once awake wouldn’t fall back asleep and didn’t sleep in their pram.

Tonic54 · 01/08/2020 15:37

I have 26months between mine and wish perhaps we had waited abit longer before TTC as finding it tough at the moment although I'm quite old so it was hard to know when to.

I wish we had got DS into a bedroom routine with DH before the baby arrived.
DS can feed himself but prefers to be fed so I wish we'd been stricter on that before the baby. We also potty trained him before the baby then he had a regression when the baby came..I wish I had read the second child by Sarah ockwell Smith so we might not have made these mistakes! Good luck.

BlueRaincoat1 · 01/08/2020 15:45

There's 2.5 years between mine. I found the first 6 months of mat leave tough going, I was breast feeding , the baby did not sleep or nap well, and I'd taken the older one out of nursery. I would suggest NOT doing that if you can afford it- even 2 days a week would have been great for him, me and the baby. I was so very tired, my patience was shot to pieces. So I think that's my top tip. If you can continue to afford a bit of childcare for the older one, then do so.

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user1493413286 · 01/08/2020 16:33

I’ve found the transition from 1 to 2 much easier than 0 to 1 as I have at least a vague idea of what I’m doing (although DS is very different to DD) and my life already revolves around having a DC. The first few weeks were the most tough but DS is now 5 months and mostly I’m in the swing of it.
We have a three year age gap and it’s been helpful that DD can dress herself (if she wants), is out of nappies and we haven’t needed a double buggy.
Although Covid changed things we had planned for DD to be in nursery at least a a day a week and now she’s back it’s made things a lot easier and is positive for her to have that stimulation and the baby to have some time with me. Our cleaner has also returned as I’m not sure when I’d fit in proper cleaning beyond the odd hoover, bleach down the loo type thing so that’s been a life saver.
I knew I’d be having a section so I got DD used to not being carried and lifted and it was helpful that she was in a bed and not a cot any more. I would say that as far as possible keep the older child in their routine and be prepared to just focus on the basics in the first few weeks/months

dingledongle · 01/08/2020 16:41

3 years between my two, it was ok moving from one to two as life had already changed!

More tiring tbh as second was a tricky sleeper and first born liked to wake early.

However they liked each others company (ds and dd) and still get along now.

Jarofflies · 01/08/2020 16:41

I think it depends a lot on what the baby and child are like. I've got 2.5 years between mine and it's been fine, I actually found being pregnant and looking after my older one was the worst bit.

However my oldest has never been a good sleeper and can be quite hard work at times, her little sister is a much easier baby. Loves her food and has slept through pretty much since 8 weeks, she just goes with the flow!

It would have been much harder the other way round I think

KitKatastrophe · 01/08/2020 17:59

I had my second child just before lockdown, almost exactly 3 years between them.
I found it much easier going from 1 to 2, than having the first one. I'm more relaxed for a start. However, as with all these things, it is also luck about how your baby is. I'm lucky that my second baby sleeps pretty well at night, took to feeding well, is easygoing and doesnt need to nap much during the day. If she was high maintenance or a bad sleeper it would be much more difficult to juggle the two of them.

I'm looking forward to 3YO (hopefully) going back to preschool in September so I can start getting baby into a bit more of s routine.

Bumblingalong30s · 01/08/2020 18:52

I have 3.9 years between mine. Have found it very hard but not sure if that’s mostly because of lockdown and also sleep deprivation, your kids might be better sleepers!

How easy is first child? My eldest is very intense and not good at playing on his own. My baby is actually better than he is at entertaining herself! But I’m only getting a couple of hours sleep a night as she feeds so much.

A sling has been helpful so that she can sleep in it while I play with her big brother. I have my eldest in nursery a few days a week which has been a huge help since the nursery reopened.

lookingatthings · 01/08/2020 19:08

Following with interest as there will be two years and a handful of days between them when 2 arrive 😬

Acornacorn · 01/08/2020 19:29

2.5yr gap. I’ve found it much harder going 1 to 2 than 0 to 1 but it might also be because my second was born just before lockdown and my first has stopped napping and I’m finding the terrible twos hard. Definitely all worth it but it’s hard right now.

Gillian1980 · 01/08/2020 19:48

3.9y between ours and I find it hard. They’re currently 5 and 14 months.

We kept dd in nursery but just reduced down to funded hours, which was great as it meant she had routine and I had time with ds. DH did all nursery runs so that I didn’t need to rush about and I could stay in pjs if I wanted.

The hardest bit for me is bedtime - ds is always done by me as he has a big feed in his room before being tucked in. Dd is done by DH about 1/2hr later and I pop in for hugs & kisses once ds is settled. It’s a real juggling act and I absolutely dread DH not being home to help!

The rest of the time isn’t too bad. Dd swings between being really helpful with ds or winding him up 🙄 she’s had a few regressions due to sibling rivalry / jealousy / attention seeking which is frustrating but understandable.

It was definitely the right choice financially as dd had funded hours at nursery and then started school during maternity leave. Ds has been at nursery 2 months now. We could never have afforded to pay 2x nursery fees at the same time.

RandomMess · 01/08/2020 19:50

The main thing is whether the baby is "high needs" or not...

My 3rd has silent reflux even after she was FINALLY diagnosis there was a lot of screaming and misery for the first 12 months. 4th was an utter doddle in comparison...

OverTheRainbow88 · 01/08/2020 19:51

I found 0-1 like horrific and then 1-2 fine really, which is odd as in hindsight baby 1 was a ‘good’ baby and number 2 is a ‘hard’ baby!

Ohwhocares22 · 01/08/2020 19:53

I'll start by saying that the times when they interact make it worth it but, frankly, its killing me. The youngest had a tricky start alongside the eldest stopping napping then lockdown happened. Things are a bit easier now but the eldest is intense and I dont have enough brain space for them both sometimes

ThickFast · 01/08/2020 19:56

I think it really depends on the baby. If you have an easy baby it’ll be ok. If you have a non-sleeping cryer it’ll be a nightmare. But then eventually they sleep and stop crying. I just decided that after my first was so hard, to write off the first year of having two as hell. And then to know it’d get better. Which it did

CheshireSplat · 01/08/2020 19:57

For the first year I thought it was just 1% harder (2nd baby was a much easier character than first). After that it was definitely harder to have 2 for about 3 years. They are now 5 and 8 and still bedtimes goes on for. Ever....

But they play brilliantly so they're entertaining each other through lockdown and ganging up on us which is greater.

After DD1 I would happily not have had another (she was hard work) but wanted her to have a sibling and haven't ever regretted having a second who is a delight and brings a whole new element to our family.

Sunshinegirl82 · 01/08/2020 19:58

We have a 2 yr 10 month gap. DS2 is 15 months and DS1 starts school in September.

I won't pretend it's easy! DS2 is gorgeous but walking, climbing and into everything! I cannot take my eyes off him for a second and so it is tough trying to sort them both out. DS1 is in nursery 3 days and I'm back at work now so things are a bit less intense!

I can see though that in 6 months or so when DS2 is a bit less full on it will ease up a bit. They already really love each other and play together a lot which is lovely.

DS1 is generally pretty patient although it is tricky when DS2 charges through his games or tries to steal his toys. Hopefully that will ease up a bit at some point too!

grafittiartist · 01/08/2020 20:01

I found the first year a real struggle.
No sleep ever, and actually running around all day.
But- after that year- wonderful! They played together, would help each other out, and liked going to the same places- easy to entertain.

OrangeGinLemonFanta · 01/08/2020 20:02

Going from 0 to 1 was hard. Total lifestyle change and DD was a hard work baby. Going from 1 to 2 was comparatively easier. DS has been an easier baby and toddler - so far! And DD has calmed down a lot.

DailyKegelReminder · 01/08/2020 20:03

Like others have said it depends on the babies. I have a 2 year age gap and haven't found it hard yet, but my eldest still has a long nap and my 2 month old is a good sleeper. I do believe if you get enough sleep things feel that tiny bit easier.

I have still had the odd "what have I done days" especially when I realise that 4 hours have flown by and I haven't done a single thing for myself, just changed nappies, fed babies and tried to clean the house

Sunshinegirl82 · 01/08/2020 20:05

It's interesting because I found the newborn/baby stage reasonably ok, and then DS2 started walking and it got about 100% harder overnight!

BackwashOfEffluent · 01/08/2020 20:08

For me the leap from 1 to 2 was a bit of a shock.

0-1 fair enough, new motherhood is just one big shock

2-3 I was astounded at how well that went

BackwashOfEffluent · 01/08/2020 20:09

Ps both age gaps are 20 months so that may have had something to do with it

onesteptwosteps · 01/08/2020 20:16

Oh it's hard work but more just in the sense of bloody hard work, rather than the utter shock of going from 0-1. You're already a mum, you'll manage no matter what type of baby you get (I pray for you not a reflux one like mine). TBH you're going to do it anyway no matter what people on here say! It'll be ok in the end 🤷🏼‍♀️

Also, get a cleaner and some childcare.

userabcname · 01/08/2020 20:28

Mine are 2y4m apart (currently 3 and 9mo). I've found it pretty straightforward. The 9mo is so easygoing and no trouble at all though. The 3yo has been hard work since day 1 and remains the most difficult! Also I'm a lot more relaxed with the second as I kind of know what's what and don't get too worried about things that stressed me out with dc1.

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