Going from 1 to 2 kids... how hard is it really?

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We want to try for a baby so there is 3 years between our children (ideal world, fingers crossed)

We don’t live anywhere near our families so we don’t have any external support.

I want to make sure I am as prepared as I can be for the challenges and I know there will be many, many things I haven’t even thought of so wanted to get an idea from parents who have made the leap to 2 children what you found hard and if you have any tips, tricks, advice etc.

Than you!

I had 2y2m between mine. I found the pregnancy with a toddler very hard going. Once baby2 was here it was actually easier.

0-1 is quite tough with lack of sleep but OK. DH and I would joke that the kids would tag-team. The minute one stopped crying about something, the other one would immediately start up. It was relentless.

Since then it has been a breeze (now 2 and 4). They entertain each other, and love each other so much. It's made lockdown so much better being a family of 4 rather than 2 adults and 1 child which I think must have been so tough and lonely.

I would have found it extremely hard to have had them any closer together. My first DC was HARD WORK until he was about 2. He has got easier and easier since then but if I'd had a baby when he was 18 months or so it would have broken me. My friend's children were born 16 months apart

You have to be more ok with crying. You can’t always spend hours trying to rock the baby to sleep and sometimes you just have to leave them for a bit when you are sorting out DC1 (DC2 is always grizzley when I’m getting tea for DC1 for example).

Agree with the PP about difficultly in establishing a routine for DC2. Nursery is a pain in the arse from that respect, nursery runs seems to totally clash with nap times.

More laundry. Laundry seems to have trebled rather than doubled.

Less opportunity to nap.

I don’t really find it that hard. I know what I’m doing now and am a lot more relaxed and have a lot more patience.

DC1 was a relatively easy baby and DC2 is definitely not described as that but even so I found looking after DC1 more difficult than I find having the both of them. I think it’s a confidence thing partly.

3.5yr gap.

4.5 years between mine - it was hard work, but not nearly as hard as 0 to 1. I knew what I was doing second time around. It's hard now 1 Is a teenager and the other still 9 but that's more about sibling rivalry (and to be honest might just be my two). I was 36 when I had dc1 and the total shock of becoming a parent was overwhelming. Good luck you will get there.

Everyone kept telling me it wld be so hard and I knew it wld be. However nothing can actually prepare you for it.

We have gap of 31 months. Aim was for around 3yrs but it all happened quite quickly.

I find it hard to get baby to nap for long as 3yr old makes too much noise or sometimes goes in to her room and wakes her up 🙈

I made sure she was completely potty trained and dummy was gone months before baby arrived. She had also settled in to new bedroom with big girl bed.

We do have family nearby and my mum took her overnight once or sometimes twice a week when baby was little. Other grandparents took her for an afternoon now and then. It was a god send especially if baby had bn up all night.

First 3 months are the hardest. We just got to the point of starting to go out and about, get in to a gd routine and then it was lockdown 😕

Hardest parts are things like when feeding baby and toddler is hanging off you wanting something or worse she's shouting I've done a poo 🙈 queue you to wipe her bum 😂 They both also caught chicken pox which was so unbelievably hard as then 2yr old just wanted her mummy and was miserable but I had a 10wk old baby to look after that also had it 😫

It is fun though too and they both adore each 🥰

I found going from 1-2 so much easier than 0-1. I was more prepared, and felt more in control and knew what I was doing. Mine have a 2.2 year age gap.

I have a 4 year old and a 3 month old. I’ve found second time round easier than 0-1 as I really struggled with pnd after my first and so far I am feeling really good mentally after the second.
But I wouldn’t say it was easy. I like the gap as ds1 is independent and can do most things for himself. But on the flip side he has had 4 years of complete undivided attention and that’s been the biggest challenge so far. Ds2 is ebf and will not nap in the day - at all! So spends most of it on me, feeding. It’s hard to be able to spend time with ds1 and he gets very frustrated at times. I’m hoping that when September comes and he starts school, things will be in more of a routine. It’s amazing watching the love between the two though.

Just under a 2 year gap here.

First 6m were only a little bit harder than one, and it made me wonder why people think babies are hard.

6-12 months, harder but manageable.

12m+ ( we are still in early toddler agree) had been the hardest by a long way.

Basically, yes it's harder but IMO it starts off pretty gentle and by the time it gets really tough, you've got a lot more experience at parenting 2, which helps make it manageable.

There is a 3.5 year age gap between DC1 and 2. They are now 9 and 5. It’s much easier going from 1 to 2. I think it’s just knowing what to do. DC2 was on a routine much quicker. (It was a routine around a toddler, not staying at home in her own cot type). I was also able to get her sleeping in her own cot. Once the little one can crawl and sit, DC1 loved playing with her sister, and they entertained each other. Of course they still squabble like any siblings. But it’s just so much easier when you aren’t the playmate all the time.

I found going from 1 to 2 100p times easier than 0 to 1. 3 years and 3 months between ours. Planned so my eldest could still go to nursery full time because of the free hours. That meant I could still give them both quality time. My youngest was born in August last year. So my plan has gone swimmingly . But lockdown definetly has helped their bond I think.

We have a 3.5 year age gap. Dc2 wasn't a great sleeper but ok.

I found it harder to lose the easiness of getting out and my independence again but that is easier now.

Once dc2 was on the move it got harder and I recall coming on here for advice... the first post had said that the years that they were 4/5 and 1/2 were the worst. This gave me hope reassured me it would get easier! It was tough time for us.

Now they are a tiny bit older they adore each other. I still find it way more tiring but wouldn't change it. The youngest is always ready for the day at 4.30...

I found it way easier tbh

Probably because we went from being a couple with a child to a family unit.
My mental focus just shifted overnight.

My advise: get sleeping and potty training well out of the way.

Buy a pressie for child no1 “from the baby” ... got ours off to a flying start

Don’t miss out on the chance fake giving birth to teddies for a few months... that became quite the game on our house!

We have 21 months between DC1 and 2 and 33 months between 2 and 3.

The 3 year ish gap was a lot easier. The older child can understand (even if they don't like) having to wait briefly for something because you are tied up with the baby. They also understand better about e.g. not running off when out so you don't need to have eyes in 2 places in quite the same way. DC2 had dropped the nap by the time DC3 was born though, not having some zone out time in the middle of the day when sleep deprived has been harder.

My biggest tip would be to get a sling if you don't already have one so you have hands free to do stuff with the older DC.

Ive got 21 months between my 2. Defintely was difficult in the beginning but got into some sort of routine. They are now starting to play together now youngest is 1 and it really melts my heart. Defintely worth having a close age gap even though first couple of months are very hard.

2.5 year gap I currently have a 6 month old. Obviously been made harder by lockdown/covid this time and I had PND but actually I’m now in the swing of things and enjoy it. As pp said try to continue childcare if you have it for older child. Second baby book by Sarah O-S very helpful. Interestingly I’ve always been a ‘get out as much as possible’ type mum- lots of activities, walks, baby groups etc planned however lockdown made us slow down and actually it’s been great. Being home 24/7 when DC2 was tiny allowed us to establish a routine really early which was a godsend as she wasn’t being dragged all over with older DC to things. I also have the most amazing bond with her (also with DC1 to be fair!) and I think that’s just being together 24/7 and going through a tough time with her and come out the other side. I would take the pressure off to make any new mum friends or do online classes etc (baby doesn’t care at all!) and just watch box sets and go for nice walks with a takeaway coffee (and cake obviously). Good luck! I think it’s a good gap as DC1 can eat/understand the concept of waiting a bit/potty trained/can watch a film etc rather than being a demanding toddler.

Hi OP. We have a 3 year gap and no family living nearby to help. Have found going 1-2 much easier than 0-1. DD2 is more easygoing than DD1, who was a hard baby (and not the easiest preschooler!). I don't know how much of that is down to me being much more relaxed this time. 3 year gap has been good for my older one I think, she can understand a lot more now. Also means we have funding for childcare while I'm on mat leave.

Found getting DD2 into a nap routine much easier, especially as we've been home a lot recently!

Agree with lots of points above;

• have some childcare for older one (we had 30 funded hours and she went to preschool for some of that)
• if older child is not sleeping well now, work on it. I had a good 6 months of being up with both kids throughout the night.
• consider a buggy board. I thought my older one would walk. She wouldn't. It was really stressful getting her up and down to preschool. Wish I had invested in a buggy board earlier (my DH was against it even though it was me bearing the brunt!). Unfortunately I had to buy a different buggy too as wouldn't work with bloody Silver Cross!
• while pregnant use a book to prepare older one, we used the princess polly one and my older one loved it.

Overall I've found it easier this time but obviously still exhausting and I really do wish we had some family nearby who could help occasionally. I'd love to give the house a really good clean/ tidy and it's hard to find the time. I'd also like to have a bit of a break sometimes!

I had my DD2 at the end of January, DD1 is 4, second time round for me is a breeze and I actually love the baby stage this time. It does depend on the child though, DD1 slept really badly, DD2 sleeps much better and I cope better with the lack of sleep anyway

26 months between mine.
Hardest bit was needing a double pram because my eldest refused to walk nicely or use a buggy board or anything he just wasn’t mature enough. He has lots of tantrums so I couldn’t manage baby wearing with the baby and dealing with him so I had to fork out for a decent double after a few weeks.
Oldest was a high needs baby. Really hard work. We sleep trained soon as I found out I was pregnant which was a good decision. Youngest slept great from day one. They are like chalk and cheese but they get on so well and love each other’s company. DS1 always found it hard to entertain himself but DS2 is so good at it that he helps out more than he would ever realise.
I was depressed after my first was born. I was fine after my second it wasn’t so much of a shock.
It did get harder when they were about 1 and 3 as with both walking and both at such different development stages it was a bit of a battle. But it’s great now they’re 5 and 7.
I didn’t have a third as originally planned since they have a lovely bond and also I can’t cope with the sleep deprivation again.

There is a 3 year gap between mine. My baby is currently 4 months and to be honest, the hardest part was being pregnant & my toddlers reaction. It was so hard being exhausted and not being able to rest in the day because toddler wouldn't let me.

Once baby was here, it was actually a million times better than I had imagined. I have a very, very helpful partner who does just as much as me when he is not in work. I have several friends who have told me their partners don't help put the kids to bed/clean the house/play with the baby/help cook/ do night feeds with the baby etc. I would probably think twice if partner isn't very helpful. If he is brill then I would crack on and have another one. Life would be extremely hard if he isn't very helpful and unfortunately you don't have much help.

Agree with others about sticking to nursery or potentially putting eldest child in nursery. It's so so hard to look after 2 of them the whole day. It's very full on, but there are amazing days where I feel like I've achieved so much.

The biggest shock was my eldest's reaction. She was so well behaved and loving before the baby got here. I remember telling everyone that I thought she wouldn't be jealous because she was so calm and polite and just lovely. I feel like an idiot now for saying that. She was SO jealous for about 3 months. She tried to hit, kick & put cushions on the babies face on a daily basis. She was suddenly desperate for my attention. She would wake up at 5am (when previously slept fine until 8) and would run in, wake the baby up and nag me to play games. She would ask me to play games the entire day and wouldn't leave me alone for one second. It was exhausting. She would thrown massive tantrums every day as well. She also completely regressed from her potty training and refused to use a potty because she was "a baby" too. After about 3 months she started to accept her and her behaviour has been great again.

Honestly, the hardest part for me was my eldest child and her reaction. The baby was a piece of p*ss to look after compared to her.

It can be really hard work, but is also so amazing.

14 months between mine , now 2.3 and 1.1, DD had just started sleeping in her own room well before ds was born so it's just been a very long baby stage for us. But in term of going 0-1, then 1-2, definitely easier going 1-2, he just slotted in and we already had everything we needed.

Some ways I think this is easier than having a 3 or 4 year age gap, but then harder in others.

Be prepared for the guilt. Surprised nobody has mentioned that yet! I felt so guilty that my eldest child has had her world turned upside down and I was no longer able to do some things with her, like climb at the soft play centre, and she had to learn to wait for me to sort the baby out before I could do a lot of stuff with her.

Oh, and the arguments! There was a point when I couldn't leave mine together long enough that I could have a shower because the youngest would pull handfuls of hair out of DD's head, they would scratch one another etc. Usually because the youngest would want to join in with DD who wanted her own space.

That said, they play really well together now with only the occasional spat (but it's still daily rather than constant).

I felt guilty when I was pregnant and couldnt run around after her, but since the baby arrived I dont feel guilty.she loves her little sister

3 years and 2 months between mine, they are 1 and 4 now.
As already mentioned a good sling and a buggy board are sound investments.
We made a big deal of the eldest being such a great big sis, to try and positively reinforce good behaviour towards the baby. Not sure how much difference it made but jealously has been fairly minimal.
The hard parts have all been sleep related. Nap times are hard because the eldest will not stay out of the room. Bedtimes are hard because the baby is hard to settle so just screams through the eldest's bedtime and makes it stressful. It's starting to get a bit better now, I usually have them both asleep by 9.30. The first month cemented my conviction that I'll not be having another, as the baby did not sleep at night at all, and the eldest of course wouldn't let me nap in the day. Going back to sleep deprivation was very painful, and when I get my sleep back I will never give it up again!

Place marking! Currently pregnant with DC 2. DD will be two and a half when her sibling is born in January. I'm so scared! Thankfully she sleeps through the night, but wakes at 6am (sometimes earlier!). She'll be staying at nursery, so I'm hoping that will help.

I'm someone who found having DC1 to be a massive life change and although I love him to bits, absolutely mourned my old life. He was a high needs baby and very full on.

Going from 1-2 (3 yr gap) has been a breeze in comparison. I do worry the 3 yo isn't getting enough stimulation sometimes, but that's as much due to it being lockdown. But overall I'm way more relaxed, I know everything is a phase and it just feels so much easier this time around.